The LYLAS Podcast
If you know what LYLAS stands for, then this podcast is for you! Two besties since middle school turned moms and psychologists dish on "the good, the fun, and the yucks" of life! We're tackling all things mental health, "mom balance" (whatever the hell that is), transitions in life (divorce, career, aging parents, parent loss, loss of friendships), self-care, travel, healthy habits, raising kids, and allllllll the things us midlife mamas are experiencing. We hope each week listeners feel like they just left a good ol' therapy session with their bestie! We'll dish on all the tips and tricks to keep your mental health in check and enjoy this thing called life! Meet your life's newest cheerleaders-- Sarah & Jen! LYLAS!
The LYLAS Podcast
The LYLAS Podcast, Season 4, Episode 74, "When Things Are Heavy, What Can We Do"
Ok 2025, things still aren't great... and maybe that's ok? But how do we reconcile the heaviness of what's happening with our daily lives? Join us on a heartfelt journey as we uncover the emotional roller coaster of starting afresh while grappling with life's unpredictability. From the unexpected trials of school closures to the heavy weight of California's fires, we share our stories and offer a comforting reminder to take each day as it comes. Listen as we emphasize the power of small victories and the profound effects of expressing gratitude, even in the face of adversity. Let's reconnect and reinforce our shared strength with the mantra, 'We got this,' as we chart a course back to productivity and forward momentum.
Please be sure to checkout our website for previous episodes, our psych-approved resource page, and connect with us on social media! All this and more at www.thelylaspodcast.com
welcome to the lilas. If you grew up in the 80s and 90s, you probably know what lilas stands for and, by default, this podcast is for you.
Speaker 2:Welcome, welcome, welcome. We're continuing to close in on season four.
Speaker 1:Yep, episode 74, season four. About to close this one out, which I'm excited for I'm excited to have some new, fresh.
Speaker 1:we have some new, fresh ideas, fresh thoughts, hopefully some greater ways of interaction and continuing just to kind of do the thing right. Yeah, definitely some goals of engaging more on social media. You know I'll own that. I've been terrible about social media posting and engagement and all the things, and so that's been, you know, on my to do list and my goal list for a while now. But, much like many things on my list this new year, they're all just kind of simmering there, they're like they're. They're not really doing anything to achieve them and I feel like, as we were saying before, we hit record like it's just been a real.
Speaker 1:We talked about this last week too, but the start of this year, you know you've seen all the memes like I've seen the 14 day trial to 2025. I'd like to cancel my subscription and it does feel a little that way and just the heaviness of the of our country right now. Um, because whether you are excited about the change of power that's about to take place or you're not, you know there's a lot of energy around that, because you got half of this country that's not excited and half that is, and so just like the energy that that brings to everything, and then, on top of that, you have these devastating fires that are taking place out in California and Los Angeles and I don't know like I had definitely gone down way too many rabbit holes, watched way too many videos. You know all these like GoFundMes and and things just devastating loss and it's hard. It's hard to like. I don't know. I'm having a really hard time sort of getting myself moving and grooving this year.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I really like that we have this kind of continued segue from our first episode that we released the easing into the new year with you know, kind of patience for ourselves, for allowing ourselves some breathing room to not kind of go at things gung ho and for us to be into this almost a you know another week later, almost at the end of January, to still kind of feel, like you said, this heaviness. I mean there's a lot of uncertainty that's happening in the world.
Speaker 1:There's a lot and just the impact that's going to have on not just the West Coast but obviously, like everything in our nation will be impacted when you have that catastrophic kind of loss. And then you think about the other areas of this country, like Western North Carolina, that are still, you know, reeling from hurricane and that there's so much need there too I mean down in Tampa, Florida and you're just it's hard to sort of summon this excitement. I think right now, just because there is so much uncertainty, and while I haven't been feeling a ton of anxiety, I've been having a lot of anxious thoughts and I think it's not like the feeling so much, but just anxious, like thinking about, like you know, the people who lost I don't know anybody in California, but like just how devastating that would be to come home. I know what it's like to pack all my shit up and wait for a hurricane and you know you do always say like a little, oh, good luck, love you house, before you walk out the door with your prized possessions. But you know you expect to come home to something when you have a fire, like there's just nothing left, and it's so devastating, yeah, and all the animals. You know the real animal lover in me. I'm thinking about all those wild animals living up in those mountains. I'm just like it's, it's I don't know, it's heavy.
Speaker 1:So I think what I wanted to talk about today was just like what do we do? What do you do? Because normally I'd be like let's get back in a routine. But, like you made a good point, kids haven't been in school where you live. Like, what routine? You've had your kids since what I don't know, 47th 2001, um, so that's the other thing. Like, god bless the parents out there that have been also keeping their children home for snow days. I had a sick kid home yesterday and that was enough to derail me, so you know he didn't even feel good. All he had to do was lay there. But he got healthy kids at home and they've been home for 72 days straight yeah, it's a lot.
Speaker 2:I mean, that's what I just have to say. It's just, it's just a whole lot and I don't know. I think it's almost like a day by day thing, you know, you just almost have to find what is it today that has opened up something like an opportunity for me to be able to do just today? And I think that that has been what I've tried to focus on, especially since the new year, because it has been so out of schedule, out of routine, out of control, unsteady, uncertain anywhere, that you can kind of put in socks how about socks? Let's just can we say socks? Right, that it's been.
Speaker 2:It is hard to kind of get back in there, and I'm a person of schedule, like I really like to be on a schedule and on a routine, I like to have things kind of done. I do my list and it's been not that way. And so what I've tried to do on those days is just find what hole has presented today for me to be able to have an opportunity to walk through, and even if that hole is not as wide as I would like for it to be, you know, because of circumstance, situation or whatever, I just have to, whenever I am entering it, be appreciative for the fact that it's even present. And so, as very simple things like the ability to get out of a driveway is a hole, you know what I mean To get and be able to go to a school or whatever, that's a hole.
Speaker 2:Or, from a health kind of standpoint, for me to be able to run right now, because the snow here is very thick and there's ice underneath of it and then it hasn't gotten warm enough to really melt a whole lot of it. So for me to run it's like I'm high stepping the entire time and you're sinking, and then there's ice, and so it's not the most ideal kind of thing, and so my hole has not been as wide as I would like it to be to spend as much time or collect as much miles or whatever. So I have to just be aware that whatever I've been given is the gift for the day, and so that's what I've tried to kind of focus on, even if that's just a breath or like a moment between like laundry, or running from place to place, or chore to chore, or responding to all the text messages or emails or whatever. It's just finding that moment of breath or two whenever it's not present. I guess that's what I've been trying.
Speaker 1:Yeah, kind of check it like a micro checks and giving yourself credit, you know, for getting anything accomplished. I think that's the biggest thing is like I get even more down on myself because you're like I'm like you're not even doing like your basics, like you're not working out every day, like you're just not doing that, what wrong? Like just that, um, and so you know it's just hard. It becomes like this ripple effect, right, you don't, you don't all do this, and then you're like, oh, I can't do it again. Today you start like that whole, like self-fulfilled prophecy of like, um, you know, I've just I'm off the bandwagon and I might as well, just like you know, not do anything, I don't know.
Speaker 1:It just kind of gets a little cyclical, at least for me. I'm calling myself out Like I just haven't been doing the things, I haven't been getting my sunlight, like I know that's important and right. When you think it's not important, like go a couple days without it and then tell me it's not important, it completely changes your affect and your motivation and, um, your head space. And so today I got out, I got some sunlight, I went to a run for the first time in weeks and, like you know, it's just the.
Speaker 1:I went for a 15 minute run.
Speaker 1:I was like 15 minutes you can do anything for 15 minutes just to like make myself do it to see if it worked, and I'll be damned I feel better, but it has been a incredibly slow start and I think it's just I find myself wanting to spend a lot more time like almost just like in prayer and like reflective, and like I don't really want to be around people. I don't have a lot of like energy for small talk right now. I'm finding it's just more of like and I don't. Maybe I'm just phase cycle, phase, I don't know, but just in general, like these last couple weeks have just been really difficult. So I'm just curious if, like everybody feels this way, is this just I'm an empath and so I do feel like I take on other people, like when other people are struggling, like I tend to struggle for some reason, Even if I don't have something to struggle Like I just am very I don't even know if that's the right word empathic, but like in that way, yeah, and so I don't know trying to like do what little bit that I can you know 20 bucks here, you know whatever to here and there, just to different ones, to different things, just to try to help. It just feels so impossible. But you also feel like you should be doing something. Does everybody feel that way? Is it just me? I know my husband does. No, I take that back.
Speaker 1:He did donate the other day to this old lady that he watched on that he saw on Instagram this guy does like mow. He goes and mows people's yards it's called SB mowing and it's really cool. Actually, he goes to like, run down homes and like, like, really like, just tears it up, right Like, makes it look amazing, and so he did this for this old woman. And then up, right like, makes it look amazing, and so he did this for this old woman. And then, like, he was, you know, like this whole thing. So he started a gofundme and then jeff, you know, came to tell me he's like, so I donated to this gofundme because I do this shit all the time, and so when he does it, I was like what I was like.
Speaker 1:This struck a chord with you and the like. You know gajillion people in la that just lost their home to a fire. Like you're're like, you know it's interesting. What right? What? Like hugs at our heartstrings. Yeah, it is Um, but, and I think probably too. You know, I was like I'm going to be so laser focused on what I allow myself to consume, even like content wise, and you know I've just like I have I have been on a lot of fire content. I feel very knowledgeable about the fires in Los Angeles From.
Speaker 2:Charleston, south Carolina, right.
Speaker 1:And so like again, but like being mindful of, like you're consuming all this and this is not helping these feelings of like impending doom and gloom right, like, cut it off, don't be a junkie and keep tapping the vein Right, but it's so hard, it's so hard.
Speaker 2:It is, especially with the access that we have to it. You know, it's just I don't know. Some days I have to like look at my phone, which is technically the device that it evolved into, right, like right, and just see it as being a phone instead of a source of information. And so if I'm not great idea, well, I mean, I that's what I try to do sometimes like if I notice that I'm spending a whole lot of time going down some of those rabbit holes or whatever. I just have to remember this device is technically a telephone, that's what it was designed to be. Now it has all these other really fun bells and whistles that have really given us all these dopamine hits or whatever else, convenience their lives, all the things. But its original design was to be a telephone, and so if I'm using this as anything else, then I probably need to kind of like step away from it, step away from it yeah.
Speaker 2:And so.
Speaker 1:I mean, it has so many functions, right, like calculator. I probably use my calculator 10 times a day. Like Right, you know there are other functions, but I love what you're saying is that you're really putting like a boundary on what you utilize it for. You'll be happy to know we have put some boundaries in place with the kids and their technology, and no weekday iPads, all right, yeah, and while it was a struggle at first, it has had positive impact overall for all of us.
Speaker 1:I think, like what? Yeah, what have you noticed? Like more conversation, like better moods and it's easier to get the kids out the door, like even if they're watching tv, versus watching the ipad. Like you wouldn't think that, but it's almost like they're in like tunnel vision. If it's the ipad, if it's the tv, we're all kind of around and still talking and, like you know, we're all watching the same thing. We can comment on it. It's the iPad and if it's the TV, we're all kind of around and still talking and, like you know, we're all watching the same thing. We can comment on it, it's just different. It is, yeah, you know, it's much more social. Like, on what planet? Think back to like the 90s? Would we be like you know what? I'm just happy if the kids are watching TV and not the iPad.
Speaker 2:Okay, you know, it was all about like oh, your kids watch too much TV, it's going to rot their brain.
Speaker 1:And now we're just like could you pick the TV please? That'd be great. But that is true. I mean, it's the rule of proximity all over again, you know, yeah, so kind of crazy. But, um, just technology, yeah, I love that Putting the boundaries on it. We can come back to that a lot about boundaries, you know.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so I have to sometimes just say the phone is just a phone, right? You know, I'm not going to use it as a source of information or dives or anything else. And then, as we talked about I think it was in this season whenever we talked about monitors and grounding, it was one of our um first episodes, I think, of season four. I rely on those things a lot and some of them come from songs or whatever. But whenever I think about suffering and you know all of the global suffering that's happening within, like you said, western North Carolina, some of those, you know Tennessee, california, let's India you know who knows what's going on. You know Africa, where there's still tons of awful human rights things, the Middle East, right, I think that we can feel like there's so much of it or so much more of it, and maybe there is, maybe there isn't, maybe it's just there's more people and more access to it.
Speaker 2:But there's a line in a musical that, um again, I use as a mantra whenever I find myself getting sucked into the suffering hole. Yeah, and I'm gonna change it just a little bit because it'll be out of context, there will always be people suffering. So this it's actually from Jesus Christ Superstar, and the line goes there will be poor, always pathetically struggling, but look at the good things that you've got. And so it continues. This is Jesus saying this Think why you still have me, see why you still. You know, whatever I mean, I'll be gone. I'll be gone and you'll be lost. And so I just kind of think again, modify that line. There will, will always be suffering. It's part of the human condition. You know as being here, but again, with your word of intention, what are we shifting towards, or what is it that we can control or contribute to? That helps us to feel like we're part of a different thread that's burning, you know, instead of the negative one.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that actually brings up a good point. I was thinking about, of course, another video I watched of this woman that was going through the rubble ashes of her house and she had the best attitude and she was smiling. And the guy was like why are you smiling? And she was like I mean, you know, but like I'm still alive, you know, like she had lost her husband or kid, had special needs, like. But she was just like I couldn't have a choice, like I can.
Speaker 1:My response you know how I respond to this and I was like it's just there. She was like in it. You know, these situations bring out the best in humanity and you really get to see what we're capable of as humans in these you know difficult situations. And I thought that is when you said that. I was like that's such a beautiful reminder that we get to choose and instead of like absorbing people's pain, like choosing right, choosing to look for like the good and taking that instead to focus on, yeah, all these same things I keep telling my six-year-old when she has nightmares, right, right.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I don't think people. I think that suffering is is. This'll sound awful, probably, if there's people listening to this. Please feel free to debate. We love this. Give us some interaction within this. I think that suffering is a chosen state. We go through situations that are challenging. I think you choose to say and suffer in something. You choose to stay and wallow. You know there's, it's even like the way out of suffering is through acceptance, like it's part of all, like ancient religions is that there's this whole element of suffering that happens, but the key to it is moving, not with acceptance and gratitude so much. It's just an acknowledgement that this sucks. Moving not with acceptance and gratitude so much. It's just an acknowledgement that this sucks. And so if I want to stay in this position, then I'm acknowledging that I'm staying in this state of suffering and that that, at that point, is a choice, instead of taking some other step out. I like that. Pretty big rabbit holes. It's a choice, it's a choice.
Speaker 1:It's a choice. Good reminders, though, because I do feel like it's. I don't know, maybe I literally, maybe I'm on an island all by myself. Everybody else is feeling real gung-ho to the start of this new year, but it, I don't know, it'll be interesting. There's just a lot of uncertainty and I think, choosing just to look for all the good that's going to occur, there's going to be some bad and kind of like accepting that, like you're saying, like accepting, like batch, that's going to happen. Things we don't agree with they're going to happen. And what opportunities are those situations going to present for us to show more humanness, more kindness, more love to people?
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, and to yourself in the same return. So yeah, I don't know that's just where, and I do think that it's a collective. I don't think you're the only one feeling this way. I haven't seen anybody wearing a smile and being jolly or super motivated, or.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I haven't either, which I guess is why this came in my mind of like I can't be the only one, right?
Speaker 2:Nobody really seems super like hype right now. No, everything's like muted it's very, very muted.
Speaker 2:And I do think that it's just, I don't know, I we always have these expectations, and expectations are those planned failures that we have for like a new year, this is going to be everything, failures that we have for like a new year, this is going to be everything, and we just need to put that down. Can we just? Can we stop? You know, it's just another every. The only permanency is constant change, and so let's just kind of go with this and be patient and kind, acknowledge what's there, what holes exist, and then just try to breathe. I don't know.
Speaker 1:And if you're like me and have kind of let yourself down on your daily habits, you know your rituals then start back with one thing. Today I started back with sunlight and a 15-minute jog. Technically, I guess, did two things, that's it. Start there. Start with one thing today and then see if we can't build some momentum. That's my plan anyway. Yeah, just one thing. Yeah, we'll add something else tomorrow, maybe a 30 minute workout tomorrow.
Speaker 2:Maybe, but then we'll just be. It's always just be happy for the one. If you get the, if you get the whole, be happy for the whole. The size of it may not even matter, just be happy for the hole, the size of it may not even matter, just be happy for the hole.
Speaker 1:Well, and sometimes it's hard to go from like especially if you have been on vacation or, like I said, been in a rut. It's hard to go from like zero to hero, like to jump right back into all your things, and that's kind of what I was trying to do. So I think that's, you know, another lesson learned. Like start with one thing, like add one thing back, you know, add the next thing. Yeah, yeah, totally, I agree A hundred percent.
Speaker 2:We got this, we got this. All right, that's all we got for this week.
Speaker 1:Until next week, y'all Wireless Out.
