The LYLAS Podcast
If you know what LYLAS stands for, then this podcast is for you! Two besties since middle school turned moms and psychologists dish on "the good, the fun, and the yucks" of life! We're tackling all things mental health, "mom balance" (whatever the hell that is), transitions in life (divorce, career, aging parents, parent loss, loss of friendships), self-care, travel, healthy habits, raising kids, and allllllll the things us midlife mamas are experiencing. We hope each week listeners feel like they just left a good ol' therapy session with their bestie! We'll dish on all the tips and tricks to keep your mental health in check and enjoy this thing called life! Meet your life's newest cheerleaders-- Sarah & Jen! LYLAS!
The LYLAS Podcast
The LYLAS Podcast Season 3, Episode 55: "86 People Pleasing"
In this week’s LYLAS episode we explore the people-pleaser mentality, setting personal boundaries and the journey towards inner fulfillment. We share stories from our family trip that highlight the delicate work-life balance and the pressure to meet external expectations. We'll discuss the importance of avoiding judgment and taking responsibility for our own happiness, and the pitfalls of tying our self-worth to others' approval. We'll share insights into recognizing the sources of our own joy and cherishing life's simple pleasures. Through our experiences, we'll show you how we’re prioritizing our happiness by nurturing those relationships that deposit into our emotional banks.
Please be sure to checkout our website for previous episodes, our psych-approved resource page, and connect with us on social media! All this and more at www.thelylaspodcast.com
Welcome to Lylas. If you grew up in the 90s, you probably know what that stands for and, by default, this podcast is for you.
Speaker 2:Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, that's right To all of our listeners and viewers, who watch us on YouTube and check us out on all of our social media accounts. Thank you.
Speaker 1:Thank you. Thank you, I just had to check. Normally it tells me we're recording. Now it did Welcome back. I feel like we both just got back. We've been all over the place traveling you further than me, as usual, but nonetheless we've been on airplanes and now we're back in our home studios here, aka my work desk, aka my daughter's bedroom someday meditation station where my son plays his Xbox. But anyway, anyway, we're back in our regular spots spring break 2024.
Speaker 2:Woo, yeah, you guys had a fun time with the kiddos.
Speaker 1:Ski bunnies, ski bunnies but you know it's, any trip with your kids is not a vacation. However, my in-laws were there, so that's it kind of was because they're super helpful, but you know it's still kids, it's still work. It's still a lot, and Jeff and I were still working last week too, like fitting it in the pockets between skiing and drinking and hot tubbing. But yeah, we did also work.
Speaker 2:You guys are really good at that multitasking and like each one of you taking like charge of a certain thing at a certain time, like you guys have got that whole thing down pat. That's really, really cool.
Speaker 1:We're a good team.
Speaker 2:You guys are a great team.
Speaker 1:Teamwork makes the dream work right.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you guys are number one team, that's for sure. I don't know about that, but we work at it. I'm gonna make team shirts to say team saunders number one team saunders.
Speaker 1:Great to be a saunders kid. Do we have a topic today?
Speaker 1:there's a question we do we do have a topic, um, and this is gonna just kind of free flow today. No surprise there. If you've listened to any of our other episodes, we sort of free flow at all. Today will be no different. That's something that was on my mind in the past week in conversations that I had with family and friends and and just you know situations that occurred. It had me thinking a lot about the people pleaser in me and how she's recovering and trying to do that less, and I think we may have briefly talked about this a little bit on one episode, just about how it's sort of how we were raised no hate, no shade Barb, because that's what I'm about.
Speaker 1:There's got to be a little bit of truth to that right In the try to make everybody feel happy, and it's almost as though we were taught that we're responsible for other people's happiness and not our own.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think that that can definitely. I think that can definitely be true and if it's not like globally, in terms of like your social like network and people and peers, it can. I think that that can. That message can come to like it's your responsibility to make your partner happy or to be a partner pleaser instead of a people pleaser.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think about like the 50s housewife right or on the table when he walked in the door. You know all of the things catered to other people, your kids or your husband and I don't mean that like we were sat down and drilled some sort of social skills lesson that we're supposed to make other people happy. That's not what I mean when I say we were raised that way. It was nuances of watching. You know nuances of watching. You know other people do it and the way you know I can't even remember.
Speaker 2:You know it was like if you were leaving a party. Oh, give so-and-so a hug.
Speaker 1:You're going to hurt their feelings, that kind of stuff. So I mean, it wasn't like it was some direct instruction on how to please everybody else, but it like infiltrated our world when we were kids. I can think of so many examples of that in my life and I think that's why it's hard to to recover from that. You have this innate sense that you're supposed to make sure that everybody else is happy, or that you're doing your part. At least. You don't want anybody to be mad at you, you don't want to upset about and certainly we don't want to offend people. That's also not what I'm saying, but it's like at what point are people responsible for their own freaking happiness?
Speaker 2:and it's not on you right, right, and I think that that even goes to leading to toxic relationships or unhealthy relationships that we just continue to perpetuate by the idea that, well, we just have to do it, or you know, it's Aunt Jane.
Speaker 1:That's what I signed up for.
Speaker 2:Right, right. We have all of these conditioned excuses in order to continue to perpetuate this, and we don't even see them as excuses, so to say, because they've been conditioned within us. So a conditioned response is one that just happens over time, that we're unaware of when we're doing it and that just ends up being so much of what we end up doing yeah, and then then it like breeds all these other feelings.
Speaker 1:And I have a perfect example of this. I recently had somebody reach out to me asking for help on something. They needed something and if you know me, you probably know that I will stop whatever I'm doing. If somebody asked me for help with something and I have access to it, I will stop anything, whatever I'm in the middle of and go do it Like I. It's just who I am. I can't help myself. Good or bad, I don't care how you view it, it's just how I am. Like I walk in my office and ask for something and I would be in the middle of like running data and statistics and I would stop what I was doing and like help that Like I just can't not do that Anyway.
Speaker 1:So this person reaches out asking for something and my immediate response was to stop what I was doing and try to figure something out. And I was like you know what I was doing and try to figure something out. And I was like you know what? I started taking a little bit of stock because this is not a person that you know I would say is like supportive of me in any kind of way. You know they're not like somebody that reaches out. They're not somebody that you know asks how I'm doing. They're not, you know, but they do reach out whenever they need something, just like that, right. And so I was like, well, you know what, if I just sit on this for a minute? Because then I, because if I follow through, as I have done many times, and try to help that person or find what they need, I end up feeling resentment at the end of the day when I don't get support and things that I need. And so I was like, you know, I'm not going to put that on that person and I'm not going to put that on myself because I don't have to do that. Right, and like it may sound so to you, you're probably like no duh, jenny, like welcome to the world. But that's really hard to not bend over backwards. And for anybody, I don't care if I know you or if I don't, if I love you or if I hate you, it doesn't matter. If somebody asks me for something, I'm going to try my best to to obtain it. And this is just a new thing. And so I just, you know, I was like can't help you and I feel lighter.
Speaker 1:I feel like you know, like I really am starting to become a recovering people pleaser, because I just don't care to please everybody else anymore, not if it's somebody that's not putting coins in my bank, like we talked about last week, like if it's not somebody that is filling you up emotionally. You know, whatever it is, we don't have to give ourselves. You know you get to choose who you give that energy back to. And I thought you know what this is, somebody that doesn't spend any energy on me and you know, no hate, no shade, with light and love. But I don't need to spend energy on you either. Right, and it's okay. And I can do that now as a 41 year old woman and not feel badly about it in either direction. Not, you know, feel bad for what I did, for resentment, nothing, it just is, you know.
Speaker 1:So I felt like I was really starting to make some headway with um, recognizing when you know I'm just trying to please people and I'm not trying to please myself like that. Sometimes I feel like we sound really, really conceited or out for yourself, which I guess we are a little bit. But you know, I'm really leaning into making sure that you know I'm doing everything for myself first, and the people that are there for me really contribute to my life in some way, and I don't mean like gifts or things. I'm talking about just like how you doing Sorry to hear you stepped at you know people that like reach out whenever they know something you've experienced, good or bad. If they're not one of those people, I'm not, why am I giving my attention to them, right?
Speaker 2:Totally no. And I think, yeah, that's that whole conditioned response, though I think again is those thoughts like oh, we're being mean by being self-focused or, you know, by not contributing to other people's happiness, then we're being selfish. I don't again, conditioning happens without us necessarily being aware of it. It's just a set of responses that then get reinforced by the environment or other relationships and we're just unaware that we are being part of this machine in a sense. And so to really step back and be like, hmm, this machine is not working for me I think that this is. It starts then a avalanche of other realizations that we're able to see that, oh, so me not doing this is actually better for me and potentially for them too. Right, okay. And then the next thought that goes along with that thread opens up, like, oh, it's so good for me to step boundaries with these people.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 1:Well, and I think it's also goes back to paying attention to your body. Like we, you will have a physical. I had a physical response when I saw that message come across. I, you know, internally, was like irritated, like I could. I was just like, oh hi, how you doing, haven't talked to you. You happened in the last few years, you know.
Speaker 1:But it's like that response that my body had was enough for me to really pause and go okay, let's, let's think about this. Why are you getting so worked up? Right, because you feel resentment, because you feel hurt or because you feel whatever it is. There's something that's causing that. And so it's where I was like let's just sit with this for a minute and pause and and come up with what's going to make us, like, feel better inside here. Honestly, normally I would have been like, just, you know, do what you need to do, help the person out. But I was like you know what if I don't? What if I just help me out by saying sorry, you know it's hard, it's, I mean, like, even sitting here talking about it, like I'm getting, I get the shakes almost just because I don't like to disappoint people, and that's ultimately what it comes down to. I don't like to anyone, even if I, if they, if I've felt hurt by them or anything. I don't like to disappoint people. How fucked up is that? You're the psychologist.
Speaker 2:I don't know. I mean, that's a great question. I don't know, that's a typical psychologist answer, right? Well, it depends. Well, let's see, let's explore that.
Speaker 2:Let's explore that a little more.
Speaker 2:No, I just I think you're on.
Speaker 2:I think that what one of the takeaways and going back to when we talked about our um Coper experience and retreat and the value of meditation and really tuning into self is that when we start to create that space we start to tune into, our body knows the answer, our true body, like our true body, our true intuition, our true gut, true self.
Speaker 2:However you want to kind of frame that knows the answer and that's it. But then we have a tendency, again based on past experiences, whatever us misunderstanding our body's natural cue, to then write a story or to come up with other memories, past experiences that then cloud that initial response that we get from our body. And so I think that this whole process is really just kind of tuning into that and recognizing when those signs and signals, I guess, kind of come up and then taking a responsive action towards it. And I just it's, it is hard, it is very, very hard because certain emotions or certain situations are more upsetting, disruptive, uncomfortable than others. But I just I'm really trying to be aware that your body generally knows what the answer is, but it tells you, maybe really quickly, maybe fleetingly. Maybe it just causes like a pause, and if we overlook that then we've missed the message.
Speaker 2:And so I think it's the combination of all of those things that help us to kind of get to that point with stuff.
Speaker 1:I think you just nailed that. I mean you did because you're so right, especially if you have any kind of history, like a real positive history with someone, you are flooded with those memories, right, and you're filled with those feelings and it's really easy to forget things that maybe have transpired in the last several years. And so you know, I think you nailed it in that it can cloud your judgment or your response based on your history. And I also just want to note that you are such a little meditator these days. I feel like I'm sensing a shift in you in the past few months. Yeah, I've been doing it. I've been doing it Now. I'm sensing a shift in you in the past few months.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I've been doing it. Now I'm not always sitting in, you know, we talked about in our meditation episode which everybody should kind of like circle back to, because that's the name of the episode Always doing plugs. But is that you don't have to be sitting in a chair or in your typical spot, it can be done anywhere at any point in time, and anytime that you do it is a beneficial point of time, and so I think that that is something. Again, am I perfect at it? Am I consistent at it? Absolutely not, nor am I at anything, but I think that it is again a continued kind of work too, and it's always progress.
Speaker 1:Are you making an effort to do it every day?
Speaker 2:Yeah, and then back to last week's episode. I read to Penny every day.
Speaker 1:That's right, you do your laws to Penny. I mean, I think this morning I was meditating. You know, we kind of got it when we went to that Chopra I don't want to say a retreat, like you know they're like get into you, slip into the gap. They kept going back to the gap and I'm like I don't know that I have entered the gap yet. However, you know, there for a while I was like got to get in the gap, got to get in the gap. Now I'm just like no judgment. Like no judgment.
Speaker 1:If I slip into the gap, great, it may be five years from now before I experienced that. Right now, it's more of just training myself to focus on it, to come back to my breath and just be real. It's training myself to focus on it, to come back to my breath and just be the the um. It's training myself to be super present, or the past and the future, which, if you're a person that runs anxious, you know that is very hard to do, um, and so I feel like it is like a muscle, like I am training that muscle just like.
Speaker 1:I'm lifting weights and I'm getting really good at it, but have I entered the gap?
Speaker 2:No, I haven't kind of sent to us is the right kind of term or word for it but that are occurring within us to then pay attention to when we find ourselves in some of those more socially based kind of people pleasing situations and I think you've said this before, I don't they're outside of my people pleasing tendency is a person pleasing tendency. So I feel like it's my personal responsibility to ensure that my husband is happy. You know what I mean Everybody.
Speaker 1:I mean I like you for the reason, for the record that is so uncharacteristic of the person I've always known.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but I mean right, and so that's a very, it's a very weird, and can you imagine the conflict that comes up with that, because I don't care about anything else, like I'll tell somebody no or move on without my day, just by and doing it politely and with love and light. But I'm just. I think that the difference in maybe, our upbringing was that and Jan and Rick, you know, can kind of chime in on that well, do what you need to do, all right, slick, rick can kind of chime in on this I just think that they saw someone who from birth was just pretty different, or eccentric or, um, carefree, spirited or whatever. And I think that I was told from a young age is that you know you're, you will find your people and until then you just be you. And so I was like, all right, that sounds cool, you know.
Speaker 2:So I never really thought of it any other way. I never really was put in one of those positions where, um, I felt like you didn't please others but I felt the need to be nice and to be charitable and to be, you know, gracious or you know um community aware, like, if people's struggles or of you know hardships, but in terms of me being responsible or wanting to be a part of, like any social group. I mean, I never. I don't think I ever had that you never conformed.
Speaker 1:No, you were a part of a lot of social groups but you never conformed to what everybody else was doing. I give you major props for that, because you never felt the need to look like everybody else, talk like, the need to look like everybody else, talk like everybody else, act like everybody else. You you just kind of have always marched to the beat of your own drum I can attest to that whereas I feel like I've always been much more of a chameleon, trying to like figure out where I fit and you know a lot of that.
Speaker 1:I think I mean we could go back and really go deep a lot of it has to do with, you know, the trauma that I experienced as a child of just a lot of. I think a lot of my issues actually go go back to that. As much as I say that I've worked through them, you know things, the residual effects, the things you that aren't so obvious are definitely still there, and people pleasing is definitely one of those things and why I'm trying really to be conscientious of when I'm just trying to please other people and not you know, because there's something to be said for, yes, I like to make people laugh and I like good energy and I like you know, you know, I like I walk in a room and I enjoy attention, I like all of those things.
Speaker 1:But, you know, removing that idea that like it's all on you or you know you must ever, you know, taking taking all of that away and just saying being you is enough, that's OK, you know, that's all right, you got to, you got to just do your thing and you're not for everybody and everybody's not for you, and that's okay.
Speaker 1:But again, just a really hard lesson to learn especially in your forties right, when you've practiced it for 40 years, all of a sudden be like you know what. I actually don't care what these people think about me. Yeah, Not the easiest thing to overcome Something that's definitely happening though.
Speaker 2:Yeah Well, and I think that one of the hardships that come with that is that if your inner circle is used to you being that person too and I'm not saying that yours is, but other people's then it, then it does become harder at those points to say, ah, you know what, I don't think I can do that at this point in time, you know, or this just isn't aligned with what I'm trying to work on right now.
Speaker 2:I mean, it does become. It does become harder, I think, at those points. Or, um, if you are, if you have been the person in someone's life who they always went to to help solve a problem, then what that person has learned over time years or experience, all of the things, I guess, is that you're the solution to their problem, not anything else. Like, oh, I have a problem, then this person is the solution to it. It's not up to me to generate my own solution or to work through this problem or to maybe even expand my own support system and get other feedback from things. Right, it's just yeah, it just sets up that really weird dynamic that can happen from that. But so liberating once you start to like be like okay.
Speaker 1:Well, I think that's huge for couples too.
Speaker 1:Like that idea that you're responsible for your person's happiness is just that's putting way more on any one person. Like it's just not fair to set yourself up for that kind of failure because ultimately we're only responsible for ourselves, and that's why I don't want it to come off like we're selfish. And if it does and this is probably the wrong podcast for you but it's the idea that I truly believe if your cup is not full, you cannot pour into other people. You can be the person you want to be if you're on empty, and so that's why we have to come back to like what lifts up, what is filling us up, you know, and worry about that first, and then you can contribute to your partner's cup, but ultimately that's just on them. Like they gotta figure that out, just like you gotta figure you out, figure them out's.
Speaker 1:I don't know. I've never really felt. I can honestly say I've never felt responsible for my husband's happiness. I'm like you know, I think we both see that as like that's on you, figure, figure you out, and I love you regardless, but like you got to figure out your own happiness, whatever that looks like. Do some work on that, right, right.
Speaker 2:And that's where my trap, I think, is. But that's my trap, that's my trap, you know, it's all about knowing where your traps are. I don't care about other people. This is my trap, and I'm not even saying that it's imposed.
Speaker 2:But I mean all traps are self-imposed at some point, but they are and can be reinforced by different actions or things, or things that we connect to that trap. That might not even be a part of it. I mean a trap remember that game mouse trap when we were kids and you're trying to actually like build a trap. That's 90% of what we're probably doing in our own lives. We're building our own trap, we don't even realize it, and then we're the mouse that gets stuck and we're not winning the game by doing this Right, we're actually just you know, playing ourselves.
Speaker 2:We're the mouse in the trap.
Speaker 1:But you acknowledge that right, that's the first step, is acknowledging like oh, this is a trap for me, this is something that I've got to work on. Same thing like just like being like I'm a super people pleaser and she's trying to not be that way anymore. Yeah, you know, I'm not trying to be rude or offensive, I'm just not trying to please else anymore. Right, you know what I'm saying. This episode is taking a turn here talking about pleasing myself right there's a.
Speaker 2:The giraffe is only looking out for number one here because it's tall and it can see above everybody, but the giraffe is still pretty cool. Let the giraffe be a giraffe. It still works in a herd, it's still in a herd, it's still part of people and or it's still part of its group, but I don't know. It's just. I think, too, we have to be mindful. If we're doing the people pleasing aspect of things, then that behavior is still getting modeled as it was for us, unintentionally and intentionally maybe. Sociologically, that behavior then gets modeled for our kids. And that's something that we want to be very mindful of is if we are putting ourselves in that position where they are still picking up on those signs, behaviors or whatever from us, because that's we've done, we've deemed it unhealthy for us to do. Therefore, it is probably also unhealthy for our kids to be watching and seeing us do that as well.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean, you're always going to, in my opinion, set yourself up for failure and I'm talking to myself here but like, if you think you're responsible for someone else's happiness, you can do everything in your power and they're not happy with what you did, because we're not the same people. When they, whatever fills them you may not have figured it out, I, you know, and so I I think that that's probably a trap for a lot of us is just recognizing. I mean, how many times have you gone out of your way for your kids and they've been like cool and like not even given two shits, like hours or days or whatever, worried about or working on Like the whole thing. You know they're just you don't know necessarily what's going to make somebody happy and so you've got to just do your best and then roll on and not get too attached with their response.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you know that's hard to learn with my kids and like Easter baskets and stuff like that, so that I get real nerd out over and like to spend a lot of time and resources on, and then they are like disappointed. They're like this is it? You got a swimsuit and some chocolate? Oh, my God. Oh, you know. So it's that kind of stuff where I'm like you just got to learn like Not everything. You're not responsible for people's happiness.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:That. That is the mantra you are not responsible for other people's happiness. That was a conversation a friend of mine and I had last week and it was like, like it's hard, it is hard to think because it also gives you power. If you think you can make somebody happy, right, makes you feel good inside. If someone's ever said that you are, you know, and people, it's not to say like don't do things. When somebody comes up to me and they're like I love your podcast, like it literally lights me up from the inside.
Speaker 1:So like I'm not saying don't be genuine and do things like that, but it's like thinking that you can control how someone's going to feel is kind of a joke.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's fair, but it is so like whenever you were saying that stuff, I was biting my finger and I don't know if you noticed that, but I was like thinking about, like you're right, like whenever you do the Easter basket, and they're just like, no, it's okay, or you take them on this fabulous trip, and they were like, well, did you have a good time? And they're like, yeah, it was all right. Yeah, I missed my friends. Oh, did you, did you?
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:Guess what?
Speaker 1:Okay, Next time Well next time we won't go swim with the dolphins in the Bahamas, but, cool, we'll stay home with your friends. Exactly, you know it's that kind of stuff. Yes, exactly. And then you get hurt and let down because you had these you know, expectations on other people to be happy because of what you've done for them, and that's just not fair and ultimately it doesn't work. You know it doesn't work out the way you thought it would most of the time.
Speaker 2:No, it doesn't. And then it can even again going back to like traps, being aware, like so. If that happens to me, I can tell you that my number, probably my number one emotional trap is feeling unappreciated. If I feel unappreciated then I am just like at that point, that's where I'm done, you know, and I'm like, okay, well, we're not going to do any. I go to the extreme of the all or nothing. Well then, we're not going to do anything any. I go to the extreme of the all or nothing. Well then, we're not going to do anything. You know, we're not doing our, I'm not going to do anything from this, because it just is. We invest so much in the thought of doing things, the action of doing things, and again, we hear from people a lot of times well, this is what I want, this would be really nice. Could you do x, x, y and z? You get those things done, accomplished. You have the vacation, you throw the party, you do whatever, and then when the response is like thanks, it's like okay, okay.
Speaker 2:I need to go climb a mountain right now. Where's the cold?
Speaker 1:Seriously, yeah Well, I think, ultimately, listening to us talk and sort of talk this through, just recognizing a those physical reactions your body has whenever kind of presented with an opportunity to people please which is every second of every day, I feel like, especially if you have kids, or, and also not or but also just being mindful, because I think one thing I've also started to see is you start to recognize when other people are people pleasing, right, if you start to really pay attention to other people's behavior, and so you just realize how much we're all just trying to make each other happy. And it's like let's quit working on each other and just work on making ourselves happy, be mindful of just like what fills us up, and that goes back to like doing the work you got to figure out what does make you happy.
Speaker 1:I posted something the other day of like what I thought would make me feel rich and what actually does make me feel rich.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, I remember that.
Speaker 1:What I thought was going to be like cars and mansions and fancy watches and designer duds, and it's like what actually makes me happy are things like picking my kids up from school on a bike. I'm without looking at the price, you know having people to love and people that love me, kind of like you were talking about. Like your, your people will find you, and that is certainly true. Like those are the things that really make you feel wealthy in life, like I have achieved something here working from home thing, um, that makes me feel wealthy. So, just like thinking about those things, that what makes you feel powerful and really good about yourself, what makes you happy? What do you want?
Speaker 1:That's one of the hardest questions to figure out. What do you actually want, what actually makes you happy? And all your time trying to make other people happy? You probably don't know what makes you happy.
Speaker 2:That's fair, that's very true. Yeah, so what makes you happy? On that note, um, I like honest, I like being, I guess, like three things anything that's outside. Number one I am not, um, I don't do well in boxes and I consider a house like things, boxes. So being outside is very grounding and very like happy to me when I think about like a place or a time in which I'm probably my happiness is sitting like in an outdoor cafe having a slow, casual meal, just watching people walk by, you know, just chilling out, and that can it can be anywhere.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, just sitting outside having a nice glass of wine and an outdoor cafe, just like in those plazas that you know what I mean. You've seen. Whatever else like that, is a very happy thing. Um, I think that, and even back to my human design, whenever I'm doing things that bring me joy you generate, it just emits off of you and you don't have to work on it, and so, again, just kind of like doing activities. I like to do things, I have an abundant amount of energy, and so from the time I get up until the time I go to bed, it's a hundred. Um, so doing things makes me happy, and I think that that's a hard thing, because then you can fall in the trap of doing things for other people with the thought that then this will also make them happy, and then you get stuck in that whole trap again. Yeah, and my dog she makes you happy.
Speaker 1:I thought you were going to say like podcasting with your middle school. I thought that was going to roll off the tongue, but you know it's fine Reinforcement. No, I, when I'm going to see people that I love, that I haven't seen, especially if it's like a group of us like I, start getting really excited like days in advance and then when you see, it's just like combustible, right Energy.
Speaker 1:It's just like I love seeing people celebrating groups, like people that just really you know like good friends or family, that a long time. Like I really enjoy connecting with people that I care about. I'm trying to think what else makes me really happy being outside, in the mountains, definitely at the beach, sitting on the beach in the sun, traveling Although I don't the older I get, the less I like flying. It's just stressful. Jeff and I had a whole conversation about this. He was like I never feel stressed in the airport and I'm like I feel insanely stressed in an airport because of all the rules, all the like things that are out of your control. You are totally at the mercy of the airline and the airport. Like they can pull you over randomly, Like there's just so many things that like to me is like stressful and Jeff just got his earplugs in. He's having the time of his life.
Speaker 1:Like he could not be more different About. Do I have enough snacks for the kids Like? Is everything charged, all the things, and he's just unfazed at all times and I really admire that about him. I wish I was that way, but I'm not. I feel one bump on the airplane. I'm like that's it, we're going. You know, I can't, I don't know what it is I just? I immediately start sweating. It's a thing so airports are fun should be fun fun.
Speaker 2:That sounds great. Trip's going well so far.
Speaker 1:They are different.
Speaker 2:I saw like a meme just to touch on that a little bit, I'll send it to you, if I can find it again that airports are one place where social in a way, where social rules that we're accustomed to don't match. So you can sit down at a bar at seven 30 and start taking shots of whiskey and no one is going to care or bat an eye at you, whereas if you were out anywhere they'd be like Hmm, probably not. Okay, you know you're sleeping on floors, you're.
Speaker 1:Or how about when, like, a person is in the back of the plane and the plane lands and they open the door and they literally race down the aisle and it's like you're ready to fight somebody over that Like normally you'd be, like, I guess, a jerk, but like I have watched fights break out on airplanes or shit like that Like it's crazy how our emotion and that's what I'm saying Like I think it's stressful for a lot of people because people are so heightened in those situations, like you're so in tune, like I mean, how many times have you like watched the person sitting like diagonal from you and really like, like create a whole story in your head about?
Speaker 1:that person and then, like you never see them again I couldn't even tell you what the guy looked like that was sitting behind me yesterday or two days ago, you know, but like it's just you're so present in that moment, like I feel like everything's just super heightened, especially when you're in the air. You have no control. You're traveling on this, you know, bus in the air, and it's just like I would love to not be stressed out in those situations, but that's just not.
Speaker 1:This is not the case for me you know, I think it's really fun in business class, just having the time of your life with your Prosecco and eye mask. And I'm back there like chewing my nails off and you know, sweating yeah, it's fine, it is what it is.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I think that, even just as we're, this whole episode has been talking about people pleasers. And then a minute ago, when we were talking about happiness, mine was focused on almost like solitary kind of like activities and yours was all back to people, like the connection with people, and that just I think that that's an interesting segue between those two things.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah and the people that, like I get excited about, like they're not people that I feel I need to please in any kind of way, right, like that's also the interesting thing. It's the people that I'm not not super close with, that I tend to even be like overly people pleasing towards, um, whereas like my people, like they don't care. You know I do say whatever I want. They're ill, you know, they know me. So it's such a different vibe and it's so much. That's why I'm so happy, because it doesn't. I don't feel the need to please them. It's all like go with the flow, we're just happy together.
Speaker 1:Yeah yeah, but it's recognizing that and figuring it out right a common theme in a lot of our topics is just being mindful, paying attention. Don't get lost in the distractions in life. Yeah, where I'm at right, it's tough.
Speaker 2:It is even on trails that you know it's easy to get lost on.
Speaker 1:Ain't that the truth? And coming back, that's what we're practicing every day. Just coming back, paying attention, I mean it all kind of like symbolizes, meditation, come back to your breath, you're gonna think other thoughts, you're gonna get caught in traps. The whole purpose is to practice coming back. You know wash in wash out right. I love david g. He's my man right now. If you haven't checked out his stuff, this is david g. I'll see you in the gap that's right.
Speaker 2:That's right, that's the insight app. Right, it is the insight app.
Speaker 1:I've been using it a lot. I'm I did a nice 20 minute or this morning actually. Nice yeah, yesterday was a freaking shit show in this house Today. On the other hand, it's what? Eight o'clock and I've already done all the things on the list this morning. Wet hair, don't't care. First cup of coffee cheers cheers, cheers, cheers, cheers.
Speaker 2:I love it. I know mine's downstairs too. I got it, got it going.
Speaker 1:I think I've got it recording days deaf, most deaf. Anywho, if you're a people pleaser or a recovering people pleaser, as I like to call myself reach out to us on social media. On our website. I would love to hear more about ways that you recognize your people, pleasing and any. If you've come up with some ways to overcome, please share with your friends here at the Lylas podcast. We'd love to hear share those out as well. What else you got for them, sarah?
Speaker 2:That's it. Just be sure to like, share, get everybody's attention about this. Our website has blogs coming out. We've started, you know, really trying to maximize this as a platform. So we have a transcript now that comes out with our podcast. We have chapters now that come out with our podcast. So if you need to kind of go back and listen to some of that stuff, go through and do it. We are working on leveling up this stuff.
Speaker 1:So help us out. She's crushing it.
Speaker 2:She is, you are. You do a good job.
Speaker 1:So check out the website Lylaspodcastcom. Find us on Instagram, on Facebook, at the Lylas Podcast. Until next week, ladies and gentlemen, don't people please please yourself? Ooh, that's a nice message. I like it. Hooray, like I'm saying go masturbate.
Speaker 2:Let's go control the pet populations. Why not, though, hey?
Speaker 1:Self. People don't worry about others. Take care of you.
Speaker 2:Take care of you at eight o'clock in the morning, cheers. We promise this is probably coffee, oh definitely coffee, at least for me it is coffee here too. All right guys, We'll talk to you soon Out.
