The LYLAS Podcast
If you know what LYLAS stands for, then this podcast is for you! Two besties since middle school turned moms and psychologists dish on "the good, the fun, and the yucks" of life! We're tackling all things mental health, "mom balance" (whatever the hell that is), transitions in life (divorce, career, aging parents, parent loss, loss of friendships), self-care, travel, healthy habits, raising kids, and allllllll the things us midlife mamas are experiencing. We hope each week listeners feel like they just left a good ol' therapy session with their bestie! We'll dish on all the tips and tricks to keep your mental health in check and enjoy this thing called life! Meet your life's newest cheerleaders-- Sarah & Jen! LYLAS!
The LYLAS Podcast
The LYLAS Podcast, Re-Release for the Summer, "Motivation Station"
On the struggle bus? Summer slump got ya off your goals? Don't worry in this episode we got your pass to the "Motivation Station" to get back on YOUR track!
Please be sure to checkout our website for previous episodes, our psych-approved resource page, and connect with us on social media! All this and more at www.thelylaspodcast.com
Hello again, Sarah Stevens, with the Lylist Podcast pulling into the station with one of my favorite episodes from season two. What are we talking about? Motivation Station. We all struggle with motivation at some point in time in our lives and it is just so good to know that we can all be stuck at the same stop together. Well, this episode is going to hit home and hopefully get you moving, so that way we can get back on the train of life and feel like we are thriving once again. Tune into this episode for some more tips and tricks on how we can find that inner motivation to keep going and achieve the goals that we have for ourselves, our families and to live our best true lives. As always, be sure to find us on all of our social media accounts and give us a like, comment, subscribe, as well as suggestion, as we are moving forward with season four. One are we on. This is season two, episode 12, I think.
Speaker 2:I'm going to take your word for it, because I definitely didn't look it up.
Speaker 1:I think that that's right. But anyways, we're happy that you're here on the Lila's podcast this week and, as Jen usually says, I'm going to steal it from her this time. If you know what lila stands for, then this podcast is for you. Hopefully. I got it. I've heard it enough, but I never say it right close enough close enough.
Speaker 1:Yeah, well, we are happy to be back on here, um, it's been a while since we've actually got to sit here and record um, because you know, we're always in those life transitions and whether it's getting back into work or out of it and just kind of finding our own space and place with things. We have had a lot of comments and want to thank everybody for listening and for giving us suggestions and all the feedback, because it really does, you know, help to transcend into what we're wanting to do and it's just serves as so much validation, I think, overall for us, and so our topic for today is going to be on motivation, right, yeah?
Speaker 2:Which is when I first sat down to like just list out a couple things that I was like, okay, what am I motivated by? I'm going to have like two things to talk about. Before I knew it, I had like nine or 10. So I do feel like, even though motivation is typically kind of difficult for me or challenge at times Um, I think anybody that struggles with ADHD would agree that motivation is one of those, uh, typical behaviors that we struggle with, and so it's like anything, it's finding what works for you, and so I was actually very pleased to see that I have several things that I have put in place that help up the motivation factor.
Speaker 1:That's cool, and I think it's cool that you identified them as being behaviors too, because I think that sometimes, yeah, whenever we think about motivation, I would hear this a lot in clinic. Or I was even like getting a facial the other day and the um, my esthetician was like I just can't find the motivation. I was like girl, motivation is not an item on a scavenger hunt, You're not going to find it, it comes from, like inside you, yeah, yeah. And so I think that we all have that kind of misconception that it is something that we have to like find. No, we just have to turn into. I think is a different way to kind of conceptualize it and that once we're able to do that, then you know it becomes more freeing for us, and so well, and also remembering that it's not always going to be level 100, unless you know.
Speaker 2:That's your superpower, which there are some people that are just highly motivated individuals and that is their superpower. But I think that a lot of people struggle with motivation at different points in their life. If you have kids with ADHD, you have probably heard them or maybe even characterize them yourself as, at certain times, being lazy. I can't tell you how many times I've heard that in my career or even felt that like I'm lazy or maybe I'm just unmotivated If it's not something that's highly of interest, it can be difficult to get started on something or see something through, and that can look lazy to people when on something or see something through, and that can look lazy to people when truly it's just a lack of motivation or really having a lack of knowing how to tap into motivation. I think that's we have it, it's just tapping into. It is truly the superpower ultimately.
Speaker 1:No, I think that that's definitely true and even as you were saying that, I was thinking like for me, whenever I think about motivation and I did a post of you know a few days ago or something about how I'm back to our leveling up episode where you know, we're just trying to continue to up our game on things what I'm trying to work on is getting into shape, and I use that as an acronym for, like, self care, for health, attitude development, for really staying on point physically with things and then continuing to develop my education in whatever area that is. But with that, I believe that there's a law of action whenever it comes to motivation, and that basically is like, once you're moving, it's easier to get moving. You just have to start moving.
Speaker 2:You have to start somewhere. That's definitely sort of on my list of things. It's like just doing the first thing, whether that's like making your bed in the morning like that's your first accomplishment. It's a great way to like start your day. It's super easy, it takes less than three minutes and then you've already accomplished something that day. I don't know about you, but for me, like I, I feel dis disorganized or just like disoriented, until my bed is made very hot in that way, I guess. But that's what, like just do the first thing. And it's like okay, check, I did that, I did something already.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and then. But that is your drive, like that is what is starting the whole. I guess I don't know, ripple effect or the yeah, the momentum that just keeps going from that and it doesn't matter the. I guess we don't want to assign a value to the task that we're doing as it being big or small, but that just that a task itself is kind of done.
Speaker 2:Yes that you've completed anything. For me, motivation really whacks, you know, kind of like wanes, I should say. Um, whenever I'm like in a period of transition that's one thing I've noticed so like if I'm coming back from a vacation, typically you think of yourself as being sort of rested and rejuvenated, and you might. Some people may feel motivated when they come home from a vacation. I feel the opposite. I come home to laundry and cleaning my house and grocery shopping and, for whatever reason, those things tend to overwhelm me pretty quickly, and the minute I feel overwhelmed my motivation drops. And so for me, those transition times, like going back to work it's like anything where I am anxious about, you know, the start of something new it tends to demotivate me or I have a really hard time feeling motivated.
Speaker 2:So for me, when I come back from vacation or I'm transitioning back to work, whatever it is, it's really leaning into those daily habits, rituals, routines that we talked about in a previous episode. But that sort of like brings me back and I think true to what you're saying, like just starting something. If I can accomplish those five things, those five daily habits that are non-negotiable for me, I'm like, okay, like I know where to start A. It's like it gives me a starting point, but also like that sense of accomplishment Okay, I've got those five things done, what can I do next? Or how do you know? It's like building momentum for your day. So those routines and rituals, you know that's huge for me when it comes to motivation.
Speaker 1:I know I feel like we say that all the time, but it really is the roots, I feel like, of just overall health, no matter what it comes to. Unless we have those things kind of stabilized within our life, then everything is going to feel unstable or chaotic or out of control. But those are things that we can definitely put in place that, for the most, for the greatest degree of time, are able to be a good constant for us, especially whenever, you know, things start to change and become more challenging. For sure.
Speaker 2:Yeah, more overwhelming. I know you'll agree with this, because every time we sign on I'll say how's your day going. You'll say work in the list. So, like, a checklist is so clutch, I think, for anybody, particularly if you have ADHD, and I think about this for kids, adults, adults, teenagers, anyone that struggles with motivation of any kind if you put a checklist in front of them, they are so much more likely to increase their productivity based off of that. Because there's, I think, everyone feels reinforced by either checking the box or putting a strike through it, however you do your thing Kids we've had kids over the years that have visual schedules and they just move the Velcro to the done, done, check your list, done. Everybody seems to be reinforced by that idea of like, okay, done, what's next? That feeling of like whittling down your list. So I know you're a checklist person. I know that works for you as well.
Speaker 1:It is and it's not for me, as we talked about that. I love that ADHD episode. If you guys haven't listened to that yet, totally go back and listen to it, because it's funny and it's very just, raw and truthful. I have tons of energy. So there's not. There's not a problem in that department whatsoever. Once this computer gets booted up, it doesn't go down until it's ready to go down.
Speaker 1:But the list for me is guidance. It keeps me you know what I mean. It keeps me on track. It's like a trail that I'm running and it's the path me on track. It's like a trail that I'm running and it's the path. And so for me it helps me to not get too distracted onto other things or to make excuses to not do what's on there, and I think that that's a trap that we can fall into, because, I mean, the things that we are doing may not necessarily be the things that we like, but they are things that also need to get done as part of our life's.
Speaker 1:You know, work and um, having that on the list is an accountability resource. You know, because I look at it's beside me, I somehow I keep the damn thing all day long. I don't know how I don't lose it. I keep the damn thing all day long. I don't know how I don't lose it. I haven't lost one yet. It's a miracle. I'm going to play the lottery tonight. Now that I think about that, it's total luck.
Speaker 1:But it's a little post-it note and it just travels around with me pretty much everywhere I go and I'm able to, even in my car. I have a special ink pen that I'll write with him in my car and just like scribble it out or whatever else. But with that I use it to not allow myself to make excuses for things that I, um, don't necessarily want to do but need done. But I also use it as a way to give myself credit for extra things that I did do that may not have been on the list at all. So that way, yeah, even if I just write it on there to immediately scribble it out. Yes, that right there. Yeah, it was totally just enough. It was a boost, it was like hell. I did this today too, so we're going to go ahead and give credit.
Speaker 2:Credit where credit's due. I do the same thing and I have noticed I cannot go off a list on my phone. Like if I have to open an app and pull up the list, like I'm just going to ignore the app. But if I like same thing, if I have the list in front of me on a sheet of paper, then I will check, I'll refer back to it. And I had really gotten away from a checklist. Like I lived and died by my checklist when I was working. It was the only way that I could like organize my day and what needed to get done. But not working last year I was kind of like oh, so lovey, like it'll get done and it I. I really struggled with productivity and so now getting back on um, having that like checklist daily in front of me.
Speaker 2:I've been so much more productive um that. Now to this thing to. To be fair, I also am highly motivated by a deadline. Like it or love it Like. If I have a deadline, I am so much more likely to get it done. If it's something that I can put off till tomorrow, I will like that's just part of my personality, I don't love it. Put off till tomorrow, I will like that's just part of my personality, I don't love it. But if I only have so much time to get it done, it definitely increases my productivity.
Speaker 2:That's probably really why I work so well in the, in the profession that I have, because we have lots of deadlines, right, we have a lot of, you know, timelines that we have to meet. Federal law, like you know, dictates these timelines and so I can't leave an evaluation open for four months, like. That's not an option, and so that definitely helps me to get stuff done quickly. I also was laughing earlier because today is a perfect example. So now that I'm back to work Monday through Thursday, I have I have to be at work at seven 30. I have to get, you know, the kids up. I try to get like all my things done between four 30 and seven AM when I have to leave for work, and so it has to go like military precision, like I mean I could tell you what I'm doing at every single minute between four, 30 and seven, 30 in the morning, and it works Like. I get it done, I get my workout done, I meditate, I have, you know, the kids lunches packed, I do their breakfast, I get the kids out, get them dressed, all the things Cause I'll just assume that my husband's out of town. It's easier, you know, to just assume that that way when those weeks come, you know to just assume that that way, when those weeks come, it's just like any other week.
Speaker 2:But today is my first Friday not working. I don't work Fridays and so I still haven't worked out. It's what 1230 at most, and normally I would be done at 545 in the morning, you know, right around six, and I've just put it off all day. I've gotten pretty much everything else on my daily five done, but my workout still hasn't happened because I could push it off. I know I've got the rest of the day to get it done. Even though I kept saying, okay, just get it done before you record at noon, it still hasn't happened. So perfect example of like some people just need a timeline, Like I, I need a deadline, and that motivates me.
Speaker 1:No, I think that's true. I like time goals. I make time goals for myself, yeah, cause you do like block schedules or something right. Yeah, yeah, I try to block my time out Just again.
Speaker 1:I think that part of part of functioning is knowing what works for you and what doesn't, and then, making the choice, yeah, yeah, making the choice that, even if it's not the choice that you know works best for you, you still have to acknowledge that you did not make the best choice. You know what I mean. At the end of the day, that's what it comes down to. But I do do the time blocks, but I do them that way, so that way they can also be movable if need be. And, again, that is what works for me. But whenever I am doing a task, it also helps me to keep on track, because I know that I have X amount of time in order to get this thing done. If I want to move on to get this thing done, if I want to move on to the next thing, or if I want to have more time to do something else, you know my time to just dilly dally around is not there. So it does help me to again stay on track and to kind of keep moving towards things, and I I get the reward from that comes in being able to do it. And even if it's not like with precision or perfection, it's still the effort that you put into something that matters, you know.
Speaker 1:So there are days where the checklist may not be like 100% numb because something has come, come up or there's been a circumstance that has prevented a task or a chore from happening. But at those points I'm not also doing like a self-condemning or a punishing type of thing, it's just a reflection that this was not on there. So as I'm making out the list for the next day, that is carried over to the next day. And then you know, we are aware that it was something that was carried over and some of it might just be because of timelines that it just can't get completed because the time hasn't happened for it to occur. But I want to keep it on the forefront of my mind because if I don't, then it's gone. Yeah, and so it it. It carries over just until the moment happens in which the time has happened, where it can now occur. So, and it's not a worry at that point, because I know it's going to get addressed, but it cannot get addressed until this day, at this time, and whenever that happens then it's done, yeah.
Speaker 2:So, yeah, definitely work in the list. I think is useful for anybody, and even, like, little kids. Like I said, I think anybody could benefit from a list. The other thing that I was thinking about in this I don't know I'll be curious to hear your take on this, but I find, um, if you are following certain people on social media, so, like, if it's somebody that like used to annoy me or or just kind of like just the energy wasn't right, like I just I gave it an unfollow. So my social media is pretty cleaned up at this moment.
Speaker 2:Like, when I get on there, I am only seeing what I am choosing to subscribe to, if you will, and most of them are people in like health and wellness, or mental health, or school psychology, anything like that, and so a lot of times I'm motivated seeing what they're doing. So I think, again, we could probably do a whole episode on the pros and cons of social media. But one real pro to the social media is that it can be super motivating in um, in the people that you follow, to really give you that sort of like put. Like, if I get on there and I see somebody who's completed their workout, well, I want to do my workout. You know that, and so it it can. Um, you know, sometimes it can be a total time suck and before you know it, you've doom scrolled for 45 minutes. Or you can get on there and see that, like your first, three people that you scroll through have completed their, their workout and you have it, and so shut it down and go get it done.
Speaker 1:I don't know what's your thoughts on that go shut it down and go get it done. I don't know what's your thoughts on that. No, I definitely think that you said it best in one of our earlier episodes. You said something to the effect of you are very mindful of what you ingest, and social media and those influences also being a part of that daily intake, and I do believe that that's true. So, whatever we are taking in, if it is not again something you would put in your mouth or put in your body, you probably don't need to put it in your eyeballs and then in your head. And so definitely, having those types of messages that come across on social media I think are very helpful. Seeing people who are achieving goals that you know that they've worked hard on, I think is very motivating, and for me, I see that not only as inspiration to kind of keep pushing forth yourself, but that everybody who's posting on social media at the end of the day is actually putting themselves out there.
Speaker 2:Yes, absolutely, absolutely.
Speaker 1:I say that because I don't think that I don't, and maybe, again, I'm living in a slightly delusional kind of mindset in this, but I don't know that everybody on there is doing it with the goals to brag and be a look at me kind of person. Sure, are there some that are out there. Would they make that presumption about me or anyone else? You know what I mean, absolutely, but I think that there is some level of vulnerability that does come with posting about certain things and that just needs to be acknowledged and maybe not cut down. So that's just kind of my take on it. And I see again, I think you're right I just got one of my psychology journals the Monitoring Psychology for this month was focused on social media, how to protect your kids and teens, and stuff like that on it. So, yes, is it a danger? Absolutely, but I think it's just like everything else, we really need to understand how we're going to use it, since it's now a part of our world.
Speaker 2:Right, so many people that I follow in the wellness space.
Speaker 2:They sort of inspired me.
Speaker 2:When I started, really about 12 months ago, doing a lot of like work on myself, I got a lot of inspiration from the people that I was following and and I feel like I've done a fair amount of work on myself in the last 12 months and a lot left to do.
Speaker 2:But the more that I work on myself, the more motivated I am, you know, the more sort of like bleeds into every area of my life, whether that's like my parenting skills, my career, this podcast, whatever it is. The more work that I, you know, the more that I turn inward. It seems to motivate me in like every aspect, and so I think that that's another thing is that super motivating is choosing yourself and all the things that we've talked about in some of the previous episodes about like giving yourself grace and not comparing yourself to other people and being comfortable with where you are and grateful for where you are and know that like you're exactly where you're supposed to be and and really sitting with that, sitting with that, you know, and allowing yourself to do the work on yourself can help motivate you in so many other areas of your life. You're sort of in that space right now.
Speaker 1:I feel like you're doing a lot of internal work.
Speaker 2:Would you agree?
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think. But that was the goal. You see, I think it comes down to setting goals too. You know what I mean. That was the goal. You see, I think it comes down to setting goals too. You know what I mean. And being reflective of where are those areas in your life that you can improve upon. You know, getting feedback from your partner I mean mine's more than happy to give me feedback, right, yeah, yeah, it's amazing how reciprocal that process is, right, um, but it's, it's good to get feedback, I think, from other people.
Speaker 1:But I think, you know, taking the time and doing like self-reflection type of exercises are good and, like you had said, too, I'm a bit I write everything down with my little hand and my ink pen, and I think that that just helps to kind of a just get it out of your head and put it onto paper so it takes on like a different life, but it also declutters so much extra space that just gets consumed in here, and so by having those things kind of written down, it helps me in those moments in which I'm feeling a like a twinge you know what I mean Like a spike, let's say, and my emotional state or whatever's kind of going on, I go back to those goals, I go back to those things that I'm trying to work on and just try to sit with those for a moment. If I'm not able to address the situation effectively because I'm pissed off, then the best thing for me to do is reflect on those goals quietly you know what I mean and kind of take some time to chill out, um, before digging back into something. And that's part of that like pausing kind of um thing that I'm working as a part of my A's and my little shape here, right, uh, it's taking some time to kind of pause, and I think that that and I don't know the pause is not like a, you know, the pause button gets pressed. We don't know when that pause button is going to come off, right, because sometimes you really got to sit and kind of.
Speaker 1:I think you really do have to kind of sit sometimes with the emotion that you're having and just allow yourself to feel it, to figure it out and then to come up with some type of workable plan in order to avoid the situation that then triggered that emotion or conflict or whatever it is. Now, this is going to take some time, right, I'm not, I may know how to get to the end goal real quick, but I'm not ready to get there and that's not fair for me to push to that point, it's not fair for anybody for me to push to that point, and so I think that that is definitely a big piece that I try to work on and I do a lot of for me.
Speaker 1:I think, too, I do a lot of my reflections or thinking and things like that, especially in running, because it's very easy for me to do that while I'm in that space, because it's also requiring me to be very aware of where I'm at and what's going on and to not allow myself to get too distracted onto something, because I run on trails and so you know what I mean. I nearly stepped on six turtles today, um, I I did step on a black snake earlier this week, um, so yeah, yeah, I mean I didn't, I was my phone, whatever. My wrist made a noise and I got a text. I looked down on my text and instead of the trail and there's a damn snake. So it's fine, but still it's those kind of things that you just I use that as a space and place that's open and not confined, to allow myself to go to different areas. So that way I'm still on track because I'm doing something, but I'm allowing my mind to freely explore what those things are while taking part in an activity and so that yeah.
Speaker 2:I completely agree Goal setting. When I was transitioning from my job last year to being a stay at home mom, the first thing I did was write down like a set of goals that I wanted to accomplish. And then I revisited those like six months and it was so gratifying to mark off the things that I had completed but then also see what I still had wanted to complete, to change some of those things or add new things to it. So definitely for me I also need to like write them down like brain dump, get it down and then I'm learning that I also do better if I then like start to make a plan for how I'm going to accomplish those goals and writing that down. So I definitely benefit from getting something on paper and actually writing it, not even like typing it, but actually writing it down that whole like kinesthetic piece, I guess. And then I love a progress report. I love to go and check in like how am I doing.
Speaker 2:What's going well, what's not going well, where can I improve? I just think that it's so important to monitor your progress in anything in life and to take a pulse, just like we talked about in another episode. Like take a pulse, where are we at, how's it going, where are we going from here? I always think that it's so important. So for me one of the you know I I laugh because you know when when we think like tracking progress, like I'll give an example of my husband. You know he weighs himself every day and he loves to like um chart his progress or his app does it for him. You know, like pairs with our, our scale, and so he's constantly like checking that and I learned very early on that that is not motivating for me. He gets super motivated, like if his weight goes up. You know he's like hitting the gym extra hard the next day, whereas, like if I see my weight go up, I'm like fuck this.
Speaker 1:Why am I even?
Speaker 2:suffering and I might as well go eat a handful of chocolate or whatever, and so that's not effective at motivating me to stick with a diet or exercise, whatever it is that I'm working on at the time. And so for me it's just like my calendar. I just have like a code where I just write down like what exercise I did that day, or even, like you know our watches you know you're trying to like close your three rings every day. I love to look at like the month and see all of those little rings closed, and I love the visual progress report of like you did it, cause I don't want to break the streak. You know, if I'm on like a one day streak, I'm going to the next day. I'm going to be so much more motivated to get up and do whatever it is that I had planned to do that day for my physical activity, and so, um, we're very different in that way. Um, I also. You know he's much more competitive, so if he goes to the gym he wants to be the fastest, the strongest, whatever it is. I could care less, like I am more than happy to be dead last in every competition, because I just don't care At the end of the day, I don't. That doesn't motivate me.
Speaker 2:I'm much more motivated by like camaraderie. And you know, like I did this today, have you done your workout? Like I don't care what you're you're doing, how many calories you burn, but like I have friends where we send each other it like, notifies us if each other works out, and I'm super motivated. Like if my friend mary and laura have already worked out, I'm like, damn it, I need to go work on. They did their thing. It's time for me to do it. So I am much more motivated by camaraderie versus like competition. You know, and so true to your point like you have to find what works for you my husband that works for him. That competition doesn't work for me, you know. So that's definitely, I think, one you just have to know yourself. And in the same way of like, I'm super motivated by working with a partner in anything in life this podcast. There's zero chance I could do this by myself. I need you in more ways than one but like that I just I do.
Speaker 2:I need a partner because that motivates me in graduate school, Like I needed my partner Meg to study with, Like I wouldn't have made it through grad school if I didn't have that partner. And so whenever I do a diet, Jeff has to do it with me, or I'm not successful and I don't stick with it, or we did one a couple of years ago as, like a bunch of people that I worked with, a bunch of my colleagues, we were all doing the same fitness program. You know, I just I need that, like that camaraderie.
Speaker 2:I guess ultimately is what it boils down to that partner. And so you could literally apply that to everything in life you know you think about. Like a project at work, like having somebody to work with a buddy is so much more motivating than trying to do something by yourself, at least for me, so much more motivating.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I think that that's the big three things that you said that I think are so worth mentioning again is that you have to know yourself and what works best for you. So that's, at the end of the day, that's what it all kind of comes down to, and hearing you talk about this, it's like for you having a partner works, it just works well for you. I begged my professors whenever I was in graduate school to work by myself, I was like I am more than happy taking on and doing it all. Please allow me. You know what I mean. If I prove you wrong, then you can. What I mean if I prove you wrong, then you can put me in whatever group that you want to, but please allow me to work, and I think that I just and I think back into the sports or the activities that many of them were an individual based kind of a thing. Um, I just for me that works better than having to rely, I think, on somebody to some degree. But that's just what works for me and that's not to say like races or doing things like the greatest things ever come with, like a sense of doing them together, because you go through that almost like suffering or you go through that growth and transformation process together. I like that aspect of it, but for me I don't need. Maybe it's like it is a competitive kind of thing, like I'm just I'm working with myself on this and I know that the best person to push me is me, and so that's the way that I kind of function with it.
Speaker 1:But your notion of a progress report, I think, is so important because it is a part of our lives almost from like day one. Like our babies go to the doctor, you know, for their well visits and which is an essential progress report on their development, you know, get report cards in school. We get evaluations most of the time whenever we are within a work setting on our performance or whatever. The thought of us having to do that for ourselves just isn't there. But it totally should be, because it's a natural things that happens within our world, but it takes work. Yeah, so really kind of do a progress report, especially on yourself. That is that that's like you sitting down with a mirror, you know, and maybe that's what the exercise needs to be. Even is like all right, well, you know, hey, sarah, how you doing. Well, let's check.
Speaker 2:It takes data. Right, you've got to have data to review in order to determine your progress and so, but data can look so different. It doesn't have to be numbers. I mean, you can always convert things to numbers, but I think that's where, like my whole calendar method or like, looking you know just how many days did I work out this week? I mean, I have been doing this for well over a decade, okay, and I used to actually write out like percentages each week. Like, I worked out 75% of the days.
Speaker 2:I would calculate my, because I love. I'm so motivated by that I, like you, know being able to review data. I love that about my job, like give me a bunch of data to analyze. I could do it literally for eight hours straight and never look up, and so I I just think that, um, progress is so gratifying to see whether you make 20% progress. Progress is progress.
Speaker 2:It is moving forward progress. As we say all the time At our house, we're like forward progress because that's all that matters. As long as you're not going backwards, then you're winning in life. It's when you start slipping backwards that you're like hold up, but then it also tells you you need to change something up. Or if you're stagnant, if your progress is not moving and you're staying at that same rate, then okay, it's time to switch something up. You've become stagnant in one way or another, stagnant in one way or another, and so I I just think that it's such a easy way to boost your, your motivation a quick boost. It takes time, I mean, but data doesn't have to be some mathematical wizard equation Like no thank you?
Speaker 2:No, that wouldn't happen. You know, pick a color. You know, if I do yoga, you know, for 30 minutes it used to be like it was like a blue Y on the calendar. You know, if I did it for 60 minutes I'd colored it in green. Whatever, it's just your tracking system and it's so. I'm a visual person, so I always liked seeing that every day and like knowing that I had to get the next one on the calendar.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:You know, it's kind of like kids with like a reinforcement sticker, sticker chart, like seeing those stickers in a row, that is super motivating to a lot of kids. Yeah, and earn something.
Speaker 1:Right, right, and those things don't change as adults. I don't know where we get into this mindset that things change just because we reach a certain age. That's really not the way that the world works. It may work that way from, like, a legal perspective, but at the end of the day, we're all still kind of functioning with those, you know, middle school to high school minds in a lot of ways, and we still need some of those tools that were being taught at that point in order for us to be again effective or, you know, by some other level of a definition, functional in what we're trying to do here. So, but I do love all that.
Speaker 2:I didn't have this one on my list earlier when I did my brain dump, but it just came to me because I do think that a lot of us, especially women, are sensitive to energy, good or bad right or at least I am, I can tell you for sure, like I'm going to match your energy all the time. If you're hype, I'm hype. If you're low, I'm low, like I just I'm an energy match kind of person. I don't love that, but it is what it mindful. If you're trying to be motivated, you don't want to pick someone that doesn't match your energy or the energy that you're trying to achieve. You know it needs to align with your goals, and so I wouldn't. You know, there you have to know, you have to know how you feel around certain people know you have to know how you feel around certain people, and so paying attention to that whenever you are picking a partner it needs to be somebody that you're very much in alignment with and sort of has the same goals and sort of you know, kind of like brings you up.
Speaker 2:I think I've gotten so more observant of my energy around certain people and you know, I think it says something. It doesn't mean anything about that person. It just means that our energies aren't aligned and that's okay. But being cognizant of that and that, like, oh, I kind of feel like grumpy and negative whenever I've been around them, you know, or had an interaction like maybe that's not the best match for me to do a podcast with, for example, I need somebody that is, you know, excitable and wants to talk about a lot of things and, you know, easily gets excited about the same types of things that I get excited about so being mindful of how your energy can change so quickly based on who you're choosing to be around.
Speaker 1:Oh, a hundred percent and who's a part of your support system whenever you start to work on those goals. You know that's also important. So even if they're not like tag teaming on there with you, if they're not supporting you in your reach forward, then that's probably a good sign that that's not gonna. You know what I mean work out, and that's where I mean, thank god, my husband. He does not understand half the stuff that I'm doing.
Speaker 2:But he's supportive right.
Speaker 1:I mean he's so supportive, but he is so 100 supportive of it. You know know that that does make all the difference, Like I was up here the other day listening to ADHD. I was listening to a yoga video while writing in Spanish like doing a.
Speaker 2:Spanish.
Speaker 1:Right. I don't know how it's all working out, though, but he just would. He came up here and he looked at me and just kind of shook his head and was like I'm proud of you, and then just kind of walked away, because he was also confused, you know. Uh, appropriately so. But you know, if he was up here, be like oh gosh, you're doing this stuff again, or how are you doing this, or this is, you know, if there was some like negative fog associated with it, it does damper what you were trying to do for yourself. And so that energy in your your, your workout buddy, your podcast buddy, whoever it is and then within your support system, like if you're a lone ranger, like I am, you know, it's nice for me to know that there are people that support you know what I mean or that want to be a part of the goals or at least cheerleading on with it, even if we're not working intimately on it together, and I think that's an important piece with it too. And then the two other things that whenever I think about, like my motivation and what helps to kind of keep my vision like bright at times, is it's helpful for me to have um, I, I'm a huge believer in mantras and I'm not even saying like it needs to be, like, you know, a Sanskrit mantra that you get from like a yoga class although it totally could be but just things that you pick up or that you even see on social media or something that you can use in those moments to kind of keep you and get you going. And I mean to throw some big props to my mom, jay.
Speaker 1:She was going through like this whole big house cleaning, like project or whatever, and it was very challenging for her to do it for numerous reasons. It's hard for all of us to do these different things, but she had come up on her own with her own little mantra for it and I was like, well, this is what made all the difference. It wasn't having help, it wasn't having people that were there supporting and kind of, you know, going through this process with her. It was a fact that she came up with this very simple mantra and I'm sure she wasn't the first one to say it, but it was just the way that she said it in that moment and the effect that it was having was what the power was, and so it was. She said that whenever she, you know, once the rest, she says to herself basically I'm taking a rest, I'm not quitting, I'm taking a break, I'm not quitting. I like that Because I think sometimes, whenever we stop doing something, we feel like we've, we're done, we've quit, and she I mean again independently, on her own added that piece to it, and I think that that that was the power in getting things done.
Speaker 1:It wasn't the people Now that we were the supports that may have been helpful, but it was that mentality. I think that was the most beneficial. And then the other thing I think, aside from having mantras, is just inspirational figures that you can have in your life, that you can like think about them, or a challenge or something that they did, or maybe it wasn't even something that was challenging, but like that you want to be doing that at that age too, kind of a thing and you know, again, I think for me, I think I'm fortunate that I do have some family members that I've been able to look to for those things.
Speaker 1:So my grandmother God bless her heart was the oldest member at curves. If you all remember curves, and if you listen this podcast I'm sure you do Back in the day. So, god, she even had dementias. I mean, whatever we found, we had to keep her from walking to curves because it was about a mile walk from her house. So she would walk a mile to curves and then go work out on that circuit and then walk back to her house every day, every day, and she was in her mid 80s doing that kind of stuff. I mean I want to be that person. You know what I mean. That's doing that.
Speaker 1:Or my dad hiked the entire el camino from like the base of france all the way to the coast of spain and then kind of back a little bit more, and he didn't take a stop the entire time. He did it and he was, I don't know well into his 50s. I, I want to do that and sure me, getting to those points is is doing it today. So if I want to be able to. You know Rachel's eight or nine. Now, if I want to be able to play with her, or you know what I mean do some of these same things. It starts now for sure.
Speaker 1:And so I think that having those kind of, you know, mantras or inspirational figures or things that you can kind of look to to push you and those moments I've mentioned. I'm a big fan of the Mel Robbins podcast.
Speaker 2:And she had a whole episode called Let them and this mantra of Let them, and so one thing I do struggle with is comparison, and I was thinking about this in like, not a. It's not a competitive way. I don't really want to be like better than someone, but comparing myself to where someone else is or what they've accomplished. So, like, we'll just use the podcast. For example, I can compare myself to Mel Robbins all day long. She has a similar type of podcast about mental wellness. She's got a gazillion followers. You know she puts out like two episodes and has like a whole team and I could compare myself all day and really get unmotivated because we're nowhere near that.
Speaker 2:But really, you know, I've sort of adopted this mantra of let them or let her or whatever. Let them be them and do their thing, and I can apply it to anything in life. Like, you know, instead of worrying about, you know, if I come across the wrong way or beating myself up for maybe saying something that I wish I wouldn't have said, or you know, I can really get stuck in this like um judgment of myself over and ruminate about it, and you know, and then I start to compare myself. Well, that person would never say something like that, or that person always speaks so eloquently or sounds so smart when they talk. You know, I can really compare myself in those ways and then get unmotivated because of that.
Speaker 2:And so the mantra of let them, let them be the smartest person in the room, let them speak eloquently, let them look perfect every day, let them have a Pinterest house, you know, or whatever like all the things like that takes so much pressure off of me and that judgment towards myself, you know, because I am never going to be that. The only thing I know how to be is myself. Right and uh, that that let them mantra has been like a game changer for me in the past month, or however long it's been since I listened to her podcast. So I can't agree more. I didn't have mantras down on my list either, but like such a game changer when you're talking about motivation or just if you're spending time judging other people or comparing yourself to other people or judging yourself people, or comparing yourself to other people or judging yourself. You know a listen to that podcast called let them and and really think about the mantras that you're telling yourself every single day.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Um, quick story. One of the things, one of the comparisons I can get caught up in is like people that always look put together. Okay, I'm talking about like the moms that are always like dressed perfectly, hair's perfectly perfectly done, makeup's done, kids look perfect. If you know me and my family, I look like a hot mess 90% of the time. Okay, I might have one thing about me that looks put together. The rest of it is a hot mess.
Speaker 2:And the first day back to work you know I'm going back to work. I haven't seen these people in several months and I got ready and I was feeling all good about it. I had worked out, got ready real quick, got the kids ready, got out the door, blah, blah, blah. I did the whole thing, get to work and we had like a staff meeting, okay, and so you were walking around, we're talking to different. I had gotten up in front of the entire staff, reintroduced myself to everyone and after about three hours of this meeting, I go in the bathroom and at some point I smudged all of my face makeup and I don't even wear that much makeup, but my eyeliner, my concealer, all the things Hot mess.
Speaker 2:Okay, I look like a clown. I look like my five-year-old had done my makeup that day and I just, old jenny, would have ruminated about that. I've been so embarrassed had, like you know, I would have just internally been very hard on myself for the rest of the day and new jenny just laughed about it and was, like you know, let everybody else look perfect you know, because they do have a bunch of really beautiful women and they all put together and they all have a million kids.
Speaker 2:I only have two. I'm still a hot mess, and but I just had to like laugh about it and I'm like let them, let them be them. You're you and you know it is what it is Like. Hopefully not that many people noticed. I don't know how they couldn't. I will say I'm clown, but it's just like so classic.
Speaker 1:And.
Speaker 2:I had to give myself a little progress report in that, like you've come so far, you've come so far from the person that would have beat herself up for the rest of the day and compared herself to everybody. That looked perfect and you laughed about it and you wiped it and you, you know that's it.
Speaker 1:If you're a hot mess.
Speaker 2:Welcome to the club Again. Found your tribe. We are here, we're not going anywhere, we are never going to look all put together. I'm never going to be in some sort of magazine. There's Hot Mess Express magazine and please can we make that? That sounds like a great idea. Right, I just let them let, and then let yourself be who you are. Yes, yes, yes, with everything, anyway a little bit of a tangent there.
Speaker 1:No, I love it.
Speaker 2:But ultimately it all comes back to what motivates you and what doesn't right Like you've got to take stock and what works for you.
Speaker 1:Definitely, definitely, no-transcript to happen to you. You're going to see your life pass you by because all the walkers, all the cars, whatever else is going to be happening in front of you, and then you're going to get pissed on by a dog and shit on by a bird. So if you're just sitting there waiting for something to happen, guess what it's not going to. I would say this is my baby, something's going to happen.
Speaker 2:Something may not be what you want it to be.
Speaker 1:No, no. So if you're sitting around waiting to become motivated, guess what? It's not going to happen. It's the law of action that kind of creates that. So just start to do something and then, as you do that one thing, allow yourself to be introspective and come up with some achievable, tangible goals for yourself. We used to call them smart goals or whatever else it doesn't even need to kind of be that.
Speaker 1:It just needs to be some type of roadmap that you can then use to like continue to guide you within that kind of course and things. And again, it just needs to start very, very small and you give yourself grace in order to make it. I mean, whenever I first started running, my goal was not to do some of the silly stuff that I have done in the past and I hope to do again in the future. I just started off walking pretty fast and just wanted to make it a little bit farther each time. Yeah, so I would see a tree and I'd be like, okay, I want to make it to that tree next time. Like, even now, I'm like I need to make it to this point next time. And just that slow and continued build is what adds the steadiness to the process. It deepens your commitment and it helps to create those levels of achievement so much quicker and more real within your life. And so take the time to do that self-reflective work, to figure out what your goals are and, for God's sakes, write them down.
Speaker 2:Yeah, if you're sitting here listening to this and you're like I'm so unmotivated, like, uh, you know, just first thing, sit down and take stock, like, what motivates you to anything like meet a coffee for friend, what motivates you to eat right or exercise, like, sit and think about those things and then think about how you can start applying those to your goals. Because that, I think, is really where the magic happens. When you know yourself well enough to know, okay, this really is what motivates me in this area of my life career, home life, whatever it is Um, when you can start to apply it across different goals or different areas of your life, that's where the magic starts to happen. It's not the caffeine, it's not the energy drink that you're drinking. It's not the caffeine, it's not the energy drink that you're drinking it's not the stimulant medication.
Speaker 2:Those things are short lived but they are not going to make you motivated day in and day out. You, like Sarah said, it really does come from within and from accomplishing things Like, ultimately, the minute you feel a sense of accomplishment, you are so much more motivated to take on the next thing and the next thing, because you know you can do it if you just stick with it. Anything in life, it's all about just sticking with it.
Speaker 1:It is.
Speaker 2:So we're not going anywhere. You're going to hear a lot more from us, because we are not we're motivated not quitters.
Speaker 2:And, uh, lila's podcast is going to be around for a long time because we have so much to talk about and we are here to support other men, women like us, you know, anybody that's going through midlife mental health, which is every single person between the age of 30 and what? 55 and above, whatever, if you're struggling or at some point, no, you know, unfortunately we all will struggle with mental health at some point. Um, we're here for the long run, so tune in next week for another exciting topic that we have yet to decide. Um, tune in next week and in the meantime, check us out on Instagram at the lilesspodcastcom. You can find us on Facebook, which is more regularly because Sarah's behind that one, and you can also check out our website that I'm going to work on this weekend, so it should be up to date by the time this comes out.
Speaker 1:See, we're all works in progress, folks, we're getting it done in true fashion. Yes, yes, Yep Listen in next week for a new episode. We'll see you then. Lylas, out you.
