The LYLAS Podcast
If you know what LYLAS stands for, then this podcast is for you! Two besties since middle school turned moms and psychologists dish on "the good, the fun, and the yucks" of life! We're tackling all things mental health, "mom balance" (whatever the hell that is), transitions in life (divorce, career, aging parents, parent loss, loss of friendships), self-care, travel, healthy habits, raising kids, and allllllll the things us midlife mamas are experiencing. We hope each week listeners feel like they just left a good ol' therapy session with their bestie! We'll dish on all the tips and tricks to keep your mental health in check and enjoy this thing called life! Meet your life's newest cheerleaders-- Sarah & Jen! LYLAS!
The LYLAS Podcast
Mom Rage and Mindfulness
"Mom Rage." That sensation of heat rising through your body—the infamous mom rage—happens to even the most mindful among us, regardless of how many meditation apps we use or self-care practices we maintain.
This raw conversation dives into why midlife women experience intense emotional responses despite having tools to manage them. We explore the hormone fluctuations that influence our reactions, the frustration of having our feelings dismissed as "just hormonal," and the particular triggers that set us off—like having to ask three times for someone to pick up their water bottle before they finally do it.
We examine the challenges of modern parenting approaches, questioning whether extremely gentle parenting might actually leave children unprepared for adult realities. There's a crucial difference between sheltering children from all discomfort and teaching them resilience through witnessing how we handle our own struggles. When children see us navigate difficult emotions—even rage—they learn valuable lessons about emotional regulation that textbooks can't teach.
Perhaps most importantly, we reframe emotions as "places we visit rather than places we live." This perspective allows us to experience the full range of human feelings without shame or fear of becoming permanently defined by our momentary reactions. By showing our children that emotions are normal, manageable aspects of being human, we give them permission to honor their own emotional experiences while developing healthy coping strategies.
Next time rage bubbles up, remember you're teaching your children something valuable about being human. The question isn't whether you'll experience difficult emotions—it's how you'll navigate them and what you'll learn along the way. What emotional visits have taught you the most about yourself?
Please be sure to checkout our website for previous episodes, our psych-approved resource page, and connect with us on social media! All this and more at www.thelylaspodcast.com
I don't know if we should start this one with like a meditation or something to get our minds right so we don't go into full mom rage right off the get-rep. Yeah, it can get pretty hot, pretty quick.
Speaker 2:You know, sometimes it just doesn't take much, but I guess that's why we're talking about it today.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean, I'm gonna assume part of it is just all the, all the balls we're juggling. And you know, our hormones definitely are playing a part in our rage, whether you're a mom or not. If you're a midlife woman, let's say like 35 and up, uh, you know, I think that you have already noticed at some point that your hormones are all over the freaking place. And, as a mom for us, as we were talking just before we hit record, we obviously talk a lot about mindfulness and meditation and really trying to like show up as our best self every day. But that doesn't mean that we don't also have, like what we are calling mom rage at times.
Speaker 1:Whatever it is midlife rage, you know, whatever it is women rage, it still exists, no matter how, how many of these tools you have in your toolbox. And part of what we want to break down today is that stereotype that, like she's on, she's on her cycle again, or you know it's that time of the month. You know, sometimes, like husbands will make those comments and I'm like, maybe that's part of it, maybe it's not. Like am I not allowed to have emotions anymore? And when did it become necessary to call me out every time I have an emotional response. Yeah, my own kids call me out and I'm like dude. So I don't know. Maybe this is a time for us to be a little reflective as well.
Speaker 2:No, I totally agree, and I like what you just said, because it does feel like I don't know that maybe this is just me too. So, if it is, then just take this as a hot take, because we're going to start to do that. I feel like that our emotions are in some ways trying to be censored or muted, but it's natural for us to also have them and to express them and then, if the need be, to then teach a recorrection. You know what I mean For ourselves, for anybody else who happens to see whatever just happened. But at the end of the day, shit's going to happen.
Speaker 2:None of us are perfect and you know we all live in our own little world or bubble. But whenever, like the other bubbles in it start popping, then it just makes it so much easier for us to, you know, become more irritated, grouchy, grumpy, whatever the case may be, that can contribute to us just losing our shit or having mom rage. It is kind of a hot topic right now, isn't it? As my 10-year-old would say, it's trending. She's big on saying everything is trending.
Speaker 2:That's her way of being like. No, y'all ain't cool. It has to be trending, you're, you're not trending no, yeah, probably not.
Speaker 1:I just I was thinking of when we were talking about this topic, just a couple examples of you know recently that have happened. And once, specifically, we were on a vacation and my son said something like mom, why are you always so mad? And like boy, did I want to rage when he said that? Because I'm like, how about the thousands of were on a vacation. And my son said something like mom, why are you always so mad? And like boy, did I want to rage when he said that? Because I'm like how about the thousands of times that I'm not mad?
Speaker 1:You know, nobody's like acknowledging that, or all the times I do keep my shit together when I want to rage against the machine, like no one's acknowledging those times. But the minute you do get mad about something, it feels like people are really quick to point it out, like, oh, mom's mad again. And it's like, well, maybe if people just quit pissing me off, that could alleviate some of this. And I feel like you and I both we try really hard to regulate our nervous systems, to stay at a nice, even homeostasis, and like I do a lot of shit to feel good, and most of the time I do feel really good but, like sometimes, I still get pissed off and I don't feel like it's that different from when I was in my trees, other than I'm putting in a lot of work not to like constantly be raging against the machine or not to be explosive.
Speaker 1:You know when I do get upset, and so I don't know, it's just sometimes I'm like can I not just have a feeling, can I not just like be pissed, that you all, just you know, did exactly the opposite of what I asked you to do, right? Yeah, it pisses me off.
Speaker 2:Right, or it's the third time I've asked you to do something and it's still not done, and here we are, or when this is my new. Favorite response that I get is I know, sweetheart, if you did know, why haven't we done this yet? You know, that's where I'm at, like you knew. So now, what are we talking about? You deliberately, then didn't do it, because let's talk about how pissed I'm going to get at that one, or you can be like I know and then immediately start doing what you're supposed to be doing, instead of waiting on me to be the person to be like. Why are we doing this again?
Speaker 1:Right, I don't know why do I have to get pissed to cause an action? Perfect example of that Last night we got home from a soccer game. I'm a freak about my car. I don't like shit in my car. And so I'm like anything you brought in, take it out. I'm like, make sure you get that water bottle in and the floorboard. And I get out and I notice one of my children is not carrying anything and I say, hey, did you grab the water bottle? I asked, yeah, well, no. And so of course I opened the door, even though I'm carrying 18 other things, and I rage, grabbed the water bottle.
Speaker 1:And I'm like can you all stop being lazy when I ask you to do something that I ask every single time you get out of my car? Could you just do it? And I was like and again, I probably shouldn't call them lazy, but to me that is lazy All you had to do was reach down and grab it and walk. And so you know. And then they immediately are like falling over themselves to grab the water bottle.
Speaker 1:I'm like why do I have to get pissed for you all to have an action? Like, why didn't you just do it the first time? Right and you know then. Then it starts like that whole guilt, like uh, why did I call him lazy? Why couldn't I? You know, but the bot, you know, I did recover pretty quickly because that I am super mindful. Now, when I get to that level of like you need to simmer down, in the grand scheme of life it's not that big a deal. But still, like I can't help that it evokes like a rage inside of me. When it happens, and like any other human being, I react.
Speaker 2:Right, and that's.
Speaker 2:I just don't know why there's first off, I'm not a big fan of this whole soft and gentle parenting movement that we have going on where we have to be, so here's another hot take Sweet stuff.
Speaker 2:I've been doing a lot of research, a lot of CEs, a lot of all the stuff here lately, a lot of old stuff here lately, and it's really showing that our parenting approach is really creating, perhaps, or correlating positively or very strongly with a generation of people that don't know how to cope whenever they get into their mid twenties or whenever they are entering that adulthood, because they have essentially there's even books about like the coddling of America, where we are just focused too much on providing a safe, like non hurtful, non harmful environment for our kids that whenever they actually get put into real life situations, they don't know what to do.
Speaker 2:This whole phenomenon of like a failure to launch is a new thing. That is like a generational kind of crisis that's happening right now because we haven't helped to prepare our soon to be adult or adult children for adult life, and then that smacks them hard in the face and so, hey again, I don't think that we should be calling our kids little bastards or things like that, but to say that they're lazy, I think that that's an appropriate, you know thing to say.
Speaker 2:I don't know, and I think like.
Speaker 1:I do I am mindful again to use that word of the language I use Like I wasn't, like you're lazy, I'm like why are you being lazy, right?
Speaker 1:Like it's not. I'm not saying that that's who you are, but I'm saying like that's the behavior that I'm observing right now and I don't like it because I do feel like you have to call them out. I mean I'm kind of with you. I mean, you know, I feel like we talked about this early this morning like I go above and beyond, probably way more than I should, for my kids. I'm probably doing way more than I need to, but you know, I am hell bent on giving them everything I didn't have as a kid, right, and so part of that is on me and like healing that, like childhood trauma, but also, like you know, you just want better for your kids and so part of it comes from that. Now, that's not to say that I don't. Also, you know, tell them when they're being lazy, or tell them when they're being a brat, or tell them when they're being unkind, like I have no problem calling out problem behavior and apparently they have no problem calling out mine, which is okay.
Speaker 1:We are right, I mean right.
Speaker 1:I'm glad that they feel comfortable enough that they can say hey, you know, mom, why are you, why are you so upset? Like this isn't a big deal, you know that kind of stuff. So, yeah, I do think on some I have observed it in situations where parents tend to like jump in and take control of everything that happens, particularly as their kids get older. And I am super mindful of like I don't want to do that necessarily. I have to stop myself, because if you do control everything and you get them out of every sticky situation, you're right. They're never going to learn how to cope and figure things out on their own and problem solve.
Speaker 1:And that's hard as a parent, I mean, I can see why people do it right. You don't want your kid to suffer at all but at the end of the day, like that's sort of our responsibility to teach them how to cope when things don't go their way.
Speaker 2:Yeah, quite as quite as planned, and I mean it can be a very slippery slope with it, but I think that we they and we get more out of those types of situations from it. Like I always thought, even whenever Cameron was little, I was like my job is not to be his friend, his not even his necessary, like protector, because I can't assume a role that I can't fulfill fully. I can't protect this kid from everything, so why am I going to assume a role that I can't fulfill fully? I can't protect this kid from everything, so why am I going to assume a role that I can't fulfill? And so I just thought, like my role, my job, is to teach him how to be an adult. Essentially, that's what.
Speaker 2:That's what I'm trying to do with this person, so that way, whenever he turns 18, he's able to go off to college, to his own apartment, to whatever else, and have some idea how to do things, or have some idea how to cope with situations or how to pay a bill, you know, write a check, little things like that. And then also just like how to manage life Like child is also a training ground for being an adult, and part of that is like, if I'm losing my shit, and they'd be like, hey, you're losing your shit, that's good feedback and that's good training for them later on. So that way whenever they're in more adult-like relationships they don't feel like they have to be quiet whenever those things happen, that that response can be reciprocal and helpful, Like, hey, I know, you know, I see what I did was wrong, but also, this isn't right either. That's a fine exchange to have happen and to allow our kids to have those opportunities to call us out. I think is also important for them in their own personal growth.
Speaker 1:You know, but it's a two way street, so um, yeah, not advocating for it, I don't know that there's ever a right time to have kids, but I do think that's part of like having kids later in life. That's, you know. Hopefully I've found some tools and you know, like I said, I do feel like I am a little bit more mindful and I come from the camp of like I. I still talk to my mom almost every day and I'm almost 43 years old. If I have a problem, she's probably the first person I'm going to call, unless my husband can fix it.
Speaker 1:I also want to have such a strong connection with my kids that they always God willing, if I'm around long enough, they can always call me for advice, because that is such a comfort to me. Sometimes I don't even need an answer, I just need to hear her say it's going to be all right. You know, whatever, whatever happens, it's going to be okay. And so you know that comfort for me is just kind of what I try to model for my kids of like I'll always listen, I won't judge you, you know, and you know I will always be here if you need me.
Speaker 1:Um, but it is. You know my kids are starting to. I have one that's, you know a tween, essentially, and like it is getting to a point where like, yeah, he does need to figure some stuff out on his own and I am trying real hard to take a backseat on some things and let him fail at things, or um, or just learn from his own experiences. Fail at things, or um, or just learn from his own experiences. Um, I have a tendency to stuff my experiences down their throat and be like learn from me, don't make my mistakes. But at the end of the day, it's how we learn best, quite honestly, is making your own mistakes.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it is, and it does happen in those real vulnerable moments. Sometimes, you know, like if we were, I mean, if I'm even sitting here thinking about, like the moments that, um, I get the most aggravated, or the incidences that would just again ignite that like fire or fuel within things. For me, it's whenever I've asked you to do something, like three times, you know, and it's usually not that big or hard or complex of a task and it's also one that is, again, it's part of life, it's a part of teaching, it's what we're trying to do. That's one. Backtalk is pretty hard, you know. I think there's other terms that people try to use for it, but why it's the perfect one.
Speaker 2:We all know what it means whenever somebody backtalks us, and at those times I think that that's a moment for reclarification as to what is actually happening or the expectations are for it. And also that that's not a good thing to do, like, first off, let's take a moment and don't sass me, don't back talk me. And now let me tell you why this is important as a learning example. But you're also going to learn that you were sassy and I'm not listening to sass.
Speaker 1:It's ultimately like that disrespect right which we know definitely is like a hot, a hot button for you.
Speaker 1:For the most part, I will say I don't get a lot of backtalk from my kids and so like that's hard for me to kind of commiserate on. But I know, like working in schools with kids kids talk back. You know I often would like flip it and like make a joke out of it because I just, I don't know like that was an easier way to deal with kids, was to be like, did you mean to say that? Or like you trying to, like, you know, make me mad. You know, kind of like flip it on them to also clarify like what's the purpose of why you said that? You know, but it is, um, you know I'm sure I've got it coming. I have quite the sassy little one that I'm sure once we hit her teenage years I'm going to experience it. But for, also, I can also usually tell when something you know, like I think about what are, like, my hot points that are always going to set me off and it's things that, like, I'm always trying to control.
Speaker 1:Or if I'm overwhelmed with a lot going on in life, like little things can kind of set me off, and a lot of times it just has to do with like where you know what's going on in my headspace, whether that's I've got a lot to do for work or I'm planning birthday. But like right now, I got a lot going on this week and um and so yeah, like probably wouldn't have gotten as mad about the water bottle, probably would have just grabbed it, you know, on a normal night. But I'm also like late in my luteal phase, so I'm about to start my period. Like that's a factor for me. I have a million things running through my head that I need to get done in the next three days.
Speaker 1:You know, I've got a work trip coming up, mother's Day's around the corner. I've got to make sure everybody's got gifts and all the you know like. While I love doing these things, a lot of it is like expectations I put on myself. I got to make the birthday magic happen. You know, like there's just a lot of things I put on my own plate, my poor husband's, like well, how can I help you? And I'm like you can't because you're not going to do it right and that's going to piss me off too. And so, like, just, you know, if nothing else, like what you can do is just ignore me. When I get a little rageful and and let me be, because I always come full circle Right, I always come out of it.
Speaker 2:It just might take me a couple of hours, I always come out of it, it just might take me a couple hours yeah, actually that's a nice thing to say too is like I just need. Allow me just to kind of be at this point for a moment you know, and I think it's fair to allow them to have that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, also to allow them to have a moment of like grace, you know, and that does create like a safe exchange for like emotions and clarity whenever we do that.
Speaker 2:And you know that is something that we practice, like when somebody starts to get real sassy or get real upset, then it has been shown, coached or whatever. That, hey, I'm going to go in my room for a few minutes and gather everything together and then we're going to come out and we're going to, you know, re-approach this a little bit differently. So it's almost like a collective timeout that gets kind of called in that space to do it and then finding times to talk about things, I think, after the fact, like a few days later or whenever you need to, just to kind of reassess, touch base and reassure that you know this isn't a display of a lack of love or compassion or anything else. This is a natural human emotion or experience that we're all entitled to engage in, as well as the checkup process that kind of happens thereafter, you know yeah, that kind of repairing which is important.
Speaker 1:We're not perfect humans and I'll call myself out on this too.
Speaker 1:Like to me, meditation, mindfulness, like you get out what you put into it and so if you're doing like the bare minimum or maybe you're not fully committing to your meditation practice, like for me recently, quite honestly, it's become more about continuing my streak alive on this app I use because I'm almost at 365 days of like not missing a meditation, but I'm, you know, sometimes I do it while I'm walking or sometimes I do it right before I go to bed, like just so I don't miss my streak, when really I know that I'm a better person If I do it first thing in the morning, when everyone's asleep, I can focus and really like drop in and give myself time, and I'm getting to the point where I need to do it for longer stretches.
Speaker 1:I can't get necessarily what I need from like a five minute meditation, like I need to really sit with my thoughts and my feelings for longer periods of time. And so you know, if I'm skimping out on some of that or just kind of going through the motions and not really like dropping in, like it does affect my reactions, you know I am a better person and less reactive when I meditate consistently and and really, you know, put everything into it, and so I think you can go through, you can say well, I meditate every day and I still have mom rage. Well, yeah, but are you really, you know, and that's not to say you can be giving it everything and still have mom rage, like we are not robots and we are reactive to whatever is happening to us around us, um, within us, yeah, so, yeah, within us.
Speaker 1:And so I think, more than anything, you know, I'm most proud of the fact that I'm recognizing it in myself when it's happening. You know, I and really am able to like back off and not berate my kids about the water bottle. You know I made one comment yeah, I'm like y'all are being lazy when you do this. And then it was like and then I was fine, I probably took like five minutes, but then, you know, went over, and then my daughter spilled or got some paint on my brand new couch and I was less fine again, but you know, I was able to repair in that moment, like this really upsets me, and I was already upset but you know what?
Speaker 1:It's going to be fine. It came off the couch, you know, let's move forward. And so again, like the recognition, like I really want to credit, and if you're listening to this and you're like, hey, at least I'm, at least we are recognizing it and not just expecting everyone to deal with our emotions all the time, right, because we are. I mean, let's call it what it is we are all over the fucking place, and if you're not, god bless you. What's your secret, right?
Speaker 2:Exactly no, for real, and I think that that's what it comes down to, like I know for a fact what are going to be the high incident rates or the things that are going to be the ignition points that I'm going to get upset about. So if I know what those things are, then it's also my responsibility to be more mindful of not, you know, going to I don't know death con 10 and you know, and instead maybe backing up to I don't know a light hand grenade. I mean, I'm just kind of using like little examples here, but but I think that that is important to you know what I mean To recognize that, okay, I'm, there's been many things that have happened today that have gotten under my skin. I'm working on getting them out, and if you now decide to become like a chigger or a tick and crawl under there too, then this whole situation is not going to go well.
Speaker 2:But I think that that takes communicating that, and I think that it takes communicating that with our partners, our spouses or, you know, even our kids. You know, like, even just if you have had a rough or a bad day, it's not going to. You can't. Maybe you can, but it's very hard to automatically press a reset button whenever you see them. Automatically press a reset button whenever you see them. And also, again, I don't know that that's healthy, because I think that it is good for our kids to see us again as learning, struggling with something, to talk about the fact that we're struggling with something and then let them see how we cope with it. So I don't think that it's healthy for us to put on a mask or for our kids to learn that as a behavior from others.
Speaker 2:You know that we just have to push everything under the rug.
Speaker 2:I have to be all happy and good because you know it's the end of the day and I don't want you to come home and come home to an unhappy household.
Speaker 2:Well, the whole house exploded while you were gone and the little risks that you see are really, you know, are not exactly a full representation, but I think that's okay too, and I think that whenever our kids hear that we're struggling with something, I think that that automatically opens the door for more compassion on their behalf.
Speaker 2:Like I have not yet, which maybe you know we could encounter, like if I say like hey, I'm having a hard time, I'm really struggling with something right now that the kids are then going to be like, hey, I'm having a hard time, I'm really struggling with something right now. That the kids are then going to be like okay, well, let me use this as an attack point. You know what I mean. We've got a wounded animal here, so I'm just going to pounce on it. And I think the same and vice versa. Our kids may not be able to articulate, because of their age, because of their emotional maturity, what has happened to them within their day, and so having a grace period for them. To you know, maybe we're not going to just jump straight on getting homework done or whatever else like let's just acknowledge that.
Speaker 2:You know today's been a little bit of a struggle. So here we are, you know, I think that's such a great point.
Speaker 1:I do think that's such a great point in that they need to see a struggle and see how we deal with it, so that they can learn some coping skills and not just, you know, kind of sweep it under the rug.
Speaker 1:And it made me think about a couple of weeks ago you know this I had a health scare where they had found something on my ovary and I had to have a bunch of tests done and you know a lot of appointments and things, and it was just, it was a stressful time, right. You're playing this waiting game and you don't know what they're going to come back and say. And it is, it's frightening, and I was definitely on edge for those few days when I was waiting on the test results to come back, which thankfully they came back benign, everything's fine, but you know it is, you know it definitely was impacting my ability to regulate my emotions, and so that was a conversation that I had with my son, because he is old enough now to know and I must have gotten mad about something I'm sure I did, god knows, I'm sure they tracked in my clean house or something like that.
Speaker 1:Like you know want to set me off like dirty my house right after I paid somebody to come clean it, want to set me off like dirty my house right after I paid somebody to come clean it. But you know, I guess my husband pulled him aside and was like, hey, mom's a little on edge, you know she's a little worried about something. Like it's going to be fine, you know. And so anyway, when I was repairing later I can't even remember what I had gotten mad about. But when I was repairing later with him, you know, I said to him I said, you know, I've got a lot on my mind right now. And he's like, yeah, dad told me, and you know he was like now I'm really worried. I was like we have nothing to worry about.
Speaker 1:But it opened that conversation of like we're all dealing with things and you don't know. You know, you never know what somebody's dealing with. So he and I were able to have that conversation of you just never know what people are going through and of you just never know what people are going through, and then to to provide a little grace, particularly if it seems like out of character or they get mad over what appears to be something really tiny Um, you know it's probably something bigger under the surface, under the surface that you can't see, Um, so it just you know. I I think that's such a great point, and letting them see us struggle.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, I mean I just I don't know that there's been anything that now, having an adult child that maybe maybe we should have him on and ask him that that he probably maybe at some point, like learn more from than seeing me go through things, things. Yeah, you know, and I do think that that at least I want to believe that that helped him to prepare for himself and how he deals with things, maybe very specifically due to diabetes, because he's, you know, it's just something that he's really really, really been very efficient and good at. But I think that that was because maybe at that point, like he saw me go through a lot of hard times because I was, you know 20,
Speaker 2:some 20, whenever I got diagnosed had him at 21. So he never knew anything different, and so that's a real vulnerable time. I was in the hospital a few different times so he had to see all of that. I'd get sick and he'd see that, and so it was a time in which I wasn't as in control of my condition as what I am now. But thank God that he got to see that because he was able to, you know, learn from that. He's never been in a situation that I was in yet because of the disease, and I think that so much of that is, even if I'm not sitting there, giving him a lesson about this is how you avoid, you know, x, y and Z, I think from an observational standpoint and then us talking about it later, like when he got diagnosed or whenever he feels bad. Then that works and I even think, like with our other child, whenever it comes to things she finds it a safe place to talk to, and so I can sit there and, you know, say that, hey, you're acting pretty sassy, or I can get pretty upset and be like you're going to your room and he ain't coming out until I let you know You're allowed to go to the bathroom and maybe have a snack, but I'm pretty sure you just ate and you're not going to starve, so we're going to wait this one out a little bit. No, like we're not. This isn't playtime, but even with her she's really good at opening up and talking about things or asking about it, and what she's done lately, which I think is real impressive, is that she's been able to like, gently but firmly, like tell people whenever she doesn't like what their behavior is or she doesn't find it to be helpful, and so that's one thing that you know we've been working on. And so that's one thing that you know we've been working on. You can be gentle and firm and directive at the same time, and you don't have to be scared to tell somebody or to give them feedback Like. It just is a real silly example.
Speaker 2:We've recently got another dog. God bless him. He's a sweet. He's a sweet, sweet, sweet boy, a seven-year-old man. He's a whatever. He's a Husky. He's a retired sled dog, lived in a barn seven years and now we have him in our house, so you can imagine how well that's going. And so he's not. It's a little bit of a struggle bus to try to train him and we take different training approaches with our dog and pretty similar, but my husband can be a little bit more firm, or, you know, being the alpha within the dog pack, yeah, and Rachel does not approve.
Speaker 2:And so she actually sat down. She said you know, I really think that if you start treating our dog like this, then he might come up to you and like you more, instead of me and Sarah having to coax the dog to kind of come up to you. And I mean, I didn't have the balls to sit there and say that. But she did Right, you know, and I was really proud of her for that. And you know he did a great job. He listened to her and, you know, said thank you. I appreciate you telling me that it's just a different approach that I have that I'm working on. So he provided her with education and information too, but provided her with education and information too. But he didn't sit there and say you have no right to sit there and nail me Right.
Speaker 2:You know how sometimes we can get very indignant whenever somebody gives us feedback. But you know it was a beautiful exchange and she did a great job. Like that's what I'm talking about, like being able to, you know, coach your kids, for them to watch you, and then for you to also be receptive whenever they kind of give you that level of feedback. It just makes it so much easier than whenever things become more challenging. So we've got a good base kind of going right now and hopefully, if we can kind of continue to promote that, then whenever you know she's 13, you know we'll probably all be in a discussion with lawyers, because she talks like a lawyer, I talk like a lawyer, he is a lawyer, and so it's just we're going to be in a discussion with lawyers because she talks like a lawyer, I talk like a lawyer, he is a lawyer, and so it's just we're going to be in the middle of like a three-way litigation, not like a real, like legal one, but we'll just all get mouthy.
Speaker 1:It'll feel like one.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, but good for her for being able to do that and to express that. And again, are we still just? Are we calling each other out on things? Sure, we're calling out the behavior, we're saying it's not helpful, but then we're doing that in a way that actually promotes safety, so that way she can call somebody out whenever she doesn't like something or he doesn't like something.
Speaker 2:And even my adult son and I, if he's having a fit about something, I'll be like you know, can you get your head out of your ass for a second? Like, really, like that's what I know Very empathetic mom is a psychologist, but also it's for real. Like I'm not going to sugarcoat something to you. If that's what you need to do, you know, um, and then he'll sit there and he'll be like okay, mom, you know he knows what I'm saying whenever I say that, and it's with love and sweetness as a part of it, and then again it's kind of a check, and then we come back and we talk and everything kind of goes well with it. So you know, we're all working on it and grace is important.
Speaker 1:We're all working on it and I think there's so many teachable moments that we find if we're mindful and we're really paying attention to ourselves and our reactions and our kids and their reactions, even to our reactions. You know, my kids don't like when I get upset. I can see it on their faces and that's never my goal. Sometimes I want them to know I'm upset but, like I also sometimes want to explain to them why.
Speaker 1:And I had a great teachable moment recently with my son who's, like I said, he's a tween, so we're going to be, you know, hitting those puberty years pretty soon and he has a lot of questions about puberty. They must be talking about it at school or something, because he has some background knowledge. But I said you know how, like your body's about to start changing no-transcript that cause us to react differently, that cause us to behave differently, to have, you know, different feelings, and so sometimes it truly is things that you can't control in that moment, but we can at least recognize it and be mindful and then try to move through it in the best way we can using our toolbox. So I think it's just taking those teachable moments and not shaming ourselves when we do exhibit a little bit of mom rage.
Speaker 2:Right, or other people also maybe. Yeah, yeah, how good you are If you're not exhibiting mom rage, then that's something to think about too, right?
Speaker 1:Or other people also maybe. Yeah, yeah, how good you are, and if you're not exhibiting mom rage, then that's something to think about too, Right?
Speaker 2:Well, I mean think about that, you know?
Speaker 1:are you suppressing it? Are you, you know what? What is occurring? Because we all, that's a normal feeling. I say that to my kids all the time. You know, I'm like, you know, if they're like're like, well, I'm feeling anxious, that's a normal feeling. Everybody feels anxious, you know. And talking about that, and so I think, just again, like de-stigmatizing these things is so important for our kids to understand the difference between a feeling and a disorder, right, right, there's a difference, right, and how are they different? And what? What tools do we have in our toolbox to combat these feelings so that they don't become disorders?
Speaker 2:Exactly, and suppression doesn't normally work as one, or neither does, constantly, I don't know. Like coming down on someone for displaying or having an emotion Like that also is something that teaches something that's also not healthy as well. So, you know, I think modulation, of course, is helpful, but also I think that allowing people to experience different levels of extreme safely is important too. I mean, I don't know, I just know that there's going to be times in your life where you're not going to be sheltered from an extreme emotion, a heartbreak, excitement, and I don't know that that's okay for us to teach that going to those places is not allowed either, and I would say that you're allowed to go to them but not live in them. So, you know, we can visit different emotional states. Yeah, our goal is not to like you know again, I don't want to. Yeah, I don't want to be known as, like you know, rage, sarah, that every, you know I'm just everything that's going to come around and like piss me off is going to turn into this.
Speaker 2:No, but it is a place that I visit and you know what, on certain trips it might be more frequent that we go by this place because of what's happening, you know or whatever else but yeah, yeah, but it's a place you visit and then you find other ranges of emotions or experiences to also have as part of your life.
Speaker 2:But by visiting that you learn something from it. So that way again, the next time you get to that place you don't have to feel trapped, you don't have to live there, you just visit it for a few moments, you know, and then allow yourself to to move on to the next stop.
Speaker 1:It's a visit. I think we end on that Cause. That's just. That's such a nugget of wisdom and great advice for anybody that's listening and experiencing any kind of mom rage, midlife rage, whatever you care to call it the rage we all know that exists inside of us. Great advice. I love that, Hopefully.
Speaker 2:We'll see how it all goes right. We're always a. We'll see. That's it.
Speaker 1:Work in progress. All right, I think that's all we got for this week y'all, until next week, lilas Out.
