The LYLAS Podcast
If you know what LYLAS stands for, then this podcast is for you! Two besties since middle school turned moms and psychologists dish on "the good, the fun, and the yucks" of life! We're tackling all things mental health, "mom balance" (whatever the hell that is), transitions in life (divorce, career, aging parents, parent loss, loss of friendships), self-care, travel, healthy habits, raising kids, and allllllll the things us midlife mamas are experiencing. We hope each week listeners feel like they just left a good ol' therapy session with their bestie! We'll dish on all the tips and tricks to keep your mental health in check and enjoy this thing called life! Meet your life's newest cheerleaders-- Sarah & Jen! LYLAS!
The LYLAS Podcast
The LYLAS Podcast, Season 4, Episode 75, "Aging: How We Doing?"
Have you ever noticed how a simple trip to the liquor store can spark a profound reflection on aging? It happened to us when we weren't carded, leading us to ponder how we perceive aging and how others view us. We compare these midlife changes to the awkwardness of puberty and navigate societal stereotypes around midlife crises, sharing personal stories about hair loss and the quest for youthful appearances. Join us as we embrace the humor and heart of aging, offering comfort and self-acceptance amidst life's dynamic changes.
Please be sure to checkout our website for previous episodes, our psych-approved resource page, and connect with us on social media! All this and more at www.thelylaspodcast.com
Welcome to Lylas. If you grew up in the 80s and 90s, you probably know what Lylas stands for and, by default, if you have a vagina, this podcast is probably for you.
Speaker 2:That's right, it sure is. Congratulations, by the way, if you have one, as well as to those who don't have a vagina. We thank you for your support and listening and being there for those that do.
Speaker 1:Right, if you don't have a vagina, you're probably listening to support one, and we also commend you we're all in a good fight here, folks if you're watching on youtube, I have my ski goggles on because we got snow here in south carolina this week and I'm already tired of it after two days of living snow, snow in South Carolina.
Speaker 2:Right Meanwhile I'm going on like three weeks here of nothing but this snow I know I'm bitching about 48 hours.
Speaker 1:I mean it will literally be gone tomorrow.
Speaker 2:I hear you, but it just goes to show it's nice in the moment and then it just kind of gets old. Maybe that's like most things I don't know. Novelty, right, the only thing. That's like most things, I don't know Novelty, right?
Speaker 1:Yeah, the only thing that's really exciting and fun is novelty. And then it's over. It's like okay, let's on to the next.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I wonder what that says about our attention spans, or I don't know.
Speaker 1:Our need Well, it is definitely an ADHD trait is the need for novelty. I mean, that's why we tend to flitter from topic to topic or activity to activity. So today's topic again one that I think we just love to talk about as midlife women, which is aging and something I'm always thinking about not always, but something I think about often. Every time I buy these hundred dollar creams and potions to put on my face. I definitely am thinking about it, but I'll tell you what I actually. I haven't told you this story yet, so this is good.
Speaker 1:I went to Total Wine the other day like a liquor store Nice, and that's not the story. But I went to a liquor store the other day and I did not get carded. And you know, those stores are kind of like notorious they always card, even if you're like 65. I've actually seen them, you know, card my mother before and she didn't card me, and I had a moment of like, what's my tell? Like? There was clearly a tell right when this woman was like Nabu, I know you, 21. Um, which, by the way, if you do the math, it's like 2000, and what is it? What's this? 2025. So, 2004,.
Speaker 1:You were born in 2004. You were born in 2004. You were old enough to buy alcohol anyway, that's right, but like it got my head spinning. I'm like what's my tell? Because I think I look pretty good for 42 and a half and so, yeah, I mean, you can't avoid like these thoughts of aging and you know what you look like, what you think you look like versus what you look like. Even you know, I recently had a facial and like there's that moment of where, like they're judging your skin and the quality of the work you have put in honey, and yeah, I don't know. So maybe I'm thinking about it too much. I really don't think about it that much, but in those kind of like moments, it's obvious, where you know, I'm just curious, like what's the tell?
Speaker 2:Well, I think, we get confronted with it in a different way than kind of what we used to, because our bodies are changing so much internally, as we kind of talk about, but also externally. Changing so much internally as we kind of talk about, but also externally, and it's almost at that kind of rate, at least for some of us, as it was back in the puberty days, and so it's all kind of happening pretty quick and it's like how do we then like find ourself within that flux and how do we feel comfortable whenever we're in a state of dynamic change? And then also we have this lovely like social influences that are everywhere, whether that be from the media, and effective self-comparisons with, like celebrities, whatever else, or our friends, or just you know, we all have insecurities about certain things. You know, one of the jokes that gets made and sometimes I think about this is you know, you mentioned us as being midlifers. Well, the joke about men going through like a midlife crisis is that they dump us midlife mamas and go off with these like 20-some-year-olds like you see, like Bill Belichick or somebody else doing. And so, you know, for us a midlife transition means something else than what we hear from a social, even media, perspective about guys and going through their midlife thing and so that even throws at least for me, that throws like a piece of something in there. Like I'm just trying to stay healthy, you know, work out, do everything that I can to keep what hair I have, because all of this is fake.
Speaker 2:All losing hair here, okay, like I was in New York this past weekend and the hair stylist at this place because we were also getting I was getting a facial and he was getting a massage he was like oh my God, I absolutely love your hair and your hair color. I was like it's all fake, it's all fake. And he was like oh my God, I absolutely love your hair and your hair color. I was like it's all fake, it's all fake. And he was like you had me duped and I was like it's two rows of extensions because it's all out. So, and that's something hard for women, you know, losing your hair, having thinning hair, whatever else but we're just like in this, I don't know, in this place where we're constantly exploring, like what can we?
Speaker 1:do I?
Speaker 2:that's what I feel like you know, like what you're talking about, like facials, this new thing called face tape, what you know, all the serums, like at one point in time you're just supposed to like wash your face and put lotion on it, like what is all this stuff Right, you know, and what no? And what order do you also put it in, because apparently that's important?
Speaker 1:Well, and that's you know, that's part of all of this is you have to do a lot of research, right? You don't want to just be like taping your face randomly or, you know, mixing all these different vitamins and things, potions, and you know there's so many things marketed towards women and you see a lot of stuff out there now about like biohacking and youions, and you know there's so many things marketed towards women and you see a lot of stuff out there now about like biohacking and you know, taking all these different types of peptides and stuff, and like I'm not going to go all in hundreds of dollars until I've researched at least a fair amount to say like, okay, this is like a legit investment or I really feel like my body needs this and I've done like some, some I don't know, look, see into it Now, having said that, I did just purchase the Aurum Colostrum as in like 12 hours ago and it may have been an impulse buy because I have looked at it several times, but for whatever reason decided yesterday was the day that I needed it. How I came to that conclusion I'm still not sure, but I will report back on that. But, like I had told you briefly, I feel like everyone I know is taking it and if for no other reason, I was like, well, if everyone is doing it, it must work, right?
Speaker 1:Um, cause it really like promotes like great hair growth and, um, as you get older older you know you shed a lot of hair and just, I have long hair, so I'm trying to get it like really thick and, um, you know, just trying to maintain this hair before it all goes gray. I've got some gray sprinkles in there, um, but I'm just trying to roll with it for as long as I can. Um, but yeah, I don't know. I just I think you've got to do a little bit of investigation to really see what the match, because the shit ain't cheap, right, I just spent like $140 on colostrum, which I'm pretty sure is what comes out of your nipples after you have a baby, if I'm not mistaken.
Speaker 1:So I still kind of feel weird about that. I have had in my cart several times face tape, have not pulled the trigger on that yet, and here's why I just I don't know enough about it.
Speaker 2:What is it?
Speaker 1:So it's where you kind of like gently tape your face at night so that it holds in place. That's what I'm saying. I don't really know enough about it to be like, hey, this is why you do it. I follow this woman on Instagram that looks amazing. I think she's like 49 years old, her skin is impeccable, she swears by it and so and shows you what to do. But mostly I follow her for like face massage, because I can get down with some face massage and I do think there's something to like this whole, like muscles and, like you know, relaxing and relaxing like the lines on your face, and then lymphatic drainage.
Speaker 1:And again, by no means am I any kind of expert on any of this. It is all just playful in nature mostly. But, as you know, I've talked highly about gua sha. I had somebody reach out after listening to one of our episodes and said now tell me more about like this Gua Sha. I'm like, well, watch these people. You know, like I don't. Again, by no means do I believe myself to be an expert, but there is something to like lymphatic drainage, all the things, and so the face tape I think is to hold your face. I'm not really sure.
Speaker 1:We'll figure it out, we'll report back on this one I was gonna say mouth tape is another one that I've had in my car several times and haven't pulled the trigger on. Have you looked into mouth tape at all, or familiar at all? Um, so it's basically like you tape your mouth shut at night, so it forces you to breathe through your nose, which is the best way to sort of like get oxygen right.
Speaker 1:We are actually meant to like breathe through our nose because there's that whole filtration system.
Speaker 1:Yeah, apparently again, these are all things that I've, you know I've picked up, yeah, but the idea is to like train yourself to breathe through your nose, and I've seen people do this when they work out like they're running stuff like that too, because it increases, like your oxygen intake, but I think also it, if you do, if you are a mouth breather, particularly at night. I have seen like pictures and things where it can actually like change your jaw structure, and so I don't know that just to me seems like a good idea. However, I do think you look a little crazy with tape on your mouth at night and I feel like my husband's going to roll over and be like the fuck. So I haven't pulled the trigger on that one yet. Yeah, I've got to work that, work him up to that. He like it takes my antics and you know pretty well, but you can't throw them all. I can't like show up with face tape and my mouth taped shut, right, you know all the other things.
Speaker 2:And the neti pot, like all the stuff at once. This isn't, yeah, no, I totally agree. But I think one. I think our. You always tell me about all this new stuff and I think it's because our algorithms that we have like on our pages show us different things. If you look online, it's probably just about like animals, like I'm following this huge turtle hospital making sure all the sea turtles are okay you know what I mean.
Speaker 1:It doesn't make any sense um, whatever.
Speaker 2:But that's where I think this stuff becomes fun and interesting, because it's it's so. It's just tailored to your interest in what you're looking at. But then you get confronted with it. Now I'm feeling like I'm behind the cue ball here. You know what I mean. You're not behind. What am I missing out on now?
Speaker 1:I think it's no, you're not behind on anything.
Speaker 2:Oh well, but you do have a better routine with that stuff, so you always do the stuff Like that's a non-negotiable.
Speaker 1:I want to say like I love skincare and have since I was a young girl, like I mean for a very long time I have loved skincare and so, um, so yeah, like my routine. Like I got a facial this weekend and I was like it's pretty robust, if I do say so myself, like I rarely get breakouts and when I do, I can usually pinpoint exactly why I got that particular breakout, where I got it. Um, so I mean, like I and I do feel like my skin is pretty good for my age, right, considering I've never had any sort of anything other than a facial, you know, done to my face. So so yeah, I think it's just fun to try stuff, and do I think it's going to make you look 21? No, I think it's going to ease the appearance of fine lines and wrinkles. Anything that you do is just not easy, so it's not as noticeable, but there's something really. I think there's something really beautiful about still being able to see those lines.
Speaker 1:I just don't want it to be like, you know, the Nile river going across my forehead, a soft like hey, she might be in her forties, but I don't know Cause their skin looks so great looks so great, right, right, I feel like I have the Grand Canyon going across my forehead, um, like literally.
Speaker 2:But you know, oh my god, um, but we still haven't, just in the air of disclosure here, neither one of us have had any injections, right? No, we still haven't. Still have not went down that path. My skincare routine always wash my face, always hydrate it. I like serums, but again, this is kind of what I was talking about, like what order? What are we doing? It depends on the season.
Speaker 1:You know, I think, dry your faces, right. There's so many factors, factors and you. To be consistent, you also can't just like randomly throw things into your lineup or your skin's going to react, right.
Speaker 2:I'm huge on the facial train. I like the hydro facials. I think those are great. I'm a big derma planer, so I do like those a whole bunch and I've had as part of a facial where they do the ultrasound. Have you had that before? They do like this One thing, they one time they like, do this like ultrasound, which again, I think it's supposed to stimulate muscles and help to stimulate your body's own like collagen production.
Speaker 2:So that way it does help to kind of fill in some of those areas In a semi. I mean, you're using an ultrasound machine but you're using that in to support your body's own functioning process. So, and then there's another one that I've had. That's kind of like as part of a facial too, but it's kind of like a I call it like a bug zapper. All right, you remember those old 80s bug zappers, yeah, but it's kind of like a I call it like a bug zapper. All right, you remember those old 80s bug zappers? Yeah, that's kind of like what I imagine it would feel like if you kind of put it on your face.
Speaker 2:But again, it's what it's doing is targeting the muscles, and so what you're talking about, like with a facial massage or anything is, it's just trying to get those muscles worked out, because the only way that they otherwise get worked out is through routine use, and if you do anything routine, then it's not really working out a muscle, right, right?
Speaker 2:So I mean it might help to kind of build it originally, but then once it's in its place, it's kind of at a sustained point and it's not really doing anything more. And so these little electrical pulses are meant to help to expand and contract the muscles within your face and your forehead, so that way they get their own little like mini workout. And it's supposed that over time through again making sure you stay physically hydrated, yeah, and doing like all the things and by using like these electrical and ultrasound kind of things and then you know the little micro injuries that come from using different um heads on a hydrofacial can help to kind of again lessen some of the wrinkles and things like that, or at least promote clear skin.
Speaker 1:Right so.
Speaker 2:I.
Speaker 1:Cellular turnover, if you will, that's right.
Speaker 2:Using the technical terms here. Yeah, I do feel like, and the reason why I do support what I I do think my skin is much clearer, especially than probably what it's ever been. Right, so, and I attribute a lot of that too, is that I very rarely wear any makeup in these days. Um, I wear mascara most days and fill in my brows because, again, it's hair, it's all coming out, coming out, um, but then I um, dog deliveries, welcome, actually. This is a huge thing. So, folks, I'm sorry for the dog interruption here, but this is a market day because we're actually starting to get deliveries again in West Virginia. It's been three weeks, folks. So, wow, I know UPS is working hard right now.
Speaker 2:Um, but with that, the esthetician that I go to does like this once a year like picture of what your face looks like from aging, from the sun, from like lines and yeah, okay, um, like, um, wrinkle lines the size of your pores, like all of this stuff, like it's this crazy camera that takes this shocking picture of what your face actually looks like.
Speaker 1:Yikes, it tells you how old you are.
Speaker 2:Yes, and it tells you.
Speaker 1:I'd be like don't tell me, I don't know, I would freak out.
Speaker 2:Yes, it does do that, and so, whenever, whenever I first, whenever she first introduced this to me, it was probably like a year, two years ago it'll this will be my second time. I'm getting the picture here in a few weeks. I was the age that I am, okay, which I mean you're should be right, right, thank God it's not older, because I spent a lot of time out in the sun x, y, whatever but then, after a year of kind of being very focused on having a good skincare regimen, you know, keeping up with like again, like the facial stuff and doing the hydration, it was like a two, I think it was like a three-year reduction. So, yeah, and it was you were able to see on the picture frame again, because they did a side-by-side comparison, like where the improvements were, yeah, and so that for me is just a level of confirmation that you know at least what I'm doing is helping.
Speaker 1:Maybe some Right Again, just like softening the blood. Right, we're not out here trying to like look like 20 year olds. That's not really well. It's not achievable, at least not with our method. And um, yeah, I think it's just again like what's the goal of whatever you're doing? Is it to like completely backtrack time or just to look as good as you possibly can at?
Speaker 1:this age, you know, taking care of yourself. I think that's definitely seems to be a movement. I've noticed just with a lot of influencers on social media. They're like in for the year, as you know, like face massage and face taping, and out is Botox and filler. And hey, if Botox and filler is your thing, no hate, no shade, do you?
Speaker 1:yeah it's your skin, it's your body, it's your face. You do whatever makes you happy. Um, but I will say it does seem to be trending right now to move towards like a more natural aesthetic. No, I totally will swing again, I'm sure right you get tired of seeing wrinkles and they'll be like. Just kidding, I was wrong, yeah.
Speaker 2:I know and I don't think I mean I don't feel like there's this biggest push towards. You know surgeries as well.
Speaker 1:You know, like some of the plastic surgery, yeah, you don't really hear about people having, like, plastic surgery. It could just be like we don't run in that circle, like, yeah, we don't live in those areas where the plastic surgery is real popular, I don't know. And again, like maybe that's just me being naive, but you don't, definitely don't hear about it, or people don't seem to talk about it that I know of and I think too.
Speaker 2:just to say this I think we're both whatever mental health professionals, raising girls, women, all the things we would love to sit here and be like, oh, just be comfortable in your skin and feel great about who you are. But also that's not really life. We all feel a little, you know, like things could be improved.
Speaker 1:Everybody's got something.
Speaker 2:And so this is also throwing. I'm not going to sit here, I'm done, let's put it that way Throwing sunshine and rainbows up somebody's ass. It's just an unrealistic kind of a thing. Be fine in the moment with how things are and then continue to work towards whatever you feel works well for you. That's kind of where I'm landing at this point in life.
Speaker 1:So it's okay to say that there's things that you want to improve we talked about in one of the episodes at the beginning of the new year. It was like back to the basics, you know, talking about going back to our daily routines and really doing those well, and I think that that's something I've stuck with. But to that point of going back to the basics, I just ordered myself a new barbell with adjustable weights and a yearly subscription to Les Mills which does body pump, which, if you were ever a gold stem rat like myself and did body pump, I mean that was my freaking jam like 20 years ago. Wow, loved some body pump and got me in really good shape and I was like you know I can do that at home. It's weightlifting, you know, which we know as we get older to you know, reduce aging, we need to be lifting weights.
Speaker 1:I always loved body pump and so, yeah, I'm going for it. I just went all in. I'm like I'm not really into like going to the gym. That's just me. Personally, I did that for so many years. And, um, right now I'm all about like can I get it done? How quickly can I get this done?
Speaker 1:So if I can, you know, crank out a workout here at home? I'm all about that, Um. So yeah, going back to the basics again, going to hit up old body pump. I'll keep you posted on that. See if it has the same effect 20 years later. That's kind of exciting too to see how my body responds now that it's had two babies and 20 years of stress and life and all the things I've put it through, and you know how's it going to respond to something that historically worked well for me. I think that's going to be a fun little science experiment.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I would bet it will go well. You have that muscle memory and you already have that positive like I don't know build from it, experience, past history of it. I would say it probably. I think it's going to go really well. I will say that, yeah, Body pump.
Speaker 1:Body pump man. If it ain't broke, don't fix it. I gotcha Go back to the basics. That's part of that. Like we talked about ADHD like novelty, and I'm very much that way. With workouts Like I've got to have, I got to constantly mix it up, I get bored really easy. I need something new again. I'm running again, so that's good.
Speaker 2:But I need something else.
Speaker 1:Right, Like that's. Running is just almost like it's side thing for me anymore. It's yeah, it's you know, for me now, when I think about working out, I'm like it's like weight training and like how do I make that fun again?
Speaker 2:Pulling wherever you can, man, whatever works for you.
Speaker 1:It's funny because it's all you see. If you follow anybody over 40 on Instagram, you know it's all about protein and lifting weights. Those are like the two hottest tips of all time. And it's funny because I spent the bulk of my 20s and early 30s lifting weights and I'm doing some cardio too, but I would say like a lot of weight training, and it's been more so where I've shifted to more of like yoga. Pilates got into running, like recently. So I mean it's like trying to find that balance to, if I get back to weight training, knowing that we rapidly apparently lose muscle after the age of 40.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, it's one of those things that's supposed to happen with menopause, too is just the again flux and change. I work out twice a week with a personal trainer and the entire time what we're doing is weight training yeah, I mean, I think you have to at our age I do quick circuits right now, but I'm not consistent with them, and that's the other.
Speaker 1:That's one thing I love about body pump. Like you know, if you're going up it, you know if you're getting stronger and better, you're doing the same things. The pump, like you know, if you're going up at, you know if you're getting stronger and better, you're doing the same things, the same moves, essentially. So you know, like if you go up and wait, you're getting stronger, right yeah, but where I'm just sort of randomly picking what I'm doing, I don't really know if I'm getting stronger.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:It's too random.
Speaker 2:Yeah, no, you gotta have like progress.
Speaker 1:that's what you need to see, just like with the facials I need to see some progress right there is something about like internal aging I really believe in that like internally being a certain age too, and that's where the workout piece comes in yeah, absolutely, it's just, I know, we're just, we're still doing it, we're still there. What a blessing yeah, blessing to get older.
Speaker 2:It is. It really is. That's true. It very much so is, and so to get all caught up in the negative side of it isn't very helpful. It is a blessing to grow older and to do so with grace and curiosity, maybe.
Speaker 2:So how can we? How can we do it? How can we do it effectively? My big thing yeah, my big thing is that when I think about aging aside from the outside kind of a thing, I just I have two I've talked about them before on the podcast Like, I have two really good examples of people who have done things at an older age that I want to be able to do, and if I want to be able to do those things, then movement is a part of my.
Speaker 2:I have to do what they did, and I have great examples of what they did and it worked, and so I'm not going to try to reinvent a wheel. You know, especially whenever I have a familial line of, like, you know it was doing, it was running, it was always doing some element of weight training, it was doing some type of yoga or karate or, um, you know different types of stuff like circuit training. Um, my grandmother liked to walk and she would go to curves, which was again throwing out oldies to go Gold's gym and curves. She used to do a little circuit training there.
Speaker 1:It was like the young it was the orange theory for the geriatrics, yeah yeah.
Speaker 2:And so yeah, gran was walking a mile over to Perrymore Square in Milton and hitting up curves and then popping it back. So I mean she lived to be like 94 and was doing cool stuff well into her eighties. You know my dad hiked 400 miles in 40 days in his sixties. I'm 42. I want to be able to do something in 20 years.
Speaker 1:It was negative 20 something in Breckenridge. The other day my father-in-law who's 65 texted us. He was about to head out to ski group. I was like you're crazy. I was like, but like, yeah, like you said, like if you want to be able to do these things, it starts now, and so like really seizing that and that that it's an opportunity, just waiting for us, right?
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's a big thing, we're doing a good job.
Speaker 1:I know we said we're going to revisit aging, see how we're doing, but I'm just going to go ahead and stamp it. I think we're doing a good job because we look great A, B. Even if you don't get carded, you still look great, you still look great and B. The bottom line is we're doing the best we can with the resources we have and what feels best to us and like that right, there is a win.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I agree. I agree, and I think remaining curious and open to things is also a win. Yeah, it's just fun, it's fun.
Speaker 1:It may not work, but it's like anything If you don't do it consistently, I don't care what it is. Don't do it consistently, and I think if you don't wear sunscreen every day, you might as well do nothing Like two biggies. Wear sunscreen every day on your face and, whatever you do, do it consistently.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's fair, that's fair. We obviously see the other side to consistency whenever it's not in our health, plus favor where that leads. And so same goes both ways. Same goes both ways. So what grade do you give us? Like, if you had to give us a grade on aging, like, how are we doing?
Speaker 1:I think we're doing pretty damn good. I mean I would give it like I don't know an eight, because there's always room for improvement. I mean you can always cut out alcohol completely. Yeah, that's true, could always be drinking more water. I mean, me personally, I could always be drinking more water. Yeah, there's always room for improvement, but I think we're doing pretty damn good All right, I'll take an eight.
Speaker 2:Eight sounds good, eight is great.
Speaker 1:Eight is great. We'll go with that, all right, well we're going to end on that, then it is great, we'll go All right. Well, we're going to end on that, then it is great. That's all we got for this week, y'all, until next time.
Speaker 2:Lylas Out, out, out you.
