When The Vibes Feel Off

“The vibes are off” can sound like a harmless comment, but it can also flip a whole room and hijack your day. We start with a real-life moment: walking into a familiar space where everyone suddenly agrees something feels weird. Is it Mercury retrograde, a full moon, perimenopause, or just the cumulative effect of stress, caffeine, sleep debt, and unspoken tension? We dig into why that uneasy feeling is so real, even when you can’t point to a single cause. 

We break down the neurobiology behind it: your brain is built to detect patterns so you can stay safe and conserve energy. The problem is what happens next. A tiny cue like a short “K” text can trigger a full spiral, and once your mind starts scanning for proof that something is wrong, it will find it. We talk about how avoidance and apprehension fuel that loop, how “external explanations” can become a self-fulfilling prophecy, and why accountability for the energy we bring matters more than we want to admit. 

Then we get practical. We share simple ways to regulate your nervous system during the day: mini resets at lunch, stepping outside for fresh air, grounding, and building intentional breaks before the five o’clock witching hour hits. We also talk candidly about hormonal shifts and decision fatigue, plus how to ask for help clearly when you can’t think straight. If you want more emotional regulation, stronger relationships, and fewer days derailed by subtle shifts, this one is for you. Subscribe, share with a friend who’s “feeling off,” and leave a review with your go-to reset so we can all steal it.

Please be sure to checkout our website for previous episodes, our psych-approved resource page, and connect with us on social media! All this and more at www.thelylaspodcast.com

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:12

So I love this topic because I feel like it's so timely. At least it's what's happening in my neck of the woods.

SPEAKER_00 0:18

Which is how we pick our topics, let's be honest. Right. Unless it's a specific listener request.

SPEAKER_01 0:25

That's true. But we do that to remain um authentic uh to ourselves and what we're going through and what we hear other people are. But what's been happening in my neck of the woods, and just to kind of put this in perspective, I drop off my kid at school, and the next place I hit is always um my Yoga Pilates studio. And so my first boost of the morning is movement and talking and sharing things with other people. And it seems like lately, and um all my friends in the yoga studio are gonna hear this and be like, you're talking about us. Um everyone has been saying that the energy and the vibe is all feeling off. So meanwhile, my attention span is that of a squirrel, and I'm not really paying attention to most of that kind of stuff, right? And so whenever they said that in class, I'm like, things are off? Like, what's going on?

SPEAKER_00 1:22

What do you mean? A vibe? Vibes are off? You've felt that way before though, right? Like where like the vibe is just off and you can't put your finger on it.

SPEAKER_01 1:31

Yes, yes. And whenever that happens to me, most of the time I just default thinking that it's my blood sugar, you know, or whatever else. But whenever collectively it was happening, I was like, I'm missing something. What's going on? Yeah. And then you hear it all the time, like people sitting there saying, Well, Mercury's in retrograde. And so that's what's going on.

SPEAKER_00 1:54

Or you just had a coffee at 4 30 in the afternoon and dim-scrolled until midnight, and your bedtime routine is a little off, maybe.

unknown 2:02

Right.

SPEAKER_00 2:02

Maybe not.

SPEAKER_01 2:03

Right. It couldn't be right. It couldn't be about me making poor decisions the day before, right?

SPEAKER_00 2:07

I had never heard of Mercury being in retrograde. I don't even know what the hell that is, if I'm being honest. So it is kind of like the go-to, like, oh, the energy's off. It must be in retrograde, retrograde, or whatever. I don't even know if I'm saying that right. Am I saying that right? I didn't know what it was either. Right. Let's be honest.

unknown 2:26

Right.

SPEAKER_00 2:26

Mistake one. I do think it's funny how we can be so sensitive to um to everything in our environment. And I think that's really the deeper conversation we're gonna have today. Our bodies really pick up on every little like shift for lots of other reasons. Maybe you did have too much caffeine the day before, didn't get enough sleep or whatever. But then like somebody responds to a text with a simple letter K and you just spiral, right? Like you're like, they hate me. Like no, they just they were busy and they responded efficiently.

SPEAKER_01 3:03

Right. Instead of thinking our friendship is over, she's pissed, I've done something wrong. I don't know what it could be. Yes, the spiral takes place, but that's just because we're just get so stuck in our own little microchamber.

SPEAKER_00 3:15

But the bigger conversation is like that we are so sensitive, we're our bodies are kind of designed that way to pick up on like subtle shifts in the environment. 100%.

SPEAKER_01 3:27

From a neurobiological kind of standpoint, our brains are literally designed to pick up on patterns, and that's what it does. And that's where biases and all kinds of other things kind of come into place. And so it does that to assist with predictability, with energy conservation, with all different kinds of bodily processes. That is what our brain is designed to do. And so whenever we get that kind of sense that something is off, our brain is now going to start on that pattern detecting problem as to what's going on. The issue is that instead of us allowing it to kind of do its own biological dig and processes, is that our mind then kind of kicks in there and says, Oh, it's because, you know, and then our insecurities start to spill out or our judgments spill out, or our lack of personal accountability starts to spill out.

SPEAKER_00 4:20

I think you're right. We do tend to kind of um spiral and those insecurities come out. And I think about that a lot with friendships from my experience of like when I noticed a shift, and I've talked about this before in the podcast, like a huge fallout with one of my closest friends, like that that started way before the actual fallout, and it was like that undercurrent of like something has changed, there's this weird energy, and it, you know, I I absolutely created all of these scenarios in my head of what I thought was happening or could be happening. And so, you know, I definitely have seen that play out in um in a friendship kind of situation. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Avoidance And Apprehension Drive The Shift

SPEAKER_01 5:05

Well, yeah, and I mean we all um get in that trap where a social cue or us not addressing one just leads to a greater internal and external buildup that then makes us more sensitive to other things happening within that environment and other miscues that can take place because of it.

SPEAKER_00 5:28

Sometimes that's that feeling of like something's off because you know you need to have a conversation, like you know it, and you're putting it off, maybe for good reason, but whatever the reason is, it's causing like that underlying like current of something is shifting here. Um, and is it all in our head? I don't know. You gotta, I guess you gotta have the conversation to figure that out.

SPEAKER_01 5:52

Right, right. I think that where our head gets in the way is that it stops us from doing. And so whenever we think about situations being off, they're off for two reasons most of the time. And again, it has to do with how we're thinking about it. It's due to avoidance or apprehension. And so we are either avoiding doing something that we feel like, again, maybe internally having that conversation with a friend, we feel like we need to do, or apprehension, where we are thinking about a future situation and it having some level of generalized negativity associated with it. And so when we put ourselves, and that's what we're doing, is putting ourselves in those two states by not uh approaching or being present, then your entire system is then going to respond with physiological and then otherwise emotional and you know cognitive upset because of that disruption. And so, you know, whenever we're feeling like blaming the planets or I mean, even to a degree, whenever we get into discussions and be like, oh, it's my perimenopause, it's my cougar puberty that's kind of kicking into play here. That may not always be it. I mean, yes, there's that underlying current because um cortisol levels, stress hormones, everything is going to get ignited by whatever it is that we are avoiding or that we have some level of apprehension about. And then it's just, we're just cooking a stew here is kind of what it comes down to without paying attention to the ingredients and how they kind of taste and then, you know, the outcome once it's done. And so, and that does include things like social environmental factors. You know, you walking into a place, maybe you walk into it fine, but then somebody says something like the vibes in the room just feel off. And I'm like, I mean, okay, but I didn't notice that, and neither did anybody, you know what I mean? Can we not maybe sometimes keep those thoughts inside our head instead of like toxifying the room? Because then at that point, I'm like, well, whose vibes are off? You know, is it mine?

Full Moon Thinking And Self-Fulfilling Prophecy

SPEAKER_00 7:55

You know, because certainly then you're looking for the vibes to be off, right? Like you're you're starting to like notice every teensy tiny little thing. You're like, that there it is. There it is, you know, even if it's like completely unrelated to, you know, whatever, you it still reinforces that belief of like, oh yeah, the energy's off in here, like something must be wrong, or you know, something's shifting, something's changing, you know, and it's like again, it's this weird thing because our bodies are designed to pick up on this. It's part of like our keeping ourselves safe. I'm assuming that's what it is. It's but when it starts to like impact um the way we go about our day, if we're like, oh yeah, Merch Mercury's gonna be in retrograde next week, like get ready, or oh, it's a full moon. I mean, if you've ever worked in a school, everybody knows when it's a full moon. It's like the first days you see the moon, it's a full moon. The kids are gonna be crazy today. And I mean, then you have to think like, did that become some sort of like self-fulfilled prophecy of like, did our behavior as adults change? And so then in turn, we influence the behavior of the people around us, including children and co-workers and all that. You know, so it does it does make you think about how we let these ideas, however they came to be, the moon, Mercury, whatever it is, um, you know, the how to how we let that impact what we see and notice and pick up on. Because we may not pick up on it. Like if you didn't know it was a full moon, you know, you may i things could have gone totally different, I think. Um, or things could go totally different if you're not so focused on that. What's that to happen.

Choose Accountability For Your Energy

SPEAKER_01 9:40

Right. And I am a full believer, and you can look back at different episodes of this podcast where I think one of them was even titled Something to the Effect of like be aware of the energy you put into the world. You know, I am a big believer in the energy that we all possess and how it is influential in our lives and in everybody else's lives. I guess where I kind of get stuck up on it is that I want to own the accountability for the energy that is being put off instead of putting it on, God bless our interstellar beings. And I get it. I mean, some people really get down with like the horoscopes and stuff, but I mean, and there's historical references to it. I mean, that's why we call uh Luna, you know, the moon, um, like a lunatic or a lunatic asylum or um a werewolf comes alive and a, you know, a human transformation takes place in a full moon. People say babies are born. I mean, all different kinds of things. That's all, yeah. You know, I get it. And I want my goal, I think, or what I want to try to do is put more inference emphasis on the energy that I have within me and how that is being stored and then transmitted, and then also what I'm receiving.

SPEAKER_00 10:56

Do you know you think about like internal locus of control and external locus of control, which just means do I get to create my own destiny? Am I the creator of what, you know, happens in my life? Or is it some sort of external factor?

SPEAKER_01 11:10

And this whole external locus of control sometimes is also just it's it never goes like in the positive way. Like, what about like are we ever sitting around being like, wow, you know, and again, I'm just making this up, but Saturn seems to be in her place right now, and I feel really great, the vibes are good. I just don't hear that as often. Or it's a quarter moon. The kids, the kids behaved great. It's important for us to notice when the wind is not blowing. We're very attuned to whenever we get out of the car and there's a gust of wind, but we very rarely pay attention to the times in which things are are going well or fine. Or there's not. Yeah, or there's not, or maybe it's just again, there's not a big disruption. It's just going as a normative day, you know. We don't tend to emphasize that. And I think when we look at our culture as a whole, so much of it has to do with the fact that it generally seems to just be focused on negativity in some ways, and then again, those external factors that are contributing to it instead of what we can kind of do in those moments. And so maybe that's a challenge out there is to to notice when the wind's not blowing, to notice whenever you went to work and it was a fine day. You were busy, you were productive. There wasn't like some type of workplace drama that was happening, you know.

Noticing Calm And Everyday Gratitude

SPEAKER_00 12:33

I love how you said that, like recognize when the wind is not blowing. Um, because it is something you have to really work at, right? Like even if it's just a normal day and nothing went wrong, like celebrating that. I actually woke up this morning. I woke up later than normal. So it's later doing everything, right? Still making lunches at like 615. And um, there was an ambulance and a fire truck. And my husband wasn't home from the gym yet. So I immediately like started to panic. When it shows up right outside your door and your husband's not home yet, you're like, what the F. Um, and sadly it was our neighbor, an elderly neighbor. Um, it looks like that had passed away. Um, but just like I started thinking about her family and what their day was going to be like. I had that like realization this morning of whatever the day brings, be grateful that I'm not dealing with the loss, you know, like like they are. Or just being grateful for just a normal day. That's something that I'm gonna work on, is just being like, you know, it was a good day. Nothing, nothing bad happened. And recognizing that because I do think we tend to perseverate on what I mean. If something bad happens, he's gonna hear about it. Like I'm going to chew his ear up and out. And uh, you know, but like if it's just a meh day, I'm like, it's fine. You know, but I could I could acknowledge the fact that like nothing bad happened. Sadly, sometimes it takes some sort of emergency um to to kind of put us back in our place, to be like, okay, not every little thing is worth flying off the handle.

SPEAKER_01 14:05

You know, I this morning I woke up, true story, I don't know what's going on with my dogs. They were away for a week. Uh-huh. Penny spent a good day and a half puking all over the place, which was cool. And this morning I get up and um Rachel has really liked for me to straighten her hair. She's big into having her hair straightened. So I'm getting up and I'm walking down the hallway to see if she wants to have it done. And what happens? It's dark. I'm blind as a bat, anyways. Can't see. Big pile of stepped in puke. Oh, even worse. Worse. Yeah. From Atlas, from our other dog. And then I'm just standing there, I'm like, well, here we are. And then we just clean up your you know, I just cleaned off my foot and I was like, Can you just step over the poop and we'll clean it up after we straighten your hair? Yeah. Did we leave it? Yes. For a good 30 minutes. But I had other priorities at the time. And then we both cleaned up the poop. And so have allowed that moment just to have like, again, derailed everything else that was happening. I wasn't a it wasn't even getting in the way of me straightening her hair, okay? Right. Right. Place your judgment where you were.

SPEAKER_00 15:22

It's a non-negotiable, damn it.

SPEAKER_01 15:24

Right. We will work on this other situation in a minute. I mean, what am I gonna do? The dogs are outside at this point. The poop's been there for God knows how long because he's an old dog and he's sick, whatever. But again, I can't allow that to then derail everything else.

Real Life Disruptions And Resetting Fast

Hormones And Asking For What You Need

SPEAKER_00 15:40

And so No, I have to say I'm so much better about it at the crackass of dawn. I'm I'm up early, I'm usually meditating by 6 a.m. I'm working out by 6 30. I'm walking in getting my morning sunlight by by 7 30, 7 45 at the latest. Like, you know, I start my day so positive, so full of like joy and gratitude. And then, you know, I sit down and sometimes it takes one phone call or one team call or whatever it is. It's like that energy shifts. Sometimes it's just it just takes that one phone call, that one like negative, maybe like person in your ear or negative interaction, whatever it is, and it can totally switch your day. And sometimes I can like turn it back around and be like, okay, we're gonna let that go. And then some days like I do tend to perseverate on it. So I think this is such a great reminder that this is um this is work, this is practice, this is what we do every single day. We practice at getting better at these types of things, and so like that's something I'm gonna work on is just not letting these subtle shifts take over my day because I'm always like, dang, I started out so happy today. How did I fall so far? How did it all fall apart after like eight o'clock? I did all the things right. I got hydrated first thing in the morning. I put my sunscreen on. How did it all go to shit by like 9 30 a.m.? I do think some of that, I'm not blaming paramenopause, but I am saying I do think it has something to do with like all the hormonal shifts in our body, at least the rage part of it. Yeah, I mean these are no totally.

SPEAKER_01 17:25

It's a it's a good it's an undeniable, again, physiological change that's constantly happening, especially within our bodies. And so I don't even know. It's a consequence of our biology, right? I mean, that is just what's happening. I think I don't even know if I like the word blame. It's just it is a part of it. And this is a piece of who I am right now. Things are hard for me to articulate whenever I get in this kind of state. So I'm gonna need more from you at this moment. I'm gonna need you to step in at this moment. And I that's one thing I've been working on a lot lately is just saying like I'm unable to make a very effective decision right now because I can't think clearly about this. You need to give me some, you know, I need you to make this decision or help out right now because I'm not at a place where I'm able to do so. Yeah. And I know that about myself, but I hadn't always said that, you know, like I need to have something right now. Instead, I'd just kind of be like, I don't care. Can we just do something? Like, whatever, you know what I mean, or just very indecisive or whatever. At those times, I don't need to be using those words. If I truly don't have an opinion, that's fine. But if I'm having a difficult time like cognitively putting things together and making up my mind, then that's my job to tell the other person I'm having a difficult time right now. Like, what do we need to kind of do?

Breaks That Stabilize Your Day

SPEAKER_00 18:48

That's a big shift for you, Sarah. Uh-huh. Yes. That's a I mean, that's a big shift for you to actually ask for help or something that you need. I can sometimes be that way. I'm thinking mostly around like that five o'clock witching hour at night when everyone's looking at you and asking you what's for dinner. And that's a lot of times when the rage really starts to bubble. Because I'm like, why is it my job to figure out what's for dinner every night? Um, but then uh, you know, to the same tune when my husband's like, Well, do you want me to figure it out? I'm like, Yes, I do. And then he makes something I don't want. Then I'm a real biotch about that too. We are responsible for our own energy that we bring to every situation. And I know that. That is why I say this is practice and work, because I am working on it. But I think we all need to acknowledge that, like, we bring that energy into the situation and it impacts other people. It does change the trajectory of relationships if you're not careful, right? Like it can really create huge like wedges, it can create huge um turmoil really in relationships if you're not careful about how you're showing up as well, and just constantly looking for other things to blame, like your husband for not being able to read your mind, your dog for being an asshole and rolling in the mud. You know, like we can blame all those things. But um, but at the end of the day, like what we brought to it kind of started it. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_01 20:18

Again, total believers in energy, 100% on the energy train. I just think it's acknowledging what is contributing to our own energy stew, I guess is the way to I think about it. You know. Energy stew. What's contributing.

SPEAKER_00 20:35

I would just like to figure out the magic bullet for keeping energy consistent. Like I said, like that for me, and maybe, you know, I've thought about this more about having like almost like planned parts in the day, like at noon at lunchtime, when you sit down to eat, like do a mini meditation just to like get your mind back and to like regulate your nervous system or do whatever you know you do to regulate your nervous system. But like it's like as the day goes on, you know, that tension gets you know fills you up more and more, and then by five o'clock, somebody asks you what for dinner and you lose your F and mind. And you know, and so like I would just find I would like to find a way to be a little bit more consistent with my energy. And so maybe that is like building in breaks throughout the day to help like refocus.

SPEAKER_01 21:25

No, I'm a big believer in that. If you feel like that your day is subsiding then or going in a different direction, the you need to get outside, put your bare feet in the grass, you need to smell some fresh air, you need to do something, even if it's just for a few seconds.

Closing And Where To Follow

SPEAKER_00 21:40

There's always another perspective. And so just not being so sensitive and jumping to conclusions, we can always go back and really start internally. What's going on with me? Because nine times out of ten, it's something that we haven't processed, whether it's like feelings that we haven't processed, whether it's We're tired, we had too much caffeine, our diet is crap, we haven't worked out, you know, whatever it is, like nine times out of ten, we can we can change things and have a totally different perspective 30 minutes later just by improving internally what's going on with us. Seth, but check us out on social media, Liless Podcast. We are on all platforms, I think, at this point. And uh our website is also kick-ass. So make sure you're checking that out, theless podcast.com. Let us know if you have any topics that you would like to hear us cover.

SPEAKER_01 22:38

All right, guys. Check us out.

SPEAKER_00 22:40

That's all we got for this week. Until next week, y'all. Lilas.