The LYLAS Podcast
If you know what LYLAS stands for, then this podcast is for you! Two besties since middle school turned moms and psychologists dish on "the good, the fun, and the yucks" of life! We're tackling all things mental health, "mom balance" (whatever the hell that is), transitions in life (divorce, career, aging parents, parent loss, loss of friendships), self-care, travel, healthy habits, raising kids, and allllllll the things us midlife mamas are experiencing. We hope each week listeners feel like they just left a good ol' therapy session with their bestie! We'll dish on all the tips and tricks to keep your mental health in check and enjoy this thing called life! Meet your life's newest cheerleaders-- Sarah & Jen! LYLAS!
The LYLAS Podcast
The LYLAS Podcast, Re-Release for the Summer, "Back to School!"
Ever wondered how to turn back-to-school chaos into a structured, efficient routine? School psychologist Jennifer Saunders joins us with 15 years of public school experience to share actionable insights and practical strategies for families. From establishing consistent morning routines to embracing planning, Jennifer's advice will arm you with the tools needed for a smooth transition into the new school year. Learn how to manage the excitement, anxiety, and stress that often accompany this period.
In our conversation, we dive into the importance of setting up consistent sleep and morning routines for children. Using personal anecdotes, we illustrate how different temperaments can benefit from structured checklists to foster independence and time management. Whether your child needs prompts or is naturally self-sufficient, we provide tips to adapt routines to suit various personalities and ensure a calm start to each day. We also emphasize maintaining these routines even during travel to keep the school year on track.
Navigating school transitions can be emotionally complex for both parents and children. Jennifer shares valuable insights on separation anxiety, the demanding nature of educators' roles, and the importance of open communication within the family. Discover how to support your children, recognize when professional help is needed, and prepare your family for the school year. Don't miss our tips on connecting with the Lylas Podcast online for more insights and updates, and get ready to make this school year your best yet!
Please be sure to checkout our website for previous episodes, our psych-approved resource page, and connect with us on social media! All this and more at www.thelylaspodcast.com
All right, that'll be a take. Hey, hey, hey. It is that time of year again. What am I talking about? It is back to school. Some of us may be having our own little private party as the kids are heading back. Others may be filled with some anxiety, some worries, some concerns as our kids are taking on new adventures, new challenges as they move into another grade. Who better to come to the rescue than our very own Jennifer Saunders, school psychologist, to give us her biggest tips of the trade to help make sure that our kids are going to be as prepared as what they can be for heading into the new school year? So be sure to listen to this episode and if you have any questions, follow-ups, be sure to hit us up on our social media so that way we can address them and then maybe circle back around to this episode in season four. Again, thanks for listening to the Lylas podcast.
Speaker 2:Welcome to Lylas, welcome to lilas. If you grew up in the 90s you probably know what that stands for. But we love you like a sis, so stay tuned. Uh, so today we've got sort of back to school topic on on our heads because our kids are going back to school, I'm going back to work, back in the school, and so I wanted to just give some tips or some thoughts for people to think about. Um and you know I'm a 15 year veteran in the school system and the public school system, so I can definitely come from the perception of um of a school employee and both moms, of course, and so we've done this a couple of times and so just kind of give our own tips what we're doing to sort of get back in the swing of things. It always feels a little daunting to me. I don't know if it's because I've typically been off all summer and then going back to work, but it's always like I think too.
Speaker 2:Partly it's like knowing fall schedules are just hectic, would you agree? In general they seem to be hectic. You've got sports, extracurricular activities on top of like trying to get back into a routine, and then you know if you're significant others obsessed with college sports, then you're all in on football all day, saturday, every weekend, and so it's just that it's good and bad. There are definitely things I like about the fall, but sometimes the whole back to school feels a little bit overwhelming. I know many parents I worked with over the years felt that way.
Speaker 1:Most definitely. I think you're right. It's just it's an exciting time of year, it's a fun time of year, but it's like everything's happening all at once and it's just gets condensed down to this very short period of time, because then we just jump straight into the holidays and things slow down At least they seem to a little bit here in the spring, or we're a little bit more used to like the school routines at that point, but it really does seem like fall it just, or the start of school. This whole transition point is like a dump truck just getting dumped on your life and then you're just going to have to like sort through and find like the recyclables or the diamonds that are in there, like that's it.
Speaker 2:I agree it find like the recyclables or the diamonds that are in there, like that's. Yeah, I agree, it's like backing up towards us right now, like beep, beep, beep, like here we come club. But it's exciting time because I think sometimes it gives that. You know, it gets us back into a routine, which most creatures thrive in, some sort of daily routine, but it it can be just a time of transition, whether you're going to kindergarten or middle school or high school or college. For the most part it's a time of transition for all the teachers and educators, speech therapists, ots, all of those personnel that have had the summer off. They're transitioning back into work mode after having a much deserved reprieve the last, you know, six to eight weeks and so it is just a time of transition for so many of us, I think moms and dads, all of us in transition phase. So I wanted to talk about some of the things that have worked for us over the years, some things that I have observed from my colleagues or other parents that I've worked with, and just some things that kind of help get back in the swing of things. By now, most people have probably already done the back to school shopping. You've got your supply list. You've hit most of those things. We had tax free weekend here. I think West Virginia did too last weekend. So I bought all the school supplies, all the back to school clothes, all the shoes, all the things. Got us all prepared on that front.
Speaker 2:But I would say this week I'm focusing more on routines and you know, you kind of get a little bit into a routine in the summer. You finally get into one, and now it's time to shift to that, at least for me. I'm definitely going to be shifting my routine because I've got to be at work at 730. So just thinking through, so that I don't get frustrated those first couple of weeks of how I'm going to be able to still accomplish those sort of micro habits that I have stacked into my morning that I feel makes such a huge difference on my mental health how I'm going to get those accomplished. So I've been spending a lot of time thinking about you know what time I have to get up and what order am I going to do things in, and and those types of things. So sort of shifting and just being mindful of I still, these things are really important to me.
Speaker 2:I'm going to have to make sure that I have a plan in place notoriously not a planner, not my strength and so I, as I was writing down some of the things I was doing, I was like you know I am. You know, just because I'm not good at it or it's not my strength is not an excuse not to do it, and so also sort of practicing that thing that is hard for me, which is planning and organizing my day, and so I think that's very helpful to just think about. Okay, I'm going to have to get up at this time. You know, have this done by this time If I want to accomplish a workout before you got to think about all those things, are you going to be able? You know you're going to be hot and sweaty. Are you going to need a shower? Can you get by with like a quick dip in the tub and not washing your hair, like all of those things? Sort of just playing those through and planning my workouts and and that.
Speaker 2:Um, the other thing that I started to do this week was meal planning, which I don't do in the summer we're very willy nilly in the summer sort of like whatever you feel like, and I was like you know what I'm going to get back on the meal plan, because A it helps with grocery shopping and then B, it also helps take the thought process out of it in the evening If you already know what you have planned for me. It like my brain shuts off at four o'clock most days. So having that plan in place of like, okay, tonight we're having you know whatever it is like or whatever, having that already figured out, it's like one less decision that I have to make at four o'clock.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think that's a good idea, because then it just puts pressure on the evening and that's whenever you're doing like the homework stuff, that's whenever you you know you're trying to settle into a bed, you know God forbid you have like some kind of like baseball practice or soccer or dance or horseback riding or whatever all of those things are, to then add that component to it. It can just really be an additive stressor onto the day for sure. So I can definitely. I'm a huge believer in in the meal planning or at least in having things on hand that make it easy to fix and quick for sure yeah, yeah, in the summer it tends to be like chopped around here.
Speaker 2:These five ingredients, what?
Speaker 1:can you make with?
Speaker 2:that. Yeah, I did some meal planning. I made grocery shopping just a breeze this past weekend so I forgot how much easier it can make if you put in the thought process on the front end. So, yeah, getting into that that's definitely I know you're. You've talked a lot about how you all sort of shift bedtime.
Speaker 2:You start shifting it a couple of weeks before school starts like just to get Rachel back in the routine, and I think that's I was thinking about that, because we tend to also be a little bit more relaxed with bedtime as far as like what time they have to be in bed. We tend to be more relaxed about everything in the summer, quite frankly, and so oh, yeah, I think that's a great idea to sort of start shifting back and getting, like you know, right down by like eight o'clock definitely actually get in bed by bedtime we um, I guess this is just again.
Speaker 1:Again. I'm a creature of habits. Schedules and routines Like that's just. I guess that's just an eightly almost how I function, or I found a function, especially in an upcoming episode, when we talk about, like our ADHD management, it's those compensatory strategies that have really worked well for me and I just try to keep with them. Even whenever Cameron was an itty bitty, it was kind of like a rule that his schedule, his sleep schedule, does not get too far off, whether it be in the summer or at holiday breaks and at other points of time. So Rachel is able to stay up like a half hour later than what she normally does in the summer. That's it, I mean.
Speaker 2:I would say that's about the same for us.
Speaker 1:Yeah, half hour at the most at the most, and so that way we're not really having to kick it into another like high gear level.
Speaker 1:You know what I mean If we're on a trip or something and we're doing something fun or it's like like the fourth of July, then okay, but as a standard we don't want to necessarily push our kids into having this catastrophic change and something as important as sleep like the night before school starts, like if you're doing that, then we might want to just rethink about a few things. No judgment zone, but also in terms of the wellness and the prep for your kid, it just makes everything more challenging, and so keeping that bedtime pretty succinct is, I think, number one. And then you know kids wake up early in the morning. I don't know if you're. I mean, I've never known a kid not to and so that is always something that kind of stays in order with things. But then it's just finding out what are your tricks and what are your, what is your child's temperament and how does that work into your routine and what you try to kind of pull out with.
Speaker 1:Things like Cam was a kid that would get up real. This is he's gonna kill me. He would get up real early in the morning, shower and then get all dressed up for school and then lay back down until it was time to walk out the door, like he got 100 ready and would lay back down and then he was ready. Yeah, I know he still does that to this day, I think. Um.
Speaker 1:But you know, r Rachel is very apt to get up and to do her thing and may need some prompting to kind of stay on course.
Speaker 1:But she's a time watcher because she knows we kind of stay on like a time goal for stuff and so she makes sure that she's ready generally by a certain time and that's helping her to manage her. That's a skill that she learns to in that process is how to manage her morning, how to manage her time's a skill that she learns to in that process is how to manage her morning, how to manage her time in order to meet a specific time goal for us to be out of the house. And so everything that I think about these kids is like what am I doing right now with them? That is a life skill that we can focus on independence, teaching self sufficiency, you know, kind of all working as a team to help these goals kind of get met. And so that is our morning and evening routine. Is is generally how things kind of go, especially with her, and it was the same kind of pattern with him.
Speaker 2:I would say yeah, I'm a big proponent of any kind of routine. Ever since my kids were babies, I've always been. We do the same order of things every night and it doesn't I mean you can make it up, it can be your routine, but it has to be consistent and kids really thrive. We could go anywhere, we could travel, you know. We could go to Colorado, we could go to Texas, we could go anywhere. Time change it didn't matter, as long as I followed that same routine. You know, lights out, they'd be, you know, both asleep within 15 minutes. That routine just is so important for kids, and so I've always, always, been a big proponent of sticking to your routine, no matter where you're at on vacation, whatever, you got to stick with the routine. Which brings me to another point.
Speaker 2:When thinking about routines, one thing you just said, you know Jack, reminds me a lot of Cam, my son Jack, you know, and he was going in the third grade. But last year, you know, he gets himself up, he dresses himself, he does his hair, he brushes his teeth, he makes himself breakfast, he packs his bag and he's literally standing by the front door at 10 to eight, like tapping his foot, like guys. We got to go. They let us in the building at eight, oh five, like he, just. He is so self-sufficient, whereas my daughter is very different. She's up like putting on a ballet for us first thing in the morning, you know, asking for her breakfast. She's just a different. She's just a different personality. He's very, you know, schedule oriented and he likes to be the first one at school and and so she's just. You know she's going to have to uh get with the program because he is not going to deal with her making him late. So I was thinking about when, a couple of years ago, when Jack was little, like just trying to get um, get some sort of routine established in the morning getting ready for school, and we had these like to-do lists where he would just go and like check it off, and that's essentially what he's doing. Now he's doing that same checklist and they would get like points and at the end of the week it was like the smallest things but they would get earned some sort of like treat or reward for completing their little daily to-do list. So I think, with my daughter going to kindergarten, it would be helpful to put one of those checklists in place for her to also help her, get out the door and just help this train run smoothly so that nobody's.
Speaker 2:I really don't like to send kids to school frustrated. I don't like to be frustrated going to work. I like it to be very like, calm and peaceful and have a great day and and send them off on their way. And so, um, it's just thinking I probably need to go ahead and implement some sort of task list in the mornings for them to start going ahead and practicing that. I know Jack will get right back into it, but for Jolie, I can see that being very important, um, cause she's got this big transition for her. She's very excited to go to kindergarten with her big brother, she's excited to be in the same school, but she's nervous. She doesn't know what to expect. She doesn't, you know, there's all the feelings that come with a big change and so and I'm nervous, of course you know, because I know it's going to be different. It's different than preschool. They don't play all day. You know they have to develop stamina as part of uh, you know a kindergarten skill and so she knows how to walk in a line and follow directions and she'll be fine, but just that. You know perseverance when things get hard and not having immediate feedback, all of those things that you maybe give your child when they're at home with you the year before, um, she's not going to have access to, and so just hoping, and and I know that it will go, it will go well. I have full faith in the school and the educators, but, um, you know, their nerves are just natural.
Speaker 2:I think for any parent watching their kid especially their youngest, or your first, whoever watching your kid go to kindergarten is always kind of a tough transition for the parents. I watched many parents cry on the way out of school as they dropped their kids off, which I do want to point out because that's something that happens every single year. There are kids that cry the first week of school, that that's for some kids that's the first time they've ever been away from mom during the day. They've been home with mom all day, and so that's hard. It's hard for the parent, it's hard for the child, it's hard for the teacher that's got 20 plus other kids that they're trying to wrangle and do all the things, and so if you find yourself in that situation where your kid is literally latching on to you and screaming, the very best thing that you can do for all parties involved is detach them gently, tell them they're going to have a great day. You can't wait to see them after school and turn around and walk out and get in your car and leave, because the longer that goes on of them pulling and push and hugging and it just it complicates things so much for the educators that are there like picking up the pieces afterwards.
Speaker 2:Most kids, within five to 10 minutes, stop crying. They do very well. They get right on the routine. They have no problems the rest of the day. Every now and then you have a kid that cries a little bit longer. But trust and believe that there are people on staff there to help that child cope with those emotions and that the child will be fine and the truly the best thing you can do is kind of feels very cold and but it's just. You know you're going to have a great day. I love you. I'll see you after school. I can't wait to hear about your first day of school. You know it's like leaving them at preschool. If you've ever done that for the first time. It's hard, it's hard on everybody, but you just have to kind of slice it and go.
Speaker 1:I love that. That's a great piece of advice because I know that so many parents do struggle with that. Or whenever I'm driving like through a car line and I see them or they're walking their kid in and you get like the little clingers, you know, the little koala bears that are like on the leg or whatever else, yeah, and that is hard. It is hard for the parents to kind of process, I think, after that moment, because that whole mom guilt kind of thing comes in. But you are doing the right thing by detaching the barnacle from the leg.
Speaker 1:I mean you really, really, really are, and so allow yourself to have that moment, but know that you know promoting them in that again, development of a skill is so important for them in future things that they're going to encounter. But, yes, have faith.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and give a little grace, I think, to schools too. Having worked in an elementary school and then I worked in a middle school, but primarily elementary for 15 years, you know these educators. There is a lot that is thrown at school personnel. That first week of school. I mean you're trying to get kids on the right buses, car tags, who's going home when all of those things. And it shifts and changes and it's different for every school. I'm sure you've got kids that enroll throughout the day. Throughout the week Numbers are always changing within classrooms. They may have to shift and close a classroom and put kids in other classes. I mean it is just, it's a numbers game at the end of the day and nobody really has a say in it. The district tells them, you know what their numbers are and how that rolls, but it's very complex the first week of school.
Speaker 2:I think if we could just take a deep breath and give those educators some grace, in that everyone is doing the best they can with what they have and sometimes I think you know there's been times kids got put on the wrong bus and you've got parents in tears and they're four and five years old and where's my kid? And you know your kid, 99.9% of the time, is going to make it home just fine. It might be an hour later, you may have to come back to the school and pick them up, but they are going to get home to you safely. Nobody did it on purpose, but these things happen. Kids get put on the wrong bus. They don't. Maybe they don't speak English, maybe the parents filled out the tag wrong.
Speaker 2:So many things can complicate this situation, and so I think just reminding ourselves to give educators grace at some point I don't know when it happened, but from when we were kids to the time I became an educator the lack of respect that is given to educators is mind blowing. The amount of times that we get cursed out and screamed at and called everything but what we are, you know. It would shock people, I think, if they knew how often that happened, and and you can understand why the educators are leaving in droves because it gets old fast, you don't get paid much and you get no respect. You know who's going to hang on for the good of it, you know.
Speaker 1:Well, and also the added responsibility of just by the way, if you hear rain here, it's because Mother Nature is letting loose on West Virginia right now, god bless. But I think whenever it comes to that too, teachers really have a lot more put on their plate than what they used to. I mean, I hear my mom talk about it and she technically was a retired teacher before COVID and then, even though she was at that at-risk age group, no one was going back in the school system and so she was like, well, they're not, I'm going back, these kids need somebody. So she actually went back in the schools after she retired and is still subbing, I don't know, three, four years later. But she often will talk about like we're not just teaching kids now.
Speaker 1:It's almost like the input of responsibility has been put on us, but also it has lines and it's much more blurry and complicated and and challenging more challenging, I guess, than what it was when we were kids or even whenever Cameron was going through school, like some of the stuff that I hear that, like Rachel and Jack and gosh even though Jolie's just a few years younger, I mean it's all going to change again, probably for her too, that they are going through. That didn't happen, like 10 years ago. It's just, it's wild. And so I do believe that having some grace and patience and, just you know, pause and those moments is really important.
Speaker 1:Yeah for sure.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so, um, definitely thinking about that. And then I also was thinking about just, you know, for most you know maybe, maybe I don't know, for most of our listeners maybe it's fairly. You're fairly into the game at this point and you understand that you know you got to give grace that first week of school and it's meet the teacher and you kind of go through the motions. You do all the things and most of our kids do very well in school. But we certainly have kids that transfer in and out of schools that first week of school. They transfer in and out all throughout the school year and most of those students I would say that we get oftentimes have an individualized education plan. So that means that they receive special education services. And so I wanted to just note, if you are a parent and you are enrolling your child in a school for the first time, a new school for the first time, the single best thing that you can do, if your child has an IEP, is bring a copy of that with you and a copy of their most recent evaluation. Otherwise, someone in that school typically the school psychologist, but someone in that school is responsible for tracking down all of that paperwork and it's just going to. It's going to delay those services and supports getting into place.
Speaker 2:It takes time. You know not every state, particularly if you're moving state to state. You know there are some states that don't start till after Labor Day. Here in South Carolina we start the third week of August, so we've got a good two and a half almost three weeks of school under our belt before other states are even starting, and so it could. Sometimes it took several weeks to get paperwork in and you've got kids sitting in programs that are inappropriate, just because you have no idea what their needs are and no one you know is able to tell you what kind of support services they were receiving before. So if you are able to and you are moving and entering a new school district or a new state, make sure you bring a copy of those documents. It's very important and it's it just makes the whole process of placing your child and getting them what they need so much easier and so much quicker, which is ultimately the goal. You don't want them moving around to different classrooms. That's, you know, harmful in itself. They make friends. Kids make friends very quickly and you don't want to be plucking them out and putting them in a different classroom, and so it just it make the process as smooth as possible, and I think that just typically applies to those students with individualized education plans. You know for the most part, like I said, your kid is going to be enrolled and go right into a classroom and that's probably where they're going to stay for the rest of the year. But if your kid does have those extra support services, then we need to know about it on the front end or as quickly as possible when you're going to enroll the child, and then just giving you know, giving some grace again to these administrators, like this, was.
Speaker 2:It's hard for me not to work in the same school that my kids go to because I have no control. I have no control over who they have as teachers. I don't get to see them throughout the day and check on them, which you know all moms I think want to do. It's one of the few perks or privileges to working in a school and so you know I'm really just trusting. Of course I put in a recommendation or asked to be considered for certain teachers, but ultimately I've decided if they don't get those teachers, then that's okay too. You know that.
Speaker 2:I trust that these administrators are making the best choices that they can with the information they have. And I understand that allocations change all the time, constantly, throughout the summer, at the beginning of the year, within the first 10 days of school, things change. And so just giving them that due respect and that they are doing the best that they can. And you know, if we end up with those teachers, great, and if we don't, I trust in the universe that we're going to end up where we're supposed to be at the end of the day. And so, just remembering that, that you know, we can ask all we want, but no one can really guarantee a specific placement or spot in a certain class. It's just, it's hard for them. They're trying to, especially in kindergarten. I mean, they've got 200 or let's say, 120 new faces, kids they know nothing about, and they're trying to place them with different teachers. And you just, you never know how personalities are going to mesh.
Speaker 2:And I think it's going to be a great fit and it's not, and other times you think it's going to be a disaster and it ends up being just a beautiful relationship between that teacher and that student. And so you kind of just have to go with the flow and, you know, let go of the control a little bit which I think is hard for many of us mothers but trust and believe that all teachers are good and that they're doing the best that they can. You know there's very few people out there that are have ill intentions, you know, and I'd like to think that they get weeded out at some point in the hiring process. But you know, we're all so hard up and there's a lot of kids out there and you just, you know all you can do is be mindful and make sure you're having conversations and asking about how your kids' days are going and if you have a problem you always address that. But in the initial stage I think it's important to just trust and and give it a fair shot.
Speaker 2:I know when we went in to meet the teacher last year for Jack's teacher she mentioned she was, you know it was like her second year teaching Okay, like he'd always had super veteran teachers that I had personally handpicked and I was like, ooh right, well, we'll see how this goes. And he could not have had a better year. I could not have been more wrong. She was a fantastic teacher, and if I would have made a big stink out of that or asked to have him moved, you know, I just think about all he could have missed out on. And so just sometimes you got to let things go and let them work out the way they're supposed to.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think that's a great piece of advice to have for sure. I just want the strictest one. No, I never request a certain teacher. I never did with Cameron either. No, his schools were different. They were smaller and so it was easier for them to just kind of be within gosh, I don't even know if they had two classes, you know what I mean For like second or first grade and things. So, no, we just want the strictest one, it doesn't matter, we just want someone that is going to be, it doesn't matter, we just want someone that is going to be strict, I guess, because I think that that is just what is needed at sometimes for some kids and they grow within that environment, and that's a good one that we have conversations with our teachers and that we try to form good relationships with them, with all of our kids, no matter what, and that they know who the players are within their life as well.
Speaker 1:You know, especially if you have different people picking them up or, you know, coming to read to them at school, or you with Cam, whenever he was diagnosed with diabetes, it was really important for his teachers to understand him as you know, a person with type one diabetes and then also that he self manages, and so let him be.
Speaker 1:Yeah, as well, as there may be points and times in which you know these are not acting out, types of behaviors or anything else, this is, you know, a symptom of his condition.
Speaker 1:At this point or at different points, there was times in which we needed to kind of sit down with him and say that he needed to have like, especially in middle school, like a diabetes buddy, like they would send him down to the office sometimes whenever his blood sugar was low by himself. And I mean I was in Target one time my blood sugar dropped and I got lost in Target for like an hour and a half, and it turned out that I wasn't really lost, I was just completely disoriented because my blood sugar was 40. But that can happen and that can be a really dangerous thing, especially at that age where you don't necessarily 40, where you don't have the moment to kind of manage it, and so it was important for us to have those conversations then too. But no, we just kind of let that ship kind of set, sail and ride and just kind of see where it goes, and so that's not an area I'm looking to have control over there's others. There's plenty of others. That's not why.
Speaker 2:I think you also bring up a good point and that you should always share medical information with the teacher so that she's aware of hey, don't don't send him by himself to the nurse, like, send somebody with him. These things can happen because they don't know not everybody. You can't be an expert in everything and you want them to be a great teacher and know all the content that they're about to teach your child, but they can't be an expert in type one, diabetes or asthma or anything else, and so sharing those things, I think, are always important. What I would, you know, say to be cautious about is sometimes parents will come in and want to tell you all of the terrible things about their child, Like and this is what he does and this and do you see this in the classroom that child in their own right and at their own speed, because that teacher has the opportunity to be a strong adult role model for them or somebody else that they can go to if they need something. And that's really important for kids to have those types of relationships outside of their parents. You know aunts, uncles, friends of parents, you know whoever it is. Having good, trustworthy adults that children can rely on is so important for their development. And so you don't want to squash that in any way or give some preconceived notion of the things that.
Speaker 2:I have plenty of things to say about my kids, about things that are difficult for me, but I don't want to put that out there because then they're going to notice those things. First and foremost I want them to notice all the great things about my kids and to build a relationship with them, and so just to be mindful of not to overshare things you know, to let them discover them on their own, because you know you may have a quirky kid but that teacher might be a quirky teacher and they might just really jive on a level that you can always and to your kid and to give them the opportunity so that someone's not coming in oh there's that kid that you know doesn't follow any of his mom's directions and is whiling out all the time. They're going to figure it out on their own and kind of let that happen. So just some. Those are some of the ideas that I had as far as like from a school perspective, some things that you can do as a parent to sort of help that transition.
Speaker 2:But going back to sort of some of the things that we're doing for ourselves as moms or dads and preparing ourselves for this transition is also giving yourself some grace, and this is a very emotional transition for a lot of us. If your kid is going to elementary school for the first time, going to middle school, going to high school, going to college. I was talking to a lady today in the dental office and she's like my daughter's about to start high school. She's like I just have so many feelings about it. That's fair, we all have a lot of feelings about transition of any kind.
Speaker 2:And so to give yourself some grace and that if things don't go perfectly that first week, or if, let's say, you know you don't get your workouts in or you don't stick to the meal plan or whatever it is to not be like, oh, that's it, I give up. Shouldn't have even said this in the first place. No, give yourself some grace. And that it's the first week of school and everybody's adjusting. Yeah, it's just, it's, it is what it is. And and to not give up just because it's difficult right from the get rip.
Speaker 1:So yeah, and I think being validating just in that, in those moments, is real important, whether it's self-validating or for the kids too, you know, and whatever their experience of the emotion and things like that may be, we tend to like to and we switch it up like on the very first day of school, whenever Cam was in school, we would go out to breakfast, you know, and on the last day of school, and then with Rachel we'd go out to breakfast, you know, and on the last day of school, and then with Rachel we'd go out to dinner, so they would each have their like special thing that they would get to do, like on their very first days of school, just to kind of acknowledge, hey, this is, you know, a cool saying, it's a cool transition. You know what I mean. We're going to start it off like on this foot and then we're just going to kind of go from here and see how things go, and so they both still really, I think you know, look forward to those kind of moments with things. But you know I don't for those parents who are transitioning I never had, even now I don't have a difficult time with like the younger years, years, but as you know, they start to age and you become more aware of the finality of these transition points. I think that that's whenever it wasn't that it became harder, but I was more aware that the end was coming. And I mean we had a great time in high school and even in middle school, which was bizarre. I mean not many had a great time in high school and even in middle school, which was bizarre. I mean not many people can say that, but I can look back at both of those like time periods and be like that was really fun and to know that those points of transition were happening for him it was just a really it was a thing that I was very cognizant of and never had a hard time with it whenever he was little.
Speaker 1:But as he started to get older, like oh gosh, whenever he started driving himself to school, I think was one you know, because then on that first day like that, he did that it was the next year, on the very first day of school, it was like, oh, I don't get to drive you your first day of school, we'll meet at the. I don't get to drive you on your first day of school, we'll meet at the Waffle House, and you know, and then you'll drive off, and I think that his girlfriend was with us and she took a really cute pic of it because she was a senior that year and he was a junior. But then, you know, it's those other times, you know, like whenever he went off to college and I even shared this on the news and, you know, on our podcast, I think at one point, whenever I was talking about transitions and like coping with it, I was so happy whenever he went off to college.
Speaker 1:Just the amount of pride that you feel as a parent whenever you know that your kid is also doing something that is, you know, really challenging and tough Moving away from your friends, your support system, everything that is familiar to you, going to a new place, all of that kind of stuff. And I just remember just being so, so, so, so, so proud. And was I a bawling mess whenever I gave him that hug? Absolutely, but it wasn't because I was sad and it wasn't because I was going to missing, it was because I was just really proud of him and it was important for me to let him know that.
Speaker 1:You know, and even now, as he's preparing to go into, I think, his sophomore year now at a different school kids not living with us we told him nope, even though you're 20 minutes down the road, you're still having the college experience and so you know he's going to be moving into a dorm again and again it's. I don't think that it's going to be the same, because it's just there's more familiarity, I think, with it. But to know that he's doing something again out on his own, I just see that as points of pride and happiness, instead of me feeling sad or like an empty nest in that kind of sense, like I just don't that, just doesn't, that doesn't come like a natural thing to me, like I just get really excited whenever I know that they are transitioning into doing big and cool independent things, because I know how big and cool the world is and I can't wait for them to kind of get to those points. And we've talked about that difference, I think, within each of us before.
Speaker 2:But yeah, I don't have a hard time with the little ones.
Speaker 2:Well, I think everybody's different. You know whether it's your last kid and you're like, okay, this is the last you know drop off at kindergarten. Like it's your last kid and you're like, okay, this is the last drop off at kindergarten. You're just trying to soak it in in the moment and really enjoy it for what it is. Of course you're proud that they're going off to whatever it is, but just to allow yourself to feel however you feel, whether it's pride or sadness or whatever emotion comes up in you, just to let it happen. And you know I was talking the mom that I was talking to today her daughter's going to high school and she was like I'm just so glad that we're finally here.
Speaker 2:Like she was like middle school was terrible for us and she was like my daughter she goes. You know it was my bubbly one, the cheerleader, the happy, you know just outgoing, lovely personality. And she was like the girls were just brutal to her in middle school and she was like, you know, she took her out for some time, she put her in therapy. She was like it was wonderful, she had an incredible therapist. And I was like good for you, good for you, your daughter. And and obviously you couldn't not observe how it was affecting her, but also for getting her the help that she needed to get her through that time. You know, middle school isn't forever. It's three years of their life and then it's over, you know. And so you've just got to get them through that, whatever that takes, whether that's taking them out and homeschooling them for a time period, if it's so rough. I mean, I know you enjoyed middle school and high school.
Speaker 2:I did as well, but we certainly knew people who did not enjoy it and they were treated very poorly, and so it's not the same for everyone to recognize that when it's happening and get them the support that they need, versus, you know saying, well, you got to muddle through this, you know, yeah, you've got. You know, in certain situations you got a teacher maybe they don't get along with. Do I think you should pluck them and put them in another class? No, I don't, because we're all.
Speaker 2:We all have to deal with people we don't like every single day of our lives, and that's a good skill to learn at a young age how to be around somebody you don't particularly see eye to eye with or care for, and how you can still cooperate and do what you need to do to get to wherever you're going the next level or whatever and so I think in some cases you say, yeah, stick it out. But I think that when your child is in pain and being targeted or treated unfairly or put in a situation that you really cannot seem to figure out, it's okay to pull them or put them in a different situation and to get them the support that they need. I was just like good for you, like you know how many middle schoolers I could have used them there. I mean, I think therapy is great for everyone, but like how many middle schoolers were doing like intense therapy when we were in school because of the way they were treated by their peers.
Speaker 2:Remarkable that she sought that out and she was just like we're just so excited to go back to school and to to try it again. So the other thing that I wanted to point out we kind of touched on this in the beginning it's sleep, and if there's one thing that you can do for everyone in your family that first week of school is have no plans that weekend so that everybody can catch up on sleep because it's it is an exhausting week. I don't care how prepared you are. I don't care if you've laid out your clothes every night and you've meal planned. At the end of that week you are going to feel like a train ran you over and backed up and ran over you again. So give yourself that rest and recovery, whatever that looks like for you and your family. But I would say I'm a big fan of no plans that first weekend of school after it has started. I just think that that's a time to to give yourself the downtime Wherever you live, whatever that looks like.
Speaker 1:Yeah, because it is an emotionally exhausting time, and anytime you use the word exhausted Because it is an emotionally exhausting time, and anytime you use the word exhausted, yeah, or just drained, it's because of the emotions that have all just kind of been utilized just to survive that kind of period of time and so to give yourself some amount of allowance within that as much as what is able and possible, is just so, so, so important. And again, talking with your partner about it, you guys prepping together as a family I mean school's starting for the entire family unit. It's not just like mom and the kid here or dad and the kid, whatever the case may be. It's a family unit that this transition is happening with, and so having these kind of like open talks and discussions about it I think just help to keep everybody connected on the same page.
Speaker 1:We're real big on, I mean, whether this is. It doesn't matter what time of year it is. Every night that we have dinner, we sit around a dinner table. We never sit around in front of a TV, we just don't. We're those old fashioned like people that do that. That was one of our big goals whenever we were bringing our families together is we're going to have family dinners every night. It doesn't matter if we're eating out, it doesn't matter if we're eating in. We're not we're, we're eating around a table and we always talk about how each other's day was.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And we go around the table and we discuss like what was something fun that we learned, what was something that we did? You know, whatever it was, we each go around the table and talk about that. So that way again, it helps us to kind of, you know, be on the same page with things, and we divide up homework time. You know, there's certain skill sets that I don't possess. Doing third grade math is still not one of them, and especially the way they teach it now it's just not happening. So there are certain subjects that my husband is much more able to be a teammate and a helper in, and there are ones that I feel more comfortable in, and so we really try to acknowledge each other's strengths during those times and be adaptive, as it kind of transitions on throughout schooling and so forth. And so, you know, use your family support system, talk with people about it, and I think that your point about listening to your kid is also critical.
Speaker 1:And just knowing, knowing your child, a lot of times people will come up and you know, whenever I was practicing or different things like that, like how do you know something's wrong with your kid?
Speaker 1:If you're asking that question, there might be, and that's because you've noticed some level of change. So if you notice like that they are socially withdrawing, that they're not doing as well in some subjects as before, their interests have changed. Maybe their sleep, their eating, their physical hygiene, their appearance, their words, that they use, any of those things are are like beeps that need to be going off on your internal alarm system to really kind of like again, non judgmentally, very openly, just kind of do like random check ins and make sure that things are are kind of cool. And again, have these conversations with the family very openly, just kind of do like random check-ins and make sure that things are kind of cool. And again have these conversations with the family, with the school, if necessary. But don't shy away from things that you are instinctively noticing or feel that are changes happening. You've got to really, you know, be aware that those things are possible and could occur, especially at different transition points, and to be adaptive whenever they do.
Speaker 2:So you know, I agree, I love that you guys still eat dinner on the table. We do too. We play TV off, we sit and we just have a conversation, and I think that's important for just figuring out what's going on with your kid. It's amazing the things that'll come out. If you just get quiet long enough, they'll start talking. So I love that. We we tend to do that as well. I don't know if it's just me, but my husband has a knack for being out of town the first week of school.
Speaker 2:So even though, it feels like a shared load. I feel like a lot of times it's me trying to figure out like how I'm getting everybody where they need to be and get to work and and get all the things done. I think this year he is actually in town this, the first week of school. Oh, that's good, that will be nice to have him here. But if you're one of those parents whether you're a single parent or your spouse travels out of town, you know, frequently works out of town it can be overwhelming for sure. And so enlist some, you know, trusted neighbors, or if you're lucky enough to have family that lives nearby, don't be afraid to ask for help, because it is just like we have talked about a very overwhelming week in in the year.
Speaker 2:I don't know if it's just because I love the first week of school. I do as an educator, I love it, I do. I love the energy that's in a building. I love it Everything being new and shiny and seeing how much the kids have grown from the summer and seeing their smiling faces when they remember you from the year before. I just I really like the energy that comes with the first week of school. But I also know you know. I've watched it time and time again, some of the things we've talked about, and it's just, it's not. It's also just like you said, it's draining. You're exhausted emotionally at the end of the week. Good or bad, it's still emotionally exhausting. So give yourself some TLC, give yourself the weekend off.
Speaker 2:Hopefully your spouse is back in town and say go get yourself a massage or facial or whatever floats your boat.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, and, like you said, just give yourself some grace during this time, because who knows what kind of emotions can really just be drawn up from it, even ones that you may not expect. And so just being patient, I think, and kind with that and um, you know, it's not going to last forever. No, we all know that, and there are definitely special moments to to be more present in um and then others just to kind of ride out, you know. So we'll see how it goes.
Speaker 2:Right, well, happy back to school.
Speaker 1:Happy, back to school.
Speaker 2:Hopefully it went great for everybody and for all of us it ends up great, but I'm sure we'll be back later in the season to talk about some other things that come out throughout the school year. But these are just some tips and tricks to get you going for the 23-24 school year. Woo, I think that's all we got for this week, so tune in next week We'll be back. In the meantime, you can catch us on our social media, at the Lylas Podcast, on Instagram, on Facebook and, of course, always go to our website. You can leave comments, suggestions, anything you would like for us to know, talk about things you want us to cover. We've got some more guests coming on this season so you can look for that. But yeah, check us out at the lielesspodcastcom. Until next week, we out, thank you.
