The LYLAS Podcast
If you know what LYLAS stands for, then this podcast is for you! Two besties since middle school turned moms and psychologists dish on "the good, the fun, and the yucks" of life! We're tackling all things mental health, "mom balance" (whatever the hell that is), transitions in life (divorce, career, aging parents, parent loss, loss of friendships), self-care, travel, healthy habits, raising kids, and allllllll the things us midlife mamas are experiencing. We hope each week listeners feel like they just left a good ol' therapy session with their bestie! We'll dish on all the tips and tricks to keep your mental health in check and enjoy this thing called life! Meet your life's newest cheerleaders-- Sarah & Jen! LYLAS!
The LYLAS Podcast
Episode 100!!! Your Brain is a Drama Llama, Teach it to Chill
What if most of your stress isn’t from your schedule, but from the stories your mind keeps telling? We celebrate 100 episodes by building a season-long survival guide that turns mental traps into practical tools you can actually use. Two friends with mental health training get honest about the habits that trip us up—then show how to get unstuck with simple steps that fit a real life.
We start by dismantling all-or-nothing thinking with a pen-and-paper exercise that creates space between extremes and points you toward what’s reasonable and effective. Then we take on catastrophizing, shifting from scary possibilities to likely outcomes while using movement, environment resets, and calming statements to cool a spiraling nervous system. Self-criticism gets a double hit of compassion and structure: kinder self-talk, plus a calendar audit that adds people, places, and activities that refill your energy instead of draining it.
Communication sits at the center of better days. We tackle mind reading by swapping assumptions for clear asks, and we curb overcommitment with the “polite no” and the “yes-no” technique that protects time without burning bridges. We explore how gratitude weakens the comparison trap, how naming feelings—beyond “fine”—undoes emotional numbing, and how nostalgia loops can make the present feel smaller than it is. Finally, we trade perfection for progress, embracing good enough as the engine of growth and the antidote to procrastination.
If you’ve ever felt stretched thin, stuck in your head, or trapped by your own expectations, this conversation offers permission and a plan: find the middle, say what you need, and make space for what matters. Subscribe, share with a friend who needs a reset, and leave a review telling us which tool you’ll try first.
Please be sure to checkout our website for previous episodes, our psych-approved resource page, and connect with us on social media! All this and more at www.thelylaspodcast.com
I actually remember the first couple episodes, like wondering how far we'd get, like how long we'd take it. You know, would we ever do a hundred? I even listened to a podcast who was celebrating their hundredth, and I was like, gosh, imagine what that'd be like to have a hundred episodes under your belt. And here we are.
SPEAKER_00:Just like that. Here we are. A hundred episodes. I know. I can't believe it, but we should almost dedicate this uh episode to our husbands who were like, if you guys get 10.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, I think that's right around the time my husband quit listening to the podcast was episode 10. He's like, Cool, cool. I I support you, have a good time. Oh, let me know how it goes. Um I was gonna dedicate it to our producer Seth, who you know has been like the silent partner behind the Lila's podcast. He might be half our age and a boy, but that there is um no bigger commitment to the Liless Podcast than Seth. So 100%. I was gonna put this up.
SPEAKER_00:And he's so fresh. Yeah, there we go.
SPEAKER_01:All right, we've got two dedications out there to all the guys, even though it's the Liless Podcast. Let's dedicate this to a bunch of men. Anywho, here we are, episode 100 of the Liless Podcast. And it is uh it's a little bit of our own personal therapy session, and that's sort of what it started out as like just two friends with some training and mental health, and uh let's talk about the stuff that's hard for us. And so I'm really happy that we have stuck to that.
SPEAKER_00:We're always in in the mood for growth, right? And personal change and spicing things up. And so we have a very cool episode today. Uh, so we're gonna go through a survival guide here of different thoughts, different patterns we kind of find ourselves in, um, and what we can do to kind of kick ourselves out of it.
SPEAKER_01:We've we've put together this survival guide that we're going to dive into into season six, so you can expect some in-depth episodes for each of these survival guide tips. Tip number one in the survival guide, it's the all or nothing thinking. So, what's your tip, Sarah? What's your survival tip for that all or nothing thinking?
SPEAKER_00:The first overall thing is whenever we are at a point of crisis, it's important for us to go inward and identify what loop we are finding ourselves in. And so an all-on-nothing thinking is that it is basically black or white. Um, that you are, it's either my way or the highway, and there's not a true in between. And we all have very strong opinions. You know, I have extremely strong opinions at times, but I don't know that their strength is measured in so much the idea of being right, but in being willing to compromise and find some middle ground. And so if you do find yourself like within that space, then I think the first thing to do again is just to step back, take a few deep breaths in, maybe even write down on a sheet of paper like where your idea is and the other persons or thing is. Because sometimes it doesn't help us to keep it all in our head because it just gets all jumbled and entangled. But whenever we can see something written down on a sheet of paper, it does show us that there's space in between thoughts. And so just that simple action of writing down what your all or nothing thought is, and then even if maybe you just make up what the opposite might be at that end of the spectrum, it doesn't matter. But what you need to see in that in that area is space. And then at the bottom of that, I'd almost just make like an inverted triangle so that way then you can see what that middle ground is. So I have this thought here, I have this thought here, but somewhere at this point is probably what is most reasonable, effective, um, much more of a almost like a problem-solving stance to it than just being kind of caught within this like two polar places.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, just kind of deciding like what you're willing to sort of uh compromise, like what's your bottom line. I think about it as something as simple as like stupid ass things that I struggle with in the all or nothing category of like, if I can't do it exactly to the T of the way it is in my head, then it's not even worth doing. Whatever it is, right? Um, if I decide I want to bake cookies for Jolie's soccer team, if that's what I've decided and I can't get that done, well then nothing goes. Instead of, well, maybe you just pick up some cookies. Like, what's the end goal of what you're trying to do here? They don't have to be homemade cookies, like nobody really cares. That's you putting that pressure on yourself. So I'm like my mind goes super generic with that, but I'm like just recognizing like what's the end goal and then what's gonna help you like meet that goal. You're problem solving, right? Same thing, same exact same thing you're saying, just much more watered down in my way of saying it.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, true. I mean, that's just what it you know, that's just what it's a beautiful way to think that. But yeah, we're we're almost even at times not even compromising with somebody else, but with ourselves and with our own expectations. Right.
SPEAKER_01:Our own expectations. I love that you say that.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, and that's just I think that that's just something that we just have to be willing to kind of put down or at least see whenever that is driving our distress. Like, what is really driving the distress I'm feeling in this moment? And like, I don't think that it is a bunch of kids who could maybe care less or not about cookies. You know, they're playing on the grass, they're chasing a butterfly.
SPEAKER_01:Right. I like that. Looking for the middle ground and and problem solving. Write it down. Number two on our survival guide, um, guilty of every single one of these, but number two is catastrophizing. Catastrophizing. I can barely even say it.
SPEAKER_00:It's such a big word, right? But it's a big feeling. Usually catastrophizing starts by us having some type of thought, um, experience with somebody else, work, relationships, kids, whatever, that you know, starts as a snowflake on top of the mountain. And instead of just seeing that one snowflake fall on top of the mountain and join the other beautiful snowflakes that have just fallen on top of the mountain, we then attach ourselves to that magic snowflake and allow it to then turn into a giant ball that then turns into an avalanche that then takes out all the skiers and beautiful lodge that's all the way down at the bottom and then crashes down to the point where we just feel so exhausted. Yeah. That sounds like helpless. Very guilty of that. During that avalanche, the crazy part is during the avalanche, it it heightens our anxiety, it heightens our worry, um, our rumination, like we were constantly thinking about it, but then also attaching it to like the worst case possible scenarios as if they're a hundred percent likely. Right. And so we've got ourselves a thousand percent worked up, convinced hit the bottom of the mountain. Right. Hit the bottom of the mountain, and now we're exhausted. Amen, sister.
SPEAKER_01:Boy, I felt that in my in my bones. I'm like, ugh. It's like being inside my brain all the time, especially after you have kids. Like, oh, I don't know, maybe I'm the only one that just could like always picturing the worst possible thing that could happen. Um, what what's our tip for that?
SPEAKER_00:Uh, how do we get ourselves out of catastrophizing? I think it's first you have to recognize what thought was it that just kind of what was the magic snowflake that just fell at the top of the mountain? You know, focus on what that one was. And then again, look at what is most likely. I mean, when we're catastrophizing, we almost get tunnel vision and we only see what we see right in front of us. We're not able to see in our peripherals, we're not able to see anything else. And so at that point, again, it's about that expansion, like, but not expansion into a negative. So you can do this in two ways. So if you want to expand your thoughts and focus on something, then you can say, well, not only is this kid gonna fail, they're also gonna end up dropping out of high school and then living on the street being homeless and then addicted to drugs, and then she's gonna get pregnant, and now we're gonna have to be grandparents raising a kid. Right. You can go down that list pretty good and quick. But I think you have to focus on what's most likely. Is that a possibility? Absolutely. Could that be one of 10,000 things that happened? The answer is yes, but it comes down to um probability versus possibility. Like, is it possible that that can happen? Yes, but is it probable? No.
SPEAKER_01:I've been actually using that with my son lately because we had a very turbulent flight the last time that we were on an airplane together, and he has not been on a plane since. It was scary, I'll be honest. You could tell it wasn't something they were expecting, right? A lot of like dropping, and he was trying to find like smooth air. Anyway, it was scary for all of us. And uh he's really nervous because we're about to fly in a couple weeks for Thanksgiving. And I'm like, you have to remember all the times we've flown that there was no turbulence, you know, us focusing on that one time, that one super turbulent flight that we had is giving it a lot of extra weight. Um, like it's gonna happen all the time. I'm like, but think about all the times we've flown where you didn't even know you were on an airplane, right? Like, other than getting on and off of it. So um trying to just remind him the same thing of like, what's like could that happen again? Yeah, it can, but how often does that actually happen?
SPEAKER_00:Are we using a magnifying glass or are we looking through binoculars? Right. I think that sometimes whenever we're catastrophizing to behaviorally, we're sitting. Like we're just sitting on like a couch or in our bed or in our car and we're just sitting there thinking about something. So even if it's hard for you to break off and think about what's most likely, you have got to get your butt up and go do something. You have got to get outside, you have got to get yourself some fresh air, you've got to hop in the shower, do like 10 jumping jacks. You have to do something to get yourself in a different environment. Yeah, physiologically and spatially.
SPEAKER_01:You'll begin to believe what you're saying. And so if you just start to say things like I am safe, that's one thing I wrote down I wanted to do more of. Just one of those tools in the toolboxes, using more of that, like positive affirmations when you do start a spiral, or even like positive imagery of like places and things that make you feel super calm, and using those when you start to feel heightened. Okay, here's a big one self-criticism. I just assume everyone does this. I mean, I would actually like for someone to tell me that they don't criticize themselves. I would. I don't know that I've ever met anybody that isn't critical of themselves. Well, no, I have, but for the most part, I feel like we are all so critical of ourselves. Again, definitely something I'm guilty of. Um, but also reminding myself a lot more to like give yourself grace. Give yourself you're not perfect, give yourself grace, like changing the way I talk to myself.
SPEAKER_00:Right. And I a lot of times whenever we're parents, I think that we attach ourself to our kids and how well they're performing, which then adds to our level of self-criticism. Because if they're not performing well or doing whatever we have in mind for them to do, then that's whenever we then are the failure. Like we're failing our house, we're failing our family, we're failing our home. You know, I think we say things that are self-critical at times that we don't even recognize. Like if you even are looking in the mirror and I say, I wish I had curly hair. If I'm saying that in front of, you know, Rachel, yeah, I'm not meaning to be self-critical about myself, but I'm also vocalizing something that cannot be changed no matter how many thousands of dollars. You know what I mean? Or skills that I try to obtain can change it. Um, I'm telling her something that's negative and critical about me, which then makes it easier for her to voice those things about herself. And so I think it really comes down to us being aware of that. And then, like you said, treating yourself with kindness, with grace, recognizing that, you know, the burdens of the world are not ours to just shoulder. You know, we are imperfect human beings, and that's why there's something called like grace or kindness or faith or self-care just to kind of help us to preserve. And so at those moments, I would do something that you find to be self-soothing, that you find to be comforting, but not cocooning. Yeah. So there's a difference between the two. Um, and so I would find a way just to honor yourself, engage in an activity that you like, take a few extra minutes, a two-minute walk outside, a hike, I don't know, aromatherapy, whatever, just to kind of give yourself a break. And while doing so, you know, like you said, verbalize, maybe out loud to yourself, like I'm safe, I'm worthy, I'm good, I'm imperfect, and that's okay because that's what I'm supposed to be. Um, and I'm I'm working on it, you know, whatever it has to be, but just don't allow yourself to fall into a trap where the self-criticism becomes your self-identity.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. Um, that reminds me of another activity that I did. One of it was so you wrote down five people that you enjoy being around, five activities you enjoy doing, five places you like to go or be in. And then you were to look at your schedule for the next two weeks and to see how much like overlap there was, you know, like if you enjoy, if you had down yoga with your best girlfriends, like is that something that you have scheduled into your week? And I thought that's a really interesting way. If you struggle with being intentional and planning things that you really enjoy, that's an interesting way to look at, okay, what do I have built into my schedule that actually like fills me up and like makes me feel good about myself? Um, because we know that like companionship and being around friends is so important. And so if you don't have if you're not intentional about scheduling that, you know, that's something that is is not going to add to our our self-worth, right?
SPEAKER_00:I love that exercise though, because yeah, because it does, it makes you identify what those things are. But then what you've done with it is that you've actually looked at your calendar and now you can give yourself credit and say, hey, I am doing this. And then whenever you're doing it, it can fill up your cup even more because now it has that intentional awareness behind it. Right. So that's a beautiful exercise. I love that. That's perfect.
SPEAKER_01:It's really cool. It also sees like maybe you're spending time with things that deplete you. Like you could do the opposite too, of like looking at things that deplete you and like suck the life from you, and then look at your schedule and see how much of that kind of stuff you're doing, too. Like, really kind of like analyze how you're spending your time and how you're filling your own bucket. That's that's the I think the goal of it. Um all right, so I like that. Self-criticism, be damned. Uh, number four, again, one that I I this is something I have to really uh be mindful about. Play on words here, but I have to be mindful because sometimes we do think people can read our minds, or we think we told somebody something and we didn't actually like finish the text or hit send or whatever it is. And so sometimes we do expect people to read our minds, or we just think, why can't like I'm that way, guilty that way with my husband? I'm like, well, you know I like it this way. Why wouldn't you just, you know, why wouldn't you just assume we're eating at six o'clock? Because that's when I like to eat, you know, whatever it is. Right. Like you know me well enough. Um, but that whole mind reading thing, like, yeah, it it can it can definitely create some division in relationships if you're assuming people know how you feel. I've made that mistake many times.
SPEAKER_00:If if if you're assuming people know how you feel, or in my case, I am assuming how I think they feel. And that's the other thing. Like I'm mind reading them. That's my trap that I fall into, is that I'm reading his mind about how he really feels about something.
SPEAKER_01:You're making like creating a story almost of like what you think the other person is thinking instead of verifying, and then you're collecting clues to sort of validate the story that you've come up with. Yeah, that's a mind trap. I can relate to that one too. That can take you down a dark hole quickly, you know, when you start like making up scenarios. You know, why can't we do that to the positive? Why is it that we do it negatively? Why can't we positively make up scenarios in our head? Uh and and say only because if we're gonna give attention to the negative scenarios and stories we're making up, like why not give attention to the positive ones? Like, who's it? You got a 50-50 shot, either one of them's gonna work out, like either one of them's gonna happen. Um probably even more likely that it's gonna be towards the positive.
SPEAKER_00:I mean, it's just it's what we all fall into. And so I think again, here is recognizing when you're doing it and then just communicating, you know, and that just comes down to saying, you know, I'm like in my case, because I'm reading his mind. Um I say I am feeling really alone and kind of disconnected right now. And I know that these are probably things that I'm projecting on you. So, you know, I'm gonna own that, but I also need something back in between. Like I just need a few minutes of your time. Like you just need to communicate what is happening because most likely what's actually occurring is that you're both just too busy doing different things, and that there's this whole big gap that then just gets created within it. Yeah. And so I think just taking a few minutes at that point to communicate and to reconnect instead of assuming and then collecting evidence. Again, even if you're thinking, well, you should know this because this is what I always like to do, you've got a whole bunch of evidence about what you like to do. Right. Right, right. And now we're just, you know, throwing that back at them. And so I think it just takes a few minutes, like even exiting the room, exiting the phone call, whatever, just so that way you can just have a few minutes, reconnect, communicate what needs are actually not being expressed, and then allow yourself to kind of like have a moment and breathe, you know, instead of just running around. There's this fun saying that um we always used to kind of say there's uh there's only one thing you are for assuming, and the first three letters of that are in the word.
SPEAKER_01:So isn't that the truth? Never assume, right? Um, yeah, I think communicating, you know, it's so easy to be like, yeah, just communicate your needs, but that is so hard to do. And I don't know why, and I can't wait until we really like dive into this in a full-on episode. Because, like, why is it so hard to communicate our needs? Why are we so reluctant to just say, hey, I need this, I want this, like to be direct. Why is that easier for some people than others? Because if you communicate and you're direct, right there knocks out 90% of your problems. If you're just you know, honestly communicating. So much happens when we start assuming. Okay. So don't expect people to read your minds, communicate your needs, people. Uh, number five on the survival guide. Overcommitting. Oof, yeah. Boy, did I learn that lesson hard this season, this fall season. Too many sports, too many things, way overcommitted. And uh, yeah, it'll burn you out with a quickness.
SPEAKER_00:It does. Um, and I think I don't I think our generation and maybe the one before us was we've just decided that that's how we parent almost. You know, we've always got to have our kids involved in dance and cheer and soccer and you know, basketball and baseball and golf and all of these different things. And if we don't, then I think we've assigned that with like we're a loser, we're not doing enough for our kids, or we're not I don't know where these thoughts are coming from. They're not active enough. But we are yeah, yes, overcommitting. So if you look at the things that you have coming up in your life, like with dread or just with seeing it as more of work than fun, then those that aura that is coming off of you is also being transmitted to your kids and to your family, to the environment that you walk into. And so again, uh we talked about this in a recent episode, I think in our holiday episode, is just yeah, practice saying no. And you know, you can do a polite no, you can do a um a yes no, which is like I'd really like to do this, and I feel like now is not the right time. Yeah, you know. Um, but I'll look forward to exploring this later on down the road. You know, practice saying no at a drive-thru. That used to be something that I um would give people as an assignment almost. Uh it would be like they would always have a very, very difficult time with that. And I'd be like, okay, well, they always want you to up, you know, biggie size something. Let's just practice saying no to the biggie size. Yeah. Smart small. But then start small. Work your way up and do the yes-no. Say yes to a different time, but acknowledge now's not the right time. Now I don't think we're gonna do this.
SPEAKER_01:I think I love that the yes-no technique. I was also gonna say I've sort of, you know, if you find yourself overcommitted like I did, uh, one thing that I found at least somewhat helpful was sort of habit stacking during that time that I was sitting at the gym during gymnastics for two hours, or um, you know, grocery shopping when she's in dance, or um, anything that I could do at this, you know, to at least feel like I was accomplishing something that I needed to get off my, you know, task list. But I still felt like I could, you have to make it as enjoyable as possible because you can't get out of it. And um and so I think just, you know, what can you do to squeeze in like time for you? Whether that's a walk and talk or, you know, go get a nice cup of coffee, whatever you need to do. All right, number six. Whoo, we're only halfway through this list, right? Damn. I know. We gotta move it along here. Um, number six, let's go. Uh, the comparison trap. Oof. The comparison trap. I actually really feel like I've gotten a lot better at this. Um, you know what has helped tremendously is keeping a gratitude journal. Because if you are forced every day to write down what you're grateful for, you don't it doesn't leave a lot of time to think about what you don't have or what somebody else has. Not to say that it does I don't have impulses or flashes of jealousy. That absolutely happens. But I'm not constantly comparing myself to what uh somebody else has or their marriage or their house or their children.
SPEAKER_00:And I I don't really care. Well, and that's the advice. It's it's to do the grata the gratitude journal. And it's just to appreciate your journey. It's appreciating the point you're at, and whatever that point is, that's the one that we're at. If that's a meltdown, that's a meltdown. If that's whatever, it's just appreciating where we're at.
SPEAKER_01:And if that is something that you struggle with, the comparison trap, I highly recommend uh my good friend Kate Strickland. She wrote a book called I Just Wish I Had a Bigger Kitchen and Other Lies I Tell Myself. I actually have a copy right here. She gives practical tips at the end of each chapter. She also came on our podcast. Check out that episode, but also check out that book because it is great if comparison trap is one of your one of your biggies. Um, all right, number seven, people pleasing. Oof.
SPEAKER_00:This is gonna be a full episode coming up in season six. We talk about it, but it's just still it's still one of those things. And it's because I think setting healthy boundaries is hard for us because we associate it with being mean or being negative or not giving enough of ourselves. Or not supporting someone enough. Yeah. Right?
SPEAKER_01:If I set a boundary, then I'm not there for you if I say I don't want to hear about the same problem you've been talking about for 10 years. You know, now I'm being not supportive. Exactly. We're not solving the problem. It's not healthy, right? It's not healthy, it's affecting me. Right. People pleasing is such a we were like so hardwired as young girls growing up in the 80s and 90s to be people pleasers, right? Like that's we got so much conditioning and reinforcement for making other people happy. And so undoing that after we've practiced it for 40 fucking years is really hard. And it's a lot. It's a lot. And I've I mean, I'd say there's definitely I've made strides in certain areas of my life in this, in that in people pleasing, but in other ways, not so much. You know, there's still a part of me that gets stuck in that trap. So healthy boundaries, this will be an awesome episode to dive into and really talk about setting those healthy and giving some practical tips for that.
SPEAKER_00:Yes, most definitely. And how to do it because it's one thing that like we're just kind of sitting here and saying it now, but in that episode, we're actually going to go through and talk about how to do it. Um, but so be aware and you've been warned it's coming up.
SPEAKER_01:You've been warned, Lord. It's just uh warned it's coming up. Number eight, uh emotional numbing. Oof.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah. This is an easy one, I think, for I think I fall into this trap a lot. Like I just I feel so much sometimes that it's easier to feel nothing, and then I don't have to, I don't, I can just quit on it, you know? And or that we just don't allow ourselves to um have the full experience of joy or of like true happiness because maybe our mind is set on the next thing, you know? And so then we just get numb to almost everything, or everything just turns out to be fine, or painted as one color instead of others. And so at that point, I think it just comes down to uh allowing yourself to feel a full range of emotions. And to do that, you have to start using more adjectives in how you describe things. So that is a whole other lesson, like in grammar, right? Going back to what an adjective is. Um, but instead of just saying things are fine, yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Right, owning it and don't convince yourself that you don't care. Because sometimes I think we can convince ourselves of things that just simply aren't true, right? Like the negative self-talk and making up stories and you know, really calling ourselves on that and saying, you know, do I care? Because I'm feeling a certain type of way about this, which would indicate that I actually care a lot about this situation, you know? So um that, you know, that's really talking about being honest with ourselves and and what we truly want and need um to feel whole.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, well, I just think of it in those ways, but then also just start to notice what words you use to describe how your day is, and then maybe start to throw in some other examples. Like if I just say fine all the time, that's not that's um, that's an example of emotional numbing because I'm not being truthful and honest about what's happening. It sounds okay, but that's maybe not the truth. And so, you know, I'd really look to to expanding that out. Get it the uh what a thesaurus there. I said it right.
SPEAKER_01:Or just like, you know, make it a rule that you can't say fine. Um, I had I worked with a teacher one time and she used to have her kids bury can't. Um, they weren't allowed to say the word can't in her classroom and they had like a whole burial ceremony. And so like almost like maybe not to that extent, but like that idea of like you're not allowed to say fine as a response. If somebody asks you, like, how was that meeting? Well, that meeting sucked because it took longer than it was supposed to and there was no resolution. It wasn't fine, right? It sucked. Right. And I think that one just goes back to being really honest with ourselves and not being afraid to to say it out loud. All right. Uh, two more to go. Number nine, we have nostalgia loops. And the tip is to focus on the present moment. But what I guess let's talk about what's a nostalgia loop.
SPEAKER_00:I think it's one of those moments whenever you go back and say, Do you remember how this used to be? Do you remember how we used to do this or that? Do you remember when you used to be like this? You know, and I think we do that a lot whenever we are looking back on a relationship, whether it's with our kids or our partners most likely, and then we're using that as a negative instead of as a positive. You know, we're not appreciating then where we're at in this space and how much we've changed and how much growth has taken place. Instead, we're wishing like we were still in like that dating stage, or that we didn't have so many other commitments, or that, you know, work hadn't changed to be what it is, or that we hadn't made it like a move to a new, you know, location or whatever. It's whenever you find yourself kind of going back in time, but again, wishing almost that that was still here, but doing it with a dissatisfaction or resentment towards the present moment. It's nice to look back and to appreciate things, but if you're looking back with wanting it to be how it is now, hey, that's just impossible and unrealistic. It's not giving anybody, you know, credit in a sense for all that's happened, but it just sets you. Up again almost for a different form of a negative comparison. So I would it's its own trap if it's used the wrong way. Let's put it that way.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, you know, I could I could definitely see even thinking about like kids, like wishing the kids were still little and not really appreciating the current stage that they're in. Um, because you just want those little babies back, or you just want, you know, when they didn't talk back to you and that kind of stuff, like, oh, what I wouldn't give. And you're not fully present to appreciate the phase that you're in, which is hard for all of us as adults. It's hard not to look back. Look at videos and see your kids, like, oh, you're just like, man, that went fast. I think more than anything is what I keep saying. I'm like, damn, that went fast. Um, where'd the last few years go? So we'll have some tips on how to really stay present and get yourself off the loop. And then number 10 of the survival guide perfectionism, embrace the good enough. Man, if this podcast has taught me nothing else, it is number 10. Just doing something is good enough. You don't have to be perfect. You will learn, you'll figure it out, but you gotta start, you gotta do it because if you wait till everything's perfect, nothing ever gets done. And I've had to learn that over and over again. God, how many times have we used to re-record episodes season one? Because we didn't like something about it. Something. Right? Like we were trying to perfect them, and what we have found is if we just get up here and like grip it and rip it, and like, you know, that we have more listeners, better feedback, like all the things, than trying to curate like this perfect podcast. Um, man, how much has changed in a hundred episodes? I do you ever think about that? Just laugh of like Yes. You know, and all we needed to do was taped up behind my computer because it I couldn't like I would go blank every time I'd turn the computer on. I couldn't think to talk. We're good enough because we just started. And um that's the that's the real prize, is how much you learn and get messy in the process of whatever it is. The imperfection is really where the growth happens. And so you could apply that to everything.
SPEAKER_00:And and we do apply the idea of perfectionism to everything. There's a range within everything, and we're just trying to find that good enough range. And are we striving still? Sure. But are we uh do we have this dead set goal of a hundred percent? No. And that's not it's not possible. And that's even where I've started to move away from using the word balance because balance is impossible. Like all of our life we're carrying around a platter with a bunch of balls on it, and we're supposed to be balancing all of this stuff while walking around a dog or kids going down. No, you know what I mean? This isn't happening, and so we're just really focusing on embracing the good enough, finding a rhythm within life, and allowing ourselves to kind of like freely dance through it. And we can't do that if we're holding on to any of these different types of like thinking patterns rigidly. And so here we go, guys. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Well, happy 100. We did it. We uh did it. I'm so proud of us. Thank you for sticking with us. Thank you for for sharing with friends for any time that you have um given us feedback, whether that's in person or in writing. We truly, you know, can't wait to like text each other. We always share it with each other and let each other know. So it means a lot to us. Thanks for sticking with the Lila's podcast. We're sticking with you. And you can expect to hear more about these traps and get some real practical tips. Let's uh let's conquer this survival guide. What do you say? Check us out. You can find us on uh Instagram and Facebook, the Lila Podcast. Uh, check out the website, lilesspodcast.com. And as always, feel free to text, call, write, let us know. Um any ideas you have. We do have a long list of ideas. You all have been so kind and thoughtful in submitting some really great ideas. And so we do actually have a long list of topics for season six, but um, we're still taking them, so send them our way. If you've got some ideas, some guests you'd like to get for us to try to get on the podcast, let us know. Um, and as always, thank you. Until next. Yeah, until episode one oh one, y'all Liless. Woo!
SPEAKER_00:We out.
