The LYLAS Podcast
If you know what LYLAS stands for, then this podcast is for you! Two besties since middle school turned moms and psychologists dish on "the good, the fun, and the yucks" of life! We're tackling all things mental health, "mom balance" (whatever the hell that is), transitions in life (divorce, career, aging parents, parent loss, loss of friendships), self-care, travel, healthy habits, raising kids, and allllllll the things us midlife mamas are experiencing. We hope each week listeners feel like they just left a good ol' therapy session with their bestie! We'll dish on all the tips and tricks to keep your mental health in check and enjoy this thing called life! Meet your life's newest cheerleaders-- Sarah & Jen! LYLAS!
The LYLAS Podcast
The LYLAS Podcast, Re-Release, "I Said, What I Said"
What if setting boundaries could transform your relationships and bring you greater fulfillment? Join us as we revisit a cherished conversation about the essential art of saying no and prioritizing self-respect, especially during the chaotic holiday season. This episode is all about embracing authenticity and the personal growth that comes from standing firm in your identity. We discuss why it's important to model healthy dynamics for our children while finding a tribe that resonates with our true selves. Say goodbye to people-pleasing and hello to a more meaningful social life.
Please be sure to checkout our website for previous episodes, our psych-approved resource page, and connect with us on social media! All this and more at www.thelylaspodcast.com
Hey folks, it's Sarah Stevens with the Lylas podcast, and we decided to do another re-release, but not this time for the summer, but for the winter, because, let's be honest, our schedules, our lives, have gotten a little chaotic lately and it's been challenging for us to kind of meet up. So we're taking accountability for that, but also wanted to provide you with what we think is one of our favorite episodes so far of season four. I said what I said. Why did we choose this one? Because at this point in time, we are all in the crust of the holiday season, we are feeling pulled in thousands of different directions and we probably just needed to hear this episode ourselves. Let's be frank we are talking about the need for us to have healthy boundaries, to model appropriate no's and to not engage in relationships or activities that we feel are obligatory. Remember, if you feel obligated to participate in something, you probably should not be participating in it because it's not going to be fun, it's not going to be worth it and you're not going to feel better by doing it. So what is the point? We all need to stop. Homegirl needs to stop, jen needs to stop, and so we're taking a revisit to this one.
Speaker 1:We hope that you enjoy it. We really want you guys to leave us some reviews on whatever platform you listen to podcasts, to send the show an actual text. We will send you some swag. If you would like some Lila swag free for the season, please comment like send us a topic that you want to hear us talk about. Anything we want to connect with you so that way we can continue to roll on with season four and get some huge planning in as we come into season five. So enjoy this one, because you know what I said. What I said, Welcome to Lylas.
Speaker 2:If you grew up in the 80s and 90s, you probably know what LILA stands for and, by default, this podcast is for you. Hey, hey, welcome again to season four, so excited Episode two I know Back at it, so excited to be back and in the groove of recording and just chatting. It is so good for my mental health. It really is. I missed us this summer.
Speaker 1:Me too. Me too it's a fun. It's just so fun because we find ourselves still separated by distance but in the same place in life sometimes, or we're just both like oh my gosh, and I just think it's nice to kind of have that connection and peace and grounding and fun and laughs and support. So, hopefully that's what you guys all get from listening to us too. Is that you feel the interconnectedness between all of us at this point?
Speaker 2:That's right. We all feel connected. I just sent a a Lylas care package. Just about right before we hit record, I dropped one off at the post office to a loyal listener. So we are so grateful for everyone that takes their time to. You know, give us a listen, a like, a share, a follow all the things that really means a lot to us. And if you are a loyal listener, we would love for you to leave us a review, on whatever platform of your choosing, that you listen to us. So if you want to give back to the Lylas podcast, that's the best way that you can do that.
Speaker 1:Absolutely. And then we'll give you some swag. We'll send you some. A Lylas love pack Is that what you called it? That was awesome.
Speaker 2:Yeah Well, lylas, love pack coming your way.
Speaker 1:Well, I love her topic today.
Speaker 2:I do too. It was sort of vague, but when we first signed on to talk about it.
Speaker 2:But now I'm like, but we can really, this can really go into multiple topics. Honestly, it's just a starting point, yeah, and it's pretty spicy, so I like it a bunch. You're spicy, you're going to make it spicy. That's what's about to happen. When we titled this, we called it, I said what I said, which is, you know, not exactly super clear on what we're going to talk about today. But essentially, we were discussing this idea of how now, at the ripe age of 42, we just we don't, we're no longer willing to make ourselves smaller, to fit in or to adjust our ourselves in order to fit into a crowd or to be friends with people, and so we wanted to expand on this. But I mean, we obviously had some personal experiences and we were chatting about that. But what does that mean? To sort of make yourself smaller or to be less of yourself in order to fit in?
Speaker 1:Well, and then also from doing that, how damaging is that for yourself. You know how much does that take away from your experience of the moment, your happiness in that moment, and then that energy that is being just drained from you is then being permeated out into everybody that's around you. And on the other side of that, or even extending farther from that, you're also modeling that for your kids, and I think that that's a that's a thing that's a kind of a sticking point for me recently is I don't want to model what I have found to be unhealthy relationships or just relationships I don't want to be in. Why am I going to model that and then tell my kid to go off and do it just because, or just to kind of again fit in, or to, um, not to be looked at as mean? You're not being mean. If you know who your tribe is, you just stick with them.
Speaker 2:you know You're not being mean, if you know who your tribe is, you just stick with them. You know, yeah, and we talked about this a little bit in the people pleasing episode that we did last season about how you know we've sort of evolved from our younger selves and we're no longer trying to people please. It's like, and you know it's something you have to work out when you've spent most of your life people pleasing. To overcome that is pretty challenging at times and it's going to take work right To undo years of practicing a behavior.
Speaker 2:But when I think about this whole idea, you know there has been, for at least in our lives, a tremendous amount of loss in the last year and people, a lot of people, are age and I think for me it has brought to the surface of this life is very fucking short and I just can't handle wasting time anymore.
Speaker 2:I can't handle sitting in a conversation that makes my skin crawl or pretending that I not even pretending that I agree with people, but just trying to be like socially accepted or I just I don't have the patience for it anymore and I think part of it comes from, you know, obviously losing a close friend this year and and and seeing you know having to face that, that very real reality of you know our time on earth is short and you better spend it in the most meaningful way possible, and I think that's where I come from when I say I'm no longer willing to pretend or to give life to a relationship or even a conversation that I don't want to be in. I just I. You know it's like I can't waste my time. It's too precious and there's too many other people that mean so much to me that I need to be investing that time and energy and effort into yeah.
Speaker 1:No, I couldn't have said that better. That's absolutely true, and sometimes our perspective does come from great loss. You know, it just really creates like a shift within ourselves that we're then able to just realize like this these relationships or these activities or this energy is, does my husband always say when I'm like scrolling social media.
Speaker 2:I forget how he says it In your echo chamber? Oh, he's like are you in your echo chamber? And I think sometimes you have to be a little careful, right, we don't want to. Sure, you want to be friends with people you have things in common with, but it's also good to have some challenges, people that are, yes, butters, yes, but have you thought of it this way? Or give you a different perspective. You know you don't want to all be chirping the same song and dance and be like carbon copies of each other At least, that's kind of not my ideal friendship group.
Speaker 2:But I do think it's important to know, like, if someone's just not your cup of tea, like that's okay, and that you don't have to force yourself into a relationship or a conversation with that person because society expects you to, for whatever reason, whether it's like your kid's best friend's mom I'm just going to throw out an example. I personally love my kid's friends. So, not speaking personally in that, but but, like you know, some people definitely feel that way. Well, it's like, oh, it's my kid's best friend Like gotta be, gotta be front, or you know, at least cordial. And yeah, I think you do have to be cordial and maintain some type of relationship if your kid is spending a decent amount of time at their house, but you don't have to be friends with that person, right? There's a difference and you get to choose what level of friendship, if you will, or what level of effort that you give that person. And that's just a random example. I'm sure we can think of others.
Speaker 1:I think that's perfect, though, and I think that we often find ourselves in that situation, like if our kids are involved in sports, if our husband has a social group. You know what I mean. There's people all around you, and the people that you are connected to also have people connected to them, and so at that point, it almost seems like, you know, some relationships then become almost obligatory, instead of from a genuine place where they can be challenging, they can be different, and I think you're right, not having an echo chamber is a great thing, I think, is just really being my genuine self, and unapologetically so, but not being rude or forceful or, you know, mean or condescending about it. It's just whenever you are being your authentic self, I just think you're happier, I think that your relationships are more meaningful, the conversations are brighter, you know, or more varied, and, again, I'm just for me so much energy and I keep going back to that word, I guess, because it's what comes to mind whenever I think about my experiences and being around people just gets, and it's hard for my energy level to get sucked away, because it is always like at one, 10.
Speaker 1:So if I noticed that a drain is happening, even if it's like five.
Speaker 1:It's probably amplified because I'm used to being so high, with it amped up, um and so whenever I feel that it's just like an automatic thing, that physiologically it just doesn't feel good, like it doesn't feel good, and then I know that I'm not living within my true, authentic self, I'm not living kind of, you know, aligned, and that whenever that chasm or fracture starts to take place, it's really hard then to manage it and keep it from slipping in other places too. And for me that's just what I'm starting to kind of like recognize or become more aware of of myself. Whenever I find myself in those situations, it just causes a fracture that then, if I'm not careful, you know, I can start to then rub other people the wrong way or it's hard to kind of, you know, dust those types of things off whenever you find yourselves in those situations. And I feel like you know again, not that we're trying to necessarily be people pleasers or whatever else, but whenever relationships feel obligatory, I just don't know that they're, I don't know that they're healthy.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think that's a great point I hadn't thought about, like the friend's spouse or the friend you know, like that. I can definitely see how those situations conjure up this forced relationship, especially if it's like your spouse's best friend's spouse Sure you know, like what are you expected to do? They're going to want to double date, they're going to want to hang out your kids are probably friends, all the things and let's say like you just don't have anything in common with that other spouse. That leads to a really tricky and uncomfortable situation. And I can think of other situations I've been in where I've been around somebody that just wasn't giving me the same energy that I felt like I was giving them.
Speaker 2:Have you been in those conversations where you're like you're giving me nothing.
Speaker 2:I am holding the conversation. I am clearly the only one here interested in having a conversation and you know those are really tough because you're giving so much energy. You're almost exhausted at the end of it, because you're like I ran out of questions, like I can't think of anything else to keep it going, you know, but you feel this need to look like you're having a good time or to present as though you get along and that you're interested in the person and you might very well have some interest, but it's just it requires like a different level of energy. You know, when I'm with you or one of my other besties, it's like there's a lot of energy in the moment, but I leave, you know, filled up with energy from those experiences, not drained to like, wow, that took a lot of work, which is interesting because it's still a lot of energy. Right, you're excited, you know, and like you can still get tired from that, but I don't. I tend to leave those situations feeling like amped up, like you are, on a regular basis.
Speaker 1:Right, well, and I, but I think it takes that that moment of kind of just like insight and self-awareness, because I know that sometimes we can all fall down a rabbit hole Like what's wrong with me in that moment? You know, why am I not feeling the same vibes as these people or this group, or what's wrong with me that I'm not like kind of fitting in, especially if we have that kind of predisposition to thinking that way. Or, you know, this might cause a fight if I'm not friends or getting along with this person, my kid may not get picked for the team if I don't buddy up with you know so-and-so or whatever else, and just that whole rabbit hole of stuff just really, really I think has a greater impact than sometimes what we're willing to, even, or maybe capable in those moments to kind of recognize.
Speaker 2:And that's the circumstance, like because that happens, like your kid may not get picked if you're not, but like that team. Or are we like no enough's enough, like I want my kid to experience you know, the things that they want to do, but at the same time, not at the detriment of me putting myself in these forced relationships, right?
Speaker 1:Right, Because again they're going to pick up on that and then see a false side of you, and then that can be confusing to your child at that point too. You know, like mom, I noticed that you didn't like so-and-so, but you're still talking to her, you know, and that's confusion whenever a kid expresses something like that, and rightfully so, because you're probably sitting back there.
Speaker 1:Well, you know what? You're kind of right about this I don't know what the hell I'm doing and then we make up excuses for it. And whenever we have to make up an excuse for our or somebody else's behavior, it's probably not something we should be doing, Right? I mean, that's just kind of where I. I mean, again, I do I fall in this trap, yes, but I think that I'm trying to step back away from it as much as what I can.
Speaker 1:Again, not wishing any ill will or really even any negativity towards that person, it's just, you know, some people like to drink soda or pop. You know, I never have. You know, there's a whole variety of other drinks I like. Maybe other people like these drinks. It's okay to just acknowledge that. You're just not that person's person.
Speaker 1:I just wish we could get to that point and there's been a few relationships that I've had with people that we both just acknowledged in that moment, Like look, I. And then they've not even been contentious whenever we said this, even though it might sound like it. Like, look, I really don't like you. Our personalities crash way too much, it's always turns out to just be absolute hell on both of our sides. So this whole thing where we see each other and feel like we need to talk is just not okay. It's not okay for me, it's not okay from you, it's not okay for us and anybody else we're around. So can we just acknowledge that if we see each other, then it's just another human being in this world that maybe we don't know, don't know or don't care, and we don't even have to like kind of engage in that. And that has been the best thing ever to have a few people in my life where I was just like you know what. We're not okay and that's okay for us not to be okay.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's so uncomfortable and I think that's why people don't want to enter into that space. But you're like it's so uncomfortable to be on the other side of that when you really don't want to be engaging. I'm going to give a very personal example and I try not to do this because you know I don't want to get on here and ever speak ill of anyone. But I want to give a very specific example.
Speaker 2:There is a child that my son is friends with now and a parent had reached out to me and said hey, I would like for our kids to be friends with. Is this something you know? Could we get them together? And it kind of caught me off guard because I'm thinking to myself okay, I've known, like we've been in the area community for the last several years, last three years. I said hi to you on several occasions, smiled at you when I've seen you, and you give me no feedback, you don't smile back, you don't say hello back, and now, all of a sudden, you are reaching out to me on multiple ways to get our kids together to be friends and it just sort of like it just sort of rubbed me the wrong way, if I'm being honest.
Speaker 1:I'm like okay.
Speaker 2:so like you've never said hello or even acted like you had any interest in me or my family, and now you are like breathing down my throat to try to get our kids to hang out together.
Speaker 2:It just caught me. A caught me off guard and B, I was like you know, like no. Part of me was like no, I don't know, not that the examples I want get around, like no, and so I just didn't reach out and had no plans to and I was like, well, you know, I think you should like at least text. And I'm like no, like why. Why do I? Why is it now my responsibility to take this on?
Speaker 1:You know, I got an.
Speaker 2:F for this. I don't want it, you know. And so, lo and behold, you know, our kids are in the same class this year and so it was super awkward when they walked in and meet the teacher because I had not responded. I just like, oh, do you feel bad? My husband just like, do you feel bad? I'm like I don't. I don't understand why. You know, maybe I should have responded, at least like given a response, like hey, we're busy or whatever.
Speaker 2:But even that, it just kind of like why did I feel like I had to appease somebody else with a response? Right, you know, I didn't get a response all those times I tried to have a conversation with you before. Why do I have to respond? And that seems petty and low, but like part of me was just pissed that I was even having to like think about it and use any kind of like energy towards the situation.
Speaker 2:Um, so anyway, it has since evolved and my husband and um that child's father, you know chatted and our kids have hung out a couple of times, and I still don't have like the greatest feelings, like I can't put my finger on it, but I don't love it, um, letting it happen, because I'm trying to control less and you know, let my kids learn, you know through their own experiences and not control where I put them in a bubble and we try really hard at making sure that they know how to keep themselves safe and and you know that we're always here and I try to be, you know, as protective as I can to an extent while also giving them some free reign to like, experience life and make their own decisions.
Speaker 2:Right, it's hard, though I'm going to be honest with you. Like that was a, that whole situation for me is still really hard in some ways. I just don't love it and I can't put my finger on it and, um, yeah, I don't know. So that's, I guess, sort of one of those like uncomfortable situations. I'm just not willing to put myself in, I'm not doing it, and I told my husband I'm like do you want to take that on? You want to be the go between setting up play dates and stuff? That's on you, bob, right, it's all you.
Speaker 1:And I think that that's a.
Speaker 2:I was not to respond.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I think that that's a fine compromise, you know, and I think whenever you have a gut feeling like that, we don't want to diminish it, especially if it lingers, like I just feel like that that's a really important thing, like that's a, that's something within us that's telling us that, like it's our intuition, something it ain't right. We may not know what it is, but we're still not going to, we're going to keep our eye on it. But, as a compromise, to have them then be the manager of the relationship, I think is a great one, you know, and that does work, especially if it's like a kid or like a work relationship, like it's just really clear to to just express those things, even if it is with your partner. I know that my um, my husband, doesn't, uh, like the some of the communities that I guess I'm a part of, they're just not his cup of tea, and so it's hard for him to kind of relate to those people or to have relationships with them, and that's fine, but I know that. So whenever he comes into those settings or situations, then I know that he's not mad at me, he just isn't. This isn't his thing, and I think that having that kind of conversation with your partner ahead of time and then finding out how you reach you're going to kind of work through it together can be super helpful.
Speaker 1:Um, and I do the same back with him. I'll tell him. I'll be like, look like I'm just I don't have a poker face, like that's a good or a bad thing, it just kind of is what it is. And if I just don't like you, then the depth of my conversation with you is probably it's not don't like you, it's just that we just don't have ground, there's not a ground that we can stand on and have that kind of any ounce of fluidity with. Yeah, and also it's draining, it just absolutely takes the literal life out of me. Then you are just going to have to manage this. I'll be polite and say hello, but I'm not going to make plans with this. You know what I mean. I'm not going to extend further than any realm of just seeing somebody and waving hi at them, Like I think that that's good enough.
Speaker 2:But what if it's a relationship that you can't necessarily avoid? What if it's like an in-law, oh yeah, or you know? I mean, I think in-laws are probably the best example of that, because it's a new person as an adult coming into your family, and I know lots of families that have a lot of strife between in-laws, um and so what if it's those types of situations where you can't necessarily, you know you, on some level you have to have a relationship, um, at least again like being cordial when you see each other. But how do you navigate those situations?
Speaker 1:And I think we can take parts of it and they still have to coordinate things.
Speaker 2:Right, it's your family. You coordinate it, but I can't talk to them again.
Speaker 1:No, but I think it means that you can like set up distance and space, so that way it doesn't have to interfere, you know.
Speaker 1:And again, I think that comes down to having an honest conversation, you know, kind of between you, your partner, whatever's kind of going on at that moment, and then just being like, look, I just really have a very hard time and so I might spend more time in the kitchen, I might spend more time distance, I might not want to go off and do all of these other things, like I just find ways to create space, ways to create space for yourself in those situations.
Speaker 1:So that way, again, it doesn't have to ruin everybody, your experience or anybody else's as a result of it. And then, if it really is a contentious thing, I don't think there's. Again, this is me, though I don't think there's anything wrong with not engaging in somebody that you have that kind of relationship with, because at that point it changes from being unhealthy to almost hostile, you know, or it starts to change in its severity, and I don't hear who you are at that point. If that ounce of negativity is coming into a zone, then you're not allowed in this zone. Negativity is coming into a zone, then you're not allowed in this zone or I'm going to remove myself from it until the situation has dissipated, because it's just not worth it, and I think that that's fine too.
Speaker 2:And I want to be clear that this isn't about, like conflict resolution.
Speaker 2:If this is someone you have a relationship with and you're in conflict, like I, am all for conflict resolution and trying to resolve the issue.
Speaker 2:This is for the people you have never been able to build a connection with that you have maybe put the effort in, but like it's just not working, like it's just not happening, and we've all experienced that. I mean, like I tried and like it, just you know it, just we just don't have a lot in common is what a lot of people will say we don't, we just don't have anything to talk about, which is true, or maybe you just don't have anything to connect on, you just really don't have that connection, and that's okay not to force it. But I love what you said about how you just sort of create space, because I think you can do that right. You could go get your own little dopamine hit, like maybe you, you know, steal away for 10 minutes and meditate just enough so that you can come back super centered, pleasant and, like I said, at least be cordial and be you know, make things uncomfortable.
Speaker 2:You can still have fun with somebody that you don't 100% jive with, Right If you create that space that you need and that's being aware of your needs and how to give yourself a dopamine hit when you need it, and I don't mean, like you know, chug a beer, I mean, like, go for a 10 minute walk in the sunlight, whatever, whatever you know positive dopamine hits you get, having those like ready to go so that you can hopefully, um, bring some type of peace to a situation, yeah, I'm just all about creating that space, like I can find 10,000 different things to do within a tiny space that will distract my mind, which will distract my emotions, my reactions, everything away from whatever is just kind of emanating at that point.
Speaker 1:So, even if it's people over at our house and that's kind of the situation, yeah, I mean, I'll find room in a closet to do something, you know, I will find something to do um, to give me that breath and to give that kind of space with it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, and I think that that's just it. And some people are like well, maybe you just got to keep going back to the well in order to try to find something honey. At some point all the well dries up, okay, and you keep digging in a well that there ain't no spring coming to it anymore. It ain't going to make anything happen, and so at that point, it's healthy to quit, it's healthy to not.
Speaker 2:Right. Why do you have to keep trying if it's not working? Why would we keep trying? That seems insane. Especially, keep doing the same thing over and over again. You're like it's not working, like it's just not meant to be, so let it go.
Speaker 1:You know that boundary and let that shit go Right right and again, you can do it with kindness and love in your heart, and it will be self-respect that you give yourself back by being able to do that. You know you're not taking away anything from yourself by putting down boundaries with other people. In fact, you're giving yourself a big hug at the moment and then showing others that it's okay to to, and I, I mean I would hope, pray to God, that people do that in response to me too. I mean I would hope, pray to God, that people do that in response to me too.
Speaker 2:Again, you know, like you're not my cup of tea, right, you know, and like that's okay, right, let me, because I will move on to my people, you know, or at least give my energy to the people who I am their cup of tea.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's just again coming back, being aware of those internal signs whenever we're getting them and, I think, leaning into being our most genuine representation of who we are. And as long as we're doing that, I don't think any wrong comes out of it, because none of us are trying to hurt anybody. None of us are trying to be mean. None of us are trying to do anything like that. None of us are trying to hurt anybody. None of us are trying to be mean. None of us are trying to do anything like that.
Speaker 2:We're just trying to live within our own space healthily, so Right, and like what makes us feel good on the inside? And we are evolving creatures. We weren't the same people we were 10 years ago, 20 years ago, five minutes ago, Like we change moment to moment on cellular level, but also just our personnel, everything, our experiences. We're constantly changing, and so to expect somebody to stay the same, you know, even you're like, well, you were interested in that 10 years ago. Well, yeah, but now I'm not, and you know I don't fully align with that school of thought or whatever it is it's.
Speaker 2:You know, sometimes I think it's just knowing who you are now, what's important to you, and and if it's not, that's okay too. And it kind of sounds like we're a little bitchy when I like, when I listened to us, I'm like we're just like fuck you, but that's not. I don't want it to come off that way, because that's truly not what we're trying to say. It's really more about taking care of you, and I, you know, I think that's so important is to know what it is that you want, what makes you happy, what fills you up, who are those people that do those things and the people that don't. That's okay too. So walk away from that.
Speaker 1:Yes, a hundred percent. Those, it's those relationships that feel obligatory, is what always is like a warning sign for me, like if I'm feeling like I have to do something with this person, that is probably a warning sign that I have to is not a requirement for life. You know what I mean In this situation. A requirement for life, you know what I mean. Um, in this situation, it's either I want to or I'm going to. To feel like I have to do something already has a negative associated with it, and then your energy drain is just starting from that moment on and it will continue even after that person is left, because it's a lot harder to plug that thing back up after it's been letting things out for a bit.
Speaker 2:It's a lot harder to plug that thing back up after it's been letting things out for a bit and so yeah, so if you found yourself in this type of situation, try it one time.
Speaker 2:Just try not engaging or try, like Sarah said, finding ways to create space, whether that's like, hey, I'm going to be in the kitchen all night, so I'm not going to be out here to chat at the dinner party or wherever, whatever you're doing.
Speaker 2:But just try it and see if you don't notice a difference in your energy from previous experiences to that experience, Because I know that I sort of, in just the way that I have been being more cognizant of this and trialing this in certain situations, I do notice a big difference. I am not pissy you know cause I always get pissed when I put in a lot of effort and the other person isn't reciprocating, Like you're not even trying, Like why am I trying? You're not even trying, and so if that's the case, you know you're you're automatically cutting down on, like your own negativity and and all the things we talk about that come with that. You know all of the impact that that has, and so just letting go of that and so trial that, and then I would love to hear any feedback if you do say fuck it.
Speaker 2:I said what I said And'm you know, just gonna. I'm gonna do me for once and give myself some space and not force myself into this uncomfortable situation. Right right, I'm just gonna roll with the boys. Here we are, see what happens it's all like one big science project. Right, we're all just trialing things, seeing what works and what doesn't, and then try the next thing it's all a big social biological experiment right that has factors of relationship and environmental thrown in there.
Speaker 2:So it's very fun you have right, like sometimes you have to have some sort of interaction with people that you don't necessarily want to, and how do you protect yourself but also get done what needs to be done right I think right, right, and then recenter yourself afterwards like what do you do from a self-care, relational kind of standpoint, in order to kind of reset after?
Speaker 2:something like that for sure we talk a lot about these types of relationships, I feel like on this podcast, but clearly it's something that comes up for us both a lot or we wouldn't talk about it so much and I just go. I mean, I don't know if it's just again like the fact we're in our 40s and we just we don't have the energy to pretend anymore or to we just don't care what people think anymore. I think is probably part of it, but it just seems to be like a recurring theme for us when we walk and what's going on with you, like come back to, like I don't know.
Speaker 1:I had this conversation, I don't want to, or I have this situation, you know you know, I bet, though, if we actually I don't know that anybody ever truly grows up. I bet, if we look back at those old notes we used to pass back and forth well, I don't know that many of these conversations have changed too much in terms of like the like, um, true content. You know, it's still the same thing. We've just kind of changed the situation a bit. There's other factors.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's a different context, it's true, and I, you know, we talk about like our kids. I say to my kids all the time you don't have to be with everybody and everybody doesn't have to be friends with you. We're not friends with everybody in our class. We're friends with the people that we get along with and we have things in common with Right, people that make us feel good about ourselves and, in turn, people we want to spend time with. You know, that's a friend. We talk a lot about what's the difference between a friend and a peer? Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, because I don't know. I don't want to confuse them.
Speaker 1:Great example. Why don't we do that now? Great example? Why are we not saying Great example?
Speaker 2:Why are we not saying as adults, why are we not saying what's the difference between a friend and a peer? That is beautiful.
Speaker 1:And we should be. That's another thing we should be saying as adults, you know, because most of these people that I'm referencing are peers. They're not friends.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And that's fine.
Speaker 2:Yeah, or even just calling people. I mean, I mean, let's get good on a rabbit hole here, but like calling people what they are, like sometimes they're just your coworker, they're not your friend, and sometimes they are your friend and your coworker, sometimes they're just your co.
Speaker 1:Right. Sometimes they're your friend's best friend's parent. You know what I mean. They're those people. That's just because that calling relationships what they are, instead of assigning a affectionate title to them, is probably important. No, that helps create distance and space too. The words that we use create distance and space just as much as our bodies does do so ah, such a good point, being clear on the relationships in our life yeah, gosh big takeaways today, for ourselves too, huh I know, I know.
Speaker 2:I think it just reiterates that it's okay to stick to your uh what's the word I'm looking for? Like your internal your intuition. Yeah, your intuition, like it's okay. Like you know, your intuition will not mislead you and there's a pretty good chance, if something doesn't feel right, that it's just you know it's not right don't force it. No, no, people may not feel the need to force that.
Speaker 2:Maybe we're the only people that find ourselves in these situations I don't know, I just know that every time we're on here we're like what's going on with you? I'm like let me tell you some shit, right you know well, guess what?
Speaker 1:yeah, so yes, I totally agree. You're out there with us.
Speaker 2:Let us know when you're spending less energy on things you don't want to be spending your energy on that aren't necessary things in life. You have so much more energy for the things that you do.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And that is like my sole purpose right now Right, right.
Speaker 1:You can show up better for the things that matter whenever you're not showing up for those that don't. You know, I mean, that's just, that's what it is. So I take those noticing steps. You know about ourselves, our relationships, and again, I don't. For me, I don't care what the relationship is, it's just you need to. It needs to be healthy or non-existent. You know, if it comes to that, well, or just create a lot of space, but from a physical standpoint we wouldn't stand. I mean, people aren't allowed to be inside like the reactor zone of Chernobyl. Still that thing happened, like 30 years ago. You know we do this to protect our physical health. You know our emotional, relational, social health is not different. It's interconnected and not allowing ourselves to put ourselves in those types of situations is equally as important as what we would do we wouldn't put our kid out, I don't know, in a minefield to go play around then Right? So you know, that's me in a pto meeting roughly so can't go there.
Speaker 2:You're on a pto, definitely me in a pto meeting.
Speaker 1:God bless you. Yeah, not happening so and not making excuses for it just not happening, folks, is what it is.
Speaker 2:So we want to hear from you. If this is a topic that you find coming up with your girlfriends, or found some way to help get you out of these sticky relationships or conversations, we would love to hear from you. Check us out on Facebook, and no, don't check us out on Facebook. We're trying, we're trying, but you can check us out on Instagram, delilah's podcast. You can check us out on our website, delilahcom. You can text the show. You can text the show off of the website.
Speaker 1:It's on, yeah, you can even on any of the venues that you listen to and the platforms that you listen to. There's a link right there that says text the show and you can text the show.
Speaker 2:So I'm straight to Sarah's phone.
Speaker 1:It does come straight to Sarah's phone. Absolutely comes straight to my phone. But text it, let us know We'll send you some love and swag.
Speaker 2:Exactly. Text us. We would love to hear from you, we would love to send you some, some swag and, if you haven't already, please go on the platform that you listen to us and leave us a quick review. Just let us know how we're doing. It's great feedback for us, but it also really boosts our podcast. So we always appreciate you, and I think that's all I got for this week.
Speaker 1:That was a good one. I loved it.
