The LYLAS Podcast
If you know what LYLAS stands for, then this podcast is for you! Two besties since middle school turned moms and psychologists dish on "the good, the fun, and the yucks" of life! We're tackling all things mental health, "mom balance" (whatever the hell that is), transitions in life (divorce, career, aging parents, parent loss, loss of friendships), self-care, travel, healthy habits, raising kids, and allllllll the things us midlife mamas are experiencing. We hope each week listeners feel like they just left a good ol' therapy session with their bestie! We'll dish on all the tips and tricks to keep your mental health in check and enjoy this thing called life! Meet your life's newest cheerleaders-- Sarah & Jen! LYLAS!
The LYLAS Podcast
The LYLAS Podcast, Re-Release for the Summer, "Sharing the Mental Load"
How timely! As the kiddos head back to school and we reset our lives, "sharing the mental load" is key! Listen to this re-release of this fav episode from Season 3 of The LYLAS Podcast!
Do you have a topic idea? TXT the SHOW!!!! We can't wait to hear from you!
Please be sure to checkout our website for previous episodes, our psych-approved resource page, and connect with us on social media! All this and more at www.thelylaspodcast.com
Let the countdown continue as our re-releases continue to come out. This one is coming from season three of the Lylas podcast, sharing the mental load we are all carrying, an invisible load that is heavy weighted, that changes potentially daily, and what better way to carry it than with your friends, with your support system and with the Lylas podcast? Be sure to tune into this episode as we talk about our own weights and how we work it out. Be sure to follow us on all of our social media accounts and give us suggestions for season four, as we are coming out soon.
Speaker 2:Welcome to Lylas. If you grew up in the 90s, then you probably know what Lylas stands for and, by default, this podcast is for you.
Speaker 1:Welcome to episode 46, season three. We're continuing to push on. I want to thank everybody for, you know, again giving us that kind of like two week break to really focus on our content, to really dive in pretty hardcore to some of the topics that we're interested in exploring and discussing with all of you. So thank you for your patience and your continued listening, and you know we're going to always ask you to like, share, subscribe on everything so that way we can keep our message going Right.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's. What's so great about our podcast is we don't make you listen to any kind of advertisement halfway through. So, as a thank you, then just give us a like and a follow or share any of those things. Leave us a rating on the platforms. That's also super helpful. So, yeah, I'm trying to find a new mic today, so I'll be curious to hear if it sounds different, better, worse, all right Maybe it sounds worse.
Speaker 1:Can you tell the difference? Not a whole lot, maybe a tiny bit. We have to have our brilliant seth be our god bless engineer guru kind of guy to give us some feedback on it.
Speaker 2:Love his heart we don't talk enough about seth on this podcast and he's a real hero for um, as we used to tell him when we first started.
Speaker 1:Just make us sound cool that's true and God bless him. He's been so patient and kind the entire time and, seriously, if you're in the Austin area, you really need to check him out because he is hot on the music scene there. Check out his Instagram. He releases new material. He's got the best videos in the world. He's a. He's got the best videos in the world. He's a multi-instrument performer, songwriter, videographer, a jack of all trades, and I think he just turned 20. God love him.
Speaker 2:Yeah, god love him, but he listens to us weekend and week out and puts it together into a podcast. So, thank you, seth. We wanted to shout you out.
Speaker 1:Yes, thank you. Be sure to follow him. I'll put his link. His link is up actually on our webpage. If you go to our team and scroll down, you'll see all of his stuff. So if you're liking the Lila's podcast, be sure to go over there and like Seth Seldron music too.
Speaker 2:That's right. Okay, Today's topic we're going to dive right in another listener recommended topic. Going to dive right in another listener recommended topic, and I like this one because this is something that I just feel like I don't know. I assume moms have been carrying the mental load since the beginning of time, but nobody really ever talked about how much of a weight that it was going to be in our adult lives. And so sometimes when I used to bring it up in the beginning, like I felt like it hit pretty hard after that second kid, but first kid even but when I would bring it up, my husband God love him would almost like roll his eyes, like, oh, the mental load again.
Speaker 2:Are we going to talk about this again? And the bottom line is, until you make them aware of how much effort you're putting into every part of every day for not only yourself, but for the children that you brought into this world or care for, you know it just, they have no clue. They have no clue. And I love men. I'm not. This is not a men bashing show. We love our male listeners. However, the mental load is real and yeah, so we're going to talk about today how you can share that mental load with your partner, whether it's male or female, how you can share that mental load, because it is a load and nobody should do it alone.
Speaker 1:It really is an invisible weight that causes so much personal exhaustion and then it does lead to friction, I think, within the course of the relationship, just due to what appears to be a lack of understanding or, at times, receptivity to the difficulties and challenges within things, or you know how we perceive our role to be as well as theirs, and so really kind of like validating, I think, those feelings that we have within those moments and carrying out tasks, and then coming up with good ways to kind of communicate that with our partners and to really share the load, so to say, right Share the load it is.
Speaker 2:But communication is key at no shock there, and part of it is just spelling that out for your partner what you're taking care of inside of your head day in and day out, the things that they aren't even thinking about.
Speaker 2:And it might be a good idea for your partner to do the same thing, because there are definitely things that my husband takes care of that I don't think about and don't want to think about. And like changing the whatever those, those filters are, whatever in the house, like he does, that I don't think about it. He buys them. I don't really think about that either. So I mean, there are things, and so maybe like having both partners make a list of the things that they do, because sometimes we can forget that our partners carry also their own invisible load. I would argue to I'm blue in the face that women carry more, but it's not a competition at the end of the day, it's more of that recognition piece of like hey, this is a lot. And this is why I lose my shit every day, because no one understands all of the things that I'm trying, all the balls I'm trying to keep in the air.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, no, I do think that's definitely true and I think that in sharing that and communicating that with our partners, sometimes it does become emotional.
Speaker 1:It opens us up to a different layer of vulnerability within ourselves and it's hard, I think, to express that and then to receive that information at times, because the partner at that point can feel like then they're they're not doing their own and they may be trying everything they can or don't know what else to do, or um, you know, I think sometimes, even whenever I think about whenever I've shared um, that like I need some extra help or some support with this, or that this is a struggle.
Speaker 1:I think my husband in particular in the past has really gone straight into like problem solving mode, and I don't know that that's even what I've needed in those moments. I think I've just needed to. Just I need to be able to vent this to you. I need to be able to express this to you because it's creating a underlying like yuck within my life that I'm afraid is going to lead to an explosion. So you may not like what I'm about ready to say in here, just because maybe the topic or the subject matter, but I just got to get this out, because it's creating bubbles you know, yeah, or that you just need that acknowledgement for all of the things that you're sort of like.
Speaker 2:I said, like all the balls in the air. But let's sort of let's define what we mean by mental load, like taking our kids to the dentist, going, you know, pediatrician checks, dog food, having the dog, you know, seen by the vet each year for his annual checkup I'm talking like the heartworm medicine, making sure, you know little things. Lunches, making sure the kids have lunches that they will eat and that their homework is done. You know the routine day in, day out. I know he thinks of some of these things and he thinks about them sporadically. I just don't think that it's like something that's eating at his brain. He's not making a plan for when these things they're going to get accomplished.
Speaker 2:A perfect example of that he's been out of town a lot lately and he he came back that first. He came back on Thursday and I had dinner with a girlfriend and guess, for the first time ever we're now in January Our daughter didn't do her homework. For the first time, guess what night that was. You know, it's just like oblivious to those little things because he doesn't do it day in and day out and B? You know, like I said, I just don't think they think about these things. I don't know what's your definition the mental load.
Speaker 1:Saying I and I think that every female will be like, yes, you know, like everyone that's driving in their car listening to this and then also talking to us through the radio or however you're listening like, add this to it too.
Speaker 2:Um, I'm sure. I mean, there's a million things right.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, yeah. For me I think it's like, um, and this will sound terrible, but like where things are located within our house, because my husband and my son really, and now our daughter also thinks this is funny. I've gotten into that tubbing where everything I have in the house is now in these like clear tubs, but I have like stockpiles, not like ridiculous COVID stockpiles of stuff, but like here's where you can find the toilet paper, here's where the sweeper pads are, like all of this kind of thing, and I don't. I think that he has an idea of where these things are, but where exactly to find them, even though it's been shown and talked about or whatever, is just not practiced enough for it to become a known piece of information that then stays within his stored capacity and so that, I think, becomes a piece, but remembering to stock those things remembering to have things on hand just in case
Speaker 1:x, y and z. So it's not even sometimes the act, it's just the fact that we have this mental inventory of things that we always need to have or have on hand. And then, just in case, and yeah, you can run out to a store, to Walmart or whatever, if you need an emergency, but if one of the kids is sick and puking and the other one is asleep, you don't necessarily want to wake the other one up, pull him out of bed, to take him down the road in order you know what I mean In order to kind of deal with that situation in the moment. And I think that's a piece of it. And then I would also say, um, I think it's just for me, um, and I am a definitely a weird beast.
Speaker 1:Um, and again, maybe this is still something I haven't grown out of, or it's just a part of my personality and makeup and I just need to accept it, which is what I'm leaning towards, is that I do need that kind of like positive recognition for things, because I work so hard to get things done and I don't. I just want you to see that they're done or that a change has happened, and whenever I don't, I just want you to see that they're done or that a change has happened, and whenever I don't feel like there's an acknowledgement of that occurring, then that adds an additional. It adds mental load to it, because I feel like, what more do I need to do in order to get to like a good? You know what I mean A thank you or a good job.
Speaker 2:I hear that this is your love language is what I'm hearing you say and you need those words of affirmation from him saying Sarah, great job, making sure that we always have toilet paper in that one bin that you have designated. And that's across the way, because, if I know you, your organization system only makes sense to you. There's no way a rando could come in and find which bin you've selected for your toilet paper.
Speaker 1:Uh, maybe not.
Speaker 2:You have to come over and I'm going to try it next, yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I'll do a video. Maybe I would think it is right, we'll do a video of where Sarah's things are in the bed and you can check it out on our YouTube and TikTok and we'll see if it makes sense.
Speaker 2:But well, and I guess that just makes a good point, right? So your husband, like I, am learning to do this. Ever since we started, we use, like notes, the notes app, a shared you know family notes app or whatever. And so once I started putting things in lists, like whether it's like the Target list or the Costco list or the grocery list, whatever it is, and he you know, now it's like whoever goes to the respective store is responsible for getting those things. But, like, once he became a little bit more aware, I think a Christmas list, I probably need to share the Christmas list so he can see all of the gifts that I organize. I mean, I think he does get it. Once he's there and watching people open things that he has no idea what they are, he kind of wraps his brain around oh shit, somebody purchased all this and got it to the right place and wrapped it and kept everything in surprise. Wow.
Speaker 2:But nonetheless I had to let go. If I'm going to give some of these things up, like, I have to let go of some of that control piece of it because, like I said, I think a big part of it is that we want control, like I particularly like to control the clothing that my children wear to school to some extent Right and so like, if can he get them to school fine and dandy on time, absolutely. And so like, if can he get them to school fine and dandy on time, absolutely, and that's part of his load most mornings, but is he always going to have them dressed the way that I want them dressed and her hair done? You know like? I had to let go of some of those things. If you truly want help with a mental load, it can't be that your expectation or at least this is my opinion can't be that your expectation is that they're going to do things your way just because they're taking that task on the list.
Speaker 1:Yeah, no, I totally agree, and in fact I would say that that is counterproductive. If you want it, done your way, right, and they're every single person, just like my little tubbing things like that's my way of doing it. I'm not going to expect him to do anything Right to tub. Now we've made this a verb, but I do think that it is a part of that good shared kind of communication and understanding and letting, like you said, kind of letting go of the control of it and just allowing things to kind of be their own way, with the task still getting done. As long as you know, it's been identified as an important task that needs to be done, that it's still happening, like a kid's homework or whatever. Whatever the process is, I don't care which way you go to cross the line, but let's cross the line.
Speaker 2:Yeah Well, and I mean you have to be willing to let them fail at some things too, just like your kids. You know you can't control everything and if they fail at certain things I can't remember what it was, but I was out of town one time recently and something happened and I think he took him to a birthday party or something and he was like, ooh, ill prepared for that, didn't even think about like the gift or something like that. I'm like, yeah, like you know, that's part of the mental load you got a birthday party this weekend. You don't have a gift for that birthday party. You got to have an age appropriate gift for the child.
Speaker 2:So you know you can't, but he didn't even think about getting a gift period. So you know you can't, but he didn't even think about getting a gift period, much less that it be age appropriate and for that kid or what you know, something they might actually like. So so yeah, just like. And so was I slightly embarrassed that my kids went to a birthday party and showed up without a gift, a hundred percent, but like I had to let that shit go because that's on him, next time I bet they'll show up with a gift.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, yeah, totally fair, totally fair.
Speaker 1:And so you know, coming back to this, I do think that it's important for us to kind of have a collective communication with our partner about what load we are each carrying.
Speaker 1:If it's work based, if it's kid-based, chore-based, relationship-based, financially-based you know, I don't know how you're going to deal with X, y and Z, or even if you again have bubbles about a situation, being able to kind of talk with each other about what is happening or kind of going on really does become important, and for me, using is is a very helpful tool too, and that's why I got this damn to do list everywhere which are so helpful. My vision boards, I mean, all of that stuff helps me. But I've also found that for me as a person, it is so much easier for me to express my thoughts and feelings on something if I have it written down. It's not that I'm not articulate enough to be able to say it in that moment, but I think that at least at this stage in the game, I just get too caught up in the emotion that sometimes comes with the verbalization that the message gets lost.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I agree, it definitely helps. So, using technology, whether it's a notes app or whatever way that you can communicate it can be messages, whatever I think that's a good way just to make sure and just start small, you know, but make, make your plan like, okay, you're going to take over grocery shopping, which, god forbid, I would never allow that to happen. However, some people might be okay with that. Like I can't. Even I can't even do like the Instacart thing where, like someone, anyone chooses my part. Like that's never going to happen. I'm going to grocery shop until I physically can't do it anymore. Like I don't want people picking my shit, like I just don't, it's just not who I am. So it, but some people can do that.
Speaker 2:And the more you can delegate or not delegate, that's not liked to cook it. So like I'll meal plan all day, I'll grocery shop all day and you know what You're responsible to cook five out of seven meals a week or whatever it is. You know, take that off your plate. I don't have to worry, like when people walk in, what are you having for dinner at five o'clock. I don't know, that's not my job, that's his job, that's his role.
Speaker 2:So have a plan and that way it's, it's clear, and there's no like oh, is it? You know? Am I, should I be doing? Because that's where you start to breed that resentment of like I do it, like I did it last night. You know, that's when, when you start noticing that you're saying things in a competition way I did, you know, and I'm that's something I try really hard to catch myself on like when you get into I did it last time, it last time. Well, I did, you know, it's your turn. No, we're not taking turns. We're not five-year-olds, we're partners that chose to do this together. So, like, suck it up, either do it yourself or say, hey, I need help with this. Can you do this for me?
Speaker 1:Yeah, you know it's not a one-up situation. I think that's so dangerous in relationships it is. Yeah, I totally agree with that and I think with us and our situation. I mean, jeff went grocery shopping this morning Like he oh, yeah, yeah, and he does a fabulous job of doing that kind of a thing and he's really good at like helping out with doing like house chores and is pretty involved. But we have a different definition of things and I think that that's been helpful in our kind of communication. Like I consider our house to be really clean because I clean the floors, I dust you know what I mean I wipe the counters Very clean.
Speaker 2:I will say it is always clean when I come over.
Speaker 1:It's always thank you. I always feel like it is. I dust. You know what I mean? I wipe the counters. The house is very clean. I will say it is always clean when I come over. It's always thank you. I always feel like it's clean too. It is always clean. I know Joe and Lynn give them a shout out real quick. We were out of town, wanted to come to our house and we were like, yeah, absolutely.
Speaker 2:And I was sitting there like they were're all shocked as hell that it's as clean as it is.
Speaker 1:That's exactly right, as you still should every day. You should be shocked trust me, I am.
Speaker 2:There's a lot of things that shock the hell out of me. That's one of them that's one of them.
Speaker 1:Yeah, um, but he for him he being clean, but sometimes he uses a different word because there's, he sees things as being cluttered.
Speaker 1:So I have a lot of like, little decorations and things like that around and that that to him he's not paying as much attention to the fact that it's been a monsoon here for days and there's no dog prints on our floor because I've been cleaning them up.
Speaker 1:But if I have, you know, an extra little dish out on the counter, then that's what gets looked at and that's where, again, we work on our communication to recognize the differences, because that would cause bubbles within me. I'm like this dog goes outside three times a day and you never know it because I clean up all for you know what I mean. But yeah, that's, that's where the differences and that's where a mental load I think can come in, come into play, and then with me it's too, it's about like I think it just comes down to like communication whenever somebody gets on and off of work or those transitions happen, or with tasks related to the kids, and those I think tend to be the most areas of I guess friction is the word I'm going to keep using that tend to happen where mental load on both sides is just a lot.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I think too, I noticed that a lot more just because my husband has been traveling more recently. It's like if someone's been out of town for an extended period of time and they come back like it is really hard when you've been carrying the mental load exclusively for an extended period of time, to not feel some kind of way when that person comes back and doesn't jump like right in all hands on deck because you're like dude, I've been doing this all by myself. So a lot of like conversations I have with myself lately let me sound as crazy as I am here but a lot of conversations of like things like you just explained, like the you have an extra dish out annoys him. Right, that annoys him, it doesn't annoy you. There are things I could tell you. Same thing Like my husband tends to like wash dishes in the sink.
Speaker 2:But we'll put Yeti cups up on the perimeter of the sink like dirty Yeti cups and I'm like they're dirty, put them in the sink, then you just wash them with all the other dishes that you're going to wash or take care of it. But for whatever reason he has this aversion to putting a yeti in a sink and it drives me bonkers. But to that point it drives me bonkers, like he don't give a shit, he doesn't care, it doesn't bother him, and so like it's just more of those communications like how a picking the right time to have these kinds of conversations? You don't want to do it and you're already pissed off because you've done 87 loads of laundry and they've been out of town for seven days and you're over it. But I found a good time, like that Sunday morning coffee when, like things are a little bit slower and you can just sort of like have necessary conversations, tends to be a little bit easier for us.
Speaker 2:But choosing the right time to talk about it is crucial. And then just remembering that just because it annoys the shit out of you doesn't mean that they care or that it annoys them. So I try to remind myself again not perfect over here, you know it is. It is fluid, some days I do better than others. But it's that communication piece, not only to your partner but to yourself, of like it's not that big a deal at the end of the day in the grand scheme of life. Him leaving yetis along the perimeter of the sink not that big a deal, yeah, and you gotta let some shit go sometimes, you know, and just say it's, it is what it. Is it annoying, it's annoying, it is what it is. That's my, that's it. That's my, my advice for the day. It is what it is. People, I remember I was at practice. I used to say that to my advice for the day.
Speaker 1:It is what it is, people. I remember I was at practice. I used to say that to my patients all the time and they were like, whenever you first started saying this, we absolutely hated it and now it's always safe because we realize it's fact. And I was like, listen, I get it.
Speaker 2:Yes, it's a good way to detach from things and it's like it is what it is. You're not going to change it. You're not going to change that person. He's forever going to put Yeti cups around the perimeter of the sink. Unless I buy some farmhouse sink 10 feet wide. Maybe that needs to stick it in there. There's that.
Speaker 1:And that actually brings up something kind of interesting. That's been a discussion within kind of our home, been a discussion within kind of our home and not so much in the clinical term of it, but it's about growing distress tolerance. I love this, yeah, and so you know there's we're not going to go into the clinical definition of that. If you're interested in DBT, go talk to somebody. You know what I mean, get a book, whatever. But there's different definitions of what distress tolerance is and for some it can be that you do a lot of like you put yourself in a situation that is uncomfortable, knowing that the more that you expose yourself to it, the less discomfort you will experience over time. Yeah, and you just kind of need to get over it.
Speaker 1:And so within the course of our relationship, um, I do have a lot of distress tolerance, like there's things that absolutely drive me nuts but you would not know about it because I'm just like fuck it, you know what I mean. I'm not here and sit and like jumping on this kind of a train, um, and then there are other things that serve as very hot button issues for me. So if you step on one of those hot buttons, then you know again. That's that's where I still need work is to just be like we're going there and that's where I pick up the gloves and it's time. But we were. Um, he has this he had, in giving him so much credit for this, this quirk where he doesn't like it whenever you say um and he did this on his podcast, so it's not like it's old news or private um, he doesn't like it whenever people say bless you or acknowledge that he sneezed like. It gets on his nerves so fucking fucking.
Speaker 2:I'm going to do that every single time I hear him sneeze. I'm so glad you told me this.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's. He just really really didn't like it. But he is the. I mean, we're from the South, for Christ sakes, and you know in a way, yeah, you definitely live there. I don't I'm in this misfit state. That really doesn't. It's its own bubble. God bless it. It is special, it is. It's a special bubble, but he never liked it.
Speaker 1:But he's the only person in the world that has ever said that, and so I don't care if I'm in Germany. I'm going to say Gesundheit, you know what I mean, whatever. But so he's said this, and then, so I've tried to not say anything, but then I'll notice, I'll say it, and then I'll go I'm sorry right after it. And finally it turns out that the I'm sorry's was more, more annoying, more than so. I found a way to wear him down, maybe, but um, it was more annoying to him to hear me say I'm sorry afterwards than for me just to say it. And so the other day he sneezed and then he said it, and then I was like, oh, my god, I'm so sorry. I was like this is really hard to the only person in the entire world that feels this way about it, and I'm working on it, which is why I'm apologizing for it, but I'm it's catching dude, and he was like I'm over it.
Speaker 1:He was like I've got to let this down. He was like this isn't bothering anybody else in the world except me and this is something that I need to just be like, bro, please. You know, and I think that that.
Speaker 2:I know.
Speaker 1:I know, right, it just took me sitting there saying I'm sorry, maybe, but um, but I think it for us as people, it just kind of comes to that point with it, like is this really, is this really worth it?
Speaker 2:Yeah, you know it's really where is it a big deal? It's not a big deal, no no, and that's where I'm at.
Speaker 1:This is where, kind of kicking back to our hell yes and hell no's episode, like there are so many things that I'm just like you know what, no, like I'm just not doing this, I'm not waging these battles, I'm not waging these fights. If this is a problem for you, then guess what it's. It's your problem, it's not mine because this ship is just fine.
Speaker 2:Well, and I think too, if it's a relationship worth fighting for, then you have got to let go of some stuff, because you know, once you've been I mean definitely, I've been together 17 years, which is crazy, but like there's so many things that we annoy each other about, you know that could eat you alive or you could say that's annoying, but here's all of the amazing things that you do that, um, you know, and you got to give people credit for that. Whether it's somebody that responds to affirmations or not, everybody likes to be acknowledged when they're doing something, when they're trying their best, you know, or when it's something that they excel at. Naturally, you know, it feels good to have to be recognized, and I get that way too. I think that's part of like carrying that mental load is. I get annoyed because Jeff also needs words of affirmation.
Speaker 2:You guys are similar in some ways, but he also is very much a words of affirmation. You guys are similar in some ways, but he also is very much a words of affirmations type of person, and so, like you know, he'll get butt hurt if I don't, you know, fall over myself when he mops the floor. And to the same point. Like you know, I could do something like I gave the dog a bath today. He didn't even notice. I'm not getting words of affirmation.
Speaker 2:So he does give me words of affirmation about other things, but not about mental load types of things which, you know, I think is more of like needing to be acknowledged for all of the work that we do. That no one sees Right and it just it can be exhausting sometimes, but I've let a lot of stuff go, I have to say. I think sometimes we we can put a lot of load on ourselves and I'm starting to realize that that, like part of that is just letting some stuff go. Things aren't always going to look right, things aren't always going to be right. You got to embrace the messy and, you know, do the best you can without stressing yourself out. Like don't add to your mental load, that's all. There's enough out there, like let's not be adding to it, right, right.
Speaker 1:Yeah, we're looking to be subtractive in this thing, not additive, or at least maintain a an, a manageable balance. You know, and and balance Remember, we talked about this on the podcast before balance is not maintaining a level. Balance is a teeter totter, and so, you know, some days it may be and this again I guess this all comes back to communication my mental load may not be as heavy as what his is or what my kids are, you know and I just we all need to acknowledge that we're on our own teeter-totters here.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, everybody's bringing their own mental load because you don't know what they're thinking about. You know, know that's a communication piece. So I think we um, I think we had some good tech takeaways today yeah, hopefully so.
Speaker 1:Again, it's been a topic that has come up as a request from our listeners on here and hopefully this has been pretty validating, with the message just kind of coming back to being. I think it comes to what like self-recognition of where we're at. So we need to do those like self-assessments is my load reaching its max? Think of it as like a gas meter, like when are you getting gas, you know? Or or when's the pressure cooker about ready to kind of go off?
Speaker 1:Yeah, or just write it all down, Like let it be known what else in the load you know, yeah, and then I think it's we've talked about this it's having those kind of check ins with your spouse, because that's a piece of communication with it, whether it's about, like your upcoming schedule for the week. That's a pretty good indicator for me as to how our week's going to go like. Before he left just a little bit ago, um, we reviewed our week like what do we have kind of coming up, yeah, what big things do we have within the next month or so? Just so that way there's somewhere there with on the radar that again can be touched on as the day kind of happens or progresses.
Speaker 1:Um, I love your suggestion about using a notes app. Recently, or actually about a few months ago, one of our friends suggested that we use a shared calendar, and so we do use a shared calendar so that way we can kind of see, like what's going on, and that's helpful. And then you know our self check-ins, our relationship check-ins, check-ins with our family. You know kind of what's going on here or there, and for us it's also about celebrating successes, yeah, and this probably goes back again to maybe that kind of need for positive reinforcement, the behaviorist over here, for sure.
Speaker 1:But if our kids bring home a good report card or if they get good news about something, we're celebrating. You know what I mean. We're having some kind of special dinner or we're having some kind of party because we want to acknowledge the achievement of goals or the refocus on having, like, a better mindset about things or changes that we've asked to see be made from a behavioral, emotional, whatever kind of standpoint. We want to acknowledge those successes if we want them to kind of continue, and so we make a heavy effort to kind of do that within our home too, even if the expectation isn't ours. If our kid is proud of something that they've done, then we're going to celebrate that as a success, and that can be sometimes a hard reframe for parents. You know what I mean. But if our kid is proud of something that they've done we know they've put effort and worked hard on it then we always celebrate those successes as a part of it too. So maybe things to consider.
Speaker 2:Yep, all right, that's all we got for this week. Hopefully that helps some of those tips help you with your mental load. Check us out on our Facebook, our Instagram, our website, the libelouspodcastcom. We love all of the topics. This again was listener provided topic, and so we are going to be working through those for season three, cause there's some really, really really good ones in there. So keep them coming. We love the suggestion so far and, yeah, let us know how it's going until next week. Ladies and gentlemen, linus Ramps you.
