Control Less, Care More: The Quiet Power of Little Wins

Some weeks stretch forever, and some feel like three at once.  Instead of forcing old routines, we choose the pivot: trading six-mile runs for rock climbing, swapping comparison for curiosity, and learning to measure progress by small, honest wins that actually sustain motivation.

Small wins become deposits in a self-worth bank—non-scale victories, a clean problem explanation in a meeting, or a compliment so unexpected it lights your whole day. Yes, even being mistaken for your son’s sister at brunch can be a tiny miracle.

We also talk candidly about Botox, identity, and why a subtle change isn’t about chasing youth but about finding a little confidence. Throughout, we return to a simple practice: notice what you can influence, celebrate the micro-moments, and offer others a win when you can. If you’ve been navigating fatigue, perimenopause, recovery, or just a season that won’t let up, this one’s a hand on your shoulder and a map for the next foothold.

If this resonates, share it with a friend who needs a small win today, subscribe for more honest midlife and mental health conversations, and leave a review telling us your latest tiny victory—we’d love to cheer you on.

Please be sure to checkout our website for previous episodes, our psych-approved resource page, and connect with us on social media! All this and more at www.thelylaspodcast.com

Chapters

• 0:00 When High Energy Disappears
• 0:50 Health Scare and Recovery Drain
• 1:40 Naming Perimenopause and Energy Shifts
• 3:20 Grief, Empathy, and Helplessness
• 5:25 Pivoting from Running to Climbing
• 7:10 Control What You Can: Parenting Fears
• 9:00 Anxiety Soothers and Small Wins
• 10:35 The “Sister” Moment and Confidence
• 12:00 Botox, Identity, and Self-Esteem
• 14:00 Banking Self-Worth: Deposits and Withdrawals
• 16:10 Sharing Wins, Spreading Kindness
• 17:40 Community Ask and Episode Close

Transcript

SPEAKER_01: 0:13

Oh, geez.

SPEAKER_00: 0:15

What a week. It's also felt like the longest month, and also like, oh, it's already September. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 0:21

I maybe it's just like maybe every day is lasting forever. I don't know if things just feel stagnant or like they're not moving. I know for me personally, and I don't know why, but as you guys listen to the show, my energy level is at norm. Like 120. I wake up full battery charged, ready to light the world on fire all day long. And then my computer dies usually around 10:30 and I'm in bed. But I've had absolutely zero energy zip. And I did get really sick with diabetes and like a random, like awful kidney infection at the same time. So I was in the ICU for a bit. And that does take some while to recover. And I lost a lot of weight from it. But I am just drained. And it's hard for someone who is always functioning at 110 and 120 to even go to a hundred, let alone to where I feel like I'm at, like a 30 right now. And so that's what I'm saying. Like, I don't know. I'm just in the crap.

SPEAKER_00: 1:29

You're also you're dealing with like, okay, like what is the problem? Like you haven't quite figured out like the remedy here, because obviously your energy's not back. And you know, that plays into it, add into it. You're a 43-year-old woman, you've definitely in the throes of perimenopause. And so we know that energy lack of energy is part of it. Like, I definitely have noticed a dip in my energy in the last few months, too, despite everything else staying stable. And so, yeah, I I imagine that brings up a lot of big feelings for you. You've always kind of been a squirrel on crack, like energy-wise. And uh, that's just not been the case.

SPEAKER_01: 2:08

Yeah. I mean, it's noticeable, like for you to be able to notice it, or like other people to just be like, is she okay? You know, and I'm like, Yeah, I'm okay. You know, I'm okay, but I just I'm not running six miles a day, you know. Right. And that was easy. Yeah. That was easy two months ago. What's I'm not that much older that quick, right?

SPEAKER_00: 2:27

I don't know. Let's see. I didn't lose it that quick, did I? Like you've just been a little bit more muted, a little bit more subdued in general, which is not your personality at all. And um, I think about similarly, I have some friends that are like deeply in grief right now, um, had some real tragic situations, and you can just see it on their face. They don't have to say a word. It's their energy, it's their tone. Um, and so same thing, like those, it's hard to watch somebody you love in that situation, you know, because you're like, what can I do? And you really can't do any like I can't fix your medical problems, I can't fix my friend's, you know, grief. Um, and so it it is hard to watch people kind of go through that. Um so yeah, I find myself just constantly thinking about like what can I do? Like, how can I at least like walk beside them and be some sort of support system, you know? So I was super excited when you texted me that you had a little win today.

SPEAKER_01: 3:32

I did. I did. And as I think that's what it has came down to is whenever I was thinking about today and I was jumping on the podcast, I was like, Oh, you know, I you just it's hard whenever you're just you're again for me, my natural energy is just always generating things. And so for it not to be, it's it's very challenging. And then even the best of us, even psychologists, will get into this like negative self-talk thing or comparisons. Like two months ago, it was no big deal for me to be running, you know what I mean, six miles every single day and doing all the things or whatever else. And now I'm like power walking. What you know what I mean? It's just it's very, very tough. No, it's a very tough activity, it's super tough, especially to keep a certain pace. And so now instead of running a whole bunch, um, I decided to pivot. I was like, okay, I don't feel strong. Like, I just don't feel strong. And that's a big thing about endurance running is feeling strong and capable. Um, and even running short distances, I don't like feel that way. But then that translates to other things in your life too. Like you just don't feel strong, you don't feel capable. Like, how am I gonna push through? You know, if at three o'clock I'm feeling this way and I gotta pick up the kids at four, and then we have to have dinner, and then we have to have a whole evening, and I'm like toast right now. Like, where is this next boost gonna kind of come from? And so I decided to pivot a little bit, and so I started rock climbing. Oh no, excellent. I know, right cardio. Um, but in a different way, yeah. And so, but I thought that that was you know, I like to be outside. I like to do things that are, you know, keep me in touch with the earth, like literally in touch with the earth. And even though I'm on a rock wall, my goal is to be able to get out of rock face. So that was a small win that I was able to kind of like pivot. If I'm not going to be able to run, I want to be able to do something else that I know is similar, but that also shows me in a different way that I can still be strong, I can still be tough, I can still challenge myself, but in a different way. And so that was a that was a good like win.

SPEAKER_00: 5:37

A good, yeah, a small win. And I think you have to constantly look for those little small wins. I was listening to some pre-recorded content that um that you got if you pre-ordered um my neighbor, Kate Strickler, who was on our podcast um this summer. She had a book come out, uh, Just Wish I Had a Bigger Kitchen and Other Lies I Tell Myself. But she anyway, you got this content if you pre-recorded or if you pre-ordered. And I was listening to one of them, and it was kind of talking about like, I just wish I had that topic of I wish I had more control, which is something I think we all struggle with. And in light of what's happened this week, and I know this is going to come out several weeks later, but there was a school shooting that happened this week. And, you know, of course, for every parent, our minds go to what if that was my what if that happens at my school? And then you have these fears of like seeing your kid off to school the next morning. I mean, it's it's really difficult. And I think a lot of parents would agree with me, particularly moms out there. We all have this like deep, deep, you know, fear that our school's next, right? Because it doesn't seem to be slowing down. And so I was going back to, I had just listened to that podcast, and it was like, you can't control everything that happens, but control what you can control. They give a great example of like giving your kid more freedom. And yes, you can go to the library on your bike, but you always have to have a helmet on, like controlling those small wins, right? My kid may still scrape, you know, fall and scrape and get hurt, but they will have a helmet on. Their head will be protected. And like they might learn, I took that curb a little too fast, or I need to slow down when I go on rocks or whatever it is. We're not going to be able to put our kids in a bubble and protect them from every single thing that happens, but we can look for those small wins. And so I sort of use that to train my brain this morning because my anxiety was a little, a little high. You know, I was like, they have a school resource officer. I was just reminding myself of all those little wins. They keep all their doors locked, that, you know, like they are very strict on their protocol, who they let in the building. Like that to me, it's like an anxiety reducer for me. Like I can't control everything, but it this, these things are in my control. These are some things that are going well in this situation. Yeah.

unknown: 7:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 7:59

I think you just have to kind of be willing to search and find them. And they can be silly to just make you feel kind of better in a way, you know? Like one thing that this is the other win. This is the big win that I was talking about. I'll probably be this will definitely be through the weekend. Yeah, that you might get a month out of this one. I know. I don't know. I'm feeling pretty good. So, as you guys have heard from Cameron, my son, he was on the podcast too. We met up for like a brunch, breakfast kind of thing this morning at a place that he goes very, very often. The wait, the bartender waitress knew him really well. Um, I was showing him things on my phone. I was like, Oh my god, you're not gonna believe this. I can't believe this has happened. Check out this chat and showed it to him, and we were sitting there just kind of gossiping back and forth. And she walked up to him and she was like, Hey Cam, so I know you usually come in here with your fiance and your grandma. Is this your sister? And I was like, like the angels are. I did. I left her a nice tip. I'm like, You better.

SPEAKER_00: 8:56

She deserved it.

SPEAKER_01: 8:57

Very good. And he looked at her before I even had a chance to say anything. Cameron looked at her and he went, No, that's my mom. And then I looked at him and I was like, That's right, I'm his mommy. She was like, Really?

SPEAKER_00: 9:10

And I was like, You just made my So your Botox is working, Sarah. That's what that says. Good.

SPEAKER_01: 9:15

I I did get it. I know. Back to another episode if you haven't listened. We actually did two topics on skin and aging, one from season one, it was to Botox or not, and the answer was not at that time. And then my aesthetician came on our show for the skin deep one, and I was like, okay, maybe. And then my husband had to talk about it. Crossed over. Crossed over. So I did it, and it started off as mini Botox, which again, the win that came out of this was is that my husband was pretty much against it the whole time because he thought that he would be able to tell the difference. Did he? No. I had it done for like well in a negative way, right?

SPEAKER_00: 9:51

He thought he Yeah, but he thought you would look so different, you wouldn't look like yourself. That was his sort of view of it. And I just want to point out it's not that you are on this mission to look 20 years old. That's not it. But when you've had somebody that's been really sick and in the hospital and has lost weight that she didn't want to lose and muscle that she'd worked really hard for, like I think that's where you're coming from and that you really needed that like little boost of self-esteem because it has it's been hard, and your body has certainly taken a toll these last few months. I'll be the first to admit it. Um, you know, because you have you are so active and you work so hard at it. And so I'm sure it has been really hard to um to sort of lose some of that. It doesn't really matter what our bodies look like because I know who you are on the inside, but you know, it we do need that. I think I feel that way sometimes with my job. A lot of times I feel just way out of my league. I feel like the dumbest person at the table. And um, and I'm not trying to like talk negatively about myself, but these people are very scholarly and read a ton of research and do a ton of research. And I just a lot of times I'm like, what am I doing at this table? And so sometimes I need little small wins of like in a meeting, I said something that was like super, like I was able to whip something out and explain something in a way that like nobody else had seemed to be able to do up to that point. Like those little small wins remind me that, like, okay, I may not have the same skill set as everybody else, but I still deserve a seat at this table because I have some value to add to this conversation, you know. Um, sometimes we just need those little like boost reminders. You can give yourself all the affirmations you want, but it's really hard to believe it sometimes without a small win here and there.

SPEAKER_01: 11:41

Right. And I think that, you know, um, I tend to think of our, I don't know, like our self-esteem or self-value as being like a bank where, you know, we're making in we're making deposits and withdrawals. And it's always my job to maintain like a positive uh amount in the checking account. Like that's my job. But how much above positive comes from external resources, you know? So I'm always gonna be above positive. I'm always gonna have a dollar in there. We're not having a withdrawal, right? Um out of the account. But how much more I get out of that does a lot of times come from other people, from situations, from family, from sh, I don't know, sh a bartender for Christ's sakes, you know, right. Anybody like some sort of validation. Yes, yes, that helps to like again replenish the account whenever other circumstances have come in and taken withdrawals from it. Like again, I'm always gonna be at that positive. Like I'm fighting for that one. But the extra surplus is nice. And they can't the way I think about it too is that the the extras are not subtractive, they're just additive. So if I'm not getting anything from anybody else, it's not gonna subtract from my balance because I'm the only one that can dictate that. Um but they can add to it. And so whenever I get those little tiny wins like that, I'm like, okay, well, I could at least fucking climb a rock. You know what I mean? Or at least a little bit.

SPEAKER_00: 13:13

And I to tie it back to what we were talking about in the beginning, like my you know, friends like going through something hard, like really tough stuff. I know a lot of people, quite honestly, going through some tough stuff right now. Like life is a little heavy at the moment, just because uh, you know, I tend to take on energy. I can't help myself, it's just who I am. And so I feel that heaviness. But same thing, like in grief, and I think I've talked about this before. I think it's so important to look for those like you know, silver linings. Like it's so hard when it's like especially tragic and awful and should have never happened, but um you have to find something. Everybody needs small wins. Um, I a lot of people talk about like non-scale victories if you're trying to lose weight. Like that's to me, same thing. You're looking for small wins that keep you motivated to keep going. Because we all, our motivation whacks and wanes, and you know, but you get a little nudge, you get a little like, yes, I did a you're if you're a sales rep and you haven't sold anything for three months, and all of a sudden you get a tiny little order, that's boom, I got something, right? I got something to keep me going. Um, so I think it's just it's okay to be like, I needed that. I needed to feel confident for a second.

SPEAKER_01: 14:27

Yeah. Yeah. And thank you.

SPEAKER_00: 14:30

You know, right. Thank you for thank you for for allowing me the platform or for saying the thing I needed to hear, whatever it was. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 14:40

I mean, and maybe that's a a side token to this too. Like, you never know if you're gonna be that person for somebody. That bartender had no idea that she was gonna make my weekend, and I was, and I took a selfie, I was like, Come on, we gotta take a picture, which probably embarrassed the absolute hell out of him again. For sure. What are you gonna do with that? And I was like, I have no idea, but I'm really happy.

SPEAKER_00: 14:59

Nothing. You're like, I'm gonna remember that time. Somebody call me your sister.

unknown: 15:04

Right.

SPEAKER_00: 15:04

That's what I mean.

SPEAKER_01: 15:05

How does that make you feel? I probably should have asked him that I did. He knew how happy it made me, and he was just rolling his eyes, I'm sure. But um, if you get the opportunity you don't know if you're gonna be that person's thing that's gonna just lift up their spirit. Yeah, yeah, or their boost. So if you find an opportunity to give a person a win, I'd share the wins. If you receive a win, I would, I mean, I poured my heart out to this girl. I was like, you have no idea how much that means to me. I know this sounds really so like I would probably, I mean, everything but cried in front of her, probably. Um I was like, thank you so much. And then I came home and I was like, you're never gonna believe what you said.

SPEAKER_00: 15:44

Well, like just spreading kindness. Like she didn't probably even mean, you know what I mean? Like she wasn't trying to, but it goes back to just like pay it forward, spread kindness. Like you never know what that's gonna mean to somebody else. Might be the small win they needed that day. Put some coins in the bank, you know.

SPEAKER_01: 16:01

Let us know what your small wins are. Tell us on all the social media accounts. We've got everything up and going. Um, we've loved some of the feedback we've gotten from everybody on our Facebook, Instagram, um, TikTok, YouTube.

SPEAKER_00: 16:14

At the Liless Podcast. You can find us on that's our handle on pretty much everything, the Livest Podcast. Search it, share it, love it. We don't have commercials, we do this just out of the goodness of our souls. Uh so yeah, we always appreciate some love and feedback because we're we're open to it. You know, we're closing in on a hundred episodes. I think this is like episode 96 or something. Um, and so yeah, we, you know, kind of tapped on topics, I'll be honest. Like I could use just I what do people want to hear about? Because there's so many podcasts about mental health and wellness and midlife, and you know, like what is it you want us to kind of delve into that you can't hear on everything else? If you have some great ideas, you want to be a guest, reach out to us. We'd love to hear from you because we're always thinking just we want this to be meaningful to our listeners. We're so appreciative. Our numbers have been way up over the last few months. This season has really um has really taken it up a notch. And so we just want to make sure that this is what you want to hear. So come chat with us on social media or on our website. We'd love to chat with you.

SPEAKER_01: 17:26

I know. Please do. That'd be a big small win for us for sure, right?

SPEAKER_00: 17:30

Yeah, right. Give us a small win. That's a great way to end up. Give us a small win. Give the Lilas podcast a small win. We'd love to hear from you. All right, y'all. Until next week. Lilas. We love yes. We out.