The LYLAS Podcast
If you know what LYLAS stands for, then this podcast is for you! Two besties since middle school turned moms and psychologists dish on "the good, the fun, and the yucks" of life! We're tackling all things mental health, "mom balance" (whatever the hell that is), transitions in life (divorce, career, aging parents, parent loss, loss of friendships), self-care, travel, healthy habits, raising kids, and allllllll the things us midlife mamas are experiencing. We hope each week listeners feel like they just left a good ol' therapy session with their bestie! We'll dish on all the tips and tricks to keep your mental health in check and enjoy this thing called life! Meet your life's newest cheerleaders-- Sarah & Jen! LYLAS!
The LYLAS Podcast
Leaking Truths and How to Navigate Awkward Life Changes
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A sudden UTI, a towel on the car seat, and a DoorDash order for adult diapers—sometimes the most human stories are the ones we are told to keep quiet. We decided to say them out loud. We dive into perimenopause, urinary incontinence, and the practical ways women reclaim confidence when urgency hits at the worst possible moment. No euphemisms, no shame—just honest talk about the gear that works, the movement we refuse to give up, and the partners who stand beside us when our bodies change.
From there, the conversation turns to parenting in a high-information world. Our kids are hitting puberty with TikTok in their pockets, so we keep the talks short, biological, and open-ended. We share how we tailor preparation for girls and boys, why we correct online myths with calm facts, and how we use a “grace pact” at home to name tough moments—hormones, headaches, big feelings—without blaming ourselves or each other. Emotional literacy grows when we model it, and so does trust.
We also walk through everyday modeling: letting kids watch us make decisions, choose schools, set appointments, and manage trade-offs. Those micro-skills add up to real independence. Along the way we talk intimacy, stigma, and the relief that comes from calling things what they are. If you’ve felt alone with leaks, UTIs, or awkward puberty talks, you’re not. There is a smarter, kinder way forward that protects your joy and equips your kids.
If this conversation resonated, follow the show, share it with a friend who needs the laugh and the relief, and leave a quick review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. Your support helps keep the show ad free and the dialogue wide open.
Please be sure to checkout our website for previous episodes, our psych-approved resource page, and connect with us on social media! All this and more at www.thelylaspodcast.com
You really stumped me the other day when you sent me that picture with adult appens. Adult depends. Adult diapers, essentially. Uh, from like you said, I have who would have thought I'd have adult diapers in my car. And I'm like, what is she talking about? Are those for you? Is that what you're is that what you were getting at?
SPEAKER_01:Yes, ma'am.
SPEAKER_00:Yes, ma'am. I know, right?
SPEAKER_01:We're here. Yeah. Welcome. So here on the Lila's podcast, we believe in the importance of breaking down stigma and talking about things that most that mostly rely around closed doors. But we think that that just keeps things behind closed doors. And I feel like there are probably many other mid-40 women that experience urinary incontinence. And I'm here to discuss this, how it changes you, maybe your relationships with your spouse, others, and um my success in having to use occasionally, not every day, uh adult depends. So we'll segue into some other things, but here we are.
SPEAKER_00:I am so proud of you for uh going so deep and you know, really just putting it out there, guys. You're you're 43 and wearing diapers. And it I'm sure there's some perks to that, right? Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:I mean, here's the thing. I think that it's this is a more common problem than what people are willing to discuss. Hence why we just decide to talk about everything online and put it out there for the world to hear. Um, but it is pretty common for women, especially who have had vaginal births, um, to start to experience incontinence as they kind of go through like the whole perimenopausal um time period within your life. And even for there to be like other changes, of course, that are happening in conjunction with that. And so with me, I started getting like frequent UTIs, like every day. You know, as soon as you get off the antibiotic, guess what? It's back again. Um and with that, uh, I'm yes. I mean, this is where I'm thankful for the depends. Um, because if you've ever had a urinary tract infection, you know you can go to the bathroom, completely empty out your bladder, but then feel that burning, that urgency. Um, it's really, really a weird kind of pain. Yes, it's terrible. Yeah, it is. Um, and so then you feel like you have to release more, but there's not much. It's like drips. And so that's where the adult diapers depends, become your friend and your asset. Maybe we're looking for sponsorship. Depends if you hear this. Huge fan. Um, but what no pun intended, um, what this helps with is just providing that confidence. Provides that confidence whenever I'm out running around. So one day I came home and it hit all at once. Like sometimes it does. And I had chores to do. And whenever you have a spastic kind of bladder along with it, you can't like hold it. Like it just, you're there, you know, you're there. You're peeing your pants. Um, and so I had a towel in the car, and so I just sat on the towel. This is awful. Um, because I didn't have anything else and I'm out running around. So what do I do? I can't stop at every single gas station, even though I wanted to. And so I was like, this is too much. So I door-dashed some adult depends to the house and, you know, um put them on while I was symptomatic. I only wear them whenever I have those active symptoms, but it is so much relief. And I will tell you that I don't feel like I'm wearing a diaper. Like I that was my question. Yeah, technically that's what it is. It fits snug. And so, you know, I went to Pilates and yoga with my diape on. So I'm not gonna let it interfere with my life or what I have going on.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Well, you you just can't, you know, whether that's whatever your medical condition is or whatever you got going on, don't let it interfere with your pathways to joy. Figure it out. Get creative, problem solve. Yeah, but just don't let it keep you from doing stuff. And whatever it takes, right? But um, with this too, you know, I had to talk to my husband about it. God bless him, but he doesn't think they look bad. I mean, they're not like Victoria's Secret, super sexy. You know what I mean? It still is what it is at the end of the day. But it's not, it's not terrible. And I think at the end of the day, yeah, he supports my health and wants me to be well and still active and finding, you know, ways to do that is is what's important. And I I mean, you know, if he had to wear an adult diapie, I wouldn't look down on him or feel like he was any less sexy or attractive or anything, you know. We're we're coming to that age where we got to have some level of acceptance with this stuff, right?
SPEAKER_00:I I mean, yeah, maybe this is just like a little warm-up for you and for him to like practice for what the future holds. But I commend you nonetheless for being so open and honest about it. You're like, I had this problem, and I'm not trying to like do this forever, but until we rectify the situation, like this is a temporary, helpful solution that's helping me still like engage and do the things I love in life. And I think that's the most important thing. And what a great, you know, you and I both have you have an 11-year-old, I have a 10, almost 11-year-old. And I don't know about you, but we have a lot of puberty talks in this house and um not brought up by me. It's always brought up by my 10-year-old. And it's more like just questions, and they're good questions. Um, but what a great, you know, I was thinking about this too the other day, as we as our bodies are changing. And the great thing about our generation is we talk about this stuff almost in excess, right? Like our gener our parents' generation didn't talk about anything, so we talked about everything. And um and so what a great we're dealing with these things. Like you said, that's a perimenopause symptom, kind of like what you've been dealing with, or can be, right? We're not medical professionals, we're not here to give medical advice, but yours could be related to paramenopause. Am I speaking correctly when I say that?
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, yeah, that's what they think.
SPEAKER_00:So, I mean, like our bodies are changing, their bodies are changing. I just love like the opportunity that this brings, and like, how are we dealing with these changes in our body? And um, or any kind of like new um sort of like developmental milestone that our kids are going through. Like, how are we helping them sort of approach these things and um and feel a little bit more confident, right? As they enter into puberty. I love that my kid even asked me questions about it. Like, I don't ever remember asking my mom those kinds of questions. Maybe I did, but we weren't having, you know, and I do try to keep it pretty short and like very biological, you know, because he he understands things that way.
SPEAKER_01:I think that um, as we all know, kids these days have so much access to things online that they are seeking out their own information and education through, you know, YouTube or through TikTok, even or what if they have access to a phone, they have access to the world and then all the information and misinformation that's out there. And we didn't have that growing up. So all of the information we got came from our sex ed talks whenever we were in school, or maybe from our parents or you know, an older sister, a cousin, somebody.
SPEAKER_00:And so I'm 17 magazine, cosmopolitan. 17, you know. I will say magazines were a huge source of information for us, were they not?
SPEAKER_01:100%. Yeah. I looked forward to getting my 17 magazine every single month. But with that, I think that um, you know, that opens the door for us and maybe even puts more responsibility on us as parents to have open discussions with our kids so that way they are not taking the gospel from online, you know, and that they have that open door. So it is encouraging that, you know, especially he is questioning and wants to know more. I mean, I see that as a major positive sign that he feels more comfortable going to his parents than, you know, to an online source for information. Um, there's different books or there's different, depending on a kid's age, ways that you can engage a conversation with them about keeping their body safe. And I think that's important. Um, and that's a whole other topic. But for us, it's just understanding that, you know, changes are likely to happen. And here's some ways to kind of like, you know, come to us if you start to notice that they're happening. Like for girls at, you know, 11 to 13. Um, and I never thought about this. I am a girl, technically know what I mean by all rights and definitions of it, but I never thought about like bringing an extra pair of pants and you know, clothes to school at that day because now you have to be worried that something that you can't control and that you can't expect is going to come and it's going to be embarrassing and require X, Y, and Z. There's a lot of trauma that can kind of come from. We're basically instilling that in there just out of like this thing, which is really, you know, a different way of kind of thinking about it. And there is a difference in how you prep girls and how you prep boys. Like I never thought about that stuff because my son's 22 years old. You know, I wasn't talking to him about this. Like so many conversations that I've noticed that I almost um I feel I have a duty to talk about with her, but the fact that I didn't have to have him with my son because he's a boy is just it it leaves a very like un um I guess uncomfortable kind of feeling. It almost makes like if I'm using words, it feels like it's unfair for me to have to tell her how to look out for herself if she's in a situation where I didn't have to tell him those things. But because of her sex, I have to do that. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah. Absolutely. Absolutely. It's a whole different set of rules, unfortunately. It comes down to just like I think having the conversation in the least awkward way possible. Um, less is more, I find. The more I talk, the less my kids listen. The less I talk, the more they listen. You know, I keep those conversations. The things I really want to stick, I try to keep those conversations shorter than any of them. And really just choose my words wisely.
SPEAKER_01:Well, their brains can't process it. I mean, we have all the we just want to almost have like diarrhea of the mouth whenever things like that happen. But and they may be able to- Let me impart all my knowledge on you.
SPEAKER_00:Here, good, let me give you 43 years worth of knowledge so that you don't have to go through this. They're like womp, wom, womp, womp, womp. I've had my kid tell me yes, I'm like that.
SPEAKER_01:Oh, good.
SPEAKER_00:Good.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. So even if they're articulate, even if they're really bright kids, that does not mean that they have the cognitive and emotional processing of like a 40-sub-year-old. So we can get caught in that trap pretty easily. Um but I think it just comes down to just again having open conversations about things. And I think that's one thing that um we try to do um not a lot within our family, but just again, it's something that's important. It probably just stems from us being diabetics in some ways because I may be asymptomatic that my blood sugar is dropping low and she may notice something, or I might be here alone with her. How is she supposed to help out? And so, you know, we talk about medical conditions, we talk about um body changes. And I think that now, even as you know, us going through our own set of changes, it kind of parallels if you have a you know pre-prepubescent child on a different level, like the same level of changes that are happening with them are happening with us, and all of a sudden it would be a good idea to like have kids later in life. I think it was a terrible idea because now we're at this chasm.
SPEAKER_00:Hormones just raging everywhere.
unknown:Mm-hmm.
SPEAKER_00:But I do like, I mean, my you know, I have said to my kids things like, well, like my hormones are changing, like my you know, my body is changing. And like we do talk about things again in a very like biological way. Um, and so I I find it helps me to like kind of explain myself um and my behavior sometimes. And uh, but also like you said, like when he is asking questions about his body, like, remember when I tell you my body is has all these hormones and they're changing, like your body's doing the same thing. And and he'll say, like, well, what's that gonna look like? Well, it's gonna look like this. You're gonna grow hair on your upper lip and you know, under your arms. And for whatever reason, that really freaks kids out. They're like, nah, no, I don't want hair, no, you know, and uh, well, you know, it is what it is. And then we talk about why. Well, why do you grow hair in those spots? You know, because it was for protection originally, right? And for warmth and and to keep, you know, like bacteria away and things like that. And so just again, I always try to go back to like a very like primitive, almost like caveman. Um, this is the way that we've sort of evolved and our bodies have evolved and um and take the like weirdness away from it because it truly isn't like if you just explain things in like a matter-of-fact way. We've added so many layers of weirdness um that's like just not necessary. I don't know. Do you feel that way?
SPEAKER_01:It's not. Yeah, I think that I don't know the what the right word is again for it. I don't know if it's our own insecurities or our own feelings of awkwardness that kind of comes into play with it. But then I think we're oftentimes the creators unintentionally of those awkward moments or situations. Um and the stories that come from it. I mean, our kids can kind of sense it if we have that response to it, and it just perpetuates itself.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah. Yeah. Because then you've modeled that this is something to get like awkward around, you know, and like that that is a normal behavior. So I'd like to think that we're doing something good and keeping it very like open book. You can ask any questions, we'll give you the answers. You know, this is what it is. Yeah, short and sweet. Move it along, you know, unless they have more questions. But we let them lead for sure.
SPEAKER_01:I just think if we can find helpful, encouraging, maybe even playful ways to talk about it with our kids, then it makes it easier and more of a comfortable process for them. So, you know, sometimes with Rachel, I'll be like, look, I'm I'm gonna need your help right now because I'm gonna be a little testy because my body's going through changes, just like how your body's going through changes. So I might be a little bit more snappy, I might be a little bit um more disorganized or something, but you know, I'm working on it, I'm aware of it, and just give me some grace. And whenever you have one of those moments where you don't feel very good, where your head hurts, or where you feel crampy, or whatever it might be, if you are feeling a certain way and you feel like you need to have some grace, then I'm gonna trust you that you're going to tell me that this is the time. Okay. And we'll have like a pact here. We're gonna have a grace pact that we're gonna do. And it just, I think it informs people of that, of what's going on. Again, kids have a way of internalizing things and not understanding the behavior. And we're not always talking about it, we're busy running around doing 8,000 other things, but I think by breaking that down, it really helps to kind of bridge more of a connection than a disconnect.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, I love that idea too, of like just giving each other grace and being honest and open. Like, hey, I need it sometimes, and so will you. Also, just in thinking about like, you know, life events, like my fifth grader will go to middle school next year. And so, like, that's a big change, right? And that's a sort of a it's a decision. You have to sort of decide are you gonna go to your homeschool, are you gonna check out these other schools, um, or try to get into a different school. And so I think in this process, what's been uh helpful is sort of modeling how do you make sort of these big life decisions, right? Just sort of like modeling how you do that, not doing it for them. I don't want to decide where he goes, but I want to model like what's the process of how you decide something that's, you know, kind of important.
SPEAKER_01:I mean, at the end of the day, the way I've always thought about children is that I'm raising a miniature adult. And so everything that applies to, you know, again, at a developmental appropriate level, decision making, how to go about, you know, making phone calls, setting things up, they're right there with me. If I'm setting up her dentist appointment, she's gonna be sitting beside me while I make the appointment.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:And talk about the reasons why for the time and how to go about this. If we have to cancel it, she's gonna be beside me, or at least I'm gonna talk to her about the process. It sounds silly to do that little kind of micro stuff, but again, at the end of the day, I'm teaching them a life skill that they're gonna need later on.
SPEAKER_00:And well, it's not like you're sitting down having a class. You're like, it kind of all happens, sort of just like modeling naturally. I think about a lot of the things I do. Sometimes I'll be in the middle of doing it, like you said, like making a doctor's appointment. Like I'll be like, gosh, I sounded just like my mom. Like that's exactly how my mom would do it, or that's exactly how my mom says it, or that whatever that is, like that was just modeled so much that that becomes how you do things, right? Um, if you're privy to to seeing it happen, which obviously, if it's being modeled for you, oftentimes you are there to see it. But yeah, like that's it. It's not, you're like, I know it sounds, you know, like a lot, but a lot of it's we do it without even knowing we're doing it. Like every time you do all those little things, you truly are teaching them this is how you do this. That's that's how most that's how we learn the majority of what we you know learn from our parents is just watching. Scary, right? Sometimes you're like, oof, don't get that one, don't get that habit, or don't do that, like mom. Um well Happy New Year. I don't even know if we said that. It's officially 2026. Yeah, it'll be we'll be starting to detaw and come out of hibernation by the time that you hear this. And I'm sure we'll all have many of these same feelings on our mind uh as spring rolls around. That's I think all we got for this week. But be sure that you're checking us out on our social media, at the Liless Podcast, check out our website. Um what else am I missing? YouTube.
SPEAKER_01:Yep, YouTube, we're on there, we're on TikTok. Um, be sure to text the show. If you happen to be listening to us from Charlotte, North Carolina, we have been shocked whenever we've looked at our analytics to see that you're our number one city. Um Charlotte first place, Charlie.
SPEAKER_00:That shout out to the Queen City. So thanks to our listeners there. If you've got some topic ideas, guys, we've we're cranking out. We're in the 100s now, so we need some ideas. Send us our way. We've got some good guests on the horizon, and um yeah, we would love a review so that we can keep the Going and ad free. So go to Spotify, Apple Podcasts, wherever you listen to us, and leave us just a quick little review. Tell us what you think. We'd love to hear from you. That's all I got, y'all. Until next week, Lilas.
