The LYLAS Podcast
If you know what LYLAS stands for, then this podcast is for you! Two besties since middle school turned moms and psychologists dish on "the good, the fun, and the yucks" of life! We're tackling all things mental health, "mom balance" (whatever the hell that is), transitions in life (divorce, career, aging parents, parent loss, loss of friendships), self-care, travel, healthy habits, raising kids, and allllllll the things us midlife mamas are experiencing. We hope each week listeners feel like they just left a good ol' therapy session with their bestie! We'll dish on all the tips and tricks to keep your mental health in check and enjoy this thing called life! Meet your life's newest cheerleaders-- Sarah & Jen! LYLAS!
The LYLAS Podcast
Your Guide to Avoiding Holiday Burnout
Holiday magic shouldn’t require a spreadsheet and a stress headache. We talk candidly about the creeping pressure that starts when stores roll out Christmas before Halloween, why time suddenly feels so fast, and how easy it is to confuse tradition with obligation. Together we take a hard look at the rituals we’ve inherited, admit where they’ve stopped serving our families, and model a better path: ask who it’s for, invite your kids into the decision, and choose the version that actually brings joy.
We share a real shift in our own home—pressing pause on the “perfect” day-after-Thanksgiving tree farm outing—and what happened when we finally asked the kids what they wanted. The answers surprised us and freed everyone. From there, we get practical. You’ll learn a simple stress inventory to identify your top three pressure points, a coin-flip gut check to cut through indecision, and no-guilt scripts to say, “No, thank you,” when your calendar is already full. We also explore how to navigate extended-family expectations with respect, clarity, and options that keep connection at the center without burning you out.
If you love certain traditions, keep them and savor every minute. If you’re carrying rituals that feel heavy, modify them or let them go. Nothing has to be forever; reevaluate each year and let the season of life guide the plan. Expect concrete ideas for scaling back cards and parties, creating simpler gatherings, and practicing boundaries so you can be present for what matters most. Subscribe, share this with a friend who needs permission to opt out, and leave a quick review to tell us which tradition you’re changing this year.
Please be sure to checkout our website for previous episodes, our psych-approved resource page, and connect with us on social media! All this and more at www.thelylaspodcast.com
Here we are, you know, rolling up on Halloween. I don't know if you've been in a Target lately, but it's already thrown up Christmas everywhere. And I'm like, but can we just get like it's part of where the middle-aged anxiety comes from, is like you're already behind, even if you're ahead of the game. If you're just if you've already got your Halloween costumes and Halloween Some Friday, you're behind. Because you don't have your Christmas decorations planned and what you need to buy because they're all in the store and they're gonna be gone. You know, it's just stuff like that. I'm like, can we just enjoy something for like a minute and be like, yes, I got it all done on time? And no, you can't, because now it's time to think about Christmas and Christmas cards and Christmas presents and Christmas flights, and and I get that. That's like first world problems, but it's just woof.
SPEAKER_00:That's a great point. I'd never thought of that.
SPEAKER_01:It's no wonder time is passing so quickly. It's like you can't even enjoy the present moment before like pushing you on to the next thing and getting, you know. I had just almost cleared my to-do list and then I saw that Christmas shit, and I thought, well, yeah, you're right. I guess I should probably start thinking a little bit about Christmas. Anywho. But holidays, man. Holidays. They're exciting. I love bringing the magic for my kids, I do. But man, do they require so much mental gymnastics? The whole idea of like traditions, while I do love a tradition, you know, sometimes they create pressure that just really isn't necessary, in my opinion. Would you agree?
SPEAKER_00:100%. In fact, I'm a pretty big fan of if you find it to not be effective for you or for your family, then you probably shouldn't have it as a tradition. You know? Just for the namesake of doing this.
SPEAKER_01:You know, like if you always went to the Christmas tree farm, but like last year, like you just realized like nobody's really enjoying this, like maybe just get your tree down the street. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:Well, and then I think as we've talked, it's like we're trying to be role models, role models for our kids about setting limits, setting boundaries, knowing what's healthy for you, because then you're able to show up as your best self for them. And sometimes we just fall in that rut of just doing without that moment of awareness that, hey, this this doesn't need to kind of continue doing this. This is the first time that um since we've been together, which has now been eight years, um, that we're not doing the traditional Thanksgiving. We're we've decided to, we actually just kind of step back and looked at it and thought about last year. We are the Christmas tree farm people because we that's something that we thought was cute and fun with the kids. You go out in the middle of this huge field, you pick out this magical Christmas tree, you throw it in the back of the truck, and then you bring it home. And we used to all kind of collaboratively like decorate, but last year it turned out that no one was interested in doing this, even Rachel, who was 10 at this point, and here I am busting my ass, you know, trying to get all of this stuff decorated because that's what we do on the day after Thanksgiving when we've just come back from God knows where. And it was just like, what are we doing? Like, who is who is this important to?
SPEAKER_01:I think it's a good conversation though. Like, what's it all for? Who's it all for?
SPEAKER_00:Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Well, we thought we were doing it for the kids.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. But turns out they don't give a shit. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:Right. Right. We all think that we're doing everything for them.
SPEAKER_01:Oh, I am totally guilty of that. I have definitely done things in my mind for the kids and they could care less. You know, I've had to learn that over and over again. So, like, valid point what you just said. Like, we actually didn't ask the kids if they wanted to go to a Christmas tree farm or if they enjoyed it the year before and want to go back, you know? Like, we didn't ask. We just started doing it and made it a tradition.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah. And it just turns out that whenever and we're making the assumption because again, like you said, we're trying to create this magic. We haven't in our heads what magic is. We want to kind of, you know, do this because it looks and it sounds fun or it's pretty. But we asked them. We were like, Do you all enjoy doing this? Do you want to do something different? And, you know, it probably freed up the two older ones. Of course, they're not going to say, Yeah, you know, us not coming to your house at six o'clock on Thursday after we've already had three meals, that's gonna save our ass, you know. But they're like, Yeah, you guys just do whatever you want, and we'll celebrate whenever you get back, just like birthdays. And we asked Rachel, because she's always with us on holidays, and she was like, Does that mean that I get to spend no Thanksgiving with uh her other mom? And she was like, Okay, that sounds nice. So again, you know, we're thinking that we have to maintain this, and we asked them, and they're like, Yeah, that sounds really good. Now we have to break the news to our parents. Um and that's that's probably the thing that's a good thing. Yeah, I think they're the real tradition holders. And that's I think where we just have to kind of, you know, we talk about taking a pause a lot, and I think it's actually putting that into action whenever it comes down to these moments. You know, our kids are old enough, I mean, 11 and 21, um, to be like and sit there and and have a good conversation about it. Like if you, if this is important to you and you want us to continue to do this totally on the table as well. But we wanted to explore what your thoughts and feelings were um about these options. And so we didn't just like say, hey, you know, we're gonna pull the rug and say you guys are we're not doing Thanksgiving this year because that's not nice and not fair. And maybe that's not exactly what we want to do either. We want to talk about these things. And so, you know, to give some like, if you're in this position, practical advice, I think that it helps to build a child's skills, no matter the age, if you present options to them about something. And I think you'd be surprised about what might come up. Like this presented a new opportunity for Rachel, and she was excited about it. It's she's not having something taken away by not spending Thanksgiving with us. You know, she has a new opportunity to have a new experience and a different kind of fun or whatever. We're giving her a different kind of experience. So we're not taking away anything, and we're not taking away time or something from us. I mean, you can celebrate any day on any day.
SPEAKER_01:But um, that that to me is like one of those big parenting differences between our generation and our parents' generation, is that we're willing to be like, well, maybe this is optional. Maybe this year instead of like a turkey trot and eating, you know, all the stuffing and mashed potatoes and all the things, maybe we go to like Costa Rica for the week or something. Now, on the same tune, if my parent if my grandparents were still alive, you can guarantee my ass would be in Mobile, Kentucky on Thanksgiving. Like I would not miss a chance to be at my grandparents' house. But I don't have that luxury. So if you're a listener that does still have that luxury, then yeah, you need to go to grandma's traditional Thanksgiving.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah. And I think that's an area we get stuck in, is thinking that we have to, or just not even thinking about it and going with the flow. Like we're not even asking ourselves the question, should we do this or should we not? We're just automatically doing it. And that's almost even scarier, that we're just doing something because it's something that we've always done, whether or not we're taking a moment and looking at is this good or is it bad? I mean, if you're listening to this and you're like, well, you know what, mine's really good, then this is an opportunity to be really reflective. I would be, and just, you know, really treasure every minute then that you have with this. If this is something that you have personally evaluated as being loving and fun and beneficial, then really take the moment to soak in every element of that. And if it's not, then maybe think that this isn't this isn't a sentence that you have to kind of play out. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Absolutely. Because in some cases, people are like, no, that's I love the traditions. I great. Then you should keep doing them and keep it up, you know. I think it's just that that pressure of feeling like you have to do it. And I know a lot of people feel that way. In your case, you host. So like people are gonna be like, so what, we just don't get Thanksgiving this year because Sarah don't want to do it.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah. Sorry. Sorry, no, sorry, but a hundred percent. Like if you're the house and you're saying, actually, you know what, we decided we're not the house. And yeah, everybody turns out they're okay.
SPEAKER_01:Tradition over. Fun while it lasted. You know, we'll have another, we'll have like a Sunday dinner. It doesn't matter if it happens on Thursday or Saturday or Sunday or whatever. The point is that you're together. But I'm so open to the idea of like, you know, seasons of life, things are always changing. Don't think that anything has to last forever. Yeah. If it ain't especially if it's not really like bringing joy to the family, then I think it's always up for discussion.
SPEAKER_00:I know. And I just I think about even, you know, I was one of those kids too that my parents were divorced, and I never thought of it as that I was being taken away from something. I always saw like all the opportunities that I was given. Um, because it was always like, oh, I get two of everything now. This is fantastic. Where it was always on different days. It was just really, really fun. And so even like right now, like I'm thinking like the opportunity that we're giving, you know, the kids um to have freedom to do something is going to be enriching for them, you know, and we'll reevaluate next year. Do you wanna do you wanna step back in and we can host again? Or um did you really enjoy what you're doing? Because we don't have to be we're not married to any of these decisions now or in the future, but let's just always take a time or a moment to like reevaluate and see what's what's working, you know? What does everybody feel comfortable doing? Yeah. Because I don't want my I just don't want to be the parent that makes you feel like you have to do something if you're un if you're un in in this kind of a thing, like just because like that's not a valid reason. Like I don't just want to just to make you happy. Yeah. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:As the parent, right? Like you don't want them doing it just to make you happy. What are some things that maybe we could give the listeners to think about or to some things they can practice as we move into this holiday season?
SPEAKER_00:This is my favorite one of my favorite times of year when I was working with patients, especially patients who were um addicted, because putting them back in a situation like that was not always the easiest or the best thing, but they never know how to say no. And so, or to um to politely bow out of something. And so I think that it is a good idea if you are right now feeling icky or already feeling overwhelmed with the ideas that are coming to you about the holidays, I would write down what those ideas that are hitting you are because those are the ones that are causing the most distress and probably need to have a little bit more thoughtful evaluation, like if you should do them, you know. For that, I would ask, who are you doing this for? Like, I don't think I've ever not noticed somebody I didn't get a card from. I don't and I don't you see, I don't know that I've I'm not I'm not paying that much attention. Um I notice sometimes the amount changing, you know, and like how many you get, I guess, so to say. But I don't know, I just don't know. I'd ask yourself, what are you getting from this?
SPEAKER_01:I think you really have to sit down and go, okay, is this gonna be worth the stress it's gonna bring me this year?
SPEAKER_00:Right. Um and and if your kids are sitting there saying, Do we have to do this? I would maybe step back and listen to that for a minute.
SPEAKER_01:And sometimes we gotta do things we don't want to do, right? Sometimes it's okay to do things for the benefit of other people. It doesn't always have to serve you personally. Like sometimes just doing things to make somebody else happy, you know, that in some way can serve you too. Like that feeling of I'm really glad I went to visit them. They clearly enjoyed the company or something like that.
SPEAKER_00:Shorten the list.
SPEAKER_01:Maybe you can take something off the top. But I just feel like, yeah, if you pick one tradition, you're like, maybe this is the year we're not doing this one thing, you know, just to see if that doesn't alleviate some of the pressure and the stress that comes with the holidays and you actually get to enjoy them. That is my goal this year. I want to enjoy the hell out of the holidays, like really enjoy them and not feel stressed.
SPEAKER_00:But I do think, yeah, if you're already feeling the way, write down what the three biggest things are and then evaluate them. And if you like sometimes whenever we're planning a trip, um we will not have our mind made up about where we want to go. And um, so we will leave destiny up to flipping a coin. And an exercise that we do before that sometimes is be like, well, let's imagine this. If let's say that we say, no matter what, if heads comes up, we're going here. Um, would you feel disappointed if it wasn't B? And then if that's the case, then maybe that actually is the answer and we don't need to flip a coin. And so do that kind of self-analysis for yourself. Would you feel worse by not doing this? But be truly honest with yourself. Yeah. Or yeah, like the holiday cards, or going to a holiday party. And then if you still feel like yuck about it, then just maybe ask yourself if you can modify it. So instead of sending out like 50 cards, send out your top 25, you know. Um practice saying no before you have to. And I think that's a huge skill. Yeah. I think the biggest thing I learned, aside from just endless amounts of creativity from Girl Scouts, um, is that you I know who knew it was coming this direction? Um, that you have to practice the skills in times in which you don't need them in order to be successful whenever you do. And so you gotta build the muscle. Yep. You gotta build it. And that means like practice saying no. And so this can be super, super hard for some people. So what I would encourage at that point is like if you're going through a drive-thru and they ask you if you want to supersize that or add something on, then just say no, thank you. Actually, say like the words no first and then thank you. Yeah. Yeah. So that way it just gets you into the practice. And that way, you know, if you get invited to a holiday party, you know, it's okay to say again, no, thank you. Um give the person a call if you feel like you can't.
SPEAKER_01:I think just saying too, like, I we're overcommitted right now. I can't put one more thing on the calendar. You know, I think people are pretty understanding of it at this point, but also realizing if you have young kids, you don't have to do all the things. You don't have to do the train ride and the reindeer run and the lights festival of lights or whatever all the things are in your area, because again, like they actually may not enjoy the reindeer run. I'm a serial, you know, I'm an overcommitter. And so, and then I'm like, oh, I don't want to do that, or oh, we have something every day this week, you know. And so like trying to be mindful of that, moving into the season.
SPEAKER_00:But I think that's the first step too, is like if you know that that's your tendency, like if if you know what your tendencies are, then that maybe is where you start to develop an action plan, like a preventative action plan. And, you know, how are you going to exercise that in those moments? And then if you have that action plan put in place, or if you practice these skills ahead of time, when you get put in the moment, you're not caught off guard. You're not faced with a I don't know. You're not faced with then a rush of other emotions of uncertainty or obligation or anger and resentment because you've already done the prep work and lessening that. And I mean, we all have a pot and it's always got some heat on it, right? And it's not that the pot is gonna go away and the heat can vary in terms of its intensity. And so if you're able to do a few of these things, then it's gonna make it a much more cool environment to be in.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, I actually just thought so the last few years we've gone on like a girls' trip or just like a family trip in early December. My mom called me and she gave me the dates and what they were doing and stuff, and I was like, you know, I could do all the things, I could probably make it work, but then I was just like, I'm gonna be so burned out. And then I just finally I was like, you know what? It's okay to say no. It's okay for them to go on this trip and for you to get FOMO and wish you were there. Cool. But that's the first time I've ever really done that. I have always been like, I'll figure it out. I'll fly in Friday afternoon and fly home Sunday morning or whatever. Like I'll always figure it out. But this time I was like, I'm just not gonna do that because I want to be present the rest of the month and not just be like a whirlwind of experiences. Sometimes less is more. I feel like that's the the season of life I'm in right now. Less is more.
SPEAKER_00:I agree. Quality over quantity. Well, and like you're saying too, it's those you let's say you go on that trip or you do the thing, you send out the Christmas cards. That weight hasn't left you just because you did it, because you're still not okay that you did do it. So you're not doing yourself any favors by going through with some of those actions at times. If you really don't want, like if you loathe it, then I would agree with you on that.
SPEAKER_01:But if it's something that like I actually really like Christmas cards, I like it, I like getting them, I like receiving them. Um, but much like you, I do it all, right? So you just have to decide, is it worth all of that mental energy? And if you're already chomping at the bit, or probably not.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, or if you're already feeling the stress from doing it, I think that that's again, maybe you still do it, but you need a reevaluation plan. And maybe you put some extra comforts in place. Maybe you start on them a little earlier, maybe you do it with a glass of wine. I don't know. But you make it a little you do something. Yeah, you do something to make it more enjoyable. Modify. Modify if you if you can't not do it, you can modify your approach to it to make it lessened on you. So this is your this is your permission to reevaluate your engagement in traditions, your traditions.
SPEAKER_01:That's right.
SPEAKER_00:As if you needed it, but just in case you did.
SPEAKER_01:Some of some of us just need that permission. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:And it's okay.
SPEAKER_01:No matter how big or small. There you go, folks. Well, happy holidays from us here. Check us out at our website, thelesspodcast.com. Check out our social media, share with friends, like, comment, um, leave us a review. Uh, if you listen to this on Apple or on Spotify, be sure to leave us a review.
SPEAKER_00:Uh, I want to know if y'all changed any traditions based on this. Give us it, tell us what you think. Did you agree or did you disagree? Do you have something that you gave up or that you restarted on like 2007? Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, we're we're here to we're here to push some buttons and get some feedback or just some validation in this, too. So let us know what you think. All right, we'll talk to you soon. Until next week, y'all, Lila. We're out of the way.
