The LYLAS Podcast
If you know what LYLAS stands for, then this podcast is for you! Two besties since middle school turned moms and psychologists dish on "the good, the fun, and the yucks" of life! We're tackling all things mental health, "mom balance" (whatever the hell that is), transitions in life (divorce, career, aging parents, parent loss, loss of friendships), self-care, travel, healthy habits, raising kids, and allllllll the things us midlife mamas are experiencing. We hope each week listeners feel like they just left a good ol' therapy session with their bestie! We'll dish on all the tips and tricks to keep your mental health in check and enjoy this thing called life! Meet your life's newest cheerleaders-- Sarah & Jen! LYLAS!
The LYLAS Podcast
The Lice Chronicles and Life Transitions
Have you ever felt that uncomfortable itch that what once fit your life perfectly now feels like a stranger's coat? That career you chose decades ago, the one that defined your identity for so long—what happens when it no longer aligns with who you've become?
This raw, honest conversation dives into the reality of midlife transitions and career pivots. Beginning with a hilariously mortifying story about a lice infestation during a professional training (yes, really!), we quickly move into deeper waters, exploring how our professional identities can simultaneously define us and trap us. We unpack that moment of recognition when you realize the person who chose your career path is essentially a stranger to who you are today—and why that realization isn't a failure but an opportunity for growth.
The fear of change keeps many of us locked in roles that no longer serve us. We discuss the physiological truth that fear and excitement create identical responses in our bodies—it's only our interpretation that differs. By reframing the uncertainty of transition as exhilarating rather than terrifying, we can move through career shifts with more courage and less anxiety. For women especially, timing these transitions strategically matters, as ageism presents real challenges for those making later-life career changes.
Whether you're contemplating a dramatic career change or simply seeking to revitalize your current path, this episode offers permission to honor your evolution. Small shifts can be just as meaningful as complete transformations. The key is recognizing when you've shifted into autopilot and taking intentional steps to realign your work with who you've become.
Ready to make a change but feeling stuck? Connect with us through our website or social media—we'd love to be your cheerleaders as you take that leap into the unknown. Because what waits on the other side of discomfort? Something far more exciting than you can imagine.
Please be sure to checkout our website for previous episodes, our psych-approved resource page, and connect with us on social media! All this and more at www.thelylaspodcast.com
boy, do I have a funny story to tell you this week. So you know, I just got back from a work trip. You know it was a really cool experience and it was a really good opportunity. I got to go and learn from this like legend in the education field. There's a room full of 150 people. We're all kind of sandwiched in. I'm setting the stage so you can really appreciate what I'm about to tell you. Okay, so we're all sort of like, you know, shoulder to shoulder in this tiny room and I'm fin tasked to go around and, like, be a monitor and write things down. Then we go up front and we share stuff. It's a very interactive training Five days, eight hours, shoulder to shoulder with a bunch of people.
Speaker 1:And Wednesday, as we're walking in, I get a phone call from my children's school and they are requesting that I come pick them up because they have lice. And so I'm like, well, I am about to go into a training. I'm going to need you to call their dad. He's going to have to come pick them up. And so Jeff goes and gets them. And you know, sure enough, like the whole house has lice, jeff has lice, no way, yes. And so you know, here I am. I'm like, well, there's Jeff's like texting me and he's like there's like zero chance you don't have it, jenny, we all three have it. He's like I'll be shocked in the late, like he's already made me an appointment for Saturday when I get home. He's like the lady also said she'd be shocked.
Speaker 1:And so I, here I am. You know, I've just been just waving this hair around in this tiny room with all these other people and I'm like, oh my God, if I have given these people lice, I'm going to die. Just can I tell you I was freaking out. My colleague takes me in the bathroom. She's going through my hair. She's like I don't see anything, jenny, I don't see anything, my God. I'm like okay, but I mean, you know, like, have you ever had lice? Hell, no, no, I don't know how I have it, because I have all these extensions and use these brushes and everything else, but no, I don't know.
Speaker 1:I mean I made it almost 43 years without having lice, almost Right. Um, you know, we got to destigmatize this because what I have learned is that, like A, it is a sign of cleanliness, because they love clean hair.
Speaker 2:Maybe that's why I don't have it, that I never washed this mop. That's why I don't have them. They're not interested in this toxic mess that hasn't been washed in a week, so saved by grace.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so I mean, it's not like a sign that you're dirty or you don't. They actually prefer clean hair. And, um, it's like you know, head-to-head contact. You basically like have to put your head on somebody's head that has lice and then, yeah, you're gonna get it. They don't like fly across the room and, like you know, spread their wings, but you know, it's just that feeling of like it gets in your head and so, like, the whole time mind you, I have three more days to sit through these trainings and I'm literally like it's like I had fleas, like I couldn't stop scratching and I was just mortified on the inside and my, you know colleagues, there's a bunch of educators. Thankfully, they're all like oh, you know, I started telling everyone around me. I'm like, fyi, both my kids have lice, my husband has it, I probably have it too. Just don't get near me. Can you imagine what they were thinking? Yeah, so great time. You know, it was such a great experience, minus the fact that I had lice.
Speaker 1:Did you really have them? Sure did. I was a winner too. So, uh, yeah, we have the last star house. I mean literally every person I've talked to. They're all like oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah. Like they we've had it a ton.
Speaker 1:So they like the, you know. They put basically this like olive oil on your scalp and they comb through with the tiniest comb and they get all the eggs out and all the like you know, live bugs. Thankfully I didn't have any live bugs. I only had like 10 eggs in my hair. But yeah, they go through it with a fine tooth comb. I'm not even going to tell you how many they found in my kid's hair because it would make you want to vomit.
Speaker 1:And then I literally bought every product that they own to keep us safe from lice ever again. Somebody told me at the school. They were like, oh yeah, that whole class has been out with lice and I'm like, well, that would have been nice to know. Like, couldn't you have sent like a letter home? But nonetheless, part of today's topic is really talking about shifts and we have covered this somewhat in previous episodes, but I think now we're a little bit further into our new roles and careers and things that we want to do, and so just kind of talking about how we've made shifts in our midlife.
Speaker 2:Yeah, definitely, and just I think what it comes down to is just sensing that a change is needed and then taking the steps, whatever they might be, into doing it, you know, even if they're uncertain.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, there's not like a steady ground beneath you or there's not even necessarily a clear direction, except you need to get out. Like what is it then that you kind of shift to? And it just really, I think, takes at the very beginning, just listening to yourself that it that a change is needed, you know which I think is really the hardest part.
Speaker 1:I've watched friends do the same thing and you know they're like scared, everybody's scared to death, especially when you're leaving something. You know, something that is consistent and you're trying something new. And I've had I've got friends going through it right now. I've had friends that gone through it. I certainly went through it, and you're like I don't know, I've had, I've got friends going through it right now. I've had friends that gone through it. I certainly went through it, and you're like I don't know.
Speaker 1:I mean, for me I was like I don't know what I'm going to do. I just know that I can't do this anymore. I had no clear direction on what I was going to do, I just knew that I needed to from working at the chamber of commerce and she went into real estate. You know, again, she went from like that steady paycheck to all of a sudden, like you're responsible to make sure you get a paycheck, like you got to make some sales here and so, again, very scary, like I've got another friend that's really considering a private practice and you're walking away from, like, your health insurance. And you know that steady income and that to me is the hardest decision is making like the gut check of like, can I do this, can I make this work? You know, is it really worth it to me? But I feel like it is for the people that make the shift, don't you?
Speaker 2:agree. Yeah, I mean, I definitely don't regret it. I think so much of who we are ends up getting and we mentioned this but just wrapped around, a title or something that we've worked so hard to kind of earned or establish ourself in, and then it becomes even harder to leave because it's like it's a different part of ownership of who we are. Like it owns us too by that Like not just that we identify as being that person or in that role, but then it owns us Because it has literally dictated so much of our life for such a long period of time. And then to just transition away from or give up entirely, it is a big thing to kind of be willing to just extend outward and away from that.
Speaker 2:So, yeah, it's, it's not easy and I think that whenever you go through it like especially for me, whenever I was leaving the entire title role, everything that I had done, created relationships that I had built, mentors, the university that I worked with, all of it the day that I was leaving I was just like I never had the feeling like before, but in that moment it was just like an overwhelming sense of just like, I don't know, like it was a huge release. Like I just remember sitting there like crying my eyes out for a good like I don't know, like it was a huge release. Like I just remember sitting there like crying my eyes out for a good like I don't know 20 minutes, and I was just like it just surprised me that I had that kind of moment with it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I had already packed up all my stuff and everything else, but at that moment, you know, I was signing off essentially on being Dr Sarah Stevens, which I had been for like 20 some years. It seemed like and that was a lot to have done, with a lot of responsibility that you just kind of put down and just literally walk away from, like, walk out the door and then it's done.
Speaker 1:Yeah it does, and I love that you say that it does become so much of our identity and it like owns us. And I think about a friend that's going through a change and she's been an administrator in schools and a damn good one, and worked really hard at it, and she's going to go back to a role. It was kind of looked as like a step backwards, right, going back to being a teacher. But so much of what we do gets wrapped up in our ego and, uh, it's hard to let go of, like well, can I, you know, go from being the boss to like having somebody tell me what to do and like, you know, having just a different role? I think is so hard for many people If you're looking for a change, because chances are you're going to have to like start over, right you got, especially if you're doing a big change and walking away, you've got to kind of start from the ground up again with whatever you choose.
Speaker 1:And there's something in my opinion that now, having been through it, is so exciting and humbling because you're like, okay, maybe I don't know everything. You kind of need the carpet ripped out from under you to realize those things sometimes, because we just get so set in our ways and what's easy for us. But, man, is it exciting when, like, something scares you. You know you've heard me say that before Like, if it scares me, then you got it. It's a yes, it's a hell yes, but you got to get to that point. But I think there's a lot of us that go through that of like I really want to do this my entire career, 40 years, invested in this.
Speaker 2:Yeah, there's, my husband was sharing this with me the other day and he's really been kind of focused on this idea for a bit of. I think it's on a TED Talk. I'll try to link it to our website so that way you can find this snippet. But the person who we were whenever we decided our career path oh, I like your book, the relationships, all of the you know who we were at that one point in time is not who we are today. In fact, that person is so much of a stranger to us that how can we expect ourselves today to hold on to the ideas, beliefs, relationships, whatever that we started 7, 10, 20, some years ago, like that's not even a healthy or fair expectation for us to necessarily have. And so you know, applying that to like our careers whenever we start to, you know, have kids or you know, different things happen within our life. That's all changing the recipe of who we are, which is not the base in which we started with. So maybe it tasted good then, but it ain't tasting so great now and we need, you know, something else at that point. And it goes on and like he talks about it too and he even like, gave a wedding speech about this. Like he we just went to a wedding and he got to speak at it.
Speaker 2:He said the person who you are marrying today, in seven years from now, is basically you're basically committing to being with a stranger now for the rest of your life. Because you change so much and if you and your partner don't kind of change and develop together, then it just creates that, yeah, that kind of separation. And you know who you are married to 10 years ago, 15 years ago, is not who you're married to today. But how aligned are you both? Who you're married to today, but how aligned are you both and how much are you working towards keeping that alignment? Or has life and other circumstances just changed so much of it that now it's like again, it's just almost like a stranger kind of being in the same space. There's the familiarity with it, but it's not the same thing or the same person, and it just comes down to you know that kind of introspective process to see that and to not blame yourself for wanting to change or feeling like a failure because you're not.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, I mean, it's so true because we pick these careers or whatever you choose to do, you know, if you're staying home, mom, whatever you pick these things, or you decide as a couple what you're going to do, and then all of a sudden, like you do that for a decade, a decade and a half, and then you're like, oh, you're right, like you are a different person and you want different things. I think at this point we're both 43, almost 43. Over here you are 43. This point you've experienced some loss in life.
Speaker 1:You've had some great successes, you've had some great failures, you know, and I think those things ultimately do change your perception and like what's important to you, you know, all of a sudden, being the best at work isn't, you know, maybe, your goal anymore. So, maybe not, maybe you're one of the lucky ones that's still totally in love with the career you chose. God bless you If that's the truth. But I think that so many of us I just I mean just maybe my sample size of friends so many of us have gone through this exact situation.
Speaker 2:And I think that that's again. It's just. I think it's a sign of growing, like more confident in ourselves maybe, and like in our decision-making and our self-realization, and taking healthier steps towards, you know, that kind of movement or goal. And if not, like you said, and you're one of the lucky ones, then you've done some things along the way that that has continued to fill your cup. You've done some things along the way that that has continued to fill your cup and so you've made adjustments, but may just not be as aware of them, in order to keep that, you know, kind of fire burning within you. And I mean there's a big cheers to be said about that too. But at some point it just, you know, maybe other shifts have happened in your life. Maybe they've you maintain the career because that was what was fulfilling or that was the purpose kind of driven thing, but other shifts within your life, you know, with kids, relationships, all of that have probably changed at that point.
Speaker 1:So yeah, I also think it's important to keep an eye on. Like little shifts can be big shifts. You know you might stay in the same field but you've switched your role. You know what. It can be subtle shifts, but like really getting down to OK, what is it that I want to do every day? What's sort of lighting me up? And you know, that's one thing I've learned the most in this pivot in my career is like there's so many other things out there.
Speaker 1:This pivot in my career is like there's so many other things out there and to think that you have to stick with one thing. You know, really what we have is a skill set. Right, we go to college and graduate school or whatever to gain skills to then turn around and use in all these different types of careers. So I think when we start to focus on, all right, really, what's my skill set, what am I good at, what do I enjoy doing, so I've just really you know, if anybody's on the fence thinking like oh, I've been thinking about something else or I need a change, like I hope you use this as your sign to just leap, even if you don't know what you want to do, take the leap and go for it, right?
Speaker 1:I think it's so rewarding to just A, if nothing else, prove to yourself you can do it, you can always go back to what you were doing, always go back to it.
Speaker 2:And ways to pivot, yeah, and ways to kind of like.
Speaker 2:You know it is tough, but I mean, I think, whenever I was going through some of it, that meant that if I knew that I was on a path where I needed to change, then I needed to utilize, like, my family, resources a little bit more or differently in order to, you know, if I needed to take night classes, if I needed to, you know, spend a weekend away at a seminar to get a different certification or something, then I needed to pivot and utilize a little bit more support, spend a little bit more time doing something away from other things, in order to make sure that I could continue on that path or goal that I was working on at that point in time.
Speaker 2:And so, even at that point, it might mean that we are, you know, pivoting towards surrendering a little bit more control at our house or with our kids, or you know, pivoting towards surrendering a little bit more control at our house or with our kids, or, you know, even within a current job, where we might need to put down or delegate more or transition something too. But to continue, I think you just got to continue to push in those areas. So it is scary, it can be, or it can be really exciting and that's the way that, again, there's no difference between fear and excitement from a bodily standpoint, physiologically same thing. I love when you say that I tell my kids that all the time.
Speaker 1:Now I find myself getting excited for the friends that are going through this right now, a few that I can think of off the top of my my head. They are really making some big pivots in their life and I am so excited for them because I'm like I know what's about to come, like you're really going to experience. I truly believe you're going to experience like something even better if you're willing to take the risk right. Nothing comes at us that we can't handle, and so I find myself getting really excited for them. But I do remember that fear of like you know just all the things. The comfort like walking away from anything that's comfortable or easy or routine is just hard. But you know what's on the other side of that discomfort is so much more exciting, so right, I'm a great cheerleader for those type of people that are like I just don't know if I should do it. I'm like call me, I will talk you into it right, we've got this.
Speaker 2:Trust me, this is going to be great. Yeah, definitely to thrive.
Speaker 1:I promise right? I think anytime you do that, follow your heart, follow what's really like your you know deepest desire.
Speaker 2:40s, not only building our career but building our family and other things, and so when external transitions start to happen, like losing a job or your kids graduating from high school or, you know, entering the workforce, those are transitions too and that's going to. I mean, it can feel like an earthquake or you can be prepared for the shift, and so it really takes us, I think, being aware that you know there are certain circumstantial life changes that are going to happen, and maybe us maintaining what we're doing now, then we'll feel uncomfortable during that time.
Speaker 2:It's sustained for that period, but then, whenever you know the kids leave or whenever you find that you have more you know time and don't have to worry that maybe what was sustaining at that point in time maybe there's another to use the term itch that's creeping up, that now you realize that something else may not fit or be right because there's been some type of you know again external change within your network, and then that's going to take us just kind of exploring that as well, you know, and seeing what kind of role that takes.
Speaker 1:What comes next. I did have a neighbor that she was in a similar line of work as I was. I remember her telling me she's like in her fifties and she was like there she had been applying for jobs and she was like ageism is definitely a thing. She was like, especially as a woman. And so I do think it's important to consider, if you even think you might want to make a change in career, to really think about that in your late 30s and early 40s, you know, because I do think that unfortunately, that's something that women have to deal with is ageism, and you know, if you can get kind of your foot in the door at a younger age, you know that could be beneficial.
Speaker 2:And even if you end up going back to it, maybe you just needed to get out of it for that moment, or you needed to realign with something else in order for you to, you know, be better at it than what you were before. Like I think that that's also a piece. You know. Sometimes you just get too entrenched in something and it's not. You don't know that you're entrenched in it until you get out of it.
Speaker 1:Absolutely and you don't realize maybe the poor coping skills that you're using or just like the impact of the chronic stress that it has on your life, like that's really. It's really hard to see it when you're in it. You're just trying to survive day to day, like you're just going through the motions in a lot of ways and then you have a minute to breathe and really look back and you're like, wow, I should have maybe paused a little bit sooner than I actually did, but you live and learn right point is you eventually pause, you eventually take care of yourself and say all right it's my turn to figure things out, so I hope that it gets people at least thinking about it.
Speaker 1:Your teacher, god knows. Don't leave the profession, because we need you.
Speaker 2:Except you guys.
Speaker 1:You all have to stay right, but maybe look at how you shift. That too, that, like I said, it doesn't have to be something huge. You go to a different school. You could teach a different grade level, like anything that challenges you. Um is important, and I I am certainly guilty of that in my career. Like I, I went on autopilot after I had kids and I was just cruise control and boy was it having its impact on me. You know, I think just recognizing that it comes back to that reflection piece of like am I good? Are my coping skills good? Am I showing up the way I want to show up? Like you know? No, that that wasn't my case anyway, but it took some heartache to get to that point to recognize that, yeah, it does.
Speaker 2:And you're right, Autopilot is meant to be temporary and not a long time, you know. But we don't even recognize it so much whenever we're doing it, because there's something about that consistency that we think breathes the comfort within it and it's just. Yeah, it doesn't work long term.
Speaker 1:No.
Speaker 2:No, ma'am, as we say to ourselves.
Speaker 1:No, ma'am no ma'am, no, ma'am, mm-mm, using those manners, if this is you and you find yourself on the fence, then let this be a sign to take the leap of whatever it is.
Speaker 2:The universe is supposed to, and let us know?
Speaker 1:Yeah, reach out to us. You can find us on our website. You can find us at lilaspodcastcom. You can find us on Facebook and Instagram at the Lylas Podcast. What's Facebook? Lylas Podcast LLC. We had to change it because we got hacked and we can't go back in the old account. But if you go to our website, you can find all of our handles and you can text us directly. So let us know if you've got some ideas you want to chat about. If you are making a big jump, we want to hear about it, so send us a message.
Speaker 1:We'd love to chat with you Absolutely Love all the ideas. They get used too, so most everything that gets said gets used True story. All right, y'all. That's all I got for this week, until next week, lylas.
Speaker 2:We out.
