The LYLAS Podcast
If you know what LYLAS stands for, then this podcast is for you! Two besties since middle school turned moms and psychologists dish on "the good, the fun, and the yucks" of life! We're tackling all things mental health, "mom balance" (whatever the hell that is), transitions in life (divorce, career, aging parents, parent loss, loss of friendships), self-care, travel, healthy habits, raising kids, and allllllll the things us midlife mamas are experiencing. We hope each week listeners feel like they just left a good ol' therapy session with their bestie! We'll dish on all the tips and tricks to keep your mental health in check and enjoy this thing called life! Meet your life's newest cheerleaders-- Sarah & Jen! LYLAS!
The LYLAS Podcast
The LYLAS Podcast Season 3, Episode 53: "Be the Energy You Wish to See in the World"
What’s that law “Energy is neither created nor destroyed." The energy we bring to a room affects ourselves, the people/animals around us, and often times the outcome of a situation. This week we talk energy, as in, what energy are you bringing to those around you? We chat how to notice our energy, what practices influence our energy, and how we often match the energy of those around us. Our energy is the essence of who we are and how we show up in the world. Energy is contagious– good or bad, so let’s be aware of our energy, the energy of others and how we can use our energy to achieve our greatest desires!
Please be sure to checkout our website for previous episodes, our psych-approved resource page, and connect with us on social media! All this and more at www.thelylaspodcast.com
Welcome to Lylas. If you grew up in the 90s, you probably know what that stands for and, by default, this podcast is for you. Welcome, welcome welcome.
Sarah:Today's a fun one. We're looking forward to it because we're talking about energy.
Jenny:Yeah, that's funny. I guess it is a fun one. I was telling you before we pressed record that I journaled about it this morning because I was noticing my energy yesterday and part of it's just noticing. You can't always just, you know, take care of your energy on the spot, but I was noticing my energy a lot yesterday. I look really tired today.
Sarah:I think you look like an angel. I already told you this like three times.
Jenny:We do these early morning recordings now to accommodate my work schedule and it's a it's a rush some days to try to. I dumped about 18 pounds of dry shampoo in my hair, not that I really care what I look like on here, but you know, best foot forward right there we are here we go.
Jenny:Energy today's topic is talking about our energy. You know, last week we talked about manifestation and we sort of talked a little bit about energy, I feel like as part of that conversation. But when we were discussing topics, sarah came up with this idea of like we often say words that don't match the energy that we're putting out. I was like that is so true. How many times have you had a conversation with somebody like passing them in passing and been like hey, how are you? And you're like, oh, I'm great, how are you? It's very like you know, surface level which most?
Jenny:of those interactions are anyway, but how often? What if we just were like I'm actually not doing so well today, or like actually shit sucks right now? What if we were honest with the energy? Cause you can kind of feel when someone's words aren't matching the energy they're bringing.
Sarah:A hundred percent, and I think that whenever I was thinking about that topic, I was just kind of, you know, being reflective of all the times, just like you said, whenever we say that we're fine, because that's a typical, like female phrase, I feel, and so I'm going to be a little stereotypical there. You see all the memes, everybody gets it, whatever. But I think it's now maybe even more global that everybody is just trying to like pick up on that, but it's very rarely, I think, accurate to the internal vibes that are being projected out. And I, you know more and more, I feel, like within our culture, society, social media, whatever, we're talking about energy, how we can all feel it. Well, this isn't a new concept, but I think it's one that we're actually willing to start paying attention to, as we're all trying to it seems like you know, as a collective, be more introspective. You know, wondering what the hell's going on, how can we do this whole self-improvement thing?
Sarah:Energy keeps coming up in these different conversations and in books and stuff, and it's, again, not a new concept, because we are technically a bio-energetic field, because our body is always projecting energy, it's always making energy.
Sarah:You know, our brain is firing 10,000 different things at once. Our heart is pumping 10,000 different things at once, but our emotional energy also has the ability to transcend all barriers and to be used as a warning system or as a communication tool, and that was an evolutionary kind of development that we had as humans. That, I guess, is, you know, we thought we were getting smarter, we forgot that that was something that is a part of our being, and now we're just so used to kind of walking around and saying things that don't match or really not, like you said, kind of paying attention to our own energy or then not paying attention to it. Whenever we walk into a room or a space, or sometimes we absorb other negative energy without even necessarily realizing it. And it's all because energy is natural and it is being created 24-7. We bring it and we take it, but we're not often very aware of what we're bringing or aware of what we're taking away, and that can totally influence everything, I think, on our day-to-day lives.
Jenny:You said that so beautifully and opened that Pandora's box of really all the things that there are to talk about when we talk about energy. Most of the time when I was growing up and I would say even until I really started doing this work, like self work over the last several years I tended to think of like energy levels in terms of like how productive I was and how, um, you know what kind of workout I did that day. Like, what kind of energy do I have to give to my daily? You know, beans or whatever. You know those things that you do each day. And now I think energy much more, like you said, it's much more self-reflective of like, what am I bringing to the table? What am I absorbing?
Jenny:I am definitely an absorber of energy and you know, or or not even, that I'm an energy match. So whoever I come in contact with, I tend to match their energy. If they're really high, I'm really high. If they're really low, I go low, and I, you know that's something that I'm just trying to notice and be more aware of. Like, I want to bring a certain energy with me. You know I tend to be like, want everybody to laugh, have a good time. You know, just a very like, happy, positive type of energy. But I definitely that people pleaser, that recovering people pleaser in me, will match someone's energy and even if it's like negative and something that I've gone into the situation going, I really don't want to engage in that kind of talk or energy. I tend to fold and and and and I and I was thinking as I was journaling about this this morning.
Jenny:I was like why do we do that? Right? Why do we match energy? Is it to feel connected to people? I think that's probably why I do it. I I crave human connection and so I do it a lot of times to feel like a part of a group or that you know that that connection with somebody, if you can match their energy, a lot of times you you tend to get on the same wavelength, but I think we do it for lots of reasons. Un tend to get on the same wavelength, but I think we do it for lots of reasons. Unknowingly, a lot of times we do it. We let people bring us down and in turn we let people bring us up. We all have those friends that immediately, when you know you're about to see them in person, your energy skyrockets. Like you just internally get very excited and that transcends when you're together. Internally get very excited and that transcends when you're together. You know, it's that like almost like combustible energy.
Jenny:That happens sort of like when we get together in person, and so I just it's. I think we do it for all kinds of different reasons, but just the noticing of what you're bringing to the table is so important.
Sarah:Yeah, it really is, because I just I don't know where we lost that sense.
Sarah:And I do think that it is like a sense you know we always think about like our five senses and then now, like this sixth sense but it's a sense of energy has always played a role in our development as human beings because it was originally kind of designed to help us to differentiate danger, you know, and to be hyper aware of certain situations.
Sarah:And then, you know, we got caught up in our phones and television distractions, whatever else, and we seem to have lost like that internal sensing system. And now we're just starting to repay attention to it and we don't understand it. Sometimes, even within our own selves, we don't even know whenever we're bringing maybe a negative energy to the table or whenever, you know, we're sluggish because we're getting up out of bed and getting the kids to school, but the energy that we're bringing to that process isn't conducive to what they're doing or getting ready to do during that day, and then that energy gets transferred to them and now they're off to school feeling crabby. And then the problem too, with us not being of our energy that we are admitting is that it then creates an opportunity for others to write stories about what's happening within that individual, and this is where you know as a person of you know also self-work and working on development. I I guess I should have been a writer, for Christ's sakes, because I love to just sit there and write.
Sarah:Yeah, I accept that Thank God for Grammarly and like spellcheck, for the most part. Um still messes up, though, um, but I like to write stories about what's going on whenever a person's energy or their actions don't meet. You know what I mean. What the hell's going on, and so I'll write a story about it, and then I look for confirming evidence based upon what is happening instead of what is actually the truth.
Sarah:Yeah, so a good example of this is that you know again, let's say, your partner, somebody comes home and you know you're just feeling fine, you're just hanging out and doing whatever kitchen chores, whatever really everything, that you're just chill or open, you know, to whatever's getting ready, to kind of like happen or walk in. But if they say they're fine, but you can tell that there's like a prickly energy there and that can lead to an automatic thing, well, if they say that things are fine, everything's great at work, but then they come home and you can sense that there's a difference, then the story gets written. Well, if they're coming home and feeling this way, maybe it's the fact that they're coming home, maybe they don't like what they're coming home to, maybe, you know, maybe you've done something wrong, maybe they're aggravated to how the house looks. You know what I mean. Then you start to write that story because the words don't match the energy.
Jenny:Right and looking for the truth.
Sarah:Yeah, I remember sometimes, whenever I would come home from work and the way that I would describe my days was not through a necessary feeling but through an action. So I would say that, like you know, how was your day today? I feel like it was productive, or you know what I mean? I got a lot of things done, you know, and so it's not like I can go in and tell everybody well, you know what I did today, right, and so that would always carry a certain energy. All of us bring that in and we wake up with it, we get it transferred through our interactions throughout the day whenever we come home from work. And I think it's important for us just to kind of check in with ourselves and, like you said, if we probably just need to normalize, if we're feeling shitty, just say you know what? I'm feeling pretty shitty.
Sarah:Or I'm feeling pretty upset with myself because I've been fucking up a lot lately. Or you know I'm pretty disappointed, or you know I'm aggravated because of X, y and Z. I mean, can we not just go back to normalizing emotions if we're really trying to target, you know, stigma breaking, mental health or whatever Saying the word?
Jenny:fine is not helping this situation. Well, and like I told you yesterday, I think fine can convey a certain message, like certain things are fine, they're not good, they're not bad, they're fine. But if that's accurate, but like if you're struggling with something and you tell people I'm fine, that's not accurate, you're not, you know you're, you're struggling and that's okay to be a little bit more. You may not say that to a stranger and acquaintance, you may not be like unloading on them in the grocery store when they ask how you are, but you might say something like you know, I'm doing all right.
Jenny:I'm taking it a day at a time, like whatever it is that honest.
Jenny:I think some of that just comes with that awareness of like, how am I? That's what we talked about last week on meditation, like really taking that pause each day to check in with yourself, and it changes. I don't know about you, but it changes for me. Like yesterday, I was flying high, I was feeling golden, I was doing my thing. Then three annoying things happened right in a row. My energy totally shifted and like I knew it had shifted and I knew that I needed to get back to that happy energy and I just I struggled with that all evening last night. But I think it's more of the awareness of okay, I'm not going to bring this into like dinner, I'm not going to bring this into like the pickup at school, to your morning routine.
Jenny:I think back when I was working in schools, how we had to be out the door by 6.15 in the morning, like kids up, dressed, everybody's eaten, out the door by 6.15. And it was like the great rush, you know. I mean every day. It was just like we got to go, we got to go, got to go, and like that energy I was setting the tone for our days, cause at that time my husband was traveling a lot. So it was just me, and it was like I was setting this tone for all of us and I, you know, you can, of course, always reflect back and be like I could have done that differently, or maybe I couldn't have, I don't know.
Jenny:I was doing the best I could with what I had at the time and just trying to work on time and get my kids to school and fed and dressed and all the things. But you know I wasn't aware of this energy that I was bringing to the table.
Jenny:So just like that morning routine and even now, sometimes like I'll get annoyed over something stupid, like you know something stupid, and I try really hard not to bring that into their morning. You know we rush start the minute I walk downstairs to to to get them up or whatever if they're not already awake. But just that awareness of how our energy affects other people, like not only affect us but affects other people.
Jenny:How many times have you walked into a room and you're like, oh, this energy ain't good, right, sure, I want to be in this room like some sort of argument, something just happened in here and like there's still energy lingering Exit stage left. I can definitely relate to that.
Sarah:Yeah, I mean, you can totally feel it. There doesn't even have to be anybody in the room. But energy leaves an imprint. It's not something that has to be seen in order to be felt. You know, I just think what we're trying to do is understand it just a little bit deeper and how it kind of plays a role within our life.
Sarah:Whenever I think about, sometimes, the energy that I'm bringing, that is unintentional. If I'm working my to-do list or if I'm going through and doing chores, I don't look, I don't look happy, I'm not necessarily smiling as I'm doing this, but again, it takes a lot of concentration for me to do this stuff True story Especially without the aids of any type of medication or anything. So I am saying like I am putting so much into being so focused on doing this that I am more than certain. I just look like a bitch just going through and doing this stuff, but it's because I'm taking so much attention and concentration on it. But that's not projecting a good. You know, vibe, I don't think out there. You know, it's not that I have to struggle with it, it's just that I have to devote so much to it. But then the flip side of that is that it just looks ugly.
Jenny:You know, yeah, you, I. When you said that, I was like that's so true. When we sign on, a lot of times you're like knee deep and doing your to-do list or whatever you're doing, and I'm always like what's wrong, what's going on? And you're always like, oh, nothing, how are you? I'm like, oh, okay, just like you have a very flat affect when you are engaged in that like to do list. And so it does.
Jenny:I mean not so much your energy that you put, at least my perception, cause I know, the minute you open your mouth, I know, oh, yeah, she's, she's good, um good, but like I see what you're saying, like our face often sometimes doesn't match our energy, same thing with our words.
Jenny:It doesn't always match our energy. You know, like people that are like, oh, I'm good, like, if you're like, hey, how are you? And they're like I'm good, but they have a scowl on their face. They're like I'm good, but they have a scowl on their face, they're like you know, you're like are you, is your face something else? You know, and we're not. I'm not here to say like, hey, make sure you're matching all of these things, because God knows, like room full of people that we generally care about how we affect other people, interactions with, like you know, people at the grocery store, whatever that is, your energy affects them, good or bad, and you can see that when you have really positive, you know good energy, people respond. You get a lot more eye contact, you get random smiles, you get random compliments from people Like it truly does transcend words.
Jenny:It does Just project, a really positive energy about yourself.
Sarah:And the impact that that can then make is is again like a rock going into a pond, like what you're talking about you having that kind of like positive flow. Good energy then unknowingly probably affects another human being, especially if they're like an energy reader, kind of like how you describe yourself as being, and you will never know that. But just the exposure to that kind of vibe is transformational, you know, and there are sometimes you just can't explain it, it just kind of like happens and it just takes you off guard. But those are the moments, I think, whenever it happens like that, just to be aware and to be mindful or to be aware of like triggering situations that you think could be like energy suckers. You know, like for some people you think could be like energy suckers. You know, like for some people going to like social parties or to engagements or you know, airports leaving the house, any of those things can be things that affect a person's energy, that they're projecting out there and may not be about you.
Jenny:Right, oftentimes it's not about you and may not be about you, right. Oftentimes it's not about you, it's about whatever that person is internally dealing with. Go to work, but to your point, like noticing other people's energy and trying your best not to let it affect you, like that's something I definitely work on, just like I said, I'm definitely a people pleaser and just, it's just. I've practiced it for so long, so it's going to take me a long time to break that habit. A really, I think a good example I can give is I tend to. If I've been in a social situation where people are talking negatively about somebody else, I know I, you know, at times I will engage in that conversation and I always, even if I don't engage in the conversation or I don't really have much to say, I still always leave those situations feeling just like icky.
Sarah:Yeah.
Jenny:It's just not what I'm trying to put out in this world. It's not who I'm trying to be, it's not who I'm trying to put out and um and so how do you still maintain relationships without always matching people's energy? You know, if, like somebody did you wrong, yeah, you want to bitch about it to your best friends. But like, how do you keep from always like matching that and just shifting conversations? And that's just one example. But like any of those you know being around somebody that's just chronically in a bad mood.
Sarah:Yeah.
Jenny:How do you you might love that person very much, how do you shift and not match the energy? I think is something I think about as someone who tends to do that.
Sarah:No, I totally agree. I mean, all things being real, we do kind of, as humans, just enjoy a good gossip session you know what I mean or a good venting session, like there's something that we all kind of get out maybe of that type of release. But whenever we walk away from it feeling so negative and downtrodden, I'm like man, that's not really what I wanted to do. It's hard because in that moment it feels so cathartic. Yes, and I think that you know we're lots of times firing on all cylinders, or at least some heavy duty ones, and anytime we can get a cathartic release it's almost that we just go for go for broke on that, you know. And almost in those moments it may not even matter what the consequences are. If I can just get this off my chest, then that way it's been lifted. But then the consequences of that aren't always apparent, because it feels good to get it off the chest.
Sarah:And then the old shit moments happen. You know what I mean, like, oh, I'm fucked up. I probably could have let go on this, probably could have waited 24 hours, whatever you know. And so whenever you were talking, I was sitting there saying, man, I don't know, I don't know what the fuck to do in those situations. You know, maybe it is give into it for a few minutes, but then try to turn it around to some positive. That's the only thing I can think of Like as you were saying yeah, shift the conversation, Just be like you know what.
Sarah:I'm just going to meditate on it and say a little prayer that hopefully the situation amends itself and we all walk away from it being happier, better people. Maybe that's the way, so that way you get both. You know, I don't know.
Jenny:I mean you have to acknowledge people's whatever they're complaining about. I think about if you're working in a, you know, with a group of people and and there's always going to be things that annoy different people. And so my typical role in a school I'm the person that people vent to and I feel like I did a better job in my professional of not like matching that energy. You know, a lot of times I was always trying to like see, can I help you see this from a different perspective, or let's problem solve? Can I help you see this from a different perspective, or let's problem solve? How can we do this? It's more of like social situations, where I tend to match energy, versus like like professional situations. I don't know, I just have a different air about me. Um, that you know, and not to say that I don't.
Jenny:There has definitely been times that I still like somebody comes in to bitch about somebody else that annoys me. Yes, I'm going to partake in that. Am I going to feel good about it? Probably not. But you know, if I'm around somebody that's like this sucks, these people suck, we're never going to get this done. Blah, blah, blah. You know I'm like, even if I don't agree, it lowers my frequency Absolutely, frequency, absolutely. I'm like, yeah, why, why are we doing this, are we? I mean, I think we can, but like you know it just, and how do we not let other people's energy affect us? I don't know, maybe that's a million dollar question. If we can figure that out, there we go. Who knows what could happen, right?
Sarah:a nice force field around us maybe, so that way we're just bringing in like good vibes and all the bad vibes are staying away you said something earlier, though, too.
Jenny:You said how it was like a primitive thing, energy, and so to me it feels very tied to like our intuition, when you know something's off, but you can't put your finger on it, but like like you know something's off.
Sarah:Yeah.
Jenny:And I have a very specific example I think of when I think of intuition, because we all have it and it's really just like building that muscle. But I was in a grocery store late one night this was a couple years ago I had to go get Jack lunch meat and I had gone to the gym and I went to the store at like 830 at night and I was walking around not really paying attention. I was going through my list of like things I needed, but you know I had to work the next day, blah, blah, blah, and so I um, I had noticed two men in the grocery store and they didn't have anything, but I kept passing them throughout the grocery store and I was like that's weird, but I didn't really think much of it and think much of it. And then I checked out and as I was walking out of the grocery store, it's all glass in the front.
Sarah:Have I ever told you this story? I think so.
Jenny:Yeah, I think I remember it it was all glass in the front and I can't explain it. Like my heart is racing thinking about it now. I can't explain it. But I had this very loud voice in my head say do not walk out that door. And it came out of nowhere. I wasn't thinking about anything. It literally just was like do not walk out that door. And so I turned on a heel and went back and there were pumpkins up in the front of the grocery store and I was like pumpkins and when I turned around one of those men was literally on my heel, like he was right behind me. He no grocery bags, he was just, and he he looked very flustered and I was like that's weird. And I walked over to the pumpkins and I was like just looking at pumpkins and I could see out front. And he walked out and this car speeds up and right up in front of the door and he walks over to the passenger side and they talk and they're looking back and they're we're making eye contact like through the glass and then he gets in and they speed off and it didn't dawn on me like something felt, so energetically it was, I can't describe it other than it was like something bad was about to happen.
Jenny:You know what I mean. I don't know and I'll never know, but I remember like dry, like shaking after that whole scenario. So it was like that. I don't know where that thought came from, but like that energy, you know, like being, and I, you know, at the time, like I said, I was way down the rabbit hole of, like my to-do list and what I needed to get and blah, blah, blah, blah, what was coming ahead. I wasn't really like picking up on energy and thinking about stuff like this the way I am now, but in looking back in retrospect, I'm like some. There was some sort of warning signal happening in my body of like this is not a something felt unsafe.
Jenny:That's the only way I know how to describe it.
Sarah:That's it, that's it and that's what I think. From again, describe it, that's it, that's it and that's what I think. From again.
Sarah:From an evolutionary standpoint, us being able to sense energy was a survival tool. It wasn't just based upon what we were able to see within the actual scope of our eyes or vision, or hear. It helped us to understand. You know, is this a good place to bed down? You know what I mean? It was a way to gather information and then to use it to help us out. But then we just have not paid as much attention to that system as what we were designed to do. And now we're confused whenever we start to pay attention to it or read it, because, using your analogy, it's a muscle that we haven't worked, and so we don't understand its function within our life. We misread it, we make up stories about it, we join into others. It's not being used as what it was designed to do, and so now we're confused, and then that leads us to miscommunicating a lot of times. I think what our true feelings are, because we just don't understand what is necessarily happening from an energetic level.
Jenny:Well, we're so distracted I mean, I know we talk about it as a society, but I often think, like what if I would have been on my phone? Like I don't know what was going to happen. It could have all been coincidental. I'm not going to say one way or the other. I can just tell you that when you talk about feeling off and some sort of alarm going off inside of you, that is like that is ingrained in my head. Yeah, that experience.
Jenny:And you know what if I would have been on the phone with somebody? You know what if I would have been looking at my phone? What if there? You know what if I would have been looking at my phone? What if there's? You know what if I would have my kids with me? Like there's just so many distractions in life natural, unnatural, like whatever that we tend to kind of walk around just very distracted, and I'm certainly guilty of that. A lot of times I have my headphones in when I'm out, and so it's really when you peel back that distraction and and pay attention pay attention to, like, what you're doing, what other people are doing that's where you start to pick up on these things. Energy and intuition, I mean.
Sarah:I just, I feel like it's all gotta be related, and I am no expert in this, but I just, the more we talk about it, the more it all seems so integrated to me and I think it just I don't even know that again, we kind of understand fully what it is there's, and this will be like a to be continued kind of a thing. Back in the beginning of the new year I started being really focused on learn. I wanted to learn about energy. You know, I finished my yoga teacher training. I'm a goal oriented person, need to have something else up there I'm learning about, and so I got books on physics and physiology, human physiology, and I I was like I know that these two things are connected. I understand.
Sarah:I just don't understand quite how, lo and behold, another books I started started looking at it came out called the quantum body, which takes it's actually by deepak um copra. But there's a whole bunch of other like studies that then, like I, went down a big rabbit hole and found studies that then, like I, went down a big rabbit hole and found that use energy to explain body mechanics. Because now we have the technology, Now we have the science to kind of understand how quantum physics can be used to understand our body's processes, because it is an energy field. We've just never done that before, because we never allowed ourself to think in that direction, but everything about our body is physically emitting energy. We use energy to correct our body. That's why we shock somebody whenever their heart goes you know what I mean Goes out. That's an electric shock that goes into to restart something. We have chemical processes that are changing our body's composition 24-7. Our brain is like a power plant, Again, constantly never stopping sending firing messages. We admit so much just in our own physiological processes that we're not paying attention to just on our own, but that this type of science can help to understand and explain. And then we can take that and see how emotions then change all of this, Because emotions change our heart rate, which makes our heart have to work harder.
Sarah:There are studies that show whenever you meditate I was watching this the other day yesterday whenever you put on like brain scans and somebody's sitting there talking and then you ask them to meditate, even for a minute, it shows how their brain waves automatically decrease and everything goes to a different place and setting for a minute, and that is the long that this person did it, and then they started talking again and you could see everything reset and the only thing they were doing was that.
Sarah:And so, again, what we are now having is, you know, what we consider, I guess, in Western culture actual science based things to validate all of these other processes, and what it really, I think comes down to is that's just really again diving into understanding these things that make us up how our energy affects us internally, which then gets projected outwards, and then we use our language to define what that is, and I would, I mean a lot of times, probably inaccurately or as a way to like save face or save grace, instead of saying you know what, like you said it great last week in the episode, you said things feel heavy right now. Why are we just saying that? I mean, that's fair, Life is heavy. Yeah, that's an honest reflection of something. Let's go with that. You know it feels troubled, conflicted. I mean, these are great words that we just threw some shit right.
Sarah:You know what I mean. It's fine to not be fine. That's even a quote on our website we probably need to put in there. It's also fine to feel X, y and Z as well. You know, let's just start to. But whenever you're able to say what it is that you are truly feeling on an energetic level, you feel an alignment at that point and there's not a discrepancy. That then creates another source of underlying conflict that then maybe we don't understand and then leads to some other frustration bubble later on down the road.
Jenny:So much of it when you were talking about that I thought there's so much of that has come from, I think, the way we were raised and this isn't to shit on our parents by any stretch of the imagination, because they were raised the same way. But you tend, I remember I don't know if it was even ever explicitly like told to me but like you, put a brave face on in public. You know, and I know many people that are that way. It's like we don't talk about certain things in public. You know, we don't, you know you. Just you put that face on and you get your mask and you go out into the world and I can remember going to work and just, I always wanted to be smiling, a cause. I worked around kids and I wanted to be a positive, safe place for children and they get a lot of scowls throughout the day from other adults and I wanted to be that person that when they thought of me, they thought of a smile on her face.
Jenny:So I made that conscious effort every single day, walking through the halls, passing kids, to smile, say good morning, make eye contact, all of those things, and you know, but there were a lot of mornings I didn't feel like smiling and I didn't feel like making eye contact with people. You know, I had a goal in mind of like I was trying to be this person. But what if? And now I'm just like thinking out loud what if I would have been more in alignment with how I was feeling each day? You know, you can still say good morning and and make eye contact and say you know what? I'm a little blue today, I'm a little sad, yeah, now, what if I would have modeled that for them?
Jenny:Because I feel like behavior that's been modeled for us mid lifers at this point is that you put a smile on your face and the show goes on and here we go, right, and that's just not the case. It feels very disingenuous to do that and or at least it feels hard to do that. You know there was something they said during the retreat, like you know. They had us like breathe in and hold our breath and they were like notice how uncomfortable it is to do something not natural. Yep, and same to that, to the same point when you are really struggling with something and someone asks you how you're doing and you say I'm good.
Sarah:How are you?
Jenny:Think of just how hard that is to do something that you know that isn't true or aligned with how you truly are feeling at that time.
Sarah:And then we just do it perpetually. I wonder why we're a hot mess, right.
Jenny:Why are we trying to convince ourselves everything's fine, we're good, yeah, you know, when in reality, everything is not OK? Mm, hmm, there are times when things are great, and that's when I think we should be like shouting it from the rooftops like life is so good right now, you know, acknowledge that. But when it's not rooftops like life is so good right now, you know, acknowledge that. But when it's not good, like acknowledge that too, yeah. And that doesn't mean like bring everybody down, but just like that honest of like I'm okay, I'm, you know, I got some stuff going on, but I'm working through it yeah, and you don't necessarily have to divulge anything.
Sarah:You know if it naturally comes out, fine. But but I just and this is a practice I'm going to work on because, again, we're all guilty of it you know what I mean, 100%. But I think that I would feel much more aligned if I were just to be able to sit there and say I'm just really hurt and upset right now and I'm figuring out why and what's going on, but that's what's up. So it's not about you, it's not about this. I'm just in a different place in space. But again, from a physics standpoint, you can. We're occupying almost two, we're occupying a place in time and, oh gosh, there's another thing. That we're occupying is like a duality, so you can be in two different places at once, and then again it creates energy which can be incongruent, and then all just kind of feeds back into its own little whirlpool.
Jenny:I'm so glad you're reading these books, because I don't even I can't even define quantum physics Like I have no effing clue what that means, and so if you could just read those and give me the, that'd be great. It'd be like high school all over again.
Sarah:Well, here's back to me, my learning disability. I have them both on audible and then I have the hard copy of it and then I have special ink pen and pieces of Lisa Frank notebook and my Lisa Frank notebooks that each go with each different book. Yep, so that way I can go through and like take notes and write on all this stuff with it. But it is I just. But it's again, it's the point of, I think, of coming to understanding I used to have. He still teaches yoga. Sometimes he was a somehow.
Sarah:This individual ended up in Huntington and he was from California. He got his degree in quantum physics from, like, uc Berkeley. Like brilliant genius man, fell in love with the hills, I guess, or something, came over here and is it was a yoga teacher and sometimes he still teaches yoga. But he would incorporate physics into the practice and he would talk about like how our cells were changing and like doing all this stuff. And you know, again, most of the time I like to be in that and just kind of close my eyes and go with the flow of it.
Sarah:But with him I was like holy shit, this is the coolest stuff ever, like I've already got my doctoral degree, but can I come and sit in your classes and just listen to you talk about this? Because then it starts to make sense. You start to understand that it's not just going out and doing something, it's that your body physically changes whenever you do stuff. And the more that you're able to understand those interactions, the more I think we're able to understand ourselves. And that even comes from an energetic and an emotional level, and then from our kids to our spouses, to dealing with our parents or whatever society, culture, I think it we're all receiving and taking energy and if we start to be a different link within that chain, then that can really maybe change things a whole bunch. You know, there's a, there's a glass.
Jenny:It reminds me also. I feel like I'm quoting a lot of the things that we heard at the retreat, but something else they had said is your body is always listening to your thought. So, whether you're speaking it out loud or writing it in a journal, even what you're thinking, your body is listening to.
Sarah:Yeah.
Jenny:And you know, a lot of times what we think is not true, it just isn't. You know, we tend to be our worst critics. We tend to make up stories in our head and a lot of these things are just thoughts. They're not even real and that has stuck with me. That hold that your body is listening and your body is responding to those thoughts. For somebody who is really down on themselves or making up fictitious stories, your body is listening to that and is responding to those things and that's something that I'm really working on.
Jenny:And when I left the retreat, we had to say one thing we were going to work on and I said I'm going to work really hard at being kinder to myself. My body now I know my body is listening and it's responding good or bad to what I'm thinking, saying, feeling, I'm ingesting, visually, auditorily. Anything is affecting my body and you know, if our whole goal is wellness, we want to make sure everything that we're ingesting is good for us. Not everything, but at least, like, let's say, 80% of what you ingest is good for you. You know there's always going to be some things that you know it is what it is. We got to live a little, but for the most part, like we should be really conscientious of what we're taking in.
Sarah:Absolutely. And then if, um and another little I've been reading, some people should be really proud of me because I, my dad, read to me books to get through my AP, whatever, and honors classes in high school. I'm still using Audible, for Christ's sakes, ok, so I am not OK there's nothing wrong with using oh, I'm 42.
Sarah:Just throwing that out there, Right, but also have the paperback version. Another book with the paperback version, Separate pen and paper. So to go to your point, this is. It kind of goes back to that decision-making podcast that I wish I would have read this at this point in time to kind of throw this out there. If you find yourself in a place where you need to make a decision and says how to make a spontaneous, right choice, pay attention to the sensations and comfort or discomfort in your body At the moment you make the choice. Ask your body what are the consequences of this choice choice. Ask your body what are the consequences of this choice. If your body sends a message of comfort, that's the right choice. If your body feels uneasiness, then that might not have been the appropriate choice. Your body always knows the answers, with us saying and it's saying that because it bypasses whatever maps or stories we have created in our head and it takes it straight to our gut or to our intuition to answer the question instead of all the inferences that happen.
Jenny:Yeah, I can totally buy into that. I think a couple of things you have to be really aware. So a lot of self-awareness, in that you have to be really in tune with your body. And I also think it's yes, and I think sometimes it's hard to distinguish what makes us nervous versus what makes us excited.
Sarah:Yes.
Jenny:Because they feel at least for me, it's the same feeling, you know, like your tummy, like butterflies in your tummy, like it's similar, and so sometimes it can be like am I scared of this or am I excited for this? And that's where you have to think through, and I you see it all the time. People are like if you're sitting there considering the worst case scenario, it's only fair that you are also considering best case scenario. The worst thing that could happen was the best thing. When we started this podcast, I was scared, shitless to put out the content that we're putting out Like we are. We talk about everything on here.
Jenny:I mean I have disclosed a lot, and so have you, and so I was nervous. But you know, something inside of me was like lean into this, because I also think that's how we grow is by doing things that are a little bit uncomfortable. It's like I was never going, I don't know. It has been so freeing to just put it out there and it is what it is. You know, like I don't really have anything to hide, obviously, I mean I really upset it all on here, but but nonetheless it still is.
Jenny:It's hard to distinguish sometimes what's fear versus excitement.
Sarah:Oh yeah, I mean, your heart does not necessarily know the difference and your heart is the first thing to respond to what thoughts are in your head, and that's where the ice trick works. But the other sense is your intuition, and that's the other body part that we need to kind of build that awareness to, because your, your body part of your intuition knows, in the moment of a panic attack it does it's just silent or it's quiet, or you can't hear it because everything else is firing so loud that if I breathe, if I do x, y and z, then this is all going to settle. So it's working, you know, it's just that it's not the loudest voice. And even I would say this your body, from that kind of response, is going to have the same effect. If you've won the lottery or if you have a gun in your head, okay, again, the situation is different. But your other self, your other sense, knows how to differentiate those two things.
Sarah:That's the one that we're just, that's the one that I think is being asked in that question. You know, not so much like, is it from a heart rate kind of perspective, but is it that intuition, that other organ that is within ourselves, because it, it affects everything. Maybe we can't take it out or replace it you know what I mean or, but damn, it can become diseased, you know, or silent or blocked. Um promising those points. So I think it's one of those things we just got to continue to, like you said, bring awareness to and build. But the energy that we bring we may not always see, but it's always present. And the energy that we take away may not always be seen, but it's always present. And then it's the most. We used to say all the time that a mood is the most infectious disease, but it really, I think, is even broader than mood. It comes down to like just energy, just constant energy is being emitted and it is always there and always doing something. So what? Yeah?
Jenny:Do we wrap ourselves in bubble wrap so that we don't absorb other people's energy? How do we not match their energy and actually, like, have more of an impact on them? I think it just I'm like I haven't figured it out yet because, like I said I, you know, I'm like I haven't figured it out yet because, like I said I, you know, I noticed my energy a lot more. But you know, stabilizing it is another thing.
Sarah:Yeah, that's fair.
Jenny:How do we? And so that's what I was like how do we, how do we stabilize our energy when it has shifted from what we want? But down, I was like you come back to the practices, like, and that's what I did when I got my car after that third incident yesterday and I was just like ready to lose my shit.
Jenny:Like deep breath, we're going to reset because we are not taking this into the rest of our day and I and you know it kind of waffled throughout the rest of the afternoon but like, I feel like just that awareness piece and being like what do I do? I can take a few deep breaths, I can meditate again if I need to, I can go exercise, what like? What are some of those practices that I can go back to that reset my energy? Yeah, Exercise always works. I don't know about you, but like walk, sunlight, I know for you a run, like exercise and movement will always reset my energy. I am always different after a workout than I was before. A hundred percent. A hundred percent In a better way.
Sarah:Yeah, no that's definitely true.
Sarah:And then I think too, it comes down to knowing the opposite side of you, like what things are supposed to be good and cooling and releasing. And that was another thing I got out of the retreat is that I am not. I am always during the daytime, I am always cold, always cold. I am never warm. I don't care if it is 90 degrees outside. I will likely have a blanket or a. I mean, I'm just always freaking cold. Um, the cold calms me down, like again. I will never forget that thing. In that that damn plunge pool, like I did not feel invigorated after that. I didn't feel like I could take on the world. I felt like I was about ready to just melt into the water. I didn't feel like I could take on the world.
Jenny:I felt like I was about ready just to melt into the water. Made you sleepy.
Sarah:Well, it made me just release. That was my word. It just released. Do you know what I mean? It just changed something different. It wasn't like it all had to be hard. There's that old what is it? Buddhist saying that the hot water hardens the egg and softens the potato. What a cool process that is, isn't that? Again, we're talking about physics and how things chemical compounds change within different processes, but it's a good analogy to kind of think of.
Jenny:And so how can? We use those things to help us out within our day and time. So interesting. My morning meditation completely changes my energy.
Jenny:By the time I finish it I am so blissed out and happy and grateful and I can come from a very different place when I close my eyes to start that meditation At the end of it, once I have tuned in, I am just like I'm on a different wavelength afterwards and so I wish or not a wish I will find a way to carry that through, and maybe that is like incorporating an afternoon meditation. You know just some like building that into my day. I carry that energy into the evening because that's really evenings are hard. As parents, I mean, I'm going to assume they're hard for everybody. They're hard for most of the people I talk to. Like, at that point you are, you know, kind of physically tired, mentally tired, and there's still a lot to do. If you have children, even if you don't, there's still, I mean, if you have a dog, whatever you, still there are things that you have to get done at night. It's just it can be hard to remain the positive, lovely human being that you were made to be.
Sarah:Right.
Jenny:Those moments when your child is telling you they know how to do their homework and they're all wrong. You know, it's a struggle. My five-year-old knows everything y'all. She could quit kindergarten tomorrow because she already knows everything, so the next 12 years should be really fun for all of us. And especially being an educator, mother Right.
Sarah:That'll be great. Yeah, yeah, this should work out well as we drink our coffee and talk about meditation. We're basically going to become nuns. We're going to be like the buddha underneath that tree for 40 days, or whatever it was.
Sarah:So that's how we're going to survive back to one point for all those who are saying that energy, whatever bumbo jumbo, we have dogs and emotional support or actual service animals that sense a person's energy. And I'm not even talking about an emotional support dog because people will just maybe hit all over that emotional support dog, because people will just maybe hit all over that, but they have dogs that sense. Whenever an epileptic trained dog there is no, what sign is that person admitting to any of us that we are able to receive and understand that this person is about ready to have a seizure? We're not able to do that as humans, but the dog can.
Jenny:Right, which is wild right, and I mean dogs pick up on energy. I can my, my dog. I mean I can tell you, for I've had three dogs as an adult and all of them, however you approach them, like they sense that immediately. My current dog loves to to take socks. He doesn't want to chew them up, he just wants your attention. So he wants to take your socks and run around and make it a game.
Jenny:And I watched this in the yard last night. My husband didn't say a word, but the way he approached the dog, he cowered and we have never hit this dog like we are. We're very gentle dog parents like I don't like hitting dogs and things like that. I just don't. I don't believe in same thing. I don't believe in whipping your kids Like I yes, we were raised that way, but I don't believe. I believe there are other ways to discipline dogs and children. And anyway, I watched and just that energy, like all he did was walk across the yard and rip coward and his head lowered and the tail went between it. Like he picked up on that, like dad dad.
Jenny:I got, took his socks, you know. So, yeah, it's. It's amazing to me. And horses are the same way. I can remember my dad being like if you are nervous, your horse knows it. You need to project, you are in charge and and same thing. It wasn't anything I was doing, but the energy you put off, you know, relays a message to them and they behave accordingly.
Sarah:Every other being gets this, except us.
Jenny:Except us, I mean a lot of people do. I think a lot of people do, I think a lot of people. There are a lot of people out there that are aware of their energy and um. But I know it, you know, obviously, if you're listening to this podcast, you are into wellness, you are into this type of conversation, and so I just I think it's a great topic to remind us to just be mindful of what you're putting out there.
Sarah:Yeah.
Jenny:We are. We are ever growing, ever evolving humans. I feel like we are ripe in mid life to be doing this work and something else to consider. You might be like ladies, this is total bullshit. Write us and tell us that too. I'd be curious to hear your thoughts. Absolutely Topic, if this is something you think about, if this is something that you are acknowledging in your daily practice. Like I said, it's a pretty new topic for us. We have never had this conversation before today, but it's the more we talk about it. I'm like, actually, I could talk about this for a while.
Jenny:Oh, that way, then just a talker, I think here we go.
Sarah:This might be a re-approach.
Jenny:Let me get down the physics hole a little bit more but I I actually love that you're reading all these books so that we can, once you have digested all this information, come back and talk about it. I know it's something I'm going to be paying a lot of attention to. I picked up a book yesterday that I have been kind of looking at. I actually put it on reserve. After I read about 20 pages of it. I put it on reserve at the local library but it's called I think it's called Outlive.
Jenny:Have you heard of this book? Fascinating and a lot of it. This is a trained medical doctor, but then he went into more like functional medicine Very, very interesting in the first 20 pages, I have to say. So I'm going to be reading that. I'm sure we're going to have some topics that come out of that. But that's also why I love this podcast and just how I keep seeing my life evolve kind of around wellness. Is that it? I'm not. I don't know if I would have picked that book up. You know I don't know, but, like, I'm definitely more interested as we dive deeper into our own wellness journey and learning everything that I can to better myself and to make this easier and work smarter and not harder.
Jenny:I think I've done a lot of hard work and I'm not sure that it's gotten me the results that I wanted.
Sarah:And that's fair right A different approach.
Sarah:That's what we're working on. I love it because it just it opens up more things, and I think the more that was my word, Well, my word was space at the retreat, but I think open is also a good analogy for it. I think the more that you're willing to allow those permeable cracks within your outer shell, the more that you're able to do things and to change and to improve or to whatever it is that you're trying to do. But I don't think that you can do that any other way. Maybe you can, if you can tell me about it.
Jenny:You got to have a lot of self awareness and that's hard. We don't like to look at ourselves. Really. Take a good hard look at our lives and our behavior, like that's really. It's really easy to look at somebody else's behavior and have comments about that and what they should do when it comes to ourselves, it's really hard.
Sarah:Well, and it's, you know, as you say, looking at ourselves. We spend more time looking in the mirror than what we do at ourselves.
Jenny:How is that?
Sarah:helping.
Jenny:You know, I just don't know, we're about our wrinkles and our gray hair than we do about our behavior, thoughts, right and feelings.
Sarah:Right, and so I just I don't. I think that that creates a situation of incongruence. So I'm just trying to. I'm not saying we want everything to be on a straight line, which is congruent. I'm saying we just want everything to be on a straight line, which is congruent. I'm saying we just want to have a little bit more stability than a little bit more alignment.
Jenny:Yeah, a little bit more alignment Right.
Sarah:So there we go.
Jenny:There we go, all right.
Sarah:Well, I hope this gets you good vibes for the day Right.
Jenny:Yeah, let's, let's bring that good energy. I've got a meeting this morning. I feel like I'm going to bring some good energy. I'm going to bring some good energy to my work today, not give the best energy off yesterday afternoon, um, so I'm going to, I'm going to restart. Amen For another day, another chance to get it right. That's what I say every morning. Thanks for another opportunity, try, try again today. And there we go. Okay, and there we go, there we go.
Jenny:All right, check us out on Facebook, on Instagram, of course, you can catch us on YouTube, but if you go to our social media pages, interact with us, let us know. Look for those we're going to. We have some questions on there, some. We want some more topic suggestions. Um, I'm so grateful for all of those who like, listen, save, send all the things. We are not paid podcasters. We do this because we A we care about mental health. B we want to create a community of people and and just be real. We want to talk about real shit. And no, we are not some famous uh, anything. No, we're doing real things, working on wellness, and so, um, anytime you share or just uh, respond or interact with us, we're so appreciative. So thank you to our loyal listeners. We're so, so grateful for you and we'll catch you on social media.
Sarah:And this week.
Jenny:Ladies and gents, lylas, Lylas, we're out, thank you.
