The LYLAS Podcast
If you know what LYLAS stands for, then this podcast is for you! Two besties since middle school turned moms and psychologists dish on "the good, the fun, and the yucks" of life! We're tackling all things mental health, "mom balance" (whatever the hell that is), transitions in life (divorce, career, aging parents, parent loss, loss of friendships), self-care, travel, healthy habits, raising kids, and allllllll the things us midlife mamas are experiencing. We hope each week listeners feel like they just left a good ol' therapy session with their bestie! We'll dish on all the tips and tricks to keep your mental health in check and enjoy this thing called life! Meet your life's newest cheerleaders-- Sarah & Jen! LYLAS!
The LYLAS Podcast
The LYLAS Podcast, Season 4, Episode 63, "Grounding and Mantras: How We Get Thru the Yucks"
Feeling overwhelmed despite your best efforts to maintain a healthy lifestyle? You're not alone. During this episode of The LYLAS Podcast, we promise you'll discover practical grounding techniques specifically designed to help you manage stress and anxiety, particularly during the challenging phases of life. We start by acknowledging the emotional rollercoaster many face, even when following all the wellness routines. We emphasize the importance of giving yourself grace and avoiding the pitfall of overloading on self-improvement tasks, offering reassurance that it's okay to feel overwhelmed sometimes.
You'll learn how conscious breathing can be a powerful tool for emotional regulation, whether you're managing anxiety or just trying to keep your cool in high-energy environments. We share personal anecdotes and effective strategies to help you regain control quickly, such as using mantras and focused breathing. From standing barefoot on natural surfaces to using ice for a quick reset, we provide a variety of grounding techniques to help you manage stress and improve your overall well-being. These simple yet effective methods can make a significant difference in your daily life.
Finally, we introduce you to the concept of creating a "dopamine menu"—a personalized list of activities that bring you joy and boost your well-being. We offer practical tips for identifying these activities and customizing different menus for various situations. From short walks to engaging with friends, these small changes can lead to consistent emotional lifts throughout your day. As we wrap up, we emphasize the importance of spreading positivity and self-improvement, thanking our listeners for their commitment to personal growth and encouraging everyone to "just keep swimming." Join us for an episode packed with heartfelt discussions and practical advice to help you navigate life's challenges with grace and resilience.
Please be sure to checkout our website for previous episodes, our psych-approved resource page, and connect with us on social media! All this and more at www.thelylaspodcast.com
Welcome to Lylas. If you grew up in the 80s and 90s, you probably know what that stands for and, by default, this podcast is for you.
Speaker 2:Welcome loyal L liless listeners. We're so happy to have you here, lll. I know right, that's it. And remember that we are dying for your feedback, your reviews, your comments, suggestions, questions, because we are rolling in hot with season four. I really feel like our content is just we're already three episodes in and I'm like, yes, I'm loving everything that we're doing.
Speaker 1:Yeah, today's a great topic. I feel like absolute ass, but the topic got me to record, so I'm excited just to talk about this, because I just used it about an hour ago, when I was starting to feel some anxious feelings that I haven't felt for a long time. But man, they really came in hot today. So you know, just add it to the list of perimenopause symptoms I'm experiencing these days. I know Great, great, great.
Speaker 2:Add it to life. Add it to the ingredients that are the not so pleasant ones at times, right?
Speaker 1:But we have all these tools now to use whenever you know, just being able to say like, hey, I was getting some really anxious thoughts and I was able to use some of the stuff we're going to talk about today, so that's why it's important to talk about this stuff. You don't have to suffer.
Speaker 2:Nope, not all hope is lost, that's for sure. But with that kind of being said, you know, one thing I think that we've been talking about, like amongst ourselves and mentioning even on the podcast, is how we're always trying to reach that point of like homeostasis. We're trying to do all the things to decrease our cortisol levels, our stress response. You know we're staying hydrated. Everybody's walking around with those, you know, reusable, whatever they are jugs. We're trying to do the workouts, eat clean, eat green, whatever, and yet sometimes we still feel like we're on a slippery slope and that can be so defeating, especially whenever we are doing all the right things.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and do you think I think sometimes we do too much? Instead of doing a few things really well and a honing and you know, really working those tools and doing those well, we tend to, oh, that's going well, we got that on it, let's layer on something else. I mean, I'm certainly guilty of that. Like I've talked about that before, like I keep adding to my daily five and I don't know that that's necessarily better. I like to think of it as ways to keep leveling up, or I'm trying to like improve that homeostasis or at least obtain it. But we, you know, sometimes I think we can do too much.
Speaker 2:But we, you know, sometimes I think we can do too much. Oh yeah, I mean our arms extended can only carry so much weight.
Speaker 2:And so our emotional response system is the same way. We just don't have a tangible example of that, you know, except feeling run down or you know just kind of down in the dumps, which I think is different, or super anxious, or just worried. Or then our cognitive thoughts start coming into play and are like, well, we're just not doing enough. All the failure-based thinking then starts to have its own kind of assaults on our psyche and it just it can really be tough and I say that because it's really tough, especially whenever you have set goals for yourself or for your wellness plan, or for really just kind of diving in into being a bigger and better you, whether that be for yourself personally, as a parent, as a spouse, whatever the the goal that we've set for ourselves, even at work, like we just really want to do a good job, we want to, you know, be on point for everything. Whenever that isn't going right, what are we going to do to kind of help ourselves out in those points at times?
Speaker 1:And so I don't know I need this episode as much as anybody does because, you know, even though this episode is not about the perimenopause, it's like I had things going on and I was feeling really good, and it's like like all of a sudden now I feel like I've taken three steps backwards. You know, I've got like I've got massive headache today. I had some like anxious thoughts earlier. I feel like I'm on flames on the inside of me now and in a minute I will be freezing and reaching for my sweater and it's just this like very tired and it's all cyclical. Right, it's a lot of it has to do with my cycle at the moment, but when you have been working so hard and doing all the things that we talk about over and over again and you still don't feel good, man, does that knock the wind out of you, so to speak? You know it's like fuck, I'm doing it. What's?
Speaker 2:what's the problem here? Right, right, and then there goes the rabbit hole at that point, and then we want to quit or we want to start to make excuses, and you know what I mean and that's where I think the danger lies in is that when those things have like set in, so like why is that not working, I think, for me?
Speaker 1:I don't want to quit the things I'm doing. I'm like well, what do I need to add? What am I? What am I missing? You know, and maybe it's not that, maybe it's just your 42 year old woman experiencing these symptoms for the first time, and you need to give yourself some grace and know that this too shall pass and the in a couple of days, you might feel back to that. You know, superstar, that you felt like summer.
Speaker 2:Right, right, or if you just feel like you're burnt out. You know, we just reach a point sometimes whenever we just feel like we're just kind of I hear it a lot, I've even said it like we're just done, like we're just completely burnt out. And that happens too whenever our it's like a candle, but it's not the candle being burned at both ends alone, it's the candle being burned at both ends, like with, let's say, work or social life, maybe home, managing kids and doing all the chores, things, spousal relationship. But then the middle of the candle is also on fire and that is how we are feeling about ourselves in that moment and that point. And generally speaking, we can handle it whenever both ends of the candle on fire because we have this nice, you know, round fat, whatever wax that is still between the two points. But when the middle, which is what ourselves like, what we represent, is also on fire, that's what burnout is. That's whenever everything else just again has that kind of compiling effect and that cyclical nature just kind of kicks in.
Speaker 1:So we've been very vague, but today we're really talking about some of the strategies that we use and we've talked about some of this before, or at least mentioned it but really talking about use of mantras and grounding techniques and we're going to talk a little bit about what I'm sure most people are seeing on social media these days. A lot of people are doing dopamine menus, and so we just want to talk about how we use these tools, not just mention them, but really get into how we're using them to support our bodies right now and our minds. And, like I said, I just used one, you know, an hour ago, when I was sitting in the cafeteria at my kid's school, super overwhelmed, you know, I needed ground and it's like how do you ground with a bunch of fourth grade boys sitting around you, you know? So let's kind of dive into that. Let's first like so what is a grounding technique?
Speaker 2:I mean, we could probably look up a great Google definition for it, but it basically is something that allows you to return back to center, and that can be a phrase, it can be a, you know, kind of like a lyric, it could be an activity, something that you do that just pulls you back to center instead of allowing your mind, your physiological responses, to just be removed from you and projected out into space.
Speaker 2:And so whenever we do a grounding technique, it really brings everything back to center and then allows us to be able to breathe, to reset, to refocus, to be responsive instead of reactive.
Speaker 2:It allows us to kind of come into that place of not necessarily peace, but almost like clarity, where before it was very mucky and difficult. Now does that mean it's going to be clear, as you know, like I don't know a jug of water? No, but is it going to be as muddy? No, and so that's the purpose of a grounding technique is, again, to kind of bring us back into center. And you know, it's amazing how they can be used, because they're anything that you can kind of pull out of your pocket and you use different ones for different situations, on different days, doing different tasks, and so it really is just finding which ones work for you the best and then even taking cues from your body or from within yourself as to what you need in that moment in order to get back to that center place and then doing it. Not making an excuse for not doing it, but then actually listening to your body and doing it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and sometimes I well, I think that we think a lot about grounding techniques when we tend to experience like an anxiety response. Right, I think a lot of us or at least that's what I tend to go to I'm like, okay, how do I ground here? But sometimes it can be like when you're super excited and you need to all of a sudden focus, Like you maybe just ran into somebody that you haven't seen in a long time. You're super excited and you just caught up and you have all these thoughts and feelings. But now you need to sit down and you know, get into a problem solving discussion or something like that. You know you might need to take a minute and sort of ground yourself back because your body's kind of worked up right, Excitement Woo, I'm excited, I'm happy, I'm jittery. So sometimes you need those grounding techniques, even if it's a positive feeling that you are experiencing.
Speaker 2:No, I love that you mentioned that. That's definitely true. Any big emotion is not supposed to be meant to be felt long term, and any big emotion can just lead to missteps, especially if we're not kind of again coming back to center with it, I mean even whenever it's super, super positive. We're not supposed to live in a land of euphoria, you know.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:So Much as we want positive, we're not supposed to live in a land of euphoria you know Right, so much as we want to, that's not realistic. No, no, no, we're probably healthy at some points too. So just curious, since you mentioned it, what did you do then? Why you gave the perfect example at the kids' school, fourth grade kids all around you. What do you do?
Speaker 1:Well, fourth grade boys are loud, and I forgot. You know it's been a hot minute since I've worked in a school and sat in a cafeteria because last year my kids my son, they ate in the classroom so it wasn't as stimulating to go have lunch with them. Forgot how stimulating cafeterias are. If you're a parent of a child in an elementary school and you've never had lunch with them, try it out one day and see what that's like and see if you don't leave feeling like you just stuck your finger in a socket Because there's a lot of energy. Right, kids are in there, they're talking, they're supposed to be eating, teachers are getting annoyed, you know all the things, but anyway.
Speaker 1:So I was in there and I was trying to have a conversation with one of his friends and I could just I could feel the thoughts, or well, I feel it. I could feel my heart starting to race when the thoughts started and I was like, oh shit, I haven't felt this for a hot minute but, like I said, I've sort of had these little like waves of anxiety I don't even want to call it that Like these like waves of uncomfortable feelings there. They remind you of anxiety. But I was like, so I just started a mantra in my head. I'm like you're safe, everyone in this building is safe, you know. And so I just kept saying that over and over to myself you're safe, they're safe. And I started focusing on my breathing, because that really works for me. I have noticed if I can get my breath under control, and that's where the practice of meditation has served me so well, because now I know what to do and it is like second nature. I can drop in so fast. I mean, it probably didn't last 45 seconds and I was able.
Speaker 1:The kid that I was talking to probably didn't even know this is all going on inside my head because it was just so quick. It was like, oh, I'm feeling this, oh, I don't like this and I don't want to spiral. What can I do? You're safe, you know, everybody here is safe and you know, focused on what you can control, that's big for me. I tend to have a lot of anxiety about things I have no control over, and so, um, and it's stupid shit. Man, like I'm almost embarrassed to say this out loud, but I'm gonna say it because somebody else might be like me, freaking too. But the boy I was talking to was telling me about the game that he plays. He has an Oculus and I don't know if you've read much about those, but children under I think it's under the age of 14, they're not supposed to be on it for more than 30 minutes at a time because of their brain development and how it can affect it.
Speaker 2:Right, um, and I don't even know what one is. What is it?
Speaker 1:it's like a vr, a virtual reality. So you put this head thing on, you put this thing over your eyes and it feels like you're in the game. My son has one and that's why we did some research. We talk about it, we have a lot of boundaries around it. Probably should have more, if I'm being totally honest. But he does. He knows he can be on it for 30 minutes and then he has to take a break. And so I start thinking about this kid and I'm like well, does his mom know that he's supposed to be? You know that it's only a 30 minute thing, because he's telling me about it all the time.
Speaker 1:And I start to get anxious, thinking about this kid's brain development. Is that not crazy? Do I have any control over this kid's brain development or how much time he spends on an Oculus, or what's going to happen? No, why? Why do I have crazy thoughts like this? Why? I don't know, I don't know, I don don't know. At any rate, um, once it started, it was like you know, it was the spiral effect. I started thinking about all the kids that use oculuses, and do all of their parents know that? Do all the people read the warnings on these things. They probably don't right, um, so you can see how it sort of snowballs for me, fair, so yeah, so I just that's when I was like you're safe, he's safe Right now, we are all safe, right, and you have no control over this. So let's get our breathing under control, because I could feel my heart rapidly.
Speaker 2:Yes, yeah, we know if we can control our breath we can't control our heart rate, and that is your entire physiological response system. That then kicks into gear right thereafter. And so you know, even recently and I shared this with you too like um athletes, novak Djokovic is one that you can look at all of his social media and Instagrams and everything that he talks about is number one skill that he tries to go to in high performance or adrenaline amped up, you know kind of moments is using that conscious breathing where he really has to. And now they're not giving him a timeout. In tennis there's no such thing. I mean, you can go to the bathroom, but you got it, you're on the clock. You know there's no such thing as like a player's, you know timeout so I can manage my breathing so much. It's more like get a towel and get a drink.
Speaker 1:Talk about things I've never thought about in my life. An athlete needing to use the bathroom in the middle of the game oh yeah, never in my entire life have I ever thought about that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, they take them sometimes in tennis, and that's whenever everybody starts to be like what are they doing back there, you know? So, um, it's, it's one sport where it just happens. I think a little bit more. It's more known whenever that happens, because they have to announce the reason why they're leaving the court, um, but anyways. So I know right, I'm nervous as absolute hell, but this whole physiological system is just overloaded, got to go. Um, whole physiological system is just overloaded, gotta go. Which, hey, it probably happens. God bless them. But he does.
Speaker 2:He uses different conscious breathing techniques and he'll be the first one to say you know that it does. It. Is it always a cure to what's happening? No, but in those moments he also says I may have not been using it as effectively as what I could have. You know, I wasn't able. I was doing the breathing, but I wasn't able to necessarily kind of get my head back in the game, and so at that point then it may take another tool in order to be there. And that's where, you know, has he quit playing tennis because he has these moments? No, I mean, he's the goat for a reason, but I think it's tuning into that, and so breathing is one way to do it, and those moments, the things that you can again use to bring yourself in or your five senses.
Speaker 2:So what can you see? And but actually like paying attention to that and calling it out, even if it's in your head. You know, oh, this little girl has a pretty bow in her hair. Or you know, I see that there's a crack in the wall. Even minute things matter, because it's again pulling you back in instead of allowing the flood to occur. And that's what can happen if we don't use grounding. I mean, that's what you just perfectly described Water on an open plain always causes a flood. So what do we want to do? We want to try to control that flow and we do that through use of grounding techniques and mantras.
Speaker 2:So what can you touch? And how does that feel? You know, if you're sitting on a bench, is it a hard bench? Is it a wet bench? You know, is it too short? Am I knees up to my chest? You know what is it? Is it that you feel the different fabric? You know, maybe you're touching somebody close to you, and now you're aware that you know our bodies are actually touching.
Speaker 2:You want to pay attention to what you can smell Lots of things in different places that you can kind of cue into, and your acuity increases as you start to bring notice to it and so, like, if I'm running out on a trail or something and I'm starting to focus on smell, I can get like a woof of something and then it's like, oh okay, and then it's almost like you're following it or that it just becomes stronger. At that point, whatever you pay attention to grows, that works with your senses as well, and so you know what can you taste in those moments. You know, again, going back to all of those different things like that can be really really, really helpful. What can you hear? You know, yes, you're trying to listen to this kid's voice, but can you also hear a whistle blowing? Are there other announcements going?
Speaker 2:A lot of things in that stimulating environment. But just by being able to name them, it actually decreases their stimulation and their stimulating effect on you, and so you can do that anywhere. I mean I remember talking about doing this in different meetings whenever you know I'd get aggravated about something that was happening, or imagine that Right, or you got for bed, but it helped. I mean, again, the goal of it is to kind of bring you back into center. So at that point I'm not reacting to a situation, I'm responding to it with clarity and with thought because I've allowed myself to kind of come back into place. And so you know, using those things can be great. If somebody is having a stressful day, like at work or like a fight, the number one best thing you can do besides getting ice and I don't mean like the cold ice bath thing that we've talked about before, but just some ice and putting on your chest it's always going to be the quickest thing to physiologically reset you period.
Speaker 1:Um, but I want to make a point about that because that literally saved me so many times and I'm so grateful that you taught me that trick, because I can't tell you how many times I've pulled a nice pack out and stuck it on my chest and really helped me, because sometimes if you get too far in a cycle, if you're having anxious thoughts, anybody that's ever struggled with anxiety knows like there's a point of return and um, or it feels that way, and so sometimes I've tried grounding techniques after I've gotten to that point and it's like I needed that. That's to me where the cold compress came in. You might try that first, but that's when I'm like oh, I got to pick a different tool because me just using a mantra right now ain't working for me. You know, grounding by walking in the grass isn't. I'm still having these crazy anxious thoughts, right?
Speaker 2:Right, but that's what that's where the ladder kind of goes to. You know what I mean. So it's like Right, but that's what that's where the ladder kind of goes to. You know what I mean. So it's like you know you can pull these out at any time or just go for the one that works the first best. You know what I mean. Then follow up in reverse order.
Speaker 2:So use the ice and then go for a walk, like what Jen's saying. Um, out in the grass there's actually like a inner, like a nutrient energy, all kinds of transfer that takes place whenever you stand barefoot in grass or lay down like I'll go outside and it's weird, I live in West Virginia, so I'm on a hill and so I'll go outside and just lay down on the driveway, which is not necessarily grass, but I'll just lay down on the earth and it just feels so good just to kind of be in that place and space. But you use the techniques in the way that fits best for you. So use the ice, but then, as your physiological system is resetting, without you having to think about it, then using some mantras, then you know, focusing on the site, cells, smells, touch, taste, whatever else. So that way you're then compiling all those layering effects on you in those points of time and you know, then you can actually focus in on your breathing and doing it in a different way or in a different cycle.
Speaker 1:And these things don't take forever, but the amount of time that it takes us if we don't do them is hours to maybe even days. Right, and the response like I'm learning a lot about our cellular response when we're putting ourselves in these stressful situations we're raising our cortisol, you know, we're having real impact on our bodies and so if we can, you know, try to mitigate that in some way. You know, I'm all for it, Not just so that you don't experience it, but so you don't have any lasting impact to your body as well.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, I mean it's all interconnected as we keep talking about, but really seeing those interconnections and following up with the research about it highlights its importance even further.
Speaker 1:You know so and I tend to use like you made a good point too using it when you get worked up, like in a meeting, like if you're frustrated you don't have to be like angry, but just like that frustrated, like nobody's getting along, we're not getting anything accomplished. You know, everybody has sat in those types of meetings. This could have been an email meeting, like those types of things. I don't even you know, I've never thought about tapping into those, and so I tend to just use them when it's anxiety related, not so much just when I'm frustrated.
Speaker 2:Oh gosh, yeah Well, I don't feel anxious, I just get aggravated, right. So there's the tool, but it's, it's a thing that it doesn't put whatever word that you want to put in place amped up, excited, right, you know, again, it's just about kind of coming back to a point with things, um, feeling like you want to quit or that again something is too much, where that kind of burnout comes into play. It's it's really allowing yourself to kind of feel that grounding. Or even if I'm about ready to walk into a situation that has a lot of uncertainty to it and I have the option, I will actually sit on the ground, like that's my preferred place to sit, is on the ground, and I really don't care what people think, but I know it probably looks weird because I'm sitting there like Crispril's applesauce or in just like some kind of like folded up position. But being on the ground again, I'm connecting all points of contact to something in a situation that lacks clarity and certainty, and so by being able to physically even be grounded, I'm able to more tap into being emotionally and cognitively more grounded. So that way the best kind of picture of self thing kind of comes out.
Speaker 2:So I love that. Yeah, I mean, I get it. It looks odd. I had to even like. I even apologize. Sometimes I'll be like, hey, I'm sorry, I'm sitting on the ground, but what's going on? I need this. Here's where we're at today.
Speaker 1:Here's where we're at today. Here's where we're at. Let's talk a little bit about mantras, because I think that A maybe people use this, but for me, mantras were super helpful when I was first starting out in meditation, having something to say over, and I still use mantras all the time. The app that we use you know one of the providers that I use. They use mantras in a lot of their guided meditation. So let's talk a little bit about how you use them and what is a mantra? Let's even define that.
Speaker 2:I mean, it's just a phrase, a saying, it's something that, whenever you say it, it helps you to disconnect away from an emotion or a thought and again just kind of pulls you back, but with a mantra. It is a saying or a thought, it's a quote, it's a. You know, it's one of those things that you can just repeat over and over again. It's something that resonates with you and it doesn't even have to be like one identified by like Gandhi you know what I mean Like mine's from Dora from Pixar Sometimes, whenever she used to go, just keep swimming when I was working a lot or whenever I had a lot going on.
Speaker 2:at that kind of point it was just like or I have a day that's stacked is, just keep swimming, just keep swimming. So I'm not saying it has to come from Maya Angelou here, you know. It can come from any source that allows you to use it as a resonating connecting force to help you push through whatever you're going through in that moment.
Speaker 1:And, generally speaking, they're short two to three words.
Speaker 1:Like. One that I frequently use is I am breathing in, I am breathing out or I am here. Now is another one that I will use, but a lot of times in meditation you'll use I think it's Sanskrit. It's definitely a language I'm not familiar with, but I will use. You know, whatever mantra is given to us, he usually gives like a little description of what it means, and it really is. It's not about stopping your mind from thinking. It's about returning to the mantra, practicing that fluidity of oh. I had a thought about a cardinal flying past me. I'm going to go back to my mantra. It's that, it's that practice of flowing in and flowing out. That really, for me, when I'm meditating, that's what I'm focusing on. It's not like, oh, I made it through the whole meditation and I didn't have any thoughts.
Speaker 1:That's not the point of it. The point is practicing that fluidity, would you?
Speaker 2:agree, yeah, yeah, I think, definitely, whenever you come down to using it, using a mantra for meditation purposes it is the it is the easiest way to probably dial back in, you know, and to just kind of allow yourself to kind of breathe within that space, a hundred percent, yeah, and like I'll use one, it just means peace, peace, peace. It's Shanti, shanti, shanti, and so it's peace, peace, peace, or again, whatever it happens to be at that point of time, just to kind of allow you to check back in, to center back in.
Speaker 1:But I use them a lot too whenever I'm doing an activity.
Speaker 2:Because for me, like, sometimes, whatever, and sometimes it's even a question, or it's just like a statement, like if I'm doing a long run, and you know, at different points in time, or a hot run, like a hot run on a hot day, just a cold one, whatever the situation may be, it's just something you don't want to be doing. At that time Do I need to quit or do I want to do? I need to quit or do I want to? And if, and that really takes like a self-analysis at that point. You know what I mean. That really takes like a self analysis at that point. You know what I mean. Like, am I physically bulking? Is this something that is, um, am I injured? You know, is this a hurt or am I just feeling appropriately tired for what I'm doing? And now I want to quit. And if the answer is want to, then the answer is no, yeah, so I'll, I'll do that a lot, and then I will sit there and come up with others to I focus back on a goal, or I'll use visualization as not necessarily a mantra, but as a way to kind of, you know, put yourself in a different place, like I've done worse. That sounds tough, but you know, I've put myself in other, worse situations than what I'm in right now. I've done worse. I can do this now. I've done worse, I can do this now.
Speaker 2:And then it's just something you repeat again over over in your head and then your body automatically matches that cadence and so then it takes away the extra energy that was being used in the thought of wanting to quit or wanting to stop, and then puts it back in the activity, so that way it doesn't have that kind of blockage at that point. So if I'm experiencing something that is unexpected, then I see no matter what it is. If it's doing like a physical activity or another activity, then I see that this is practice. This is practice, for whenever it happens later, this is practice. I don't ask why it's happening. I try not to get frustrated at why it's happening. I think of it as practice for something I'm going to experience later. So that gives me that Well, it gives yourself some forgiveness. You know some space again between you and whatever you're trying to get through.
Speaker 2:If there's a block in it, then I'm just using this as practice, which means that I'm not going to necessarily quit. That might change what I'm doing in that moment I might have to slow down, I might have to pivot or, you know, partake in a different activity until I can get there, but I'm not quitting. So it's, it's that whole idea of like okay, well, this is going to be awful, I don't know what's going to happen. You know, using it in the other direction can also be equally as effective. We just don't do it because it feels hokey Whenever the other should actually be the one that feels hokey.
Speaker 1:For sure, for sure. One of the things I loved at our meditation retreat that we went to earlier this year was the mantras that they had us do at the beginning of our meditations. And just to paint the picture for y'all, sarah and I did a meditation retreat out in Arizona and we would meditate morning and evening for about 30 minutes at a time. So I mean, even for somebody who meditates every day, 30 minutes is a long time. It's a long time to sit still and breathe and focus on your breath, and so they often gave us mantras, and very simple ones who am I? And the idea is that you're not answering it, you're just repeating the mantra over and over again to see if anything comes up. You might hear an answer, you might not, but the idea of these mantras of who am I, what makes me happy? What do I need, you know thinking about some of those things.
Speaker 1:If you're somebody that's really stuck and maybe you don't know what your next step is, you don't know what to do, but you know you're unhappy those types of mantras I think would be very helpful to maybe pull some of those answers out of. What is it that you really want? When am I at my happiest. That's one that I use a lot. When am I at my best? What are those characteristics? And that helps me kind of think about what my next step is. What am I going to do after this? Who is my best self? What does she look like?
Speaker 2:Yeah, and again cueing into that.
Speaker 2:And those moments can be grounding, because then it's putting you back into yourself. At that point you know non-judgmentally of who you are in the moment that you're having. But what does it look like whenever it's different, in a glowing light? Sure, yeah, um, let me think. I just have a whole list of them here. Others I one of them I heard in yoga class the other day. I actually told my teacher I liked it a bunch Um, it's like this now. It's like this now, and so I thought that that was really nice and helpful, especially if you know someone's having a rough day or bad phone calls, bad whatever's happened. It's like this now. So, and that really does bring it back to in this present moment. It is here.
Speaker 1:You know that does not mean it shall pass, like taking those old things that all our grandmas used to say and making it our mantras.
Speaker 2:I think, another one about like work or, you know, whenever you've had a bad or a stressful day, we're always more cognizant, I think, of those moments, then, when the wind is not blowing, and I just think that that's important for us to pay attention to too. And just as, like an example, you walk outside, you'll notice a big gust of wind. You know whether it's hot or cold or whatever. You'll feel it in your hair, you'll feel it on your skin, you'll be a smell. Associated with the wind is you can't necessarily you can see its effects, but you can't see it. But we're often not paying attention to whenever it's not there, and that's that's really kind of like a big point of like mindfulness. Whenever we're stressful, chaotic, overwhelming, trapping, whatever the word might be, when is it? When the wind is not blowing? So just cueing back?
Speaker 1:You got to cue back. One thing I've noticed on social media lately is a lot of influencers are, you know, putting up their dopamine menus, and so what that means is what are the healthy dopamine hits that you can get throughout the day? What are the things that kind of lift you up? And for me, if you're a listener of this show, you know that I have my daily five routine. Those are kind of like my dopamine hits right Getting up before the sun that's a dopamine hit for me. Meditating, journaling, getting my exercise in as the sun's coming up If I can get everything done before 830, talk about a dopamine hit man. I feel like a freaking rock star when I sit down at my desk. So I like this idea of sort of having a menu of things like this this weekend.
Speaker 1:And I mean this might be TMI for our listeners, but I'm really tracking my cycles and so I know everything I'm experiencing is normal right now. This is nothing abnormal. Unfortunately, this is just fucking aging and dealing with some of these. You know newer symptoms all of a sudden, but I was just really off. You know, like you ever have those days where you're just like I am off, like I can't put my finger on it. I just can't. I don't feel like myself. I don't know who this person is masquerading around in my body, but it ain't me. And I really felt that way. And so I was really leaning on my if you, if you will my dopamine rewards this weekend.
Speaker 1:I was, I mean, I was hitting every single one of them because I was doing anything I could to make myself feel like myself. Did I ever fully accomplish it? I don't think I did, but I felt way better than had I not implemented those things, and that's what I kept telling us. I'm like you're, you're doing your things right, you're just going to keep focusing on it, and it doesn't mean it's going to eliminate every symptom that you have, but I do feel like it was better at the end of the day. I'm certain it could have been worse had I not implemented some of those things. And so have you seen that? Am I the only I mean? Is it just an echo chamber right now on Instagram? No, I mean, is it just that go chamber right now on Instagram?
Speaker 2:No, I've seen them too. Yeah and um, I've seen them labeled as that or there's an. There was another word that I saw, but it's just.
Speaker 2:you know, we're not using things that are super complex, it just does kind of come back to what makes us happy, you know, but that's hard to identify, Like if I walked into a room of like 10 other people and I say what makes you happy? We probably all have a few little jokes about different things here and there, but like on a daily basis, it would take a lot of time for people to come up with it. We're real good at coming up with what makes us unhappy, for sure, but that's where having that menu comes into play. Or having like a list on your cell phone, a screenshot, you know an album, a notes app, you know something that whenever the going gets tough, you can have that as like the cheat code you know, to kind of get through it the map whenever Google quits working. The trip ticks from back in the days whenever we were kids. Google quits working.
Speaker 1:The trip ticks from back in the days, whenever we were kids. Yeah, I mean that idea of let me trick, because sometimes, when you're in it and when you're in the funk, you can't think of anything. You're like I know I need to do something for myself, but like I can't even think of what to do. It can be as simple as like taking a 10 minute walk and getting sunlight on your face, or playing with your dog and letting it, you know, cuddle with you or whatever. Whatever really kind of like lights you up from the inside out, and so it can be so simple and that's why you could I mean I feel like I could make a pretty long menu, but I think about things a lot, right, because there are things that I'm constantly trying to embed throughout my day, whether it's like contact with friends, like that's a big one for me, like little you know, like my friends were all connected, and when we work out, I get like a little thing on my watch, so and so just, and I always, if I get it, I always send a response.
Speaker 1:That's like a dopamine hit for me. I love feedback, I love giving feedback and like pumping something, like you did it. So I mean like embedding that throughout the day, instead of like, maybe, stacking everything at the beginning of your day, like, yeah, you might feel great till noon and then you might, you might need another hit. Right, yeah, like, tap the vein, give me some dopamine here I need, I need a walk after lunch, or I need a right chocolate square, whatever it, whatever it is, whatever it is um, smoothie, a juice, I don't, whatever. Decaf coffee, right, right, make your dopamine list. If you don't have one, or if you've never thought about that, I encourage you to just make a list to see what, what makes you happy.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and you know there was actually um, I forgot about this until you mentioned it there was oh my God, I don't I forget what like therapeutic model or like handout it came from, but obviously been a long time since I had used it.
Speaker 2:But it was almost like you want to schedule at least five of those things, if you can, if not just having that you can pull out you know of your pocket or whatnot, like throughout the day, just to give yourself that kind of a boost.
Speaker 2:You know, every single day, yeah, like every single day, and like one of them was um, you know, because so much of us spend time at work or in a box, like human beings by design we're not meant to be in boxes but go outside, you know, don't just, you know, kind of sit in the same place, go outside, you know, I don't care if you're sitting in the car, you know what I mean, during the year, whatever, but just have something scheduled at different points of time so that way you can commit to doing just two to three minutes of an activity, you know, maybe before you walk in the door after work, and you know the kids have to get ready for practice, or X, y and Z.
Speaker 2:You got to go out to dinner, stop at the end of the road and do a quick breathing exercise. You know, um, anything like that can be a way just to kind of help yourself get into a transition place, but also just to give yourself that boost that you might need in order to to kind of get by. I love the chocolate, like those Dove chocolates always have those sweet little messages in them, right, right.
Speaker 1:One of those, yeah, and also I think it's important to pay attention to like what isn't filling you up and we've talked about that before but like what doesn't belong on the dopamine menu, like the glass of wine. I'm not saying but, honestly, you want to think about things that are good for your body. I can think of plenty of things that are not good for my body. That.
Speaker 1:I also like, but that shouldn't be part of my daily menu. To choose from, right, that's maybe like my weekend menu or, you know, my vacation menu. Like those types of things, like also knowing maybe what's not the best thing. If you're having a glass of wine every night, you know to each their own. No judgment, this is a total judgment-free zone, but for me I know that that causes anxiety. I have noticed quite often here lately, if I drink wine, like it's giving me anxiety the next day. So I mean just being cognizant of like, oh, maybe that's, maybe that isn't on the menu anymore, right, or at least for a while let's take a little break and see if we can't, you know, find something else.
Speaker 2:And I love that, having like a workday menu, a weekend menu, whatever you know, there's 10,000 different kinds of restaurants. Yeah, have your own menu. Yeah, right. Your travel day menu. Yeah, staying in an airport all day or, you know, driving in cars, that's a hard day. To maybe come up with a good menu that's healthy, you're right, but you can do it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, there are plenty of things that you can do, but all the things you don't have time to do in your regular life, you know travel is great for that kind of stuff. Yeah, I'm a big delete. I delete photos off my phone while I'm on an airplane. So I'll spend a three hour flight and delete tens of thousands of photos and videos and I feel so much lighter when I walk off that plane and you go down memory lane and you know those are little dopamine hits to looking at babies when they were little, and so you know it can be very, very simple things. It doesn't have to be a 10 minute walk. It can literally be like looking at a picture of your granny that you haven't thought about in 10 years or whatever. You know it can be so simple.
Speaker 2:Yes, I think we. Just this is another area where I just feel like we get into this zone of overcomplication or overcomplicating things. And you know, again, we're going to look out for the best quote, we're going to look out for, you know, those super expensive ice baths or whatever else it doesn't.
Speaker 1:All health costs a gazillion dollars, all of my skincare dopamine hit but not feasible at all times, you know.
Speaker 2:Right, but that's where it, when it's on the menu, we partake.
Speaker 1:That's right. My hydrofacial is on my vacation menu. It's going to happen every time I'm on vacation.
Speaker 2:There you go.
Speaker 1:Love a hydrafacial, I know. Anyway, I think I mean I hope that our listeners find this helpful. If you have a dopamine menu or you have your favorite mantras, we would love to hear some of them, because I'm probably going to make a list of other people's mantras and steal some of them as well. We want to make a list of other people's mantras and steal some of them as well. We want to share ideas. We don't want to we're not gatekeeping anything here. So if you have anything you want to share, we will also put it on the website and put some examples on there so that you can, you know, build from that, just to generate some ideas.
Speaker 1:That's really all we're trying to do is get you thinking about what are some things that you could put on your menu. What are some? You know, what are some of those grounding techniques that are tried and true for you. Things that work for Sarah may not work for me, right? So it really is about trial and error and then making a list of oh, that really went like that ice pack for me. I will never give that up Ice pack on the chest forever and ever. So those are super helpful and I hope that you all found something helpful in this episode.
Speaker 2:Yeah, most definitely remember to text us, to hit us up on social media to do the reviews Right.
Speaker 1:Send it to a friend. Yeah, share it with your friend. Review us on the platform where you're listening to the Lylas podcast. That's the best way you can help us out, and we so appreciate your time and energy and working on yourself, because I truly believe it starts with ourselves. Amen If we can get ourself right. We can do so much more good in this world, and that's really what we're here about is helping us all elevate baby level up.
Speaker 2:There it is. Just keep swimming, just keep swimming, all right? Well, I guess until next time. Right, that's right, thank you.
